I had broken down outside the courthouse, tears of joy unlike anything I’d ever experienced streaming down my face, and hadn’t let go of Keith until Jagger had forced me to stand up and walk to my car.
Even then I’d carried Keith, not willing to let him go yet.
Keith had smiled the cheesiest smile and patted my cheek. “Silly Mommy. You’ve always been my mommy!” he’d said after he’d climbed into his booster seat.
“See?” Grey had asked softly from behind me. “Some papers and a judge’s signature never meant anything to him.”
I didn’t know if anyone would be able to understand the significance of today for me, but that was okay, because it wasn’t for them. It was for Keith and me.
As Jagger and Grey pointed out, I had mostly raised Keith. Something I would always be grateful for. But they still didn’t know what I’d gone through. They didn’t know the extent of what Mom had said to make me give up custody. They didn’t know that my mom had often threatened me with taking Keith and running away.
Jagger had thought he was keeping our mother’s true nature from me.
Grey thought she was keeping how evil our mother was from her children.
I’d thought I was keeping Mom’s sick, twisted mind from Jagger.
She hadn’t ever fooled any of us. She’d just fooled us into believing that each of us was the only one who knew what she really was.
After two years of living in fear for that I would wake up and my son would be gone, and knowing I wouldn’t be able to do anything because he wasn’t mine on paper, and then having a judge tell me that I wasn’t fit to have custody transferred to me, the fear that he could disappear at any time never left.
It didn’t matter that I knew Jagger and Grey would never do something like that to me . . . mothers have irrational thoughts when people try to keep them from their children.
But that was all over now.
Keith made a noise as if his lightsaber was powering down, and took an exaggerated breath. “Safe from the ladybugs.”
“Whew, buddy. I don’t know if we would have made it out of there without you.”
He nodded seriously. “Good thing I’m Darf Vaber.”
“Yeah, good thing. If you would’ve woken up as Magneto, we might still be trapped.”
Keith gasped wildly, and my chest shook with my restrained laughter. “Mandeeto! Mommy! Ladybugs control metal! Mandeeto is a ladybug!”
I drew in a shocked breath and let my face fall as I glanced warily at the table. “Oh no,” I breathed, and slowly reached toward the spoon that lay forgotten next to his bowl of soupy ice cream. Lifting the spoon, I looked into Keith’s worried eyes, and whispered, “We need to leave before the ladybugs come after us.”
He nodded vigorously, and I hurried to grab cash out of my wallet. As soon as I had it placed within the billfold, I took Keith’s hand and helped him slide out of the booth, then pretended to run out of the restaurant with him.
I didn’t care about the strange looks or laughs from the people inside—this was the best day of my life.
I slowed Keith down when we got into the parking lot, then helped him get into my new car so we could head for Jagger’s.
Yeah, I’d done that too.
After Deacon and his dad had done everything they could to get my car to run for more than a few minutes at a time, I’d let Deacon take me to look at cars earlier that week.
It was a mid-size SUV that had great gas mileage and didn’t make me want to die when I looked at the price. And most of all, Keith loved it and my mechanic had approved.
The only thing that had helped ease my fears through buying it was the knowledge that I didn’t have Jagger or Grey’s cars to rely on anymore. And now that my car was working less and less often, I needed something that was reliable for Keith, and figured the judge would probably have made it a requirement anyway.
He hadn’t asked.
I pulled Keith’s sleeping form out of the car once we got to the warehouse and carried him inside. But I froze when I was unexpectedly bombarded with screams as soon as I set foot in the door.
“Congratulations!”
Keith jerked awake from the unexpected noise, and scrambled out of my arms and toward the group of people standing in the main room of the warehouse.
Heat crept up my neck and into my cheeks as I looked from my brother and his wife to Grey’s parents, and to Knox and Harlow.
The only person not watching me was Jagger, but that didn’t surprise me. With the exception of a few clipped sentences during and after the court hearing, he hadn’t spoken to me once that week. He and Grey had somehow already known about Deacon before they’d gotten back from Seattle, and every time I’d seen them that week, that calm silence that meant Jagger was well and truly pissed off had radiated from him.
“Uh,” I said on a breath, and let my head drop slightly.
Grey walked up to me, and pulled me into a hug. “I didn’t think you’d be here yet.”
“I didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to be here,” I whispered, then moved so Grey was blocking me from view. The way everyone was still staring at me made me feel lightheaded.
“You are, crazy. I just thought you’d be another twenty minutes or so. Graham and Deacon are still on their way.” Her eyes narrowed on me when she realized what I was doing. “You’d think after working at Mama’s, you’d be a little bit better with attention.”
“That’s different. They look at me for a few seconds, then go back to talking to each other.”
She sighed slowly. “Well, just breathe. After they all tell you they’re happy for you, they’ll talk to each other. Okay?” She stepped away from me, then turned to push me forward.
I accepted hugs from Harlow and Knox, and tried not to show how uncomfortable I was with everyone else in the room still watching me as we talked.
Mrs. LaRue stepped up to hug me from behind, and said, “This is such a special day, honey. We’re so happy for you. It’s been a long time coming.”
