Autumn and I live our lives in the media. More so her than me, it seems, because people really only see me on Sunday or if they happen to catch me out and about. No one is looking for me when they walk down the street or are buying groceries. But Autumn—she’s new in town and like a shiny new toy to people. Her personality is infectious, and everyone seems to love her. Honestly, I was surprised we weren’t stopped more during dinner. I saw people staring and pointing, and it wasn’t at me. Viewers like her. In fact, the station’s ratings are up for her time slot. Leon knew what he was doing when he hired a young, drop-dead gorgeous woman to do the weather. He brought in someone girls could look up to and gave men at home someone to gawk at. I’m just happy she’s interested in me because, like I said, I want her to be my person.
What sucks is our schedules. When she is free, I’m at the practice facility. When she’s working, I’m home. And since I don’t have a live-in nanny, it’s not like I can take the elevator down to Autumn’s floor when she gets home from work or have her come to my place. As much as I’d love to spend some time with her in my apartment, I’m not sure the kids are ready for that. Well, Roxy is. She’s infatuated with Autumn.
On the other hand, Reggie’s had a hard time dealing with his mother having a boyfriend. I don’t want to throw Autumn into the mix and really screw him up. I must tread lightly when it comes to my son, and I’m okay with that.
I rap my knuckles on his door and step in.
He looks up from his phone and quickly slides it under his pillow. My heart drops. There is something on there that he doesn’t want me to see. I hate the fact that he has a phone. He’s eight. He should be reading adventure stories or watching cartoons, not surfing the damn internet. It seems that no matter how many parental apps I put on his phone, he’s found a way to get past them. I blame his mother, and the ever-growing tech world.
I put my hand out in a silent demand for his phone. Slowly, he places it in my hand, and I motion for him to scoot over so I can sit next to him. I type in his passcode, which is my number and the year he was born.
The screen lights up with pictures of Autumn and me, exactly what I didn’t want to see but should’ve realized Reggie would find them sooner or later.
“Is she your girlfriend? Everyone says she is.”
Is she? I don’t even know if a label is needed these days.
“She’s a friend and someone I like.”
“What about mom?”
Weeks ago, I asked my agent to find me a family counselor, someone for the kids and me to speak with. He gave me a few names, but I didn’t do anything with the information.
“Bud—”
Reggie moves away from me and says, “I know, she’s not coming back.” He gets off his bed and goes to the window. “I hate her.”
“Reggie, come on, you shouldn’t say that.”
“Don’t you hate her, Dad? We were a happy family, and she had to ruin it. She has a boyfriend, and now you have a girlfriend. I hate her!”
I’m off the bed in a flash and holding him to my chest. He’s hurting, and I’m adding to the pain because of my big mouth. He has a point, but the last thing I want is for him to bad-mouth his mother or develop negative feelings toward Autumn. Of all the people involved in my messy life, Autumn and the children are the innocent ones. They didn’t ask for any of this.
I’m able to coax Reggie back to his bed, where we sit in silence for a few minutes. There isn’t much I can say about his mom and her life because I don’t know what’s going on in her head. I can only speak for myself.
“I don’t know what it’s like to have your parents get divorced. You know grandma and grandpa are still married—”
“Grandpa drives grandma nuts,” he says, interrupting me. Again, he’s right. My mom is always whacking my dad with her handbag, the newspaper, or anything else she has close by, but they love each other.
“Yeah, he does,” I say, laughing. “What I’m saying, though, is I don’t know how to help you and your sister through this. I think we should see someone who can give us advice on how to cope with our feelings. I’m sure it’s hard to see your mom with someone else, and it’s going to be hard to see me with someone who isn’t your mom, but it’s going to happen, and I want to make sure you feel okay with it.”
“What if I don’t? Will you stop?”
His question catches me off guard. Will I? I find my heart seizing as I look at him. From side-to-side, my head moves slowly before I can get the words from my brain to my mouth. “If whoever I dated hurt you or your sister, I’d stop seeing them. I’m going to date Autumn and see how it goes, but I want you to know that you can always talk to me about anything.”
