by C. L. Stacey
“Yea, well, that’s the thing…” Harper takes my necklace from my hands in a silent offer to put it on for me. She carefully works around my hair and secures the clasp on the back. “You never go looking for the great ones. They get dropped right into your lap.
I’m a nervous wreck. Palms are sweaty, mouth is dry, and there is a lump the size of a baseball in my throat. The only thing keeping me together right now is Kellan.
One of his major strengths: extreme lightness. Being around him usually relaxes me, but tonight’s an exception. No matter how hard he tries, I just can’t seem to shake off the nerves.
It’s hard to keep calm when half the respected names in fashion will be at the same party as me. What if they think I’m an idiot?
What if this party turns out to be a curse instead of a blessing?
Maybe I should just go home.
But doing that would mean giving up, so I won’t.
I have to try, at the very least, or these past four years would have been for nothing.
As a kid, I always had trouble envisioning the kind of life I wanted for myself. Other kids would let their imaginations run wild. Famous, doctor, lawyer, teacher were all the usual answers. For me, I’d usually draw a big, fat blank.
“What do you want to be when you grow up, Lexi?” they’d ask.
It’s really very annoying. How the hell are you, a child, supposed to know what you want to do with the rest of your life?
The answer I’d always provide was a snarky one. “Alive.”
They’d stare oddly back at me, but I never let it get to me. I’d always embraced my strange.
It wasn’t until Eli when I grew to be more self-conscious about that. He was always very pushy when it came to my future. “You need to have some sort of direction, Lexi. Or else you’ll end up like the guy that eats trash outside the library,” he’d warn.
The summer of eighth grade is when I discovered I could draw. I doodled random things, like words and names, at first. Then I’d blend artwork into the names. Then I started fixating more on the art than I did words. Then when puberty finally hit, blessing me with modest-sized breasts, I started taking more interest in things that would improve my appearance. Fashion.
One Friday afternoon in class, I saw Hannah, the girl Eli had recently decided to keep a close eye on, in an outfit I absolutely hated. The shirt was a horrible color, but I liked the design. The jeans she wore would have looked better if paired with her top as a skirt.
I put my vision on paper, sketching it out immediately.
Then I drew millions more.
That’s when my passion for fashion was born.
Would I go as far as to say that designing clothes is my lifelong dream? No, because that’d be a lie. I’d only discovered it by chance. If Hannah hadn’t worn her horrible outfit on the same day I sat adjacent to her, I would never have thought to take my doodling up another notch.
I’m twenty-two, a grown up, and I’m alive, just like I said I wanted to be. I also just recently graduated from Parsons with a degree in Fashion Design, and I’ve done very well for myself there. Now I need to find a job, but this industry is so damn competitive.
What’s the point in having direction if all roads leading to your destination are blocked?
Once upon a time, I promised Eli that I would make something of myself. Even if he won’t be around to witness just what that is, it doesn’t matter. I’m the kind of person that keeps to her promises. I made it this far… I’m going to be pissed as hell if I fail now.
I have a very competitive, obsessive personality. I need to know where it is I’m going so I have time to plan.
Right now, my future is still uncertain. Your future determines the rest of your life. I don’t have that yet. I’m twenty-two, and I have no idea who I am.
Can you sense the panic?
That’s what this party is about for me, to figure out whether or not I have even the slightest chance of becoming a competitor in this industry.
Where do I start? Who do I talk to first? What do I say?
There’s so much on my mind that I can’t seem to focus on the light conversation Kellan keeps attempting to make with me. He can sense how nervous I am, and I can tell he’s trying to do what little he can to keep my mind off of it, the way he always does when I get this way. I appreciate his efforts, but it just isn’t working this time.
The voices in my head are much too loud, full with questions and worst-case scenarios.
I go into full-blown panic mode when Kellan pulls the car up to the building.
The valet, a young man with a nice enough face, gives me a wide smile when getting my door. He introduces himself as Tip.
Tip, the Valet.
Okay.
We exchange kind greetings while Kellan makes his way around to my side, and Tip’s grin widens when Kellan hands him his tip.
Some choose to tip after picking up the car for the night. Some, like Kellan, tip before and after. He believes it keeps them honest.
My heart flips and flutters when Kellan leads us toward the building, and I say a little prayer just before we walk through the doors.
After pushing the button to call for the elevator, Kellan turns to me with a worried look. “You look cold. Do you need my jacket?” He wears a dissatisfied frown when I shake my head no. “Harper’s going to grill my ass if you get sick.”
The doors slide open and Kellan extends his arm over the sensors, gesturing for me to step in first with his other hand.
I giggle at his comment about Harper and thank him as I step inside. “I never get sick.”
“Great, now you jinxed it.” He turns his gaze back down to me, flashing that million-dollar grin.
A few more people soon board, making the already small space even tighter.
I’m forced a few steps back when Kellan pulls on my elbow, quickly switching places with me so I’m the one in the corner. He does this whenever a stranger and I are close enough to rub elbows, he moves me.
