by Smith, T. L
“Please, don’t think of it as charity. It’s ours. I just want you to accept that,” he says, still not ready to let it go.
“Okay, I’ll think about it.”
He leans in and kisses me on the mouth. It gets so heated; I forget that Lola is even in the room until she interrupts.
“You know how I love to watch you get molested and all, but it’s time to go,” she says clearly amused
We pull up to the crowded arena and I realise that I completely forgot to ask who we’re seeing. When I see the signs on the wall, I’m not sure if I should go in or not. Lola notices my reaction and tries to assure me.
“They’re great, Sash. You will love them. Trust me.”
I don’t even answer. I’m not sure if I should tell her or not. I decide that it’s best if I don’t say anything. There’s no possible way he could see me anyway.
“I got the best seats and we’re going to be so close,” Lola squeals in excitement. “Wait until you see the lead singer; he just oozes sex. He is stunning.”
We make our way to our seats. They’re pretty close to the stage, but it’s jam-packed here; I don’t think he will see me. I’m a bit relieved when the show starts. There are women screaming and throwing bras and panties up at him. He is a great performer. I’ve seen him once before, but in a setting like this, I can understand why he’s made it so big.
Lola is jumping up and down, screaming out Brax’s name. He looks down, and I swear he sees me, but he looks away immediately. So I don’t take any notice.
At the end of the night, a bouncer approaches and asks us to come backstage to meet the band. I try to tell Lola I just want to go home, but there is no convincing her. She drags me right to them. As soon as we enter, I feel Brax’s eyes on me and I just want to melt into a puddle on the floor. His eyes are fixated straight on me, and he is making me very nervous.
“Sasha, do you know him? He is looking at you like he wants to eat you,” Lola whispers to me.
I don’t even answer. I just stand there staring back at him.
“Sasha.”
Just one word. My name. My eyes are forced to meet his, and when I do, I remember the spark that we had. His eyes could always hold me captive. I shake these thoughts out of my head and try to only think of one thing, Josh.
Chapter 28
While we’re backstage, Brax asks to talk to me in private and everyone is forced to leave the room. Lola is reluctant at first until I reassure her it’s okay.
“You have been on my mind nonstop, Sash. I can’t seem to shake you,” Brax says as soon as we are alone.
He walks closer to me and I breathe in the warm, sweaty and sensual scent that is Brax. I have to shake my head again and force myself to back away from him before I do something I’ll regret.
“This can’t go anywhere, Brax. I’m happy now.”
“I’m glad you’re happy. I really am, but it sucks that it wasn’t me. I tried to give you the space you needed. I could see in your eyes you weren’t ready for what I had to offer, but I still couldn’t stay away.”
“It wasn’t you, Brax. In any other circumstance, I would have given you my all. But someone else still had a piece of my heart, and he wasn’t going to return it.”
I gave him one last look and left.
“How did you get yourself in such a dilemma, Sash?” Lola asks me, raising her eyebrows.
“I don’t know. I met Brax just before the funeral, and he has been nothing but good to me. I feel bad for walking out now.”
The whole car ride home Lola is grilling me about Brax. She wants to know how did I meet him, did I sleep with him, and am I going to see him again. I end up just tuning her out. I stare out the window, my brain going one hundred miles per hour.
We arrive back at Josh’s and I see that all the lights are out. I unlock the door after saying bye to Lola and head inside. I see Josh lying on the bed, sound asleep. I smile looking down on him. Yes, I have feelings for Brax, but nothing compared to what I feel for this sex on a stick.
I finally see it now. I crawl into bed and wrap myself around him. He is still asleep, so I finally feel brave enough to admit it. I whisper to him softly, “I love you.” And just like that, a weight has been lifted off my chest. Even though he is asleep, I still feel more relaxed and at ease than ever before.
