by Ava Ashley
What does he mean? I know his life is changing and this show could be a part of that. Maybe he’ll find someone here. My heart trips over itself. I don’t know what I’ll do if he ends up with someone else, but at least I’ll know I tried. And I’ll have told him the truth.
We begin eating and he makes a noise of appreciation.
“The shrimp are perfect.”
I try the bisque first and close my eyes for a minute. “So is this.” It’s all delicious. The champagne bubbles down my throat, and I can feel it start to go to my head. It’s just a light buzz.
“I heard you cooked Kara dinner.” The words slip out, and I take a big drink, wondering what the hell I did that for. I glance at Rafe and see his pained expression. I might have actually embarrassed him. But no, Rafe doesn’t get embarrassed. “What is it?”
He shrugs. “Ahh, fuck it. I learned to cook. I made roasted duck, and it turned out awesome.”
“Really?” I ask, trying not to sound too surprised.
“One of my friends was in school to be a chef, so he was always talking about his class and showing me things. So I learned some things from him, and sometimes, I’ve thought about what you’d think. Old habits, I guess, right? You’ve probably done that too. Realized you were planning to tell me something before remembering we’re not in each other’s lives. We were friends a long time though.”
His openness and honesty have me staring open-mouthed. I compose myself, thinking fast. My emotions are making that hard. And to make it even worse, I feel the sting of tears in my eyes.
“Rafe...” We stare at each other across the table. Finally, I say, “I’ve missed you.”
It might be too much. We’re quiet for a long minute.
“You went on with your life while I was away.” He takes a slow drink, sets his glass down, and stares at me.
“About that night...” I’ve practiced this talk so many times, but I’ve never figured out how to start. So I ask quietly, “What happened with your dad after that night?” I know that night isn’t something he wants to talk about, so I’m easing my way into it. Plus, I’ve been curious all this time. I never heard.
Rafe slowly pulls in a deep breath and releases it. “He’s in prison right now. He’s got fourteen years still for conning people. His luck finally ran out on him.”
“I’m so sorry,” I say, because I am. The man was a liar and a thief, and not a good father to Rafe, but it’s still his dad in prison.
He shrugs. “Yeah. He made his choices. Those choices led to this. I don’t even know if I’ll talk to him when he gets out, but that’s way down the road. I try not to think about it now.”
“But your mom?”
“She’s doing well now that I can take care of her. I bought her a house. Hopefully, that will help her so she doesn’t take my dad back when he gets out of jail.”
“Wow, that was nice of you. I bet she’s proud of you,” I say, and I really mean it. “I’m proud of you for how you kept fighting and followed your dreams.” Rafe always wanted to break out of the neighborhood and make something of himself. He kept on that track, except for trying to help me with my bills, and he paid a huge price for it. I keep reminding myself that he made it anyway, but that doesn’t really fix my guilt. He lost three years of his life and his Olympic dream. I hope he doesn’t see the change in my expression.
“Thanks, that means a lot.”
“What happened?” I finally ask. It’s the loaded question I’ve been carrying around for six years now. I tried and tried to figure out what really went wrong, and it’s haunted me.
“You’re asking me that?” His confusion is tinged with anger.
“I have things to tell you too. I just want to know what happened. I thought things were going fine. You were winning.” I shrug now, at a loss.
“Yeah, I was winning. After playing since I was a kid, it was like I had a natural knack for the game. Or maybe karma let me win to make up for my dad’s awful luck. I kept playing bigger players and bigger games. Everything was working. But you know I owed part of my success to my dad?”
“Because he taught you how to play?” I ask, then whisper, “Or cheat.”
“I didn’t cheat. I was good. I didn’t let anyone know who my dad was, but that didn’t stop him from fucking things up for me anyway. I had a good night, a really good night. I was on a high and going to call you, actually, when four guys came up behind me. They said my pop owed them money and I’d make good on it for him. He fucking turned me over for his debts. They took everything, and they wanted more.”
