by K E Osborn
My heart’s racing a million miles a second. It feels like the wind has been knocked from me. Watching her fall apart was gut-wrenching.
Shattering.
Life altering.
Mylee’s pregnant.
I know what that means to her.
But, what does it mean to me?
I know her view on kids. I know she never wanted to inflict this life on them. I know this is going to shatter her.
I don’t really know how this happened? Sure, the first time we had sex we didn’t use a condom, but after that, we’ve been super careful. Mylee was going to get the morning after pill, so what happened? Whatever happened, it doesn’t matter, it has, and now we need to figure out what the fuck we’re going to do.
As I look back up to Kline, she exhales running her hand over the back of her neck. “Sorry, I wasn’t sure how she’d take the news.”
Shaking my head, I stroke Mylee’s cheek softly as I look down on her. “I have no idea how she’s going to handle this. It could set her off into a downward spiral, Bex.”
She sighs in understanding. “I’ll have her psych informed of the situation if you think it’s best. Maybe have him come down and evaluate her? She has some decisions to make. Having a baby is hard. Having a baby when you have bipolar disorder brings a whole set of new challenges… her medications are something she will need to take into consideration as well.”
Running my fingers through my hair in frustration, I tip my head. “I know, and if I know Mylee, I’ll have a fight on my hands.”
Kline exhales. “There are no right or wrong answers in this, only what’s best for Mylee and your baby. But she has to feel supported in whatever decisions you choose, whatever they are…” Her deeper tone on those last few words brings me to a thought I hadn’t dare think.
What if she will want to terminate?
This life we created.
What if she wants to end it before it’s begun?
Shit! I might even have a bigger battle on my hands than the medications.
Kline squeezes my shoulder in support with a sigh. “For the record, when she wakes up, we’ll need to talk more about your options, but you need to be prepared for all the options, Trax. Not just the ones you want.”
All I can do right now is grunt.
“Can I get you anything? Pain relief? Valium?” she jokes on the last one.
Letting out a small laugh, I raise my brow. “Maybe a fifth of Jack?”
“Sounds about right. I think you should call Torque. Sometimes a brother is really handy in times like these.”
“How long will she be out?”
She sighs. “Couple of hours, at least, then we’ll need to see how she feels when she wakes up. She will be groggy but should be calmer. Hopefully, she’ll be feeling more like talking things through.”
“Cheers.”
“We should get her onto the bed,” she suggests.
I take a deep breath as I somehow stand up with Mylee in my arms. She’s a complete dead weight, but I don’t care, even though my shoulder’s screaming at me every which way.
I place her on the bed as Kline pulls a warmed blanket over her. “Okay, I’ll give you some time. Call Torque!” She turns walking out leaving me to call my brother and tell him what the hell’s going on. I walk over to the seat, grabbing and yanking it over, the metal legs screech across the floor, as I drag it to sit by the edge of her bed. I need to be as close to Mylee as fucking possible right now. I sit down, just taking a breath.
Reaching up, I grab Mylee’s hand.
My eyes drift to her stomach.
Mine twists slightly at the thought of what’s growing in there.
A part of me.
A part of her.
Ours.
Sniffing, I let out a staggered breath as I blink away the fucking tears.
I could be a dad.
I take a second to let that sink in. Heaviness wafts over me, and I glance up to Mylee, her face calmer now. The idea of us being parents together makes me… happy. I know it shouldn’t. I should be scared out of my brain. But the fact there’s a little peanut inside of Mylee right now, honestly, I don’t want to give that up. I know it will be hard, I know a life with Mylee is what I want, but to throw in a kid. Fuck!
Taking another deep breath, I pull out my cell and dial Torque’s number. I don’t even really know what the hell to say. Telling him over the phone seems like a shitty thing to do, but I need him here.
He answers quickly. “Trax, everything okay?”
