by J. L. Berg
I couldn’t stay locked up in the safe little world I’d created for myself.
Whatever path I chose from this moment on, Killian had at least taught me that.
The clickety-clack of heels had me turning my head toward the door.
Just on time.
“Some good memories in here,” Jane said, winding her way through the boxes and furniture toward me.
“Yeah.” I smiled.
“I’ll never forget how they welcomed me that first Thanksgiving, like I was a daughter.”
“You were,” I said. “You still are.”
Her hands brushed over the arm of the couch as she found a spot next to me, ignoring the horrible plastic cover. “Did you find what you were looking for?”
I took a glance around, my eyes traveling back to that curio cabinet and the now-empty shelves. “Yeah, I think so.”
“So, what is our next step?” she asked.
“I need you to get me on a plane,” I said.
She smiled, knowing how much courage that took for me to ask. “Do we have a destination in mind?”
“Yes.” I nodded. “New York.”
WHEN I’D IMAGINED RETURNING TO New York, I always thought it would be a quick trip.
Empty out my apartment, tie up loose ends, and return to my new life in Oregon.
I’d never expected this would be a one-way flight.
But, as the plane touched down at JFK, I knew I was here to stay.
Leaving Kate, knowing I’d hurt her beyond repair, haunted me. I could still see her face, that look of shock washing over it as she’d discovered the truth.
I only hoped my letter helped restore her faith in the love we shared even if she decided to never speak to me again.
Maybe it would help her heal.
Move on.
Without me.
Grabbing my luggage from baggage claim, I hailed a taxi and headed for my apartment downtown. With a dozen unanswered phone calls to my brother, I was hoping I could find him here.
In the city he loved.
Seeing the familiar sights of my hometown pass by the window, I was filled with a sense of regret. Usually, New York brought me nothing but joy and unending pride. Today, however, it only served as a reminder of my failures.
My failures to her.
I paid the cabbie as he pulled up to the curb and thanked him for the help with my bags. Staring up at the tall building, I remembered the last time I’d stood here just a few months earlier.
After a year of crappy freelance work, I’d been delirious for something…anything to get me back into the game.
Enter Laura Stone.
I’d thought she’d be the key to my success.
I’d had no idea she’d be the ultimate key to my heart.
But, like everything in my life, I’d screwed up, and so here I was, back at square one, picking up the shattered pieces of my life.
Dragging my stuff up several flights of stairs, I pulled from my pocket the set of keys that hadn’t been used in months and unlocked the door.
There, on the couch, looking like he’d been pulled through a dumpster, was my lousy cheat of a brother.
Our eyes met.
My bags dropped to the floor.
I lunged.
“You son of a bitch!” I roared, tackling him to the floor.
“Killian! Wait, I can explain,” he cried as he ducked away from my fist.
“Explain how you stole twenty-five thousand dollars from Kate? Explain how you ruined my fucking life?”
“I was going to pay it back, I swear.”
I picked him up by the collar, shoving him away from me. I wanted to kill him, make a few swings at him with my fists, but he was still my little brother.
Still family.
“What the hell have you gotten yourself into now?” I asked, pacing back and forth as my breath hastened.
He sighed, flopping down onto the couch again. “The cops are after me,” he finally admitted. “They’ve already searched here. I figured I’m safe for a while.”
The way he said “while” didn’t sound reassuring.
“Jesus,” I hissed, “After my room in Oregon had been ransacked.”
“My room,” he corrected. “I switched it over to me after you moved out.”
“Why the hell did you do that?”
He shrugged. “I didn’t want you involved. I knew they were on my trail, so I hacked into the hotel’s computer system and deleted any record of you being there. Replaced it with my own name. I figured I had enough time to bail before they showed up.”
“You mean, enough time to steal some money and make a break for it?”
His fingers went to his temples. “I didn’t know what else to do. I went to her office to explain, to vouch for your innocence, but she wasn’t there, and I was running out of time.”
“So, you thought you’d just write a cryptic note and, what? Leave me to clean up your mess? Again?”
“I honestly don’t know what I was doing.”
“Story of your fucking life, Liam,” I growled.
“I guess I thought I’d be out of the country and no longer a problem for anyone.”
“So, that was your master plan? Take the stolen money and smuggle yourself out of the country, so you could live out the rest of your life as a fugitive?”
He shrugged. “Better than prison.”
My brain hurt. “And what happened to this great plan of yours? Why are you still here?”
His expression darkened. “I was ready. I had all the details mapped out, my flight booked. Hell, I’d even managed to get myself a decent-looking passport. But, thirty minutes to boarding, my phone rang.”
“And?”
“It was the nursing home,” he said. “Dad’s in bad shape. Not that you care.”
My entire demeanor changed, the anger draining out of me like a balloon. “Dad’s sick?”
He simply nodded. “Pneumonia. It doesn’t look good.”
My hands went through my hair. “Have you visited him?”
“Yeah, I was just there.”
