by Donna Hatch
“You’ve come to see me off, have you? How thoughtful.”
“I… I wanted to thank you for escorting me here. And for—” she choked on her words, “—for all you’ve done to help me. Us.”
He kissed her hand without lingering. “I’m your humble servant, my lady. Goodbye.” He abruptly turned to the coach.
Suddenly desperate to detain him, she cried out. “Cole.”
With one foot on the step, he turned back, eyed her thoughtfully, and returned. He stood close enough that his masculine scent tickled her senses and the warmth of his body touched hers. His expression remained inscrutable but palpable tension radiated from him. He waited while she struggled with her torn desires, the words she wished she could express.
“Please don’t leave like this.”
“Like what?” His voice was toneless.
“Angry. Hurt.”
He traced her cheek with ungloved, gentle fingers. “I’ll be here if you need me.”
He turned and walked out the front door, tearing away a piece of her heart. She allowed herself a moment to mourn his loss. Would she ever see him again?
It would be best if she didn’t. Nicholas deserved her affection and attention. She watched the carriage pull away, unable to shake the gloom that settled over her.
Robert slung an arm around her shoulders. “You’re pitiable.”
“Be silent, you fool,” she snapped, throwing off his arm and walking purposefully away. She should look in on Hannah. She had been abed for three days and complained of a constant headache. Even for her, she seemed unusually ill.
Then perhaps she should go speak with cook about dinner. After all, now that her husband was here, her loyalty and attention should be to him. What was Nicholas’s favorite dish? He never said. And he never ate with her, so she had no way of knowing. She could have asked. She should have cared enough to ask him a great many things. They often had pheasant for dinner, perhaps because he favored it. She would ask Cook to prepare pheasant.
Tears cooled her cheeks as she walked. She dried her eyes and peeped in Hannah’s room. Her sister slept, her breath rattling a little, but she looked peaceful.
During dinner, a well-rested Nicholas appeared to be in high spirits as he spoke to Robert and Alicia with more animation in his voice than he’d had this afternoon when he’d first arrived. He had taken his meal in private as was his custom but had joined them for conversation while they dined.
“How thoughtful of you to have Cook prepare my favorite dishes, Alicia,” he said with a smile in his voice. Then he turned to Robert. “I’m grateful for your hospitality, Mr. Palmer.”
Robert blinked and then stared, as if he hadn’t yet grown comfortable with the baron’s thoughtful ways.
“You’re quite welcome here, my lord.” He turned an affectionate smile on Alicia. “Thank you for letting my cousin come. I would have remained in drunken oblivion if she hadn’t.”
It was partially true. Out of respect for her sensibilities, he only drank himself into a stupor late at night instead of all day long.
Alicia raised her chin. “I excel at waking up drunk men with cold pitchers of water.”
Robert actually shook off his grief enough to laugh mildly. It was the first time she’d heard him laugh since she’d arrived.
Cole had made it easy for her to laugh, even when she’d found it difficult to do so. There was such good in him. Protected behind a façade of a careless, reprehensible rake, and his annoying habit of tempting her to betray her husband, there was a better Cole, a man of honor and decency. He evoked strength and tenderness in her. He made her want to stop running away from her difficulties and face them.
Guiltily, she glanced at Lord Amesbury. Her husband. Nicholas. She needed to face her duties regarding him. Be his.
Robert bid them good night. His footfalls led up the stairs. She hoped he wouldn’t drink himself into unconsciousness the moment he was alone.
Nicholas’s voice broke the ensuing silence. “Come sit with me, my love.”
Alicia followed him into the study and did not resist when he took her hand in his glove. “Tell me what has you so distracted.”
“I am concerned about Robert and Hannah.” She related her fears that someone had killed her parents, brother, and now uncle. “Cole contacted an investigator, without my knowledge, I might add, and I fear Robert will be their prime suspect. He has already suffered so much; I don’t want him to endure anything more. And I worry that Robert will be the murderer’s next victim. Or Hannah.” The thought of sweet, gentle Hannah, helpless in the face of violence awoke something akin to panic.
“Or you,” Nicholas said grimly. “After the highwaymen incident, I suspected your life was in danger and have taken extra measures to ensure your safety. I will protect you and your family, my love, do not fear. As far as the investigator Cole mentioned, he probably only went to his brother, Grant. I am sure Grant will expend his efforts in the right direction.”
His assurance comforted her, oddly enough, despite his imposing appearance, and her anxieties faded. As his hand held hers, a desire to touch his skin instead of the coldly impersonal glove seized her.
His hand tightened over hers. “I admire you for your devotion to your cousin.”
She shrugged. “Robbie and I have been friends since childhood. He and Armand were inseparable. I always felt jealous when Robert came to spend the summers with us because then I was no longer the center of Armand’s world.”
His breathing changed and she imagined a smile underneath the mask.
“They tried to lose me frequently, but more often, they allowed me to tag along since I was difficult to pry away from my twin. Eventually, they accepted that I would always be there. Just the three of us. Hannah was so much younger that I’m afraid we quite ignored her. And now, she and Robert are all the family I have.”
