“Have you two set a wedding date?” Anna asked, as she dished up some potato salad .
Oh, no. I looked at Finn for guidance, a bit desperately .
“Not yet,” said Finn smoothly. “We think we want a long engagement. No need to rush these things .”
“Of course not,” said Anna. “Especially after what has happened.” She looked at Finn, pointedly. There it was. The ghost of Erin, laid on the table .
“It has only been six months,” continued Anna. “Out of respect for Erin, maybe it would be good to slow things down. Really get to know each other.” She looked at me .
“What will you do about your studies ?”
I took a deep breath. “Oh, I haven’t really thought it through,” I answered, vaguely. What could I say? Another thing I hadn’t prepared an answer for .
“There’s very good law schools in Australia,” Frank said. “If you want to continue, that is. It might be hard, as the wife of Finn. He has such a demanding role, and his wife must support that. Erin found it hard running her little business on the side .”
Little business? I bristled a bit at that. I knew positively that Erin had loved working, and was very proud of her boutique. But Frank was dismissing it as if it was a hobby she had dabbled in, like needlepoint or flower arranging .
The message was loud and clear: I would be expected to play second fiddle to my very important husband. There were rules in these social circles, after all .
I tried to stop feeling so affronted. It wouldn’t ever be an issue, anyway. It was a fake engagement – it wasn’t as if I was actually going to marry Finn. Get a grip, I told myself .
Eventually, the evening ended. Frank and Anna departed. Anna air kissed me before she left .
“So nice to meet you, dear,” she said .
Meet me? She had met me quite a few times before tonight. But I suppose, in one sense, it had been the first time. As the help, she probably hadn’t even known what I looked like. I felt dispirited as I cleaned up, stacking the dishwasher slowly. Finn had just put Lilah to bed and wondered into the kitchen .
“What did you think?” he asked, pouring us both another wine .
“They’re lovely,” I said, through gritted teeth .
He looked at me. “You don’t have to lie, Amber. I could see you struggling a bit. My parents have old-fashioned views on how marriage should work.” He took a drink of his wine. “My mother has never worked a day in her life. She has her society functions, and it’s always been enough for her .”
“So she says,” I retaliated. “What choice has she ever had? I think your father made his point loud and clear that he expects the little wifey to be cleaning his shoes and baking his cakes while he brings home the bacon.” I slammed the dishwasher door closed .
Finn looked at me. “Why are you so upset? They’re from a different generation .”
“It just irks me,” I said. “Don’t mind me. It’s been a long day. I’m finding playing a role harder than I expected, that’s all .”
“You play it very well,” he said, looking at me. “Stop cleaning. Pick up your wine, and come out onto the balcony with me .”
Yes, sir, I thought to myself, sourly. Once a boss, always a boss .
We could see the lights from ships blinking over the water, and a crystal clear full moon hung in the sky. I relaxed back in my chair, sipping the wine. I was being stupid. It didn’t matter what attitudes Finn’s parents had. They weren’t really going to be my parents-in-law. I had to remember that .
“You are looking beautiful tonight.” Finn’s voice was low and intense. I turned my head around, looking at him .
“Thank you,” I said, not sure how to respond .
“Amber…” He trailed off, raking a hand through his hair. “I have to admit…I’m finding you really attractive. But I know that if we do anything, it might jeopardise our arrangement. How do you feel about it ?”
I blushed, not knowing how to answer. “I find you attractive, too,” I admitted, eventually. “But I agree. It would complicate an already very complicated situation .”
He nodded, as if he had come to a decision. “Yes, it’s for the best.” He drained his wine, standing up. “Bed time, I think. We are going yachting tomorrow with Bryce and his new girl – it will be an early start .”
He stood over me, holding out his hand. I took it, and he pulled me up .
And then suddenly, we were kissing .
Finn wrapped his arms around me, pulling my head back as he passionately kissed me. I couldn’t even breathe. It was like a fire had leapt up in my stomach. It was consuming me .
He kissed my neck feverishly, working his way downward, kneading my breasts in a circular motion. Oh God, I didn’t want him to stop .
He pulled one of my breast out of my top, looking at it for a second, then taking it into his mouth, nipping and pulling. My nipple was so erect it felt like it was about to explode .
“Shall we go to the bedroom?” He breathed, the nipple popping out of his mouth as he looked up at me .
Common sense suddenly hit me like a rock .
“Finn.” My voice was ragged. “We just said it wasn’t a good idea.” I roughly pulled my top up, stumbling back into the house .
“Amber,” he called after me, but I ignored him. I raced to my bedroom, closing the door behind me. My heart was beating a fierce tattoo in my chest .
This was insane. How can two people calmly talk about how they shouldn’t do anything, then the next minute, be in each other’s arms ?
I didn’t know anything, anymore .
Just that this was a dangerous situation, one that I would have to think seriously about. Did I want it to continue ?
Finn
I watched her walking along the pier ahead of me, her ass swaying in the tight white jeans she wore. I couldn’t stop looking at it .
I had been trying not to think of her all last night and this morning, but the sight of her in those pants undid me. I couldn’t deny it a second longer. I wanted to be inside her. The lust had been building like a slow fire, and now it was just exploding around me. I could barely think of anything else .