His gaze met mine, and it was the first time in forever that I saw vulnerability in Liam’s eyes.
“I think we’re going to lose him, Killian.”
This time, when I lunged forward, it was to embrace, not punish.
My little brother fell apart in my arms as I held him tightly, never letting go.
I’d never let go.
Not now.
Not ever.
We kept a low profile as Liam and I traveled to the other side of the city. He’d assured me, there was nothing to worry about since he had been keeping tabs on the local precincts, but I was still skeptical.
After all, if he’d taken care of everything to begin with, he wouldn’t have been in this mess.
I hadn’t quite figured out what to do regarding my brother’s situation. I knew watching him leave the country, knowing he could never return, was not an option.
But letting him stay and become an inmate?
That didn’t seem plausible either.
My head pounded as our cab pulled up to my father’s nursing home.
I looked up at the brick building, one that I’d only seen in passing, and let out a sigh.
“I should have come sooner,” I said under my breath, handing the driver some cash.
“You’re here now. That’s all that matters,” my brother replied, patting my back as we made our way inside.
We checked in at the front counter, and I quickly scribbled my name down, conveniently leaving off my brother’s.
Liam led us down a long hallway and stopped in front of a door with the last name Turner printed on it. “This is a newer room for him,” he explained, motioning toward the small window in the door.
I took a quick glance and then turned away at the first sight of medical equipment.
“He used to have a room in the other wing when he was more self-sufficient, but about six months ago, they
moved him here when his dementia worsened.”
“Worsened how?” I asked.
“He would get violent when he couldn’t remember things. He’d lash out at the nurses, calling them liars…begging for his wife.”
My jaw twitched, knowing I could have been here to help but wasn’t.
“Let’s go in,” I simply said.
“I think I’m going to give you a few minutes alone with him, if that’s okay?”
Nodding, I stepped inside, the smell of bleach and ointment creams instantly hitting my nose. I could hear the gentle wisp of a breathing machine as I walked up to the bed.
Sliding my hand along the sheets, I found my father sleeping, his arms folded gently around his abdomen. If I’d seen him on the street, I probably wouldn’t have recognized him. The once-dark-haired man I’d looked up to, the one with the round belly and strong arms, had shrunk down to a frail old man.
He looked well past his sixty years, and I knew his disease had taken most of everything from him.
But maybe I was to blame as well.
If only I’d been here, would he have been stronger?
Healthier?
More resilient?
I took the empty chair next to him, placing my hand on his cold one. It still felt the same but different. My own hand dwarfed his now, but I could see the scar on his right thumb from an old work injury.
Even in his frailty, he was still here.
Still my father.
I wasn’t sure what to do. Should I talk to him? Let him sleep?
But he made the decision himself, turning his head, and his groggy eyes opened, focusing on me.
“Killian,” he said, a faint smile spreading across his weak face.
“Hey, Dad,” I replied.
“You taking care of your mother for me?” he asked. “You know how she loves to have you in that kitchen with her.”
My heart clenched as I nodded, realizing the depth of his dementia.
“Yeah, Dad,” I answered, “I’m taking care of her.”
“Good,” he replied. “That’s my boy. Don’t forget to add garlic. You know how I love it.” His cough got the best of him just then, and he began to struggle for breath.
A single tear ran down my face. “I’ll sneak it in,” I promised.
“Sorry,” he apologized as I raised him up, patting his back. “Must have caught a cold. You’d better keep back. Don’t want to keep you out of school.”
“I’ll go in a little bit,” I said, settling him back in the bed. “But I wanted to talk to you for a while. I met a girl.”
His interest piqued. In all the years I’d lived at home, I’d never come to him about a girl. Sure, I’d dated plenty but never long enough to write home about.
Certainly not worth a father-son talk.
But, if my father was going to die soon, I wanted him to know I’d found her.
I’d found the one.
Even if I never saw Kate again, I wanted him to know I’d found the love of my life.
“What’s she like?” he asked. “Where did you meet?”
I knew the details would only confuse him, so I stuck to the basics. “She’s smart and funny in a quirky kind of way. She has a shy side, but can be incredibly daring if pressed. Dad, she makes me a better man.”
He squeezed my hand. “That’s all we can ever ask for, son. If you’ve found her, don’t let go. I haven’t, not from the first moment I saw your mother, and it was the best decision of my life. She gives my life meaning and purpose. She birthed my children, and we’ve made a life together.”
“I’ve lost her trust, Dad.”
“Then, you earn it back. Every day for the rest of your life, Killian. Bring her flowers,” he said, his eyes showing a clarity I hadn’t seen since I arrived. “Your mother loves it when I bring her flowers.”
I nodded, resting my head on the edge of the bed. I felt his hand sink into my hair, his fingers slowly brushing it.
“You’re a good boy,” he said.
I knew whatever clarity he’d had in that moment was gone. He patted my head and began prattling on about dinner again.
It was time to say good-bye. I hoped it wouldn’t be our last.