It’s his way of protecting me, I guess. I don’t do so well in confined spaces, and he knows that.
The chime of the bell overhead startles me, and everyone slowly clears out when the doors open back up to the designated party floor.
“You okay?” he whispers softly down to me.
I take a deep breath in before letting it out. “I’m fine,” I say with a forced smile. “Come on.” I nod out the doors.
Kellan offers me his arm, like the gentleman he is, and I take it with a more honest smile.
It’s rare for me to make an appearance at business related events. No, that’s stating it mildly. It’s practically unheard of. Which is probably why half the room is staring, and is precisely why I choose to avoid these crowds.
I hear them whispering, asking each other why I chose to attend this event above all others.
These strangers all want the same thing, answers to questions I refuse to address. Why would I? I don’t owe them a thing. I imagine that whatever answer I do provide, they’ll do their best to twist it anyway.
To be curious about what you don’t know is natural; I get it. People talk about me because it makes them feel better somehow. They make up stories to fill in the blanks, regardless of what’s true and what’s false. Refuting any of it would be wasted effort on my part, so I don’t bother with it.
My privacy is the only thing I have left in this very public life of mine, so I do what I can to hold on to it. Doing so makes me a social pariah, but I’m comfortable with that. At least this way I’m left in peace.
I abandon my thoughts as soon as I catch her entering the room from the corner of my eye.
Spotting her in the middle of an entire floor full of people is easy to do. It’s really not that difficult when you’ve watched the same person for as long as I have.
My attention suddenly shifts, and I’m not at all pleased with what I find. “Daniel,” I call for him, and he’s by my side in an instant.
“Ye
s, sir, Mr. Anderson?”
“Who is that?” I ask as I keep my eyes glued to Lexi—on the arm of her plus one.
Of all the things to expect, I wasn’t prepared to see her accompanied by some man tonight.
It takes Daniel longer than usual to give me an answer, forcing me to shift focus. He’s sporting a frown.
“Sir, I wasn’t aware she was bringing someone.”
I turn, squaring my shoulders with his. “This is what I pay you for, to keep me a step ahead.” Daniel nods, his face fixed with utter disappointment. “If she has a boyfriend, it will eventually complicate things.” He nods some more. “Find out who he is. Right now,” I give my order, and then he is gone.
It appears the man she’s with knows some of the people in attendance. He is introducing her to them, exchanging pleasantries before transitioning into comfortable conversation.
A few minutes later, Daniel is finally back by my side, and I turn toward him with an expectant expression. “Who is he?”
“His name is Kellan Cooper,” he starts by giving the most basic information.
A name. A name gives me nothing. I need to know who he is. “And what does Mr. Cooper do?”
“He is a valued associate at her father’s firm; Corporate and M&A.”
That explains why I overlooked him before.
Kellan Cooper works for her father. She must see him every time she goes in to pay her father a visit, and I don’t have eyes on the inside.
It seemed too drastic and I ruled it unnecessary, at the time.
Daniel goes on about him, and I listen, to every single word. There’s a lot. Good things, nothing bad, so that helps to put me at ease. Somewhat.
“What is the nature of their relationship?” I cut his description short.
This is where Daniel suddenly grows quiet, which means that he doesn’t know. I can’t necessarily hold it against him.
Like we’d discussed earlier, Lexi hasn’t been back that long. There’s a good chance they’re just friends.
“We just found out about Mr. Cooper. It’s okay to say that you don’t know, Daniel.”
“I will make sure to find out the first chance I get, sir,” he assures me.
A waiter walks up to me with the water I asked for earlier. I thank him quietly, and he nods before moving along. I wait until he’s out of earshot to carry on my conversation with Daniel. “I don’t think that will be necessary,” I say as I continue to watch her from across the room.
“Sir?” he asks, puzzled by my rejection to his offer in retrieving more information regarding Lexi.
“Do me a favor and look at them.” I nod toward the two.
They separate from the group they were just with, now enjoying each other’s company while roaming the party. I take it all in, making sure not to miss anything.
“What do you see?” I ask him a simple question, one he takes a moment to consider carefully.
“It’s hard to say without all the necessary facts, but they seem like a… couple.”
A small smile forms over my lips, and I turn my head slightly toward him. “To you, maybe…” I start to say.
“What do you mean?”
I swing my eyes back in Lexi’s direction. She’s laughing at something Kellan just said to her. Her head tosses back, hand covering her mouth while keeping the other linked through his arm, and her hair sways gently back and forth with her movement.
You would think that whatever he said was the funniest joke ever told.
When I zero in on Kellan’s face, I see straight through him, how entranced he is by her beauty.
“It all comes down to how you look at it. You see a couple. I see a couple of friends.” I tilt my head, studying her further. Her hand lowers from her mouth, her fingers now fiddling with the charm on her necklace.
The only contact she ever makes with him is the arm she keeps linked through his. Nothing about their body language stands out for me. There are no obvious signs of affection.
The look in her eyes whenever she stares up at him is perfectly innocent, friendly.