Sighing, I have to find my fucking balls trying to hold myself together. “Ahh… can you come back to the hospital? I know you just left but the results are in for Mylee’s bloodwork.” I stop and take a breath then continue, “I’m a little rattled. I need to talk to you—”
“On my way,” he interrupts and doesn’t hesitate or barrage me with questions. He simply hangs up the cell, and I know he’ll be here soon.
Grabbing the back of my neck, I try to relieve the damn tension building. I place my cell in my jeans pocket then look back to Mylee. She’s sleeping so calmly. I’m not a fan of sedating her, but sometimes you have to do what’s necessary in order to bring her back.
What the hell am I going to do if she wants to terminate this pregnancy?
Being with Mylee meant never having our own children, but now faced with the option, I can’t imagine it any other way. I love her. She’s it for me, and I plan to tell her as soon as she wakes up.
I will stake my claim on her. I just hope this won’t be the straw that breaks her, and she pushes away from me for good.
Her moods can be so volatile, so unpredictable, but that’s no fault of her own. I don’t hold it against her. I also know her medications will probably be an issue. This will definitely be a problem, and the idea of Mylee coming off her meds is scary as fuck. She’s been doing so well, but being completely off meds while pregnant, and her hormones, could be epically dangerous. But if this is what has to be done, I’ll be there for her, every motherfucking step of the way.
Because that’s what love is.
And fuck, do I love this woman.
I sit staring at her for what seems like hours, but I know it’s only minutes. I have no idea of time right now, the world is moving, life’s going on around me, but I have no idea what to think, how to feel. I’m in limbo, not knowing how this is going to play out when she wakes up, and it’s damn near killing me.
The curtain pushes back, and Torque rushes into the room. He looks at Mylee who’s still zonked out, and he raises his brow as he puffs out air through his mouth. I glance at my brother, I’m barely holding it together. Torque scrunches up his forehead as he moves over to the bed pulling me into a hug, not a man hug but a real hug, a brotherly hug, surrounding me in a warmth I didn’t know I was so desperately craving until now.
Torque pulls back holding my shoulders looking me in the eyes. “Tell me.”
I gesture to the seats. “Bex did some blood work, and … umm… Mylee’s… fuck! She’s pregnant.”
Torque’s eyes open wide. “Holy shit! Trax, you’re gonna be a dad?” Concern’s etched on his face like he’s unsure of why I’m so frazzled by this announcement.
I shrug then look over at her, he follows my line of sight. “I don’t know. Mylee’s never wanted kids. Mylee has a genetic predisposition to bipolar disorder. Her mother gave it to her, and there’s a possibility it could be passed onto her children. She’s always said she would never do that to another human being. She’s always said that.”
Torque licks his bottom lip.
“You should have seen the reaction when Bex told her, brother. I’ve never seen her this bad. She fell apart. It took Bex and me to bring her down. I…” my voice gets caught in my throat as he reaches out, grabbing my shoulder in support. “Seeing her that way, knowing how much this will tear her up… part of me wants to take the easy route, but this baby is a part of her and me. I don’t know how I could live with myself kn
owing we could have had it all, and…” I close my eyes feeling it all getting too much.
Torque lets out a long breath. “Fuck… this is heavy. I’m guessing Kline gave Mylee something to knock her out?”
I tilt my head once opening my eyes to look over at her. “Yeah, she’ll be out for another hour or two.”
“Right… there’s a bar across the street. I think we need to get a beer, regroup, then come back when she wakes. You need a level head for this.”
“I can’t leave her.”
“Brother, you’re on the fuckin’ edge. You’re of no use to her the way you are. Bex’s here, she’ll call if Mylee miraculously wakes up early.”
My stomach knots at the thought of leaving her, but I know he’s right. She isn’t waking up anytime soon, and to be honest, I could do with a stiff drink. So we stand. He pats my back as I walk over to her and lean down gently kissing her forehead. “I’ll be right back.” I know she can’t hear me, but it makes me feel better. So I walk out of her room with my brother in search of something hard to keep me going.
We step out into the emergency ward to find Kline.
“I’m taking Trax across to the bar for a drink,” Torque tells her.
