I love them. “Don’t they want me?” Lord, didn’t that sound pitiful?
“That’s not the problem. You need to understand that the oathbound cannot lifemate.” His brows drew together.
“Humans have priests? Those who live apart, promised to your God? Shifters who are vowed to Herne can live with someone, but the final step—lifemating—cannot happen.” Wel, Shay sure wasn’t celibate. Her smile faded as she caught Calum’s point. “Since Shay is committed to Herne, he can’t…marry.”
“Exactly.” He patted her hand. “Usualy, the oathbound are older and past the time they would lifemate, or they’ve lost their mate. I’ve not run into this dilemma before. I don’t want you to get hurt, Breanne.”
Too late. She puled her hand away and gave him a stiff nod. “So, I should…”
Calum tipped his head toward the shifters who had ranged around her in hopes of attracting her attention. “Choose from those who can give their hearts or, at least, divert you from wasting your life on two males you can never possess.” Her heart ached, but she saw the wisdom. Shay had said they’d leave Cold Creek. He certainly hadn’t made her any promises. She involuntarily glanced at him, and everything inside her melted. Skin taut over his high cheekbones, he inside her melted. Skin taut over his high cheekbones, he stared at the bartop with the same tortured expression as Zeb’s. Her fingers remembered how thick and soft his hair felt. His jaw will be scratchy now and… She slid off the stool.
Calum leaned forward and grasped her upper arm.
“Breanne.”
“Oh. Right.”
“I’m ordering them out to patrol. Find a male here who pleases you.”
They’d leave her? Desolation swept through her, removing every trace of heat. Nonetheless, she turned and looked at the men around her. Tal and short. Dark and pale. Older, younger, and just her age. She forced her lips into a smile.
Even without looking, she knew when Zeb and Shay left the bar.
* * *
The moon slowly crossed the sky toward the western mountains. Zeb’s feet hurt—he didn’t usualy patrol in human form for an entire night—but neither he nor Shay were wiling to risk what their animal instincts would do.
Now it was time to check in with the Cosantir and take Bree home.
She’d have mated with other males. He’d smel someone She’d have mated with other males. He’d smel someone else’s scent on her. Zeb’s jaw tightened, and his teeth ground together as he fought for control.
But she’d finished her first Gathering, leaving her free to make her choices. Even if they couldn’t lifemate with her, they could ask her to come with them when they left.
And their time here wouldn’t be much longer. He’d been feeling a deep inner pul, tugging him east. The God’s cal.
Would Bree want to stay with them? Fuck, they had so little to offer her.
With Shay behind him, he walked into the tavern. In the swirling scents, he caught Bree’s unique fragrance…and the lack of any arousal. Shay’s frown mirrored his as they walked to the bar.
The Cosantir was talking to the old bookstore owner. He motioned them over. “Cahirs.”
Zeb concentrated on Calum, not looking elsewhere. Fuck, his control had never been this shaky. If he saw a male touch Bree, he might easily destroy the tavern.
“You been stuck down here al night?” Shay asked Calum.
“No, Alec monitored the Gathering for a while. I came down to speak with you before Thorson takes over.” Zeb nodded to the bookstore owner. The werecat was old, but Zeb’d think twice before taking him on. Good choice to supervise the Gathering, and Calum would have a chance to join his brother and their mate. “Speak to us about what?” to join his brother and their mate. “Speak to us about what?” Zeb asked.
Calum mouth flattened to an unhappy line. “Breanne has refused every single male in the room. She’s not afraid. She simply has no interest.”
Zeb felt as if the Cosantir had stopped his heart. “Only bonded females act that way.”
“Indeed.”
Zeb met Shay’s gaze, seeing his concern. Even if she’d bonded to them, they couldn’t complete it. Couldn’t lifemate with her. “What wil this do to her?”
“With sufficient distance, her tie to you wil eventualy fade.
Otherwise…” Calum frowned. “I’m not sure.”
“By the God,” Shay said in a hoarse voice. “What have we done?”