“Given everything we know about her, I see no reason to worry.” I’m confident in my response. “I look at Ms. Moore, and I see walls.”
All I know is what I’ve read on paper, but I believe it’s enough. I may not know Lexi Moore in the literal sense, but I understand her.
It’s going to take more than a few jokes for her to let those walls down.
“They are not a couple,” I state matter-of-factly. “Mr. Cooper just wishes they were.”
Another waiter comes by with a tray full of champagne flutes. I shake my head and sip my water.
“He could still pose as a threat,” Daniel points out.
That is very true.
If I continue to interfere in her life, chances of her finding me out are even higher now. I’ve already established this earlier. I’ve also decided that it won’t matter.
What I’m doing may not exactly be ethical, but then again none of this is, so what does it matter? What do I stand to lose?
My silence makes him nervous. This whole situation’s got him nervous, and he may not be comfortable with my decisions, but he’s loyal. That’s all I need from him; his loyalty is all that matters.
“We’ve witnessed that she’s happy and healthy enough. You’ve done your part, Mr. Anderson,” Daniel insists, but I don’t agree. I can do more. She’s struggling, which means I’m failing. “Should we stop here?”
We should.
That would be the responsible thing to do.
Only I can’t do that.
I shake my head. “Not yet,” I say, setting my glass down on the nearest flat surface. Daniel follows me when I head in the other direction. “Just going for a quick piss, Daniel. You can stay.”
That’s a lie.
But I can’t think in a room full of people.
I’m getting absolutely nowhere.
Most of the people Kellan introduced me to are nice enough, some were totally snobby, but it’s nothing I can’t handle. Snobby is easy, I can deal with snobby.
Nice or not is beside the point, because they all have one thing in common: they don’t need any help at the moment.
They say it’s because they’re fully staffed, but that’s not it, I know that’s not it. While the truth will sting, I’d appreciate their honesty.
It all comes down to experience. The only experience I have is an internship, and it doesn’t seem to be enough for these people.
What frustrates me is the only way I can prove my worth is through them taking a chance on me, a chance they’re not willing to take without proof.
What the hell do I do with that?
Kellan’s been supportive with his encouraging comments, but it won’t change the fact that I’ve officially reached a dead-end at this party. Now I’m hiding out in the bathroom after giving him a bogus excuse of having to freshen up.
The ringtone I assigned to Harper starts going off, interrupting my little pity party, and I literally feel my heart sink. If I talk to her right now about how hard I’m failing, I may cry. And I really, really don’t want to cry.
My thumb hovers over the red button, and I almost pass on the call, but I can’t bring myself to press it.
I press the green one instead.
“Hello?” I answer, not even bothering to mask the disappointment in my voice.
“Shit, it’s that bad?”
I throw my lip-gloss back into my clutch, sighing out of pure frustration. “Nobody wants me, Harp. I don’t know why I’m here…”
“Sweets, you’ll find something—”
“They want someone with experience, but how the hell am I supposed to get any when no one will hire me?” There’s a pause in the line when she doesn’t respond right away. “I just…” I blow out a breath, gathering myself before going on. “I’m just a little disappointed in myself, that’s all. I really thought there was a possibility in me finding something tonight.”
&nbs
p; “You will, Lex,” Harper assures me. “Give it time, something will open up.”
I nod, even though she can’t see me. “Okay, yea.”
“Yea?” I can hear the smile in her voice.
“Yea!” I repeat with more confidence this time. “I’m Lexi freaking Moore, I will find something.”
“There ya go, sweets. Call me when you get home.”
After giving myself one last look in the mirror, I tuck my clutch under my arm and turn to leave. “Will do, my lady.” I turn the corner just as the doors to the elevator begin to close.
“Love you, Lex.”
“Love you, too—shit!” I fumble with my response when rushing to stop the doors. My hand catches it in time, and they open back up for me.
While I’m proud to have been successful at something tonight, my face burns hot when I notice that the lift isn’t empty.
“What happened?” Harpers voice fills my ear again.
“Oh, God…” I mutter under my breath, embarrassed. “Nothing, babe, I’ll call you later.”
“What—”
“Okay, bye!” I try to sound as cheery as possible before hanging up on her.
The guy inside looks just as surprised to see me standing here as I am to see him, and he pushes off the wall behind him to right himself. He waits patiently for me to board, but my feet feel like lead, I can’t get them to cooperate with me.
Our eyes lock briefly, and I get the strangest feeling, like I’ve seen him somewhere before.
For a fleeting moment, I swear I see something else pass through his eyes… panic, maybe? It passes way too quickly for me to be sure.
The doors close when I don’t step on right away, but he’s quick to react, holding his arm out to keep it from shutting on me.
“Sorry, thank you,” I say to him as I step on.
“What floor?” he asks with a hand hovering over the numbered panel, his tone accommodating.
His voice is nice, low and deep, but I get that feeling again when a sense of familiarity runs chills up and down my spine.
A small laugh bubbles up my throat. “It’s a little past regular business hours. I think there’s only one floor with people on it right now.”