Josh
I heard her say it whether she knows it or not. It took all my will power to not grab her and tell her I loved her, too. She thought I was asleep, but the minute I feel her presence, I instantly know she is near me. No matter if I’m in a deep sleep or not, my mind and body know her. I can never let her go. I’ve tried; believe me, I have.
Those years that she was gone were tortuous. Knowing I was the reason she left hurt, words can’t describe how that made me feel. I’ve tried not to push her this time around. I’ve refrained from just jumping in and asking the girl to marry me. I know that’ll scare her away. But that’s all I want. I want her to have my name, and one day, our baby. But she isn’t ready, so I’m not going to push.
I remember the first time I saw her after she left. It hurt to see her with another man, wrapped in his embrace, taking comfort in him. All I wanted to do was walk over there and claim her. But I knew she would freak, and I wasn’t sure if she was ready to talk to me. When I heard her say she loved him, I almost lost my shit. Blake had to hold me back because those words from her mouth are meant for me, no one else. I have no delusions of us growing old together, and soon I’ll have to get the courage to tell her, but I just can’t.
Dad argued that she has a right to know, but I just can’t bear breaking her heart again. Honestly, how do I tell the woman I’m madly in love with, and just got back in my life, that I don’t have long to live? The doctors tell me I’m doing better, and I know it’s because of Sasha. She makes my whole world better. But they also say I don’t have long, the leukemia will win out eventually. I just try to live my life to the fullest with no regrets.
I couldn’t chase Sasha after she left because I was just too sick and in the hospital quite a lot. But when I saw her again, I knew I had to have her. I stood there staring at her, and I swear to this day, I’ve never come across someone as beautiful as she is. Her smile lights up a whole room. Her body is something made by the gods to torture men. Her sandy-blonde hair had grown longer than the last time I’d seen her and I want to run my hands through it.
Thinking about her being with other men while she was gone, hurts more than words can describe. I really hate the power this woman has over me, but at the same time, I love it. She could break me and leave me shattered, never be fixed again, and I don’t think she has any idea.
I’ve been with plenty of women, too many to keep track of, and none of them have ever meant a thing to me. I’ve never had a serious relationship, so I’ve never been jealous or cared what a girl thought of me, as long as I got off. Though with Sasha, I put her first in every equation. I need her to feel what she does to me.
The first time I saw her in the bar, I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. She was like a goddess that had me under a spell that couldn’t be broken. And I didn’t want it to be broken. When she finally noticed me, I was drawn to her. I’d hoped she hadn’t noticed me watching her from the moment she entered the club. I watch her on the dance floor. Almost every man in there had been watching her dance.
She honestly has no clue how beautiful she is. That’s what I love most about her. She’s not superficial. Her makeup is always simple. She is not a fan of dressing up. She prefers jeans and a shirt, but she pulls it off like she spent five hundred dollars on the outfit. When I shook her hand in the club, electricity shot up my arm. I had to force myself to casually pull my hand away. When her friends asked her to dance, I offered to dance with her. I wanted to feel her as close to me as possible, and she didn’t disappoint. She rocked my world just by dancing with me. I had a hard on for the rest of the night.
When I took her to meet my parents, I knew she was ne
rvous because I sprung it on her. But they hadn’t stopped asking for me to bring her, so when I finally did and my mum was so excited she pulled Sasha into a hug. I knew straight then and there I couldn’t lose her again. My life wouldn’t be worth living. After Mum cuddled her, and she hugged me close and whispered in my ear. “You found her. You found your one, baby.”
When I was growing up, my parents always said when I found my one, I’d know and I would walk through hell to get to her and no one would ever measure up to her. That’s what my parents have and that’s what I wanted, too. So any girl I fucked more than once that wanted to get serious and meet the family, I would just laugh at them. There was no way in hell any woman was coming to meet my family. But with Sasha, I wanted her to meet them. I knew they’d love her; everyone that meets her does.