“You’re not to blame for this,” Calum said. “Perhaps if I’d puled her away from you when we learned she was a shifter, it might have been prevented. Then again, she might have died with her first trawsfur, having no one in whom she could trust.”
Shay’s voice was tight. “We should never have mated with her.”
“Maybe.” Thorson’s voice was as scarred as his arms and face. “But if you hadn’t, she’d be in here, deep in heat and panicking. She’d have no ties to anyone to keep her from going feral.”
going feral.”
Fuck. Zeb went rigid. Daonain with no loved ones to draw them back to human form could slide into madness, living only in their animal form, unable to return. Twisted inside, preying on their own community. Ferals had spawned most of the grisly legends that terrified the humans.
Thorson nodded. “You do the best you can. Only Herne knows al the trails in the forest.”
“What should we do?” Shay asked Calum. “We’d planned to ask her to stay with us, but I can’t lifemate her.”
“Seamus, she’s attached already. It’s not a true bond—
not without the Mother’s blessing—but you can’t change it.” Zeb bowed his head, anger and grief roiling inside him.
He’d have stayed miles away from her if he’d known. Yet, as Thorson said, perhaps that would have been a worse choice.
She was alive.
He and Shay wanted her with them. Even if they couldn’t lifemate her, she’d have al their love, their caring. Would it be enough?
* * *
The fire in the bedroom woodstove crackled happily, sending welcome warmth through the room. Bree snuggled closer in Zeb’s arms. Shay pressed against her back, his arm heavy over her hips. Her breasts were sore and tender, her pussy even more so, and that other spot, her anus ached. She pussy even more so, and that other spot, her anus ached. She felt her face heat. That had been amazing.
Gathers aren’t that bad after al.
After Shay and Zeb had brought her home, they’d made love to her again, this time so tenderly that she’d cried. How could she ever survive their leaving? She pushed the thought away. Live for today.
“Breanne,” Shay said. “Let’s talk a bit.” Lying on his side, Shay raised up on his elbow. On her right, Zeb slid back and mirrored his position.
Talk? That usualy meant a nasty revelation or an odd shifter law. She roled onto her back and looked at him.
When no laughter lit his eyes, dread ran a cold hand up her spine. “Wait.”
She grabbed the pilow on Zeb’s side of the bed, stacked it on hers, and squirmed until she was propped up with her head even with theirs. “Okay, tel me.”
“I don’t know how to say this.” The lines beside Shay’s mouth tightened. “You know I’m oathbound. Did you realize I can’t lifemate?”
It hurt. Hurt when she thought about it; hurt worse when he said it. “Calum told me.” To keep him from abrading her heart further, she did it herself. “I realize you’l leave when Herne cals you.” I don’t like your arrogant God. Have I mentioned that? She thought she was holding up wel, until she saw Zeb’s gaze on her clenched fingers.
she saw Zeb’s gaze on her clenched fingers.
“I can’t see the trail we should folow, but Zeb and I decided you have a right to know everything. To decide for yourself.” Shay uncurled her fingers and wrapped his hand around hers. “We lo—” He stopped and started again. “We care for you. Both of us.”
The words made the blood dance in her veins like water down a rocky streambe
d. “Realy?”
Zeb took her other hand. “Fuck, yes.”
A spurt of laughter caught her. “So poetic.”
“We want you to stay with us. Live with us,” Zeb said.
Stay with them. Her heart lifted, soared into the sky— yes yes yes—and then fel like a rock. “But…but you won’t stay here.” She swalowed hard. “You want me to go with you?” Leave Cold Creek? “And move every few months. You don’t have a home.”
She’d gone from foster home to foster home, school to school, never keeping friends, never knowing people with whom she had a history. To stay with the guys, she’d have to abandon her brand new friends and her budding business.
Her throat tightened.
And if she did make friends elsewhere… “You go where the helhounds are. Where shifters get kiled.” Even if she found other friends, they might get slaughtered. Like Nora.
Like Ashley.
“Aye.” Shay’s eyes were level. He knew what he was
“Aye.” Shay’s eyes were level. He knew what he was asking.
“You’d fight monsters.” Month after month, she’d be terrified, waiting to hear if they’d been kiled. If they’d been torn apart like Ashley.