“You have other family now, Alicia.”
She looked up at him in surprise and then realized that he meant himself. “Of course, my lord.”
“I know that you did not marry me by desire, but rather out of a need to help your family. I should do the honorable thing and release you, but I am reluctant to let you go.”
He wanted her. The thought brought an unexpected warmth.
His voice quieted. “It would not be my choice to do so, but if you desire, I will annul our marriage and you can return to London this Season and search for a husband of your choice. I realize that the last time I offered to let you stay in London while I returned to my country home, you thought I planned to drag you through a divorce or throw you out on the streets.”
Guiltily, Alicia twisted her wedding band. “Yes.”
“I’m offended that you would think me so heartless. You may stay in my London house and you will want for nothing. I will continue to care for you financially until you find another.” He paused. “I will, if you wish it. But that’s not what I desire.”
While Alicia grappled with her choices, the clarity of truth shone through. Nicholas needed her, and she’d made a vow to him.
“Will you stay with me, Alicia?” His voice turned pleading. “Will you stay with me, or do you ask me to give you up?”
Tears sprang to her eyes. The man behind the mask was not a monster. He was a warm and caring man with the needs of any man. And like a true gentleman, he was giving her a way out. He had treated her with kindness and more tenderness than any other man.
Except Cole.
But Cole had his motives. Nicholas had none, only a hope that she would develop affection for him. And be his wife in every way.
She did have affection for him. It was not pity, or duty, or guilt. She truly cared for him. A deep desire to soothe his hurts, to offer him comfort and acceptance, crept over her.
She leaned forward and took his hand. “Oh, Nicholas, of course I will stay with you. You are the finest man I know.”
His breathing became ragged beneath his mask.
She had to fist her han
d to avoid ripping it off his face. How she longed to see emotion in his eyes, the shape of his smile. She could overlook his scars to the man underneath. Couldn’t she?
“That is the first time you have ever called me by my given name,” he said in a hushed voice.
She flushed. She had treated him badly and purposefully kept him at a distance.
He reached for her, but his hand froze mid-air. “May I… hold you, my love?”
“I think I would like that,” she said timidly.
He gathered her close, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her against his chest. Solid. Strong. There was nothing weak or crippled about the way he held her.
The housekeeper, Mrs. Dobbs, came in quietly, checked the windows, banked the fire, and left without disturbing them.
“Oh, my love, how I’ve longed to hold you,” he whispered, his arms tightening around her.
His kiss on her cheek, still covered with cloth, warmed her further. When he released her, a foreign longing to be back in his arms crept over her. The clock chimed in the great hall, announcing the lateness of the hour.
“Perhaps we should retire.” His voice sounded tight, yet resigned.
If she continued this insane game of caring for two men, she would end up hurting herself and certainly Nicholas. Cole, she wasn’t so sure about. He did seem to care. He had even said that he loved her. But that had been in a moment of passion. Probably just part of his seduction repertoire. There were times, though, when she thought he might truly care.
She gave herself a mental shake. Cole’s feelings were irrelevant. She had to stop thinking about Cole. She was with Nicholas. Her husband. Her mind needed to be here with him. As she looked up at the featureless face without a drop of dread, she came to her decision.
At her door, he pressed a kiss to her face, and began to turn away, but she placed her hand on his arm. “Nicholas.”
He froze. Even his breath seemed to still.
She gathered her courage and lifted her head. “Come inside.”
He turned slowly. She would have given anything to see his expression. “Are you sure?” he whispered.
“I’m sure. You have given me more time than I deserve. I need to be your wife. In every way.”
He still waited as if watching her carefully. “I don’t want you to regret this.”
“I can’t imagine that I will. You are a good man. I trust you. I’m ready.” And she would hate the person she would become if she postponed this any longer.
He nodded and motioned her to precede him through the door. Inside her bedroom, he blew out all of the candles and placed a chair in front of the fireplace until the room was so dark Alicia would never see his features clearly.
Nervously, she waited, uncertain of what to do. But when he came to her and enfolded her into his embrace, her fears quieted and she leaned against him.
He pulled off his gloves and touched her face with his bare hands. They were warm and strong.
Her heart swelled with tenderness for him. Supremely gentle, and surprisingly passionate, he touched her and kissed her until she was never more certain of anything in her life but that she wanted him. And wanted to be his wife in every way.
As she lay in his arms after they’d become truly husband and wife, she knew she had made the right choice.
Chapter 27
Alicia awoke to shouting voices. Sleepily, she sat up. Pale, predawn light seeped in between the heavy draperies over the window. Her cheeks heated as she remembered the delicious sensations to which her husband had introduced her last night. Infused with wholeness, she simply could not muster alarm for the noise outside her room. As the volume increased and the footsteps thundered through the halls, Alicia threw back her covers, feeling obligated to at least pretend an interest in the commotion. She pulled on a peignoir, ran her fingers through her unbound hair and opened the door to a barrage of different voices.
“Bring the doctor, now!”
“Phillips has already gone for him.”