Sasha stirs next to me and I pull her in closer to me. She is a very closed off person, and only lets a select few in. But if you’re included in that few, wow, you are a very lucky fucker. I start tickling her back because I just can’t get enough of her. I need her now. Just her smell makes me hard as a rock. She looks up at me with groggy eyes and I smile down at her. She knows exactly what I want and presses her beautiful body to mine. I pull her as close as she can get and kiss her passionately. I forget to breathe when I kiss her. That’s the effect she has on me, and I don’t think it will ever change.
I grab her ass and flip her so she is on her back. I take my time spreading kisses all over her body, paying special attention to her nipples before making my way down to her sweet vagina. I can smell how wet she is and it makes my cock throb even harder. Her taste is intoxicating. I could eat her all day, and sometimes I try, but she ends up pulling me up. I love it when she is rough with me.
She screams my name when she comes. I climb up her body, look directly into her eyes, and say the words I’ve been dying to say, “I love you, Sasha.”
I hear her intake of breath and I slam my mouth down on hers before she has a chance to respond. She wraps her legs around me and I slam into her. By the time we’re done, she is back on top and breathing heavy. She places her chin on my chest and looks at me with wide, frightened eyes. “I love you, too,” she whispers softly, and then turns her head away. I hug her like my life depends on it. We drift off to a beautiful sleep with her on my chest. I’m surrounded by the intoxicating smell of her, and my last thought is that I will make her my wife.
Chapter 29
I wake up and smile, remembering last night. I took a big step and told him I loved him. That’s a really big thing for me. I’ve never told a man, other than a family member, that I loved them, but I believe Josh is the one. I decide to talk to him about last night, and most of all about Brax. I find him at the stove in the kitchen with his back to me, making breakfast. I drink him in. He is absolutely sex on sticks. I walk up, wrap my arms around his midsection and cuddle him.
“Sleep well, beautiful?”
My heart swells at those words. He always used to call me that. Sometimes I thought he did it to remind me that I am beautiful. I’m not saying I’m ugly by any means, but I don’t think I’m gorgeous.
“Yes, I did indeed.”
“Breakfast won’t be long. I thought we would do nothing all day and relax. How does that sound?”
“Sounds good, but I need to talk to you about something.”
He turns around and stares at me like he is trying to figure out what I’m about to say. I decide to just spill it.
“So, when I was in Sydney, I met someone and we were kind of seeing each other. I broke it off with him long before I moved back, but last night, he was at the concert and I spoke to him.” I take a peek up at him to see his reaction. I see him clutching the kitchen counter, and he won’t look at me.
“Did you have feelings for him?”
“Yes… yes, I did.”
“But you’re not in love with him?”
“No, I’m in love with you.” I tell him honestly, because my feelings are written all over my face and I hope he can see it.
This time he actually looks up at me. I see his mouth twitch, and then he looks me in the eyes.
“You love me?”
“Yes.”
“And I love you.”
“Yes.”
“Okay, as long as that’s clear,” he says with a sexy grin.
“Is that all you’re going to say?”
He turns his back to me before answering.
“Sasha, you don’t willy-nilly give your love away and I have it, so I have nothing to worry about.”
I’m shocked by his statement, because it’s so true.
We spend the day lying on the couch making out like teenagers; I’m being a smartass to Josh and he threatens to tickle me.
“I swear, if you do it, Josh, I’m running.”
“Do what, darling?”
Then he grabs me and starts tickling. I’m screaming at him to stop before I pee myself, and he suddenly stops. Still hovering over top of me, his next words knock the breath out of me.
“Will you marry me, Sash?”
I’m so shocked by his question I stare at him with my mouth hanging open. It feels like I can’t move. A part of me is screaming Yes! And then there’s the other part saying Too fast, too fast!
“I know it’s so soon, but we can be engaged for as long as you want. Just as long as one day you have the intent to marry me,” he tries to reassure me in a soothing tone.
“Okay,” I squeak out.
“Are you serious? You just made me the happiest man alive!”