I looked over my shoulder and sent her a shaky smile, and opened my mouth to thank her, but was cut off by Jagger.
“Probably would’ve been even longer if the judge had asked about your current relationship.”
My gaze snapped over to him in time to see him take a long swig of his beer. My brow furrowed. “What?”
“Jagger,” Grey hissed.
“What is that supposed to mean?” I demanded.
Jagger gestured toward the door with his bottle, as if Deacon would be there. “You honestly think the judge wouldn’t have hesitated if he knew about you and Deacon? For fuck’s sake, Charlie, even Graham has been telling us that you two shouldn’t be together. His best friend is warning us to get you away from him.”
Shock hit me like a punch to the chest at that piece of news, but I couldn’t react to it. I couldn’t believe Jagger was doing this, and most of all, I couldn’t believe he was doing this in front of other people.
I eyed the bottle of beer in his hand, and wanted to snatch it away, but I couldn’t move. Jagger never drank, and I knew he wouldn’t be doing this to me now if he hadn’t been then. I’d known that he was upset. But when Jagger got that angry with me, he waited until he was calm before he brought up what was bothering him. And we always had those conversations in private.
My breathing became shallow and rapid, and the lightheadedness increased as I became acutely aware of every pair of eyes on me in that moment.
“You’re with a guy who sleeps with a different girl every night, and is just going to use you up the way he does them. You’re with a guy who hates kids, and today we were at a hearing so you could try to get custody of your son. Yeah, I’m sure any judge would have thought that was a great choice of a guy for you to have around your son. Great role model.”
“Jagger, man, I th
ink you should chill for a while,” Knox said firmly, and held his hand out for Jagger’s drink, but Jagger didn’t hand it over, and he wasn’t finished talking.
“I’ve been telling you for so long to get a new car, and you’ve shot down my suggestion every time. You’re with Deacon for a few days and let him talk you into it. Is this starting to sound familiar, Charlie?”
“Stop,” Grey pled, and managed to pull the bottle from his grasp.
A high-pitched ringing started up in my ears, and my legs began shaking. I didn’t know if I was still breathing too rapidly, or if I wasn’t breathing at all anymore. I just knew that I didn’t have long before it felt like I would faint.
“You always talk about not wanting to turn into Mom, but you’re choosing the exact same guys she did. The same guys she constantly brought around, the same guys she married before they left her not long after.”
I’m not like her. I refuse to be her.
He ticked off each likeness on his fingers. “Hates kids, gets you to spend your money, fucks anything with tits.”
“Jagger!” Knox barked out.
“If you don’t want to be her, stop making her mistakes! You already got the first kid, Charlie, should we be expecting the second soon?”
My palm connected with his face before I acknowledged that my arm was moving. Afterward, you could have heard a pin drop in the warehouse.
No one moved. No one breathed.
Deacon
June 24, 2016
GRAHAM AND I glanced at each other warily as we stepped up to the door of the warehouse. The voices were muffled, words indistinguishable, but the last thing I’d expected when we’d gotten there was yelling.
I hurried to open the door, and stepped inside with Graham right behind me.
I only had a split second to take in the scene and absorb that Jagger was screaming . . .
At Charlie.
Knox, Harlow, Grey, and her parents were all gathered around with looks that ranged from shock to anger as they watched Jagger get in Charlie’s face. She stood with her back to me, but even from where I stood fifteen feet away, I could see that she was shaking.
Jagger’s hand was in Charlie’s face as he continued to yell, “ . . . kid, Charlie, should we be expecting the second soon?”
Charlie slapped Jagger’s face so quickly that if it weren’t for the sound of flesh connecting with flesh and the stunned look on Jagger’s face, I wouldn’t have been sure it happened.
Silence filled the open space of the warehouse.
Everyone standing in the middle of it was either staring at Charlie or Jagger, none of them had even noticed Graham and me coming in.
“What the hell did we miss?” Graham asked quietly.
Instead of responding, I took a step toward the group of people, at the same time Charlie took a shaky step back and then stumbled back another two.
I rushed forward and reached out as if I could have helped her from where I was, but she paused to steady herself.
Just as I got to her, she turned and started off in the direction of the hallway. I reached out to grab her arm, but the second my fingers touched her skin she yanked her arm from my grasp and hurried away.
I watched her until she was gone, then started to turn toward the group, when I caught a pair of blue, watery eyes looking at me from where he hid on the couch.
I didn’t know what I’d just missed. But I knew Charlie had never slapped me, and I’d deserved that and more. If she’d hit her brother, then it had to be bad. And he’d done it front of everyone. He’d done it in front of her son.
Forcing myself not to speak, I let my eyes say more than my words could as my glare met Jagger’s, and walked over to where Keith was hiding.
My face fell into something neutral and less menacing when I rounded the couch, and I dropped into a squat so I was eye level with Keith. “Hey, kid. Who are you today?”
He sniffled a few times, and with each one his shoulders jerked up from the force. “I don—I donno. I fink—can I be Keith?”
“You can always be Keith.”
“Deaton, are we mad at Uncle J?”
I hesitated, not knowing what to say. I knew I sure as shit was, and I still didn’t know what had happened. “I don’t know, kid. Are we?”