I shake my head, the tears building and making their way down my face. “How could he let that happen to you? It wasn’t your debt! It’s so unfair.”
“Yeah, well, you know we didn’t get a fair shake from the beginning.”
I wipe at the tears. Why didn’t he just call me? Something else happened. Rafe is watching me, waiting for me to catch up.
“What did you do?”
“They wanted more money, and they had this job. They wouldn’t take no for an answer. I tried to take off, but they were watching me too close.” His eyes focus on somewhere far off, his mind wandering back, and I watch how it hardens his face. His brows pull together, making a line. His jaw works.
I’m fitting it all together.
“That’s when your dad’s trailer got shot up, because you tried to take off on those guys.”
“Yeah. And he deserved what he got, but I was worried they knew about you. It wouldn’t take much for them to figure that out. You were right next door. I couldn’t call you. I couldn’t risk it. I didn’t have a choice; I had to do the job. But when I finally agreed, I worked out a deal so I could walk away with some cash too. I was going to pay off my dad’s debt and have money for you. It could have worked out.”
I have to look away. It didn’t work out because of me.
“I’m sorry, Rafe.”
“For leaving me?” His voice cracks. “For leaving me after what I did? When I did it for you?”
“No... I got scared. They shot up your dad’s trailer. They could have killed him! I heard them threaten him. I kept calling you, but you wouldn’t answer. I tried your friends. I tried your hotel and they said you’d checked out. It was like you disappeared...”
“Are you trying to tell me something?”
“Yes,” I say, buying time. I need to tell him. It’s one of the things he should know, but that doesn’t make it easier to finally share it. “So I finally called the cops.”
“You did what?”
Rafe explodes from his chair. He’s looming over me in one second.
I look up into his dark eyes with tears streaming down my face. His body is humming with energy, coiled so tight he’s about to explode.
“Fuck!” He slams his hands into the kitchen counter, then grabs a bottle of wine. He raises it like he’s going to throw it across the room, but then sets it down very slowly. “Fuck!”
I wait, my heart hammering so hard it hurts. He paces and cusses, working through it, and yet I still have to tell him the rest.
“I have more to tell you. You want to know it all, don’t you?”
He speaks while pacing. “We’ve come this fucking far. What else is there?”
“The worst part...”
He swivels and stares at me, his gaze so intense I can’t breathe or speak for a long minute.
“Lily, what is it? What could possibly be worse than calling the cops on me and sending me to jail?”
“You have to know I didn’t mean for that to happen!”
“God, fuck it! Yes, I know that. But spit it out. What else?”
“This letter came for you, and I couldn’t ever tell you about it.”
“Letter?”
I pull in a shaky breath and climb to my feet, then force myself to look at him and say, “A letter came for you from the Olympic committee.”
It takes a couple of seconds, and then his body deflates. I force myself to watch his confusion turn to hur
t. I expect anger, but instead, he slowly sits in his chair and runs a hand over his head. He’s in shock.
“I waited three days to open it. I hadn’t heard anything from you or anyone else about you. I had no idea what had happened or where you were. I was so excited at first. You were getting your chance to train at the Olympic center.” I stop because I’m not sure he’s listening anymore.
“And then you heard I’d been arrested.” His voice is low and strained with emotion.
“When everything came out and I knew you were going to jail—” I break off, choked up. “I couldn’t face up to that. I couldn’t tell you I killed your dream.”
“So you ran.”
“I couldn’t tell you about it while you were stuck in prison. I felt so guilty over you being in there.”
Rafe jumps to his feet and stalks up to me so quickly I take a step back. He points a finger.
“First, you know I’d never hurt you, Lily.” There’s real pain in his eyes because I stepped back. “And second... Goddamn it, I knew the risks. I wasn’t so naïve and stupid that I didn’t know that.” He goes back to pacing.
“I’m still sorry it all happened.”
“Yeah, I wanted to go wrestle in the Olympics, but that wasn’t more important than you. Why didn’t you know that?” His pace picks up so fast he looks like an animal pacing in its cage. The anger in his voice startles me.
