by J. L. Berg
Finally.
KATE’S MOUTH WAS LIKE THE most addictive substance on the planet.
From the moment I’d had my first taste, I’d been hard-pressed to think of anything else. She was a crazy enigma that I couldn’t resist.
Fire and passion all contained in a pretty little package.
And I had just been given the present of a lifetime.
Was I worthy?
Probably not.
But I was going to take it anyway.
I pushed her back onto the bed, feeling her soft body surrender beneath me. She wore a dress tonight, which only gave my eyes an abundant sight of her long, lean legs. She’d told me in passing one day that she loved to run, and damn if it didn’t show in her toned thighs and tight ass. My hand caressed both as she slowly melted in my arms.
Every part of me wanted to rip that dress from her body and ravage her properly.
Like it was meant for me.
But I knew better, and there would be time for that and all my other fantasies later.
So, instead, I took it slow, treating every stroke of my hand, every brush of my fingers, like a single treasured memory in time.
I knew I was crossing the line.
I knew this was far beyond the call of duty.
I had everything I needed. I should have left days ago. Finding out Kate was a virgin could be the discovering of my career.
I could see it all over the newspapers.
Laura Stone, Virgin Erotica Writer Exposed.
But, every time I’d tried to write it down, I would get stuck.
Stuck in the memories of her mouth on mine.
Stuck in the revolving thoughts of her bare breasts pushed up against my chest.
And then she’d shown up here, begging me for the one thing I desperately wanted to give her.
How could I say no?
Our mouths fused together, two hot and burning entities becoming one. I pulled the cardigan from her shoulders, kissing the tender flesh around her neck, and her head fell back in ecstasy.
Knowing I was the first man to touch her like this was more thrilling than I’d anticipated.
I felt like a fucking king laying claim to his dominion.
Only it wasn’t land I was after. Just the sweet surrender of Kate as she came over and over, calling my name.
Jesus, just thinking about it nearly had me coming undone.
Her back arched off the bed, pushing those gorgeous breasts upward. I took it as a subtle invitation, pulling the tiny straps of her dress down to her waist.
“You never cease to surprise me, Miss O’Malley.” I smiled widely as I fingered the soft pink lace of her bra.
“You seem to bring out the wild side in me,” she replied.
“That, I will gladly take credit for,” I said as the pad of my thumb drew circles around her nipple. Her eyelids shut as her body writhed beneath me, unused to the neediness it now felt.
Oh, if she only knew what I had planned for her next.
With my free hand, I reached behind her, taking advantage of her bowed back, and undid the clasp of her bra. I was so full of anticipation, it took all my control to go slow.
But, when I did, oh, the beauty it revealed.
I’d always been a big fan of breasts. What man wasn’t?
But, tonight, staring down at Kate, I became their most devoted follower. Round and soft and just enough to fit exquisitely in the palm of my hand. I felt it was my duty to properly worship Kate’s breasts.
Ardently and with reverence.
After all, I was their new number one fan.
“You’re beautiful,” I murmured, my hand roaming the deep valley between her cleavage. Bending down, I paid homage to each one with a flick of my tongue and then a more detailed review as my mouth closed over one nipple at a time.
“Oh my God,” she exclaimed, a mixture between a moan and a yelp.
I grinned against her smooth skin, letting my teeth run along the tender flesh right before I sucked. Hard.
“Oh!” she cried out.
I’d never heard anything sexier than the sound of Katelyn O’Malley moaning beneath me.
It was time.
Time to show her everything she’d been missing out on.
Time to take what was mine.
Slightly pulling back so that I could see her reaction, I let my hand trail across her body. My fingers inched along over her taut belly, dragging what remained of her dress with me. I traced a line between her gorgeous hip bones until I reached the edge of her panties.
Pink. Just like the bra.
As I pulled the dress away, down the long line of her legs until it hit the floor, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed her hands shaking.
When I glanced back, she made a fist, balling her quivering hand and stuffing it underneath her.
She was nervous.
Grabbing a blanket I’d had the front desk deliver on an especially cold night last week, I leaned down next to her, covering us both.
Her curious eyes found mine, searching for answers.
But it was me who needed answers this time.
Drawing her warm body close to mine, I leaned her head onto my chest, taking a minute to calm my aching body.
“What happened to you, Kate?” I asked. “Why have you waited all this time? And why me?”
Her gaze turned upward, those bright green eyes looking deep into my own.
Finally, she spoke, “His name was Jacob. We met during freshman year of college. He was my first boyfriend. I wasn’t much into boys in high school. But Jacob? He was different. I loved him more than I’d ever thought possible. But we were still so young and I knew I had a lot of growing up to do still.
“The idea of sex at eighteen felt overwhelming. He said he understood, and I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world, especially when he was so supportive of me going away to study in Spain.
