by Lucy Kevin
I shook my head. “He and his mom had to leave town for a while. It’s a long story.”
I didn’t think Dylan would appreciate me telling his competition about his family’s problems, so I left it at that.
“Bradley, can we remain friends?”
I could see his eyes darken even further in the shine of the streetlights.
“Is this your decision, Gabrielle?”
“I don’t know what to think right now.”
I’d never been anything but honest with him. I wouldn’t change that now. It would kill me to have to lie to him, to the one person I’d never had to lie to during all of this craziness.
“I just can’t decide anything for a while.” At least not until Dylan came back. And not until I’d figured out if the curse was real. “But I can’t stand the thought of losing you.”
He moved closer and this time, I let him reach out and stroke his fingers over the tendrils of hair that were lying across my collarbones.
“I don’t want to lose you either, Gabrielle.”
I couldn’t hold back a breath of relief, my breath a puff of white between us in the cold darkness.
He said, “Of course we’re still friends,” and I was halfway to a smile when he added,
“For now.”
I felt the weight of those two words, of the expectation—the hope—in them all the way into the center of my heart.
I knew what he was saying: He wanted more. He was going to give me some space from the idea of starting a relationship with him. But he wasn’t dropping it for good.
And the complicated truth was that I didn’t want him to.
The next thing I knew, his mouth was a breath away from mine and it would have been so easy to close my eyes for his kiss.
Instead, I forced myself to tell him, “Friends don’t kiss.”
For a moment, I wasn’t sure he heard my whispered words. And then, his arms were around me and he was holding me.
And I was holding him right back.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
I saw the front light on from down the block. My grandmother was awake.
Why hadn’t she called? Hadn’t she been worried about me?
I rushed into the house, finding her knitting in her chair in the living room.
“I’m so sorry, Grandmaman! I wouldn’t have gone if I didn’t have to.”
She put down her knitting, reaching her hands out to me. I went to my knees and put my arms around her waist while she stroked my hair and shoulders as if I were a little girl again.
“Do you not think I understand, ma petite?”
I lifted my head in confusion, and she brushed the hair away from my cheeks.
“These past weeks, you have had much to deal with. Too much for one so young. You are dealing with it admirably, ma petite.”
I shook my head. “I’m not. I’m a mess.”
She tucked her finger under my chin, forced me to meet her gaze.
“You are exquisite. Precious. And loved. Always loved.”
There they were again, those tears that just wouldn’t stop coming.
“I don’t know what to do. Not about any of it.” Finally, the words that I’d been holding back from her—and myself—came spilling out. “It’s like I’m living in three totally separate worlds. Being at school, being at home with you, those both feel normal. They’re both what I’m used to. And then there’s Dylan.”
I hesitated then, knowing how my grandmother felt about him.
“Go on, ma petite.”
“He’s a part of the normal world, too,” I told her, “but his world is so dark. His father abused his mother and they’ve been on the run from him for a while. It’s why they came to New York City. And tonight, when I went looking for him because I needed to talk with him, he was gone again. They’re in hiding. But he left me a letter and told me he loves me. He asked me to wait for him.”
I expected my grandmother to ask me more about Dylan, but instead she said, “You said you feel caught between three worlds. What is the third world?”
In a flash, I remembered the kiss from earlier today…and the almost-kiss from just a little while ago.
“Bradley. He’s so nice and sweet and we just fit together so well. But—” I hated feeling like I was putting down my grandmother as I said, “—he’s a part of a shadow world I don’t want anything to do with.” Before my grandmother could respond, I had to get it all out. “I don’t know which one I want. Or if I should choose neither. Even if I wanted to choose Dylan, I don’t know where he is. Or when he’s coming back. And I’ve been depending on Bradley so much. I can’t stand the thought of losing him, either. I’ve tried to figure it out, but I can’t. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to feel.” I squeezed her hands. “I hate that you think there’s this curse that could hurt me and you’re so worried about me and what I’m going to decide.”
“You are right, ma petite. There are many things you are going to have to do over the next months,” she said, with a deep note of premonition in her voice. “I have worried about you every second of every day since you were born.” She gave me a small smile. “But I have always trusted you to make good decisions. I have always trusted you to do what you think is right, regardless of what anyone else is saying you need to do.” She paused. “Including me.”
*
I kissed my grandmother on the cheek before she went upstairs to sleep for a few more hours before morning. But I already knew I wouldn’t be sleeping.
I opened my bedroom window and let the cold air come inside, as if it could somehow help clear my head.
That was when I felt the first snowflake.
It wasn’t supposed to snow yet.
But it was.
I wasn’t supposed to feel so much for two different guys.
But I did.
Courtesans weren’t supposed to exist anymore.
But now I knew better: They did.
And as the snowflakes blew in through my window, the beginnings of one final song blew through me, too.
I was done with pep talks for the time being. I was done with trying to convince myself that I was in control.