I knew that it was unadvisable. I knew that it was unprofessional. I knew that it would only complicate the situation. But it was like my will had been completely taken out of it. I felt like one of those cartoon characters with their eyes on stalks and tongues rolling to the floor like red carpets every time she passed me, or I caught a whiff of her perfume .
It was just as well we were spending today with Bryce and his latest squeeze. I didn’t know if I could trust myself around her if we were by ourselves. And it was a stroke of luck that Lilah was spending the day with my parents .
“Hey!” I called out to her. “Wait up!” I ran so that I was alongside her .
“You’re in a hurry today,” I said .
She looked up at me, surprised. “Am I?” She laughed, nervously. “I sometimes go a little fast if I’m nervous .”
“There’s nothing to be nervous about .”
“Really?” She glanced at me sharply. “This is your best friend we’re meeting today, isn’t it ?”
“Sure is,” I said. “Bryce. We were at school together, have worked in the same finance firm for years. He’s practically a brother to me .”
“Well, he’s probably going to be pretty hard on me, then .”
“Why?”
“You really don’t get it, do you?” Her voice raised slightly. “I am your nanny. Which means I am below you on the so called social ladder. And let’s not forget that your wife just recently passed away. How can you not see that people close to you would be judging me ?”
I hadn’t thought of it like that. I could see her point. Not that I thought anyone would be too judgmental with her; my family and friends were down to earth people. If anything, they would probably be judging me more than Amber. Shocked at how quickly I had moved on from Erin? Especially with the hot nanny .
I shoo
k my head. “Amber, relax. No one’s judging you, and if they did, I’m sure you would be happy with the conclusions that they draw.” I stared at her. “You’re pretty awesome.” She blushed. I was just about to take her hand, when I heard a shout .
“Finn!”
There they were, running slightly to catch up with us. Good old Bryce, dressed in his casual yachting gear, as always. He was pulling along a woman who was definitely not dressed for yachting: tight black dress, black stilettos, and a fake fur coat, no less. This must be Bryce’s new girl, Mandy. Why wasn’t I surprised ?
“Bryce, slow down,” she said, as he dragged her along .
“My man!” I grabbed Bryce in a bear hug. Then we turned, and introduced the ladies .
“Well, time to get on this yacht and get things moving!” I said, looking to the sky. “We don’t want the weather to change on us .”
An hour later we were heading out into Port Phillip Bay, the wind in our hair. Bryce and I were old hands at yachting, having been brought up with the sport. Well, it was the leisure choice of many with mansions at Portsea, and both my family and Bryce’s had been coming here forever .
Bryce and I were busy side by side, which was good. It gave me a chance to talk to him without the girls .
“So, how long have you been seeing Mandy?” I asked .
Bryce grinned. “We’ve been sleeping together for about a month. Thought I might take her out a bit, see if I thought there was anything more to it.” He shrugged .
“Typical Bryce,” I said. “Just another in a long line …?”
Bryce put his hands in the air as if to ward me off. “Hey, don’t blame me, buddy. You know I can’t resist women, never have been. I start to really get into one, and then I get distracted by another. It’s like toys when we were little. I could never resist the shinier and newer one that came along, you know ?”
I smiled at Bryce. “I do know,” I said. “Erin and I used to always comment on the ever changing number of girls in your life. We used to laugh about it, say you had so many you could have lined them up on an escalator.” I looked at him. “It’s because you’ve never been in love, buddy .”
Bryce shrugged again. “You’re probably right,” he said. “But hang on a minute. Why are we talking about me? You’re the one that’s been the sly dog, panting after the nanny! So, you’re going to put a ring on her finger, are you ?”
“Yes, I’m heading down the aisle again,” I said, a fake smile on my face. I could suddenly see what Amber meant. It was hard, not telling the truth to those you were closest too .
“You really think she can replace Erin ?”
Bryce was looking at me. We might rib each other a lot, but we could always talk openly and honestly about what was happening in our lives .
“Yes.” I looked at him .
Was it true? I just didn’t know, anymore. I certainly liked being around her, and she set me on fire. The attraction was real .
“Yes, I think she can replace Erin,” I said. I had to say it, all the while mulling it over in my mind .
“That’s great, man,” Bryce was saying, slapping me on my back. “I was a bit worried, to tell the truth. About you, after Erin. I thought you’d never come out of your hole, burying yourself in work like you did. I’m glad. Can I be your best man again ?”
I laughed. “Too soon to tell, mate,” I said. “We haven’t set a date, we were thinking of a long engagement. And who knows, we might just elope, make it about just the two of us.” As I said it, I was picturing being alone with Amber, running off to elope. The thought wasn’t entirely displeasing .
What on earth was happening to me ?
I looked at her under the sails. Trying so hard to chat to Bryce’s girl, Mandy, even though I could tell they didn’t have much in common. Well, why would they? I thought to myself. Mandy was typical of the women Bryce pursued: blonde, buxom, but with not much chop in the brain department. A model, trying hard to become a trophy wife. Whereas Amber was as far removed from that cliché as you could imagine .