“But then my parents died, and everything went to hell. At first, he played the role of the loving boyfriend, but I think it became just too much for him. I don’t know. Maybe in his mind, I was supposed to be away for a year, and instead, I was crying all over his shoulder. So, rather than helping me with my grief, he cheated on me.”
“Kate,” I said, saddened.
“The worst part is, it wasn’t the first time.” She made an attempt at a laugh. “While I was going around, telling the entire student body what an amazing boyfriend I had, he was busy banging half of them. After that, it was just better to avoid trusting anyone to begin with than to risk the hurt involved with dating.”
The pain and vulnerability in her eyes.
How could I take advantage of that?
The answer?
I couldn’t.
I wasn’t the man for her.
I wasn’t the man for anyone.
Several hours had passed since those few fleeting moments when I almost fell off the edge of the world, straight into the depths of hell.
I’d listened to Kate speak and stroked her hair while she poured out her soul to me until, eventually, she fell asleep in my arms. I didn’t know how long I’d been lying there, watching her chest rise and fall with her breaths, wondering what strength it must have taken to overcome everything she’d gone through at such a young age.
But I already knew the answer.
More than I possessed.
Because I’d faced the death of a parent, and rather than rising to the challenge and overcoming my loss, I’d floundered. I blamed my parents and their unyielding love for so many things, but really, it was me and my grief that wouldn’t allow me to move on.
I couldn’t even walk into that nursing home and face the man my father had become.
It was long after midnight now, the soft glow of the moon casting beams of light across the worn carpet, as I moved about, trying not to make a sound.
I’d left Kate to dream while I paced around the small space, trying to figure out my next move.
What a royal mess I’d
made of things. I had two options at this point. I could leave, knowing the harm it would do when yet another man in her life had betrayed her.
Or I could tell her the truth.
The brutal, honest, truth.
I let out a heavy sigh.
“Oh my gosh, I fell asleep,” Kate said suddenly.
I turned to see her sitting up in bed, the blanket I’d used to cover her pulled up to her neck, as she sluggishly looked around.
“I’m so sorry. This is so embarrassing. I showed up here, prepared to seduce you, and instead, I turned into a comatose zombie, snoozing on your bed for half of the night.”
I smiled to myself, loving her quirky personality.
“You’re actually quite lovely when you sleep,” I said, taking a seat in the oversize chair next to the bed.
“Well, now, you’re just lying.” She laughed.
“Am not. Scout’s honor,” I replied, making the Scout sign with my right hand.
“That only counts if you were actually a Boy Scout.”
“Eagle Scout actually,” I corrected her. “And a pretty damn good one. I can start a fire, perform CPR, and recite the Scout Oath on command to this day.”
“Impressive.” She smiled.
An awkward silence settled between us as the reality of our situation resurfaced.
Just hours ago, my hands had been all over her body. She’d moaned and nearly begged me to take her.
And I’d wanted to.
God, had I wanted to.
Until I had seen that shake of her wrist and realized I was dealing with more than a simple one-night stand. I was holding someone’s heart in the palm of my hands.
And I wasn’t prepared for the consequences of my deceit.
“Listen,” we both said in unison, our eyes meeting as the singular word floated around the room.
“You go first,” I said, hoping she’d save me the trouble of having to make a horrifying decision.
“I like you,” she explained. “A lot. And, if we had gone through with what I’d planned, I wouldn’t have considered it a mistake.”
Not yet anyway, I thought to myself.
“But, now that I’m sitting here, half-naked in a motel room, with a man I barely know, I’m realizing there’s got to be a better way to do this. At least for me.”
I let out a silent sigh of relief. She was going to walk away.
“I completely understand,” I began to say.
Right around the same time, she responded with the words, “I’d like us to date. Exclusively.”
“What?” I said, slightly shocked.
Kate tightly pulled the blanket around her body, obviously feeling a little vulnerable. I couldn’t blame her. I was stalking around, fully dressed, while she was chained to the bed, because her clothes were scattered all over the floor.
Realizing the unfairness of her situation, I moved about the room, picking up her dress, bra, and sweater. She looked relieved when I handed them over and gave her several minutes to make herself presentable.
It didn’t matter that I’d seen all of her. Tasted her. Worshipped her just hours ago.
That had been then, and this was…well, this was different.
I listened to the sound of her delicate feet stepping across the carpet collecting all her things until she was completely dressed.
Finally, we were on equal ground.
I needed this for her.
Because, soon, she was going to hate me—or at the very least, not like me enough to stick around. And no one should feel trapped when they were hurting.
Least of all someone as amazing as Kate.
“Much better,” she said as the final strap was secured on the back of her heel. “Anyway, like I was saying, I don’t regret coming over here, but I think I mistreated you,” she explained. “And I owe you more.”
Dear God, she was making this hard.
“I came over here and acted like I had an itch, and you were the perfect solution for it. But, as we were lying in bed next to each other and I was telling you things I hadn’t told anyone in years, I realized, maybe we had something more than instant gratification?” She dangled the question in the air, waiting for a reply.