“Yes.” Zeb’s eyes filed with pain. “Little female, we want you”—his mouth tightened as if he were trying not to say more—“but it’s not a happy way of life, especialy for a female.”
“And yet…” Shay kissed her fingers. “You care for us.”
“I do,” she whispered. Her heart felt swolen with pain.
“But I don’t know if I can do this.” Ash had caled her a homebody. Each move—during childhood and after—had ripped away pieces of her soul and left them behind. Could she survive that again?
Don’t ask this of me.
But how could she let them leave when she might be with them? Tears pooled in her eyes as she scrambled off the foot of the bed. Her chest felt as if a giant oak had falen on her, crushing her ribs, bruising her heart.
“I don’t—” Her voice cracked, and she fled the room like the coward she was.
Chapter Thirty
Zeb leaned back against a tree, watching silvery undines swirl in the shalows. The mountain lake was turning an ominous gray as dark clouds filed the sky. A freshening wind whipped the tiny waves into white tips.
In wolf form, Shay lay on his bely, staring at the water.
His thoughts looked to be as ugly as Zeb’s.
Neither of them had wanted to talk about the wretched end to the night. He swalowed. Why the fuck had he let himself hope?
And what had they been thinking? Fuck, she’d just lost her best friend to a helhound, and they wanted her to undoubtedly see them suffer the same fate. He and Shay were the stupidest shifters ever birthed.
This morning, after Bree had retreated to the kitchen, cooking as if the world was about to end, Zeb had dragged Shay up to the lake. Somehow, they had to fix this for the little female. A few minutes ago, he’d come up with an idea.
He nudged the wolf lightly with his foot.
Shay snapped at him.
“Trawsfur, brawd. Time to talk.”
The wolf’s lip curled up as the wind ruffled his fur, but he shifted to human. Sitting up, he shivered and glanced up at the clouds. “We’re going to get wet.”
“Life’s tough. We need to talk about Bree.”
“Life’s tough. We need to talk about Bree.”
“I know.” Shay’s face tightened. “By the God, there’s nothing I want more than for her to be with us. But we shouldn’t have asked.”
Zeb nodded. He’d never seen her more miserable.
“You haven’t taken a vow, a bhràthair. You could stay—
brothers don’t always live together. You deserve someone to love as much as she does.”
The blow was brutal. Shay didn’t want to remain brothers? Then Zeb saw the desolation in his eyes—stupid, self-sacrificing mongrel. “There’s so fucking much wrong with your idea that I don’t know where to start.”
“Like what?”
Zeb held up a finger. “She loves us both, not just me.” Second finger. “We’re brothers. Only death breaks that bond.” Third finger. He hadn’t planned to mention this, hoping Shay wouldn’t notice. “I can’t lifemate her any more than you can.”
“Number three—I’m missing something.”
“Apparently.” Zeb fingered the cahir scar on his right cheekbone and the new one below. Since his dark tan rendered the mark almost invisible, he turned his head and let the thin sunlight iluminate it.
“What the…!” Shay grabbed his chin and ran his fingers over the faintly blue antlers of the oathbound.
“No matter who makes the oath, brothers share,” Zeb
“No matter who makes the oath, brothers share,” Zeb said. The appaled guilt in Shay’s face was exactly why he hadn’t mentioned the scar before.
“Zeb.” Shay dropped onto the grass. “By the God, Zeb, I’m sorry. I didn’t—”
“I didn’t foresee it, but I wouldn’t have stepped away if I’d known.”
Shay was silent for a minute. “I’ve screwed up everybody.
I’d ask to be released from the oath if I thought it would do any good.”
“Never heard of Herne releasing anyone.”
“Me either.”
“I’m feeling a pul. Like something trying to drag me somewhere.” Zeb gave Shay a steady look. “Is that the cal?”
“Aye. Me, too.” He studied his hands. “It’l get stronger.” Sorrow was a lead weight in Zeb’s gut as he cleared his throat. “I’ve heard the Mother can erase a bond if she hasn’t blessed the lifemating yet.”