I snuck out a few minutes later after watching him fall back asleep.
He looked so peaceful and calm. It was hard to believe he was fighting for his life.
Stepping out into the hallway, I turned left, anticipating to find my brother.
Instead, I found the one person I’d least expected.
“Jane?” I exclaimed, recognizing the leggy blonde.
“It seems we need to talk,” she said, getting right down to business.
With a coffee cup clutched in her hand, she began to walk away, and I knew I was expected to follow.
“How did you—I mean, what are you doing at my father’s nursing home? Is Kate here? Where is my brother?” I asked, suddenly looking around.
“I’m resourceful, and I have no idea where your brother is,” she simply said but added, “And no, to answer your other question, Kate is not here.”
My heart fell. “All right.”
She offered no other information until we arrived back in the lobby, and she settled herself in an oversize chair. I took the cue and did the same.
She stared back at me.
“How is she?” I finally asked.
“A little shaken. Kind of nauseous. Anxious.”
I found myself in total confusion. “Nauseous?”
“Well, she did just fly three thousand miles across the country.”
My eyes widened. “She’s here? In New York? But you said she wasn’t.”
Another sip of coffee. “No, I said she wasn’t here,” she said, motioning with her arms. “She’s at The Ritz, hopefully ordering room service and relaxing in a hot bath.”
“She got on a plane?”
“She did.”
I was almost too afraid to ask, but I had to. “Why?”
She rolled her eyes. “I thought that part would be obvious. She’s here to see you, asshat.”
I jumped from the seat, my heart now beating so hard, I could feel it in my throat.
“Sit down, Romeo. I said we had to talk, and I’m not done yet.”
My eyes found the door, but I relented, sinking back into the chair like an obedient little puppy. If it got me one step closer to Kate, I’d fucking roll over for this woman if she asked.
Not that I was going to offer.
“You tried to expose her,” Jane said sternly. “I’m not going to forget that.”
“I could have exposed her,” I corrected. “But I chose not to.”
“Your brother stole a substantial amount of money from her. I assume he knows who she is?”
I shook my head. “I honestly don’t know, but he’s smart. I wouldn’t doubt it.”
“So, how can I trust him? How can I trust you?”
I leaned forward, leveling my gaze on her. “Look, I’ll sign whatever you want. I’m not going to go public with this.”
“You’re mistaken. I’m asking, how can I trust you with not only my client, but also my friend? My sister?”
I nodded. “I know I messed up, but if I get the chance to make this right, I’m going to. I’ll spend every damn day of my life earning her respect back.”
“And your job? What will you do now?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “I’ve never wanted to do anything but be a journalist. It’s where all of my experience, my contacts, and my drive have been. But I was willing to give that up for her. I still am. Honestly, that part of my life is done anyway. Looking back, I don’t like the person I was then.”
A broad smile spread across her stoic face. “Good. That’s what I wanted to hear. But don’t jump ship just yet. I think I might have a job for you, Killian Turner, and one that won’t get you into so much hot water this time around.”
My interest was piqued. “Okay, I’m listening.”
> WITH A BELLYFUL OF PANCAKES and a hot bath, I was finally starting to feel somewhat closer to my normal self again.
At least my hands weren’t shaking anymore.
Wrapping the fluffy robe around my body, I wandered around the grand suite, taking in the view of Manhattan.
I’d done it.
I’d gotten on a plane and flown.
Across country, no less.
I hoped my parents were looking down on me with pride.
Leaning against the floor-to-ceiling window, I peered down at the world below, watching the busy streets of New York several stories beneath my feet.
Somewhere in that chaotic mess of people was Killian.
Did he miss me as much as I missed him?
If I’d had my way, I would have rushed to his side the second I stepped off the plane, but Jane hadn’t allowed any of that.
Nor had my queasy stomach.
She’d insisted on checking me into someplace proper, and in my weakened state, I’d agreed. Although, had I known her idea of someplace proper meant The Ritz, I might have protested a bit more.
But it was nice to be pampered.
She’d settled me in, ordered me to eat, and then run off to do some errands.
She hadn’t fooled me.
I knew she was tracking Killian down.
Making sure he meant what he’d said in that letter.
It was her protective nature, the reason she was so good at her job.
And such a good friend.
But I didn’t need to track him down and drill him to death. I’d seen the truth in his words as I read them. I’d felt the adoration and devotion he had for me over and over in the way he’d made love to me.
We had some things to work out, this much I knew, but not even I could doubt the undeniable connection between us.
That man was and always would be my everything.
And I couldn’t wait to tell him.
But, first, I had something to do.
I finished typing the last word in the letter when a knock on the door came.
Not expecting anyone, I tightened the strap on my robe and rushed to the door to get a peek at the other side.
My eyes widened, and I immediately pulled the door open.
Killian looked just as handsome as I remembered, standing there with a bouquet of sunflowers in his hands, and although it hadn’t been long since I last saw him, it felt like an eternity since that moment in the motel room.