“Excellent idea. Mylee will be asleep for a while, and if anything happens, I’ll call immediately.”
I crack my neck to the side feeling tension rolling through me. “Can you hold off calling her psych and stuff until I’ve talked to Mylee more about what she wants to do? I don’t want to step in or take over until absolutely necessary. I want to give her the chance to come through this, to make some of her own decisions. So can we wait for now?”
“Probably a good idea. We’ll assess her when she wakes up, but for now, you guys go. Have a drink, unwind. I’ll look after everything here.”
“Thanks, Bex,” I murmur. She winks at me as Torque and I head off.
We exit crossing the street, the bar almost dead for a Wednesday afternoon.
Torque’s quiet. Almost too quiet as we walk in and head straight for the bar. We take a seat on the stools, and I lean against the bar as the barman steps up.
“Couple of beers, thanks,” Torque asks.
“Actually, make mine a Jack. Neat and a double,” I correct.
Torque dips his head in understanding as the barman goes about pouring our drinks. After a few minutes, he places the beer in front of Torque and a small tumbler in front of me. I pick it up, throwing back the contents as Torque quietly sips on his beer.
Silence engulfs us, and I can’t help but wonder what my brother’s thinking.
Is he concerned for me?
Does he think I’ll make a good father?
Does he think Mylee should terminate?
The silence is deafening as I turn to Torque and I tap the bar. “C’mon, out with it. What are you thinking?”
Torque chuckles taking another sip of his beer then wipes the back of his mouth turning to face me. “Honestly? This could be so fuckin’ good for you. I’ve been watching you go down this path of self-destruction, you’ve been out for blood. Carnage. Chaos. But the minute Mylee and you got back together, it’s like something in you flicked, something changed. The Trax I knew, the brother that was kind and funny, was back. This past six weeks while she’s been with us you’ve been a different man. I know throwing a baby in the mix is gonna be fuckin’ tough, not to mention the pregnancy, and I realize her disorder will play up throughout. But brother, you being a father… I can’t think of anything you’re more suited to right now with Mylee by your side. She makes you… better.”
Taking a deep breath, my chest fills with warmth at his words. “She does make me better, and I know this could be good. I just don’t know if it will get that far. She doesn’t want kids. I honestly can’t see this happening, Torque, and I don’t know if I can support what I think she’ll want to do.”
He exhales. “I get it. Her fears are warranted. Her mother had it, now she has it, it’s fairly likely her children will get it, but… at least you can be prepared for that shitty outcome if it happens. You can watch for the signs. Medical shit changes all the time. You can get a handle on it before it takes over. If Mylee chooses to terminate, then it could ruin what you two have right now, which is working so well.”
I exhale. “I would stand by her no matter what, but knowing I have a fight on my hands is hard.” I wince at the thought.
“What about her medication? Will that affect the baby?”
“Yeah, probably. I know this is something we have to talk about with Bex. Mylee coming off her meds is something I can’t even imagine right now. Shit! Her dad’s gonna fucking kill me.”
Torque lets out a small chuckle in agreement. “Oh yeah, Crest’s gonna certifiably ream you a new asshole.”
Tapping the bar to order another drink, I moan, the barman understanding my signal immediately as he begins to pour.
“Look, I know this is gonna be a rough few hours coming up… I can stay, I can do whatever you need me to do, brother.”
Sighing, I crack my tense neck. “Not sure what Mylee will be like when she wakes up. All I know is I’ll probably have a goddamn fight on my hands. Then I have to talk to Crest which, of course, is gonna be a shitstorm resulting in my balls being pulled out through my goddamn mouth. It’s going to be a hell of a fucking night.”
“Well, I’m here.”
“Thanks, man. Means a lot. Is Foxy coming to the hospital after school?”
“Yeah, she’s working tonight. Why?”
“Mylee likes her, might be nice to have someone around to lend an ear if Mylee needs a woman’s perspective other than Kline.”
Torque pulls out his cell. “On it. I’ll fill her in, tell her to keep her eye on Mylee, talk to her if she thinks she can help. Maybe not as a medical professional but as a friend.”