Because I definitely wasn’t in control of anything at all.
Every step I take is falling
Every thought I have is coming
Faster than it used to
Every word I heard you saying
Every look you were conveying
Hurts as much as it could do
There is nothing more that I can do
Even when I try it all falls through
There is nothing more
No matter how much I adore you
Now everything is not so simple
Everyone just thinks that they can
Tell a lie if they choose
Every time I reconsider
With every breath I take I shiver
Whispering how I love you
There is nothing more that I can do
Every when I try it all falls through
There is nothing more
No matter how much I adore you
Falling
Coming
There is nothing more that I can do
Even when I try it all falls through
There is nothing more
No matter how much I adore you
With every step I curse the winter
Every snowflake melts so much
Faster than you
Ever will
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wyvb3kHBn4s
http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/every-step/id427761572
EVERY STEP by Gabrielle LeGrande / Lucy Kevin © 2011
EPILOGUE
Two weeks later…
“This is going to be so much fun!”
Missy threw herself at me, and the way she wrapped her arms and legs around me forced a surprised laugh out of my throat.
“Thank God, Gabs.”
She let me go and I stumbled without
her weight holding me down to earth.
Before I could ask her what she was so thankful for, she said, “I never thought I was going to hear that lovely sound again.”
“What sound?”
She started tickling me under my ribs and even as I pushed her away, I couldn’t help but giggle.
“That one.”
We were heading down into the subway, on our way to Madison Square Gardens for Metallica’s performance.
“Thanks for coming with me tonight, Missy.”
“Wouldn’t have missed it.” We got down to the platform and as we waited for the train, she asked, “So, are you excited about your own tour, at least?”
A few days earlier, I’d played the five songs I’d written for my committee at school. I guess they liked them, because they’d asked me to go on a promotional tour with the school during winter break.
It was everything I had dreamed of for so long, the achievement of one of my biggest goals from the time I’d first enrolled in the school.
“Yeah, I think it will be pretty good.”
“Good? Of course it will be good! You’re going to be up on stage in front of so many people performing your songs.”
I nodded, knowing she was right. But the truth was, while I was excited about getting to play my songs for people, the main reason I was excited about the tour was because it was also the perfect chance to get away.
The winter tour would be a few weeks to not have to think about the curse and about possibly searching out some descendant of the woman who had set it into place. For a little while, I hoped I wouldn’t have to think about my past or about Dylan or Bradley. Instead, I could just focus on trying not to make an idiot of myself on stage. Hopefully, by the time I came back to my real life in January, everything would be clearer.
I listened to Missy’s gossip about the kids at school all the way into the Gardens. I ate the popcorn she gave me, but couldn’t face the hot dog. I just wanted the music to start, just wanted it to be so loud and hard-driving that my brain couldn’t spin out on everything for a couple of hours.
But as the first notes pounded out into the coliseum, I knew that luck wasn’t anywhere near my side.
Metallica was starting their show with the song Dylan and I had played together.
In that moment, everything came full circle. And that was when I knew that things weren’t going to get clearer anytime soon. Not unless I solved the riddle of a curse that either was…or wasn’t.
And not until I made a decision about my feelings for two very different boys.
But right now I was too raw. Too shaky. I needed a break from it all, needed to go away with my school on tour and try and focus on my music.
January. As the song played on and I felt it vibrate down to the very depths of my soul, I vowed to face it all – Dylan and Bradley, my legacy and the curse - in the New Year.
THE END
*
More books by Lucy Kevin…
FALLING FAST (A romance novel about secrets, reality TV…and unexpected love) When Alexa is sent by a magazine to be an undercover contestant on the reality TV series
“Falling For Mr. Right” she assumes the worst part of the assignment will be having to act like a brainless bimbo to try and win the affection of an arrogant guy who is out looking for his fifteen minutes of fame. Color her shocked when it turns out that not only are several of her fellow contestants intelligent, funny women…but that Brandon – aka Mr. Right - isn’t at all the kind of man she thought he’d be. What’s Alexa supposed to do when instead of digging up dirt for her cover story, she finds herself falling way too fast for the man she’s supposed to tear apart in her first big feature story?
Please enjoy the following excerpt for FALLING FAST © 2011 Lucy Kevin…
“You want me to do what?” Alexa Atkison said, her voice dripping with disbelief.
Alexa’s editor, Jane, pushed her glasses up more firmly on her nose and looked pointedly through them at Alexa. “You’re the one who has been on me about doing the bigger stories. I’m dropping this one into your lap.”
Alexa opened her mouth to argue and then realized her thoughts were better left unsaid, particularly to her all-powerful boss. So instead of shooting off at the mouth, she took a deep breath and tried, on the fly, to work out the best tactic for steering Jane toward a less objectionable story.
“What about drugs? Or gambling rings? Don’t you have something scary and dirty that I could investigate instead?”