“What if Mom comes back?”
What a loaded question. How do I tell my son that even if his mother returned, it wouldn’t be to me? I don’t want her anymore. The damage she’s done to our marriage is unforgivable. I press my lips to his forehead and then pull him into my arms.
“I love you more than life, Reggie. I hope you know this.”
“I do. I just hate my life right now.”
“I know, Bud. What can I do to help?” I know I’m giving him the chance to tell me to stop seeing Autumn, but I don’t think he’d say this.
“I don’t know. I’ll think of something.”
Oh yes, the little con artist is back. I roll my eyes and tickle him, soaking in his laughs. “You gotta get to bed. You have a game at nine in the morning.”
He gets up and goes to the bathroom. While he’s gone, I go through his phone again, snooping like a nosy parent. I’m pleasantly surprised to find he doesn’t have anything downloaded that I don’t know about. Everything he found about Autumn and me is from Chatgram, which I’ve allowed him to have because he likes posting photos of him playing football, and I don’t want to take that away from him.
When he comes back into his room, I hand him his phone. “I went through it,” I tell him, wanting him to know.
“I’m not on anything I shouldn’t be.”
“I know, and I appreciate it.”
Reggie hops into bed, and I cover him up. “So, early wake-up. I’ll make breakfast, and then we’ll head to the field.”
“Is your girlfriend going to be there?”
“No, it’s your game. I’ll be there. And she’s really not my girlfriend. We just really like each other.”
“Oh,” he says, confusing me. Minutes ago, he seemed angry about Autumn. I lean down and kiss him. “Goodnight, Bud. I love you.”
“I love you too,” he says. I’m halfway out of his room when he adds. “She can come if you want her to.” I let the words linger in the air for a moment before turning back toward him.
“Do you want to meet Autumn? Your sister met her at the park a couple of weeks ago.”
“I dunno. Roxy likes her because she’s on TV.”
“Yes, but Roxy also likes everyone, so I’m not sure we can trust your sister’s judgment.”
Reggie laughs. “Roxy doesn’t like the lady downstairs who serves the ice cream because she never gives Roxy enough.”
“Point taken.” I lean against the door jamb, wondering if I should test the waters with Reggie and Autumn. It might be too soon for my son, whereas my daughter is ready to jump in with both feet because she thinks Autumn is pretty.
“Goodnight, Bud,” I say again.
“Dad,” he calls out. “If you want, you can ask her.” The mind of an eight-year-old gives me whiplash.
“Okay, I’ll think about it. See you in the morning.” I shut his door quietly and then cross the hall to peek in on Roxy. She’s at the foot of her bed, lying horizontally. I’m tempted to reposition her, but if she wakes up, I’ll never get her back to sleep.
I spend the next few hours picking up Roxy’s toys, doing the dishes, and listening to a podcast about being a better father, husband, partner, and person. By the time I’m done, I have enough time to shower and get ready for bed, where I plan to watch the news.
Until meeting Autumn, I didn’t care what the weather would be like tomorrow and in the days to come, but now it’s all I can think about.
When I get out of the shower, I find Roxy sprawled out on my bed. “Lovely,” I mutter. Since her mother left, she’s had nightmares—me too, but of a different kind. I slip into a pair of boxers, which I hate sleeping in and crawl into bed. As soon as I’ve situated my pillows, her tiny voice echoes through my room.
“Hi, Daddy.”
“Hey, baby girl.” I reach over and pull my comforter over her, but she has a better idea and decides to squirm her way over to me. I turn on the TV and turn the volume down until Autumn is on air. I love listening to her speak and don’t even care if it’s about jet streams and fronts.
Autumn stands in front of her five-day forecast screen wearing Pioneer colors. Every part of me wishes she did this because of me, but I know someone else picks out her clothes for her. Still, I feel like this is a message. Yes, I want her to be my girlfriend and a part of my children’s lives, but is that what she wants?