She had long, chestnut hair and a coltish figure, long, long legs. Willowy. And as sharp as a tack. I could see why she had been accepted into Harvard Law. She was a very bright woman. But all those things weren’t even the most important .
I thought of the way she was with Lilah, caring, inspiring, warm. You could tell a person’s real personality, the way that they interacted with children. Amber was genuine .
As we sailed over the grey waters, I started to grow more anxious. It had started out as a fake engagement, to get Erin’s parents off my back about Lilah. But could it be so much more ?
Amber
W e said goodbye to Bryce and Mandy after we had finally reached land again and had some lunch in a seafood restaurant .
I wasn’t sorry. It had been tough going with Mandy .
I had tried to talk to her, but she wasn’t much of a conversationalist. The only things she was interested in were men, clothes and her hair, in that order. Whenever I had tried to turn the conversation onto other things she had always looked at me blankly, before steering it back to herself. Bryce had seemed nice enough, though. I wondered what he saw in such a vapid woman, apart from the obvious, of course .
Bryce seemed keen to go, and I thought I knew why. He wanted to get Mandy into bed. It made sense. I didn’t think he was really that into her, and had kind of regretted bringing her out to meet his best friend. He wanted to put the relationship back on the footing it should be: purely physical .
We drove off, back to the mansion. Anna and Frank would be dropping Lilah off later that afternoon. We walked into the house. I felt awkward. What were we going to do, now ?
If it was a real relationship, it wouldn’t have mattered. It would have just been chill time, in between seeing friends and Lilah coming home. We might have put on a movie, or picked up our books to read. Finn might have gone to his shed, working on a project, while I prepared dinner or had a bath .
But it wasn’t a real relationship, and it was awkward. Especially after what had happened between us the night before .
“So,” I said, biting my lip. “I might have an afternoon nap. I had such a big lunch, it’s really hit me .”
He looked at me, not believing a word that I said, I could tell. But he decided to play along with it. It was probably awkward for him, too .
“Okay,” he said, a little sadly .
I breathed a sigh of relief when I got to my bedroom, deciding to have a shower to warm up a bit after the icy conditions on Port Phillip Bay. These people were crazy, I thought to myself. Who on earth would want to get onto a yacht and sail in this weather? I had been rugged up, but poor Mandy had suffered a bit in her high heels and short dress, even though she had one of those faux fur coats on .
Rubbing my hair dry with a towel, I was walking back to the bedroom when I stopped in my tracks. Finn. He was sitting on the side of my bed, waiting for me .
“What do you want?” I breathed, suddenly acutely conscious that I was wearing nothing but my tatty old dressing gown .
He stood up, his eyes burning into me. I started to tremble, all over .
“Amber,” he whispered as he approached me. “I don’t know anything, any more. I just know that I want you more than I want anything in my life, at this point .”
He grabbed me, claiming my mouth .
The kiss was so goddamn good I felt like I was drowning in it. Shivers of pleasure were coursing through me. His hands were everywhere; all over my breasts, grabbing my ass. Everywhere that he touched me felt like his hands were on fire, like he was branding me with them .
He undid the sash of my dressing gown, letting it fall open. He looked at my nakedness for a minute, before letting the gown fall to the floor .
I blushed, not knowing what to do. This was the first time I had stood naked in front of a man. It was all I could do not to grab the gown off the floor and quickly climb back into it .
“You are magnificent,” he
breathed, his eyes scorching over me .
Suddenly, he picked me up, carrying me to the bed. He laid me down gently, before joining me. He grabbed my face, his eyes burning into mine. I could feel his hardness against me. It made me gasp .
“Amber, do you want to do this?” he breathed. “Because I want to so, so much. Please say yes.” He trailed some kisses down my throat .
“There’s one thing you have to understand,” I whispered back. “I haven’t ever made love to a man before .”
His eyes widened. “You’re a virgin?” he asked .
I nodded, blushing .
He looked at me. “And you are willing to let me be your first ?”
I nodded, again. I was so on fire at his touch, I hardly knew what I was thinking or feeling. All I knew is that I wanted him, badly .
“You’re sure?” He looked me in the eyes, intensely .
I nodded again, swallowing nervously .
He resumed kissing me, trailing down to my breasts. I gasped in shock when his mouth found one of my nipples. I closed my eyes and let my head fall back, marvelling at the sensations as he pulled and sucked on it. This was heaven, I thought dreamily .
One of his hands had found its way below. My eyes flew open as he parted me, his fingers caressing me. I felt a warm wetness spilling out of me, unspooling like a ribbon. He continued to slowly caress me with his hand and suck at my nipple. It was driving me crazy; my hips were bucking on the bed, jumping to meet his hand .
All rational thought was gone. All my worries about how hooking up with him would complicate the situation had fled. I didn’t care about anything in that moment but the feel of him, and how he was making me feel. I wasn’t even concentrating on the fact it would be my first time .
I had simply never felt this way with anyone else. I finally understood what the fuss was all about. He stopped momentarily, pulling himself on top of me. I felt his urgent hardness, again. His breathing was ragged in my ear .
His Christmas Baby: A Friends to Lovers Romance Page 43