“No,” Jane said, her lips tight. “I’m handing you this assignment on a silver platter.
Once you sign the confidentiality agreement, we can discuss the details of your makeover.”
Surprise registered on Alexa’s face. “Makeover?”
“While the editorial staff agrees that you are a perfect fit for the assignment, it is, nonetheless, clear that you need professional help with your appearance.”
Alexa looked down at her clothes. “What does my appearance have to do with this assignment?”
Unsmiling, Jane replied, “Everything.”
Alexa didn’t like being boxed into a corner one bit. Silently, she reassessed her options.
Sure, Jane had offered her a huge story, and yes, she desperately wanted the chance to prove herself as a feature writer, as opposed to the fact checking and proofreading she had been doing for the past year, but she also had a healthy dose of self-respect which she didn’t plan on letting go of any time soon. Trying for diplomacy, Alexa cleared her throat and mustered up her most cooperative expression.
“Look, Jane, I really appreciate this opportunity, and I’m more than willing to go the distance with it, but as I see it, all I need to do is get picked as a single-girl-in-need-of-a-husband by a bunch of dopey TV execs, make it onto as many episodes as possible, and scrounge up dirt on everyone involved, right?”
Jane cut right to it. “I’m as disgusted by primping and makeup as you are, Alexa. But you aren’t going to be much use to us on this story looking like…” Jane’s words drifted off and she scrunched up her nose in just the way one did when blue cheese had been left out on the counter for too long.
“Looking like what?”
Jane sighed. “Looking like you do right at this very minute. The way you look every day, in fact.”
Alexa tried not to let on just how much Jane’s brutal honesty hurt. But seconds later, when Jane uncharacteristically tried to soften the blow, Alexa knew she needed to work on her poker face if she was ever going to make it as a serious undercover journalist.
“Don’t worry,” Jane said. “We’re going to get you a little help in the wardrobe department, and-”
Alexa cut her off. If there was one word that she never thought she’d hear at ROAR, it was wardrobe. She had always thought such terminology was reserved for the offices of Vogue or Elle.
“What’s wrong with my clothes?”
Jane pursed her lips, seeming to tally up all the problems in her head before listing them.
“I’ve never seen you wear anything but jeans and a T-shirt, except for that awful suit your wore for your interview last year.” Clearly exasperated, she added, “Your shoes don’t even match!”
Alexa swung her legs out from underneath the desk. When she inspected her feet, she was surprised to see a green tennis shoe on her left foot and a red shoe on her right.
“I was a little distracted this morning.”
“Try every morning. In any case, we’ve got you scheduled for the spa this afternoon.”
Spa was another word that she never, ever thought she’d hear at ROAR. Alexa narrowed her eyes, suddenly suspicious. “This isn’t some kind of office practical joke is it? Last time I looked, I was working for the leading feminist magazine in the country.”
Jane looked at her watch, making it clear that the conversation was over. “Your first appointment is in thirty minutes. Do you want the assignment or not?”
Alexa knew she had no choice: Her self-respect was
going to have to take a back seat to her first ever byline. There was no way she was going to miss the chance to leap out of journalistic obscurity and onto the cover of a national magazine.
“Where do I sign?”
Jane smiled and handed her a pen.
*
“Hold on a second. You want me to be Mr. Right?”
Joe Randell, the executive producer of the much-hyped Falling For Mr. Right reality TV
show, leaned across the conference table as if he was letting Brandon in on a big secret. “You did apply.”
Brandon Philips worked to wipe the stunned look off of his face. “Yes, I did,” he said, leaving off the pertinent fact that he had only done it to get back at his ex-girlfriend for dumping him because of his so-called “commitment issues.”
Stalling for time to figure out just what the hell he had got himself into, he asked, “How many applicants were there?”
“Thousands. But I knew you were our best prospect the minute you walked through the door. Your screen test confirmed that the camera loves you and your resume is excellent.”
Brandon took a moment to digest the unexpected news. “If I signed on, what would you expect me to do?”
Joe slid a copy of the Falling For Mr. Right contract across the table. “The show will air over a period of two weeks. This gives you fourteen days to decide who you want to marry among the thirty women we introduce you to.
Brandon’s mouth went completely dry. How could he possibly fall for anyone that fast?
He took a sip of coffee and kept his expression bland, waiting for his brain to click back into the
‘on’ position. “How often would I be filmed?”
Joe looked Brandon straight in the eye. “Brandon, I want to be completely upfront with you today, before you agree to sign anything.”
Brandon nodded for Joe to continue.
“There will be cameras filming you during every interaction with the girls.”
“Is that all?”
“Not quite.” Joe straightened his tie before continuing. “There is one special clause in the contract that I need to draw your attention to.”
He pointed out a paragraph in the middle of page one. Mr. Right will allow Producer to pick one wild card for each of the selection ceremonies, until only three women remain. At that point, Mr. Right will have complete control over his contestant selection.