Keith’s eyes looked everywhere but at me for a few seconds. When they finally settled on me again, he looked sheepish as he nodded. “I fink so.”
“All right. Well, I need to talk to your uncle J. So can you do me a favor and go find your mom, and stay with her?” I waited until he nodded, and then helped him from the couch. “I’ll be back there in a little bit.”
As soon as he was running toward the hall, I looked back up at Jagger, my jaw clenched, and gestured toward the kid running away. “Nice. Who wants to tell me what happened?”
Knox shook his head slowly, both in response and disappointment.
“Knox?”
His eyes darted to me before looking away. “I don’t want to struggle to pull you off Jagger so you won’t kill him. And I have no doubt that’s what we’ll be doing.”
I arched an eyebrow, curiosity and rage and surprise swirling through me.
“You aren’t good enough for her,” Jagger finally said. “You never will be.”
A huff of frustration burst from my chest. “This again?”
“You can’t keep lying to her to keep her until you get whatever the hell it is you want from her!”
“Lie to her?”
His arm shot out in front of him, toward the couches that were now empty. “Pretending with Keith. Who the hell are you pretending for? Who the hell are you kidding, Deacon? We all know how you feel about kids!”
“That isn’t a damn secret! She knows too!”
“So who’s this performance for then, huh? Like you said, it isn’t a secret. Why act like you care about him?”
I ran a hand through my hair and shot out an annoyed laugh. “He’s cool; he’s a cool kid. I thought that before anything ever started between Charlie and me. It isn’t an act. Why am I always trying to prove myself to you? You know what? Fuck it, I’m done.” I lifted my hands in the air and stepped back toward the hall. “If she can believe me after all the shit I’ve put her through, then that’s all that matters.”
Jagger’s top lip curled in a sneer. “Yeah, looks like she’s the only one who does.”
Grey’s eyes shut. “Jagger. Why—”
“Your own best friend doesn’t even believe you . . . with any of it.”
My steps faltered, and I glanced to Knox, then Graham.
Knox was staring at the floor. Graham’s eyes were wide, his mouth set in a hard line.
“Graham hasn’t just told us that Charlie shouldn’t be with you. He’s been warning us to get her away from you. And why’s that, Deac?”
But I couldn’t respond. I couldn’t stop looking at Graham. I knew what Jagger was going to say before he continued. I knew, and I fucking hated Graham for it.
“I mean, this other phone you have . . . I don’t know if I’m even surprised because it’s just so you, Deacon. But the fact that you still talk to other girls on it? And who knows what the fuck you’re doing with them?”
Girl, I thought. Just one. And we only ever talk.
Fear seized me. I didn’t know if they’d told Charlie about it or not. Didn’t know what she thought about me at all now.
I didn’t know how to give up Words, but to lose Charlie?
That . . . that I couldn’t do.
I swallowed thickly, and shook my head once. Looking Jagger in the eye, I growled, “You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”
I turned to go find Charlie, but paused, and let my right hand curl into a fist. “Knox, tell me something.”
“It’s not my—”
> “All those years ago when you and Harlow were first talking, I said something to her to piss both of you off, and you punched me.”
From the corner of my eye, I saw Graham stiffen.
“Yeah . . .” Knox said warily, drawing the word out.
“Was it worth it?”
When he answered, I heard the smile in his words. “Hell yeah.”
I nodded, then started to take a step toward the hallway. At the last second, I turned and closed the distance between Graham and me with two quick steps. Grabbing the collar of his shirt, I forced him closer just as my fist smashed into his nose.
I held on to his shirt for a second when he was forced backward, then let go and watched him stumble back a step.
“At least I gave you warning, asshole.” I flexed my hand a couple times, then shot Knox a grin. “Yeah, that felt pretty damn good.”
He shrugged, and bit back his own smile.
Looking at Jagger one more time, I met his challenging glare, and said, “Whatever it is you said to her, I’m not gonna hit you. She did that; she can fight for herself. As for you and me? Look, I get it. You think any of us wanted Grey with Ben? Or with you?” I scoffed. “You wouldn’t have been okay with Charlie and Ben, and you won’t be okay with Charlie and anyone. Do I have a history? Yeah. Knox does too, but Harlow doesn’t remind him about it every damn day.”
I took a step away and ran a hand roughly through my hair, and then laughed agitatedly. “Do you know what Keith said to me over there? He asked if it was okay if he was just Keith today. Look, I get you’ve all known this guy who wanted to party and sleep his way through the surrounding cities. But I don’t want to be that guy. I’m never going to get away from my past if you don’t let me. So fucking let me. Let me just be Deacon.”
No one said anything, and Jagger’s glare didn’t lessen, but Grey was beaming at me by the time I turned around and went to find Charlie.
When I turned the corner in the first hall, I saw her sitting at the very end with her back against the wall, legs out in front of her and crossed at the ankles, with Keith in her arms.
And I stopped.
I don’t know why, and I didn’t know what the feeling was that suddenly hit me when I saw them sitting there like that, but I felt pinned to where I was standing. I just knew that I needed to see that every day for the rest of my life.
Show Me How Page 15