It took Shay a minute. “You want us to ask the Mother to remove the bond Breanne formed for us.”
“Fuck no, but I can’t think of anything else to do. Bree can’t survive going from town to town, waiting for us to die.
That’s not right, brawd. She deserves better. Lifemating.
Children.”
“By the God, it hurts to think of her with someone else.”
“Yeah.” More than pain. Zeb felt as if his soul was slowly being torn into pieces.
being torn into pieces.
* * *
A formal caling upon the Gods, requesting attention and action, wasn’t something a Daonain did lightly. The Cosantir had an open line to Herne; everyone else had to work to be heard. The Elders said the soul’s desire must be great enough to overcome the needs of the body: hunger, thirst, exhaustion.
The trappings of civilization had to be worn away.
And so they ran.
Hour upon hour. No food, no water, no shelter. Open to the elements. Slowly as Shay’s weariness grew, his mind quieted. The spirits guided his paws. His fur was matted by the pouring rain, his ears deafened by the thunder rumbling through the passes.
Zeb kept pace, a dark shadow on his right.
Just before dawn, the clouds started to part, showing the ful-bodied moon. He halted on a rain-dark ridge of rock, an island in the glaciers creeping down from the peaks.
Moonlight glimmered over the white expanse. Forest covered the valey below, and the scents of pine and cedar, wet granite, and distant deer drifted upward. Zeb’s shoulder pressed against his in a smal patch of warmth.
Through his paws, he felt the sweet touch of Mother Earth and a low hum like the thunder that had passed, marking the and a low hum like the thunder that had passed, marking the presence of Herne.
He formed his desire slowly. The thought of losing Breanne and Zeb made cuts in his heart and soul, but he steadily held his wishes up to the God and the Mother both.
Not Zeb’s wish—that the little wolf be set free to seek love elsewhere. She wouldn’t be happy. She’d be alone, and he couldn’t stand thinking of her alone. Or of seeing the grief in Zeb’s eyes when they left her. Of forcing Zeb into a life he hadn’t asked for.
No, Shay had made the vow. He should be the only one to have to walk the trail to
the end.
Please. Remove the brother bond—and the oathbound one—from Zeb. Let him be free to lifemate Breanne. Let her love him alone so neither will grieve when I follow the path of the God that is mine alone.
Zeb’s wishes would contradict Shay’s. Neither request might be granted.
Herne’s presence increased, overwhelming the Mother’s soft touch, and the sense of her faded away completely. The thunder roled through Shay’s heart, then disappeared. He’d been refused.
Despair filed him, and his mournful howl echoed back from the cliffs.
With a low whine, Zeb nudged his shoulder.
No point in remaining. Shay led the way back down the No point in remaining. Shay led the way back down the mountain. Each mile seemed longer than the last, and they had hours yet to go.
Dawn broke over the white peaks. Exhausted to his bones, Shay stumbled to a halt by a gurgling creek. The icy water soothed his raw throat.
Finished drinking, Zeb shifted and rose to his feet. “Sorry, brawd. Guess asking the Mother for help was a fucked-up notion.”
The pain in his voice puled Shay from his dark thoughts.
He looked up. The light of the morning sun shone on Zeb’s strained face.
Shay backed away and shook, as if the action could get his mind—or his eyes—to work. A trick of the light? He trawsfurred. “Zeb.”
“What?”
It had worked. The Gods had answered his request. Zeb was free. Misery squeezed his heart, and his throat tightened until his voice came out hoarse. “Your mark—the antlers are gone.”
Expression blank with shock, Zeb touched his own cheek.
“Herne’s mark?”
Shay could feel the holow place where their bond had been.
“Why the fuck…?” Zeb’s face darkened. “You asked for that. That our brother bond be dissolved. That you be left that. That our brother bond be dissolved. That you be left alone.”
“Aye. Breanne needs you,” Shay whispered. “I’m sorry, a bra—
“Fuck you.”
The fist cracked into his face, knocking him on his ass. He wiggled his jaw—the throbbing pain couldn’t compete with the one inside. “Dammit, I—”
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