“Don’t move him.”
“Bring a pillow to place under his head. And bring a blanket.”
Alicia peered over the banister to the open foyer below. The servants huddled over a motionless form on the floor.
“Move back. Give him some air.” Nicholas’s cloaked form bent over the person on the floor, running his gloved hands over the body’s arms, rib cage, and then over the legs. Nicholas leaned in closer, and when his head moved, the face of the injured person came into view. Robert lay pale and unmoving at the foot of the stairs.
With her heart in her throat, Alicia flew down the stairs to him. “Robert!”
Nicholas continued his gentle probing. “He’s breathing and he has a pulse. I’m just making sure nothing’s broken before we move him.” With a growl, he finally tore the glove off his right hand and felt along the back of Robert’s neck with care.
“I don’t think anything’s broken. Let’s carry him to the nearest couch.” He quickly replaced his glove.
The men lifted Robert, careful not to jostle him as they carried him to the settee in the parlor. A maid placed a pillow behind his head and a blanket over his body. Another built up the fire. Robert lay unconscious.
Alicia took his hand, but it remained limp and cold. She turned to Nicholas. “What happened?”
He drew her into another room and pressed her hands in between his gloves, making her long to pull off his gloves and feel the warmth of his skin against hers. “One of the servants found him at the bottom of the stairs. He appears to have fallen down them.”
She grasped for an explanation but feared she already knew the truth. “Could he have simply passed out from too much drink where they found him?”
He shook his cowled head. “The way he was laying suggested he had fallen down at least several steps, and he’s bruised more than a simple fall would cause.”
The doctor arrived and ushered them out. Alicia paced outside the door. Robert had been her childhood friend. The thought of losing him frightened her more than she’d imagined. And his friendship with Armand seemed one of her last connections with her lost twin. In the background, mingled with the buzzing in her head, voices murmured, but she gave them no heed until a glove rested on her arm.
Lifting her head, she looked up at Nicholas’s dark form. The mask did not unnerve her as it once had. It only made her want to prove to him that he could trust her with his face someday. She had been timid about touching his skin last night, since he clearly wanted to hide his scars but her hands had traced a smooth, rippled scar across most of his back. It rekindled sympathy for what he must have suffered, especially if his whole body had been likewise damaged.
“Come with me, my love,” he urged, his voice gentle.
He slid an arm around her back and led her upstairs where he simply held her. With his warm, strong body against her, encircling her, she leaned into him, thoughts of last night’s beauty returning; his tenderness, his patience, his reassurances, his careful yet passionate loving. She had never dreamed the depth of emotional and spiritual intimacy that could result from such a union.
How wrong she had been about him. Simply because she had imagined a monster behind his mask and cloak, she had feared him. Unnecessarily. His face might be unsightly, but the soul trapped inside the scarred body was beautiful. She wished she’d seen it sooner. What a selfish fool she’d been to have withheld her love from this dear man who so desperately needed love and had so much to give in return!
As he placed a glass of water into her hand and rang for Monique to help her dress, all the while whispering reassurances, she realized she loved him.
She loved him!
She had for weeks. No man had ever touched the tender place inside her heart that he had found. No man possessed his patience, his gentleness, his poetic soul. She opened her mouth to tell him, but Monique came in with fruit, buttered bread, and hot chocolate.
“Most distressing, madame. Fear not, your cousin will be well. H
ere, I’ve laid out your morning gown and now I shall draw a bath.” She paused, glancing at Nicholas and then at Alicia while a knowing smile began to form. “Shall I return later, madame?”
“No, Monique, see to her now.” Nicholas squeezed Alicia’s arm reassuringly. “I’ll let you know as soon as the doctor informs me of his condition.” He brushed that familiar, masked kiss to her temple and Alicia had to resist the desire to tear the cloth away from his face. Even covered, his kiss seemed more intimate this morning than before. As he turned to go, she clung to his hand, halting him.
He turned back to her and brought her hand to his lips, but his masks separated them. How she longed to see the tender expression she knew must be there. With another brief squeeze, he withdrew his hand and left the room.
Despite her concern over Robert, her thoughts dwelled on Nicholas and the new wholeness that filled her soul.
Monique smiled at her. “Lord Amesbury is a good man, madame, despite his intimidating appearance. I know it isn’t my place to say, but I rejoice that you have found happiness with him.”
Realizing that she had been smiling and humming as she bathed, a blush crept clear down to her toes. “It is that obvious?”
Monique poured lavender water over her hair, carefully washing and rinsing it. “A woman who has been loved well glows, madame.”
Alicia sighed and stood up to accept the towel. “I regret that I feared him for so long.”
“It takes a heart to see what the eyes cannot.”
Alicia silently mulled that over. “It takes a heart to see what the eyes cannot,” she repeated slowly. “You are a very wise woman despite your age, Monique.”
The maid smiled serenely while she dressed Alicia and worked on her hair. Alicia indulged in sweet memories of a husband with gentle hands and a whole body.
Mrs. Dobbs came in. “The doctor has completed his examination and is leaving.”