“I was?” My voice is full of emotion, and as soon as I say that, I wonder what I was thinking. I did know. Somehow, it’s never occurred to me that I even thought that, but it’s how I acted.
“I was doing all of that for you!” He finally stops and laces his fingers behind his head, leaning back and pulling in a deep breath. “Yeah, I was angry at you, especially while I was inside. Three years is a long time to turn over the same problem. I kept thinking about the day they arrested me, and I never had any answers.” He stands still, his gaze focused off in space.
I wait him out, afraid if I say anything, he’ll realize he’s sharing and clam up.
“Life was shitty on the inside. I pissed off the wrong people. I had to watch my back every second. I was always on edge. I couldn’t let my guard down.” He turns to look at me.
His time in prison really scarred him, far more than I’ve realized.
“The truth is, I was winning and doing everything above board. Those guys came after me because my dad owed them. He used me to pay his debts. He’s the one who forced me to cross the line and end up in jail.”
I close my eyes as tears run down my cheeks. The guilt I’ve carried for so long partly lifts. But Rafe didn’t say anything about forgiving me. Before I can open my eyes to check, or maybe ask, he takes my hand.
“Come with me,” he says. Then he quickly pulls me up into his arms and carries me out of the kitchen and down a hallway. I haven’t even seen the other rooms yet, but he knows right where to take me. Rafe stands me up at the foot of a bed and pulls my face to him to kiss my mouth. Taking me by the hips, he yanks me against him—and I can feel a bulge. His hands grab and squeeze my ass as he moans into my mouth. Then he tangles his fingers in my hair to tilt my head back so he can kiss me even more deeply.
Suddenly, he pulls back and gives me a small push to send me back onto the bed.
I’m breathing hard as I watch him yank off his shirt. His coy fish tattoos are sexy as hell and I want to touch them. He doesn’t come onto the bed yet, however. He crosses his arms to grab his undershirt by the sides and slips it off in one quick motion. Next he drops his pants and slips out of them. His body is amazing. Beyond amazing. His pecs are hard and his stomach perfectly defined.
I search his side for his scars, but they don’t show in this lighting. Then I completely forget about it for a while because he’s naked and so hot.
Leaning down, he clutches the bottom of my skirt and pulls it off, tossing it aside. His eyes take me in for a long time.
He finally, finally, crawls onto the bed and slowly makes his way up, kissing my feet first. I gasp and almost lose control at the first touch of his lips on my body. He kisses his way up one leg, tantalizingly slow, then pauses before sliding my thin panties down and off, leaving me completely exposed. I hold my breath, waiting and hoping he’ll kiss where he’s been heading, but he skips over to my other leg and slowly kisses his way down. His breath is hot on my skin, his tongue wet and teasing.
“Rafe!”
He slides both hands up my legs, stopping right at the very top. I moan and wiggle, but he holds me still with his hands. Then his thumbs come up and hover over my clit. I push my body up into his touch. He slides his thumbs down, feeling my wetness, making me arch my body and beg for more. With light touches, he teases me for a long time before he leans down to lick me. One quick little flick of his tongue.
“You bad boy! Stop being so mean.”
“That was mean?” There’s laughter in his voice, but I feel his cock against my leg, and it’s rock hard.
His thumb starts moving in and out and then he switches to his fingers. He takes me to the edge several times before slowing down to prolong it. Somehow, he knows when I can’t take anymore and pumps his fingers until I climax. I’m dizzy from the release. He lets me have a minute, and then his hands are sliding up my legs again. This time, he reaches up for my tank top and slowly slides it up and over my head. I’m down to just my bra, and he uses one hand to undo it. After tossing it with the rest of my clothes, his hands graze over my body and chest, feeling each curve.
“Rafe, I want you.”
He gets up, and few seconds later, I hear a wrapper open. My body responds, coiling up inside, needing him.
“I want you too, Lily.”