When my phone vibrates at eleven-forty-five, a big smile spreads across my face. “I have to say, I loved your color scheme tonight.”
She laughs, and the sound goes right to my groin. The most we’ve done is kiss, and I have a massive hard-on for her. If this is any indication of how I feel about her, the moment we get to be together, to make love to each other, it will be explosive.
“Thanks. I told Meyers we could add some more color to my wardrobe.”
“Nicely done, Weather Girl.”
“What are you doing right now?”
I groan. “I feel like this is a segue into phone s-e-x.”
Autumn laughs again. “Roxy in bed with you?”
“Yep.”
“It wasn’t,” she says, “But now I’m thinking about it.”
“Stop,” I warn. “Nothing good will come from it other than frustration.”
“Okay, I’ll be good.”
“No, don’t do that either. Gah, I’m confusing myself.”
Again, with more laughter. “Okay, I’ll behave even if I’m a bit jealous of your daughter right now.”
“Oh yeah, do you want to be in my bed?” As soon as the words come out, I want to take them back. Yet, I don’t.
“Can I be honest with you?”
“Please do.”
Autumn clears her throat. “One hundred percent,” she says.
“Mhm . . . we’ll have to figure something out.” I’m not sure what, unless Elena comes to town and I’m staying in a hotel, or my parents take the kids for a night.
“I can be patient, Julius.”
I can’t.
“I’m not sure I can, Autumn.” I groan again and scrub my hand over my face. “I need to change the subject.” I clear my throat and readjust in bed. “Reggie is sort of between two minds right now with hating his mother, not wanting me to date, and being a kid. But he asked if you’re coming to his game in the morning. I hadn’t mentioned it before because I don’t know if you’re interested in meeting the kids this way or even going to a Pee Wee football game first thing in the morning. If you’re not, no biggie. If you are, you can ride with us if you want.”
There’s a long pause.
“I’m sorry,” I add. “I know I rambled a mile a minute there.”
“It’s fine. What do you think, Julius? Do you want me there?”
“Yes, I do, but it’s up to you. I know we just started seeing each other, and while Roxy loves you, Reggie is older and struggling with his parents getting a divorce.”
“Okay.” Autumn inhales. “I’ll go, but I’ll drive myself. I don’t want your son to feel awkward in the car. That should be his safe space.”
For some odd reason, I feel insurmountable relief. “God, I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.”
“Same here. Maybe we should keep the PDA to a minimum, though? I don’t want to upset Reggie.”
“I agree. Besides, once Roxy sees you, she’s not going to let me anywhere near you.”
“Text me the address, and I’ll be there, Julius. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, Weather Girl. I’ll see you in the morning.”
We hang up, and I quickly send her the address of the field and the kick-off time. I set my phone on my nightstand, turn the television off, and relax into my pillows. The only glow is from the city lights since I’ve left my curtains open. I should get up and close them, but I don’t. The ambiance is excellent, and it gives Roxy a nightlight in case she needs to get up in the middle of the night.
As soon as I close my eyes, my wiggle worm of a daughter crawls onto my chest and relaxes. She started this after her mother left, and I don’t know how to break the habit, but I need to if I ever plan to have Autumn spend the night.
Nineteen
Autumn
I’m awake before my alarm goes off and tired. I didn’t sleep well last night. Aside from tossing and turning, my mind raced with everything Julius said on the phone, and I still can’t believe I hinted at sex with him. What the hell is wrong with me? We’ve been on one date—if you can even call it that—and I’m talking about taking the guy to bed. He really must think I’m some type of . . . I don’t even know what the right word is. Whatever it may be, I am feeling it through and through. I should’ve never opened my mouth and said those things.
And now I get to face him all while meeting his son, who may or may not like me after today.