He picks me up and swings me around the room like a school girl. When he places me down, he takes off toward the bedroom and comes back with a small black box. My hands go to my mouth.
“I’ve had this for a very long time, and wanted to give it to you every day. But I knew I would scare you, but I can’t wait any longer.”
He drops down on one knee, looks up at me, and opens the box. It’s a stunning ring with a pink stone in the middle surrounded by white diamonds, and it’s so me in every way.
“Will you, Sasha, make me the luckiest man on this Earth and marry me?”
I drop to the floor in front of him so we’re at the same eye level and nod my head because my mouth can’t seem to form words. He grabs my hand and slides the ring on. I can’t do anything but look at this beautiful piece of jewellery on my hand. I know it’s a big step for me but with Josh hope is there.
Our week has been crazy. We have stayed at home for most of it and done nothing. It has been beautiful. We have decided today is the day when we are going to tell our friends as everyone is coming over for a barbeque. I’m preparing the cocktails when Lola arrives, not long followed by Blake and Adam. The boys say hi to me, and then make their way out back to where Josh is cooking. Lola helps me get everyone drinks.
“So, haven’t heard from you since the concert,” Lola begins the conversation.
“Yeah, I know. I decided to tell Josh about Brax.”
“Oh and how did he take that?”
“Actually, I expected him to go a caveman on me, but he was pretty good.”
Lola smirks up at me and we take the drinks outside to the guys. There is another knock on the door. I answer it and find Josh’s parents standing there smiling at me.
“Well hello, dear,” Josh’s dad says to me, and leans to give me a kiss on the cheek. I say my hellos to Josh’s mom, and they follow me out the back. I didn’t know Josh was inviting his parents. I thought it was just going to be our friends.
We all gather around the table when the food is ready, and Josh takes hold of my hand and stands up.
“So as you all know, Sasha here is the love of my life. And I’ve asked her to marry me.” He pauses and I look around the table for our friends’ reactions. Lola is the most shocked of all. She’s staring at me with her mouth hanging open, trying to work out if this is a joke or not. She looks toward my hand and finally notices the ring. She screams, jumps up and down, and grabs hold of
me. She hugs me so tightly, I have to tell her to let go.
“So as I was saying,” Josh continues, “she agreed to make me the happiest man alive, and I wanted to share that with all of you.”
He pulls me up and tucks me into his side. His parents walk straight up to us and hug us both. Josh’s mum has tears in her eyes. “I’m so happy for you,” she says, and walks away crying still. Josh’s dad follows behind her. I decide I should go talk to her. I pull out of Josh’s embrace and take off after her. I find her in the lounge room with Josh’s dad trying to calm her down. Josh’s dad smiles up at me and then leaves me with her.
“Are you okay?” I ask in a soft voice.
“Oh, dear I couldn’t be happier. I never thought that boy would marry, and now that he is, it’s making my dreams come true to see him happy and in love.”
I nod at her and smile.
“I hope you are going to plan children very soon. I need another piece of Josh before…. Well, anyway… I’m very happy.”
I don’t know how to tell her that I’m not ready for kids or that I’m not even sure want kids, so I just smile. When she calms down, we walk back outside to our friends. My mind is struck by something she said, or almost said. What did she mean by “before”? I think Josh may have some explaining to do.
Chapter 30
It’s been two glorious months since our engagement was announced. I had to call my cousins and break it to them before they found out by someone else. They put me on speaker so I could tell them all at the same time. They all cheered, and then started with the death threats towards Josh. If he broke my heart, they would break his they assured me. I was laughing so hard I ended up hanging up on them.
Josh has given me time with telling everyone. He hasn’t pushed me to make a decision on a date straight away. Although, everyone else is very annoying, constantly asking me when.
Josh’s mum rings me every week asking for a date, and she’s constantly buying me wedding books and sending me samples of things. I sometimes think she is more excited than I am for this wedding. When I tell Josh about his mum, he just laughs it off.