“Perfect.”
“Did you get a chance to talk to Cindi about Andretti and the Scarsi Dettagli?”
He shakes his head. “Not yet, you’re more important right now. But as soon as I’m done here, I’ll be spending some quality time with a club girl.”
I snort. “Don’t let Foxy hear you say that.”
He chuckles. “Yeah, never thought I’d say those words again. Lucky they don’t hold the same meaning anymore, or Foxy would seriously castrate me.”
I sigh. “This shit couldn’t have come at a worse time.”
He shakes his head. “We’ll get it done and look after Mylee. Don’t worry. We’re Defiance. We can handle anything. We’re family.”
The door to the bar swings open, both of us turn, and to our fucking surprise, Cindi’s walking in. I raise my brow as she saunters over carrying a small gift wrapped box.
“Speak of the fucking devil,” Torque murmurs as I exhale not really understanding why she’s here.
She strides over to us with a weak smile. “Trax, I’m here on behalf of the club girls. We bought something for Mylee, it’s just chocolates to make her feel better, but when I went to the hospital Kline said she was… resting. She also told me I’d find you two lugs over here.”
Warmth flows over me, this is why I love this club. Not just the brotherhood, but the family. Everyone looks out for everyone. The club girls may not have had a lot to do with Mylee, but they know she means something to me. She’s part of this club even if technically, she belongs to another club. Mylee’s family, and Cindi just affirmed that everyone believes exactly that.
“Thanks, Cindi. Appreciate you coming all the way down here… means a lot.”
She tilts her head, her empathetic eyes softening. “Trax, you know if there’s anything… anything I can do to help you or the club, I will always drop everything to do it. You guys have given me so much. I’d bleed for this club.”
I glance to Torque as he lets out an exhale reaching out for her hand. “Actually Cindi, there is something you can do for us.”
She smiles wide, nodding her head. “Anything, pres, you got it.”
He
rubs the back of his neck and signals to the barman. “I think you’ll need a drink for this.” Her beaming smile falters as she looks from Torque to me, a concerned gaze crossing her features. “A beer for the lady, thanks,” Torque requests. The barman nods and goes about pouring as Cindi gnaws on her bottom lip.
“It can’t be that bad, can it? I mean, you’re not kicking me out of the club or anything, are you?” she asks, her tone cautious like she’s scared that might actually be the case.
Torque grips her hand a little tighter. “Fuck, no, nothing like that. You’re an asset at the club, Cindi. The thing is, it’s Enzo—”
She snorts out a laugh. “What’s he gone and done now? Are you guys fighting again?”
I chuckle loving her way of thinking. “It’s fucking strange we haven’t had an argument with Enzo in so long, I see where you’re coming from.”
“Shut up, Trax, this is serious.” I purse my lips raising my hands in surrender. “Enzo’s gotten himself in some shit with another Mafioso… he needs our help.”
Cindi tilts her head taking a deep breath. “I’m a little confused… I’m a club girl. Why am I suddenly privy to this kind of information? I mean, I know Ruby is sometimes let in on some shit, but me? I’m a nobody.”
I exhale taking her other hand. “You’re not a nobody, Cindi. You’re gorgeous, you’re talented, and you’re one of the smartest and most cunning women I know.”
She grins wide. “Okay, so what’s going on? Why am I being let in on this?”
Torque cracks his neck to the side. “The Scarsi Dettagli Mafiosos… they have Enzo’s daughter, Zia. They’re known women traffickers.”
Her eyes widen as she gasps. “Shit.”
“Yeah… for Enzo to get her back, we need to make a trade, his eleven-year-old daughter for another female.”
Her eyes narrow. “Me?”
My muscles tense as Cindi looks Torque straight in the eyes.
“You’d go into their system. Be placed up for bid. Be sold to the highest bidder. Whoever bought you would get you…” he pauses running his hand through his hair. “You know we’ll sell fucking heaven and earth to make sure that final bid is us to get you back.”