I’m panting as he moves up and over my body, between my legs, his cock just barely touching me. I press upward, pushing him into me, but he doesn’t give.
“Do you want it?” he asks, holding himself over me.
“Yes, now.”
“All of it?”
“Yes!” I push up harder. He pulls back.
“Ask me for it.”
“I want all of it, please!” I add, needing him so bad it hurts.
“All of what?” There’s laughter in his voice, but it’s strained too. I wish I could make him wait, but I want him so bad.
“All of your cock...now.” My voice intensifies on the last word, and it does the trick. Rafe slides into me with one long push. I cry out and clench around him as he pushes hard. He groans like he could come right that second. Instead, he pulls almost all of the way out.
“Still want it?”
“Stop teasing and fuck me!” I just about scream. He slams into me and goes hard and fast, making both of us cry out.
“You feel so good,” he says quietly by my ear, sending a shiver down my neck. “You’re about to make me come.”
“Not yet.”
“Not yet? You’re being greedy today, aren’t you?” Suddenly, he pulls away, then grabs my hips and flips me over and onto my knees so he’s behind me. “Do you still like it this way?”
To answer, I push back into him, taking him inside me. His hands explore my body, and he takes it slow, at least until I can’t handle that anymore. When I ask for more, he doesn’t tease. He wants it as bad as I do.
I think he’s about to come, but he pushes back from me and lies down on the bed. Taking my hand, he pulls me on top of him.
“I want to watch you.”
Feeling the need to tease him back, I lift my body up. “Do you want it?”
He grabs my hips and shoves me down. “And I’ll take it.”
That turns me on so much. I start moving and he helps with his hands. And like he said, he watches me. We’re looking into each other’s eyes as it builds, pushing us toward orgasm together.
“I’m going to come!” He grips me harder, moves me faster. I’m screaming when we both climax. Sparkles dance in my vision as I fall over on him.
“Oh my God, Rafe,” I whisper, my voice raspy.
/> “I know, baby. I know.”
Chapter Fifteen
Rafe
Lily’s lying on my chest, breathing like she’s asleep. After the emotional evening and mind-blowing sex, I’m not surprised, but I find myself wondering if she’s awake and thinking like I am.
Now I know the truth. All of it. The big question is whether that will help me move on or not, and if that will include Lily. Do we have a chance again? Or will we always hold onto the past? I keep running that week over in my mind, when I tried to do that job and everything fell apart. Now I know it wasn’t anything I did that screwed it up, unless I count not calling Lily. I just couldn’t risk her safety that way. So really, there is nothing we could have changed.
“I can see you didn’t have a choice,” I whisper to her. “At least you didn’t feel like it at the time.”
Her breathing changes. She might have been asleep, but she heard me.
“You were young. I know that. You panicked. There wasn’t any way to communicate with me. You did what you had to do.”
And like I told her, I knew the risks of the job. Maybe I didn’t have a choice, but I knew what could happen. Being around my dad made me very aware of the risks, and I was prepared to face the consequences if I had to.
And... given the chance, if I could go back in time, I wouldn’t change anything. I would make the same choice a hundred out of a hundred times to protect Lily and get the money for her mother.
I just wish I didn’t have to pay such a high price. Three years of my life. A chance at training for the Olympics. With more time and training, I could have made it. My opportunity was right there, but it was stolen away by those thugs and my dad’s debt.
My thoughts keep me awake for a long time. Lily eventually rolls onto her side, and I spoon her, breathing in the smell of her cocoanut shampoo and her skin.
There’re so many things I tried to forget, and now that the good things are coming back, so are the bad. Life in the trailer park. Thugs coming around trying to collect money from my dad. My dad conning people. Cheating. The ups and downs. My dad coming home all beat up and bloody because he couldn’t pay someone.
I worked my ass off to get out of that. I wrestled and got a job. I was going to wrestle in the Olympics. But fuck! I roll over and pound my pillow, then fluff it, trying to get comfortable. I lie in the dark for a long time listening to Lily breathe.
