by Leanne Davis
She smiled up at him and their hearts truly beat as one. “Still love you, Charlie, more than everything.”
****
But sex was only a small part of life and it could not fix everything. Charlie still intended to go to Germany, and Cami was relocating to Everett. This separation would be the longest one yet. So, the next two months that they spent together were the most precious they had ever had together.
As they found a way to start connecting and acting like a couple again, Cami managed to shore up her resolve. They reasserted their commitment to each other, which both admitted they sincerely doubted at times during the last seven months.
After more than four years, Cami was exhausted from saying goodbye so many times.
But sex rekindled her interest in wanting to make them successful again. Having sex again and demonstrating their affection for each other, both in public and in private, reestablished their former intimacy. All the love and care that was lacking since the news of the pregnancy and the subsequent miscarriage, manifested on both sides. And the promising words that they both claimed they still felt were greatly underscored by their physical expressions of love.
But as all good things must pass, theirs too had a time limit. An ending. So, Cami tried to focus on her faith that there was also a new beginning. Charlie spent many hours packing and preparing for his international adventure abroad. Much of it was spent figuring out his flying plans and other mundane details that were required. He had to know exactly where he was going and how he was getting there.
Soon they were engaging in another round of goodbyes, as they were preparing to leave the ranch, while the entire family gathered around him and Cami as they got into her car, and tears glistened in everyone’s eyes.
This time, even Charlie had tears. He tried his best to hide them and shifted Cami’s car into gear before they pulled out of the ranch driveway. Charlie stared at his dad in the rearview mirror, who was waving and holding onto Erin. In her arms, she cradled their new daughter, Melanie, born just a week before. It was surreal. His dad had become a new father and he was leaving the continent.
“It feels somehow different this time,” Charlie admitted to Cami. She, for once, was dry-eyed.
“That’s because it is. You are no longer a young student in college, always coming and going. You’re an adult man who is entering a whole new world. You won’t ever want to come back to live here. You won’t ever be the same.”
He swallowed the lump that was lodged in his throat. “You’re right. I won’t. Are you… okay with that?”
“I’m okay with it now, because I’ve always known it in so many ways, Charlie. This is a big separation, so