“No pressure,” I say aloud to my ceiling. I want to meet his son. I know his children aren’t going anywhere, and I would never ask him to choose between me and them, but I think this is worse than meeting parents. Kids can be tough. Harsh, even. What if Reggie hates me and Julius stops talking to me?
Too many what-ifs, and none of them are going to get resolved if I dwell on them.
I throw the covers back and get out of bed. Leaving my hair in the messy bun I put it up in last night, I step into the shower and let the hot water run down my back. I tell myself everything will be okay, and it will be if I manifest nothing but happy thoughts.
My nerves are on edge by the time I reach the parking garage. All morning, or at least the couple of hours I’ve been awake, I thought about texting Julius to cancel or check-in and make sure I’m still wanted at the game. I figured if his son had changed his mind, Julius would’ve told me.
With the address plugged into the GPS, I head toward the field where the game is. It’s in a part of town I haven’t been to, which isn’t shocking since I haven’t done much exploring since moving here, but on the way, I spot a donut and coffee shop and think I should bring some breakfast.
Except, while I’m standing in line, I realize donuts are not the most nutritious thing to give to children, and Julius may not appreciate the sugar rush. I think about heading back to my car, but I really need coffee and want to bring one to Julius. When it’s my turn in line, I order a half dozen assorted muffins, thinking these are a safer choice than sugary donuts, and two large coffees, along with two bottles of chocolate milk.
When I get to the field, there’s no mistaking there’s a game going on or about to start. There are three small sets of bleachers on one side of the field, and numerous chairs are set-up, some with umbrellas. Most parents seem to have banners or some type of sign for their son, and I wonder what Julius brought with him.
I walk toward the stands with my arms full, hoping and praying Julius is already here and things won’t be awkward. I’m thankful I decided to wear a ballcap and still have my sunglasses on. While I’m becoming more recognizable, I don’t want to be today. I’m sure Julius draws enough attention by being at the game. I’d rather stay incognito. I don’t wish to take any attention away from Reggie and his team. Unfortunately, Roxy has other ideas, spotting me and immediately yelling out my newest nickname—TV lady. I don’t understand what it is with these Cunninghams but their nicknames leave a lot to be desired.
Roxy is the first to approach me, and she does so in a fas
hion I’m unaccustomed to. Her little arms wrap around my legs, causing me to stagger a bit, and when she lets go, she jumps up and down, like she wants me to pick her up.
“Roxy, stop,” Julius says, and she does. Julius reaches for the box of muffins, which has the drink carrier full of our drinks on top of it and takes it from me. I’m tempted to lean in and kiss him but remember how I’ve suggested the PDA be kept at a minimum, at least for now. We’re friends until we reach a point of defining ourselves as more.
“Daddy says you was coming.”
Julius chokes at his daughter's choice of words, and I feel my cheeks flush. Leave it to the three-year-old to say the most innocent thing, and her father and I turn it into a sexual innuendo.
“We’re sitting over here,” Julius says, motioning toward the bleachers. Roxy takes my hand and pulls me to follow behind her father. Julius looks over his shoulder and smiles instantly. My heart leaps with admiration for this little girl. I don’t want to think how Roxy or I will feel if things don’t work out for her father and me. I pick her up when we get to the riser and step up after her, apologizing to the few people I have to pass in front of.
“What’s in the box?” Julius asks as I sit down.
“I brought us some muffins. One of the coffees is for you,” I tell him before looking at Roxy. “And for you, I brought chocolate milk. I hope you like it.”
Her face scrunches for a second, and then her head nods in quickly. “I lub it.”
Julius takes the cap off and then removes the seal from over the lid. He hands the bottle to Roxy and tells her to be careful and to take small sips.
“Can I has a muppin?” she asks.
“You already had pancakes,” he tells her. I don’t know why, but it feels like I’ve made a mistake in bringing them food. I should’ve known better. I grimace and look toward the field, feeling like a major idiot right now.
Fourth Down: A Beaumont Series Next Generation Spin-off Page 13