How I wanted to tell her yes.
In a perfect world, the kind where I was a decent and all-around good guy, I would have leaped at the chance to settle down in this quiet, little town and fall in love with a woman like Kate.
But I wasn’t.
I was power-hungry and starved to get back everything I was owed and damn well deserved.
So, I took the only plausible out I could fathom.
“I’m not sure I’m ready for a relationship, Kate,” I answered.
I could immediately see the disappointment in her eyes.
“Oh, okay. No, I get it.” She headed for the door.
“Let me explain,” I called out, reaching for her hand. The moment our fingers touched, I felt the sparks that had been surging around us since the moment we met.
Always fire and heat, electricity and chaos.
“It’s not you,” I said lamely, knowing it was the last thing she needed to hear. “I just moved here. I don’t even have a job, let alone a place to stay that doesn’t require a constant strain on my credit card.”
I sighed, knowing every single word I was saying was a lie.
I could have told her the truth. I could have bailed.
But, instead, I’d chosen the one thing that mattered more to me than anything else in this godforsaken world.
Myself.
“What I’m trying to say is, I don’t want to hurt you. A one-night stand, casual fuck buddies—that is where I’m at right now, Kate. If that’s not what you’re looking for, the best I can offer you is friendship.”
It was a long shot but one I was willing to take. If I knew Kate like I thought I did, she’d find it hard to say no.
“Friendship?” she replied.
“For now,” I answered, dangling the idea of hope before her.
I could see indecision in her eyes as those deep green irises met mine.
“I guess I could use a friend,” she agreed. “But we’re talking about normal friends, right? Not the kind that comes with benefits?”
I laughed. “Right.”
I talked her into staying until morning, not liking the idea of her driving home in the wee hours of the morning. But every moment seemed like torture.
Every laugh.
Every accidental brush of her skin against mine set my body on fire.
In that short amount of time, I quickly learned that friendship was just another word for torment.
And, boy, was I about to suffer.
I HATED PUBLIC SPEAKING.
I hated it more than brussel sprouts. More than blind dates and definitely more than football.
But it was part of my job, and as such, I had to learn to deal with it.
Go with the flow, suck it up, and all that other crap I’d told myself this morning to force my body out of bed.
The university was gearing up for the upcoming year, which meant a lot of schmoozing with potential students and their parents. And, while our regents and Board of Trustees all secretly wished for wealthy, able-bodied students whose parents could cut large checks without breaking a sweat, the people like me, down in the trenches, knew better.
Not everyone planned for college.
And, even for those who did, life always managed to get in the way.
Financial aid was needed today more than ever, yet the gap between what we could give and what people could afford continued to grow wider, separating the haves from the have-nots with a big, bright defining line between them.
It was why my job was sadly so busy.
I processed more and more loans every year. While I was happy to help students achieve their dreams of a degree, knowing the debt they would accumulate after school was troublesome.
But, sometimes, dreams required sacrifice, and in my six years of working at
my alma mater, I’d witnessed some amazing success stories.
“You’ve got a good turnout,” Amy whispered as she returned to the front of the auditorium after handing out the few pamphlets I’d brought with me.
“I always do,” I replied. “Everyone wants to know about loans. How to get them, how not to get them, if they can somehow switch them into a grant.”
“You’re kidding.” She laughed.
“I wish I were.”
“I hope my parents weren’t that bad,” she commented as she organized everything for me, prepping all my notes, while the last few seats were taken.
“No, they were great. I remember when they came to this meeting actually. You were at the admitted-students’ activities, and I believe all three of you stopped by my office later that day. I knew you’d found your home.”
“And, now, you can’t get rid of me.” She smiled.
“If only that were true.”
She scrunched up her nose, making a sad face, as she took her seat.
We both knew it was coming.
Graduation day.
She wasn’t the first assistant I’d had to let go, and she wouldn’t be the last. In their time here, they became like the little sisters I never had. I cared for them, gave them advice, and made sure they kept their heads above water.
But, with Amy, it had been different.
She was one of those success stories I’d been lucky enough to witness from beginning to end. She’d started off as a mediocre student, barely getting in based on her high school grades and test scores. But college just clicked with Amy. It was where she’d found her lease on life and finally blossomed. After choosing a major, she’d managed to ace all her classes, and she was now looking to graduate magna cum laude. She might joke that her life ambition was to marry British royalty, but I knew she’d go far—with or without that boyfriend of hers.
“Okay, you’re good to go,” she whispered, giving me a thumbs-up.
I took a deep breath, stepping up to the podium.
About four thousand sets of eyes settled on me. I might have been exaggerating. It could have been only three thousand. Either way, it was a lot, and tiny beads of sweat began to drip down my back.
Grabbing the mouse, I gave it a little movement, bringing the computer to life, so I could start my presentation. I’d found that having some sort of screen to refer to helped keep me calm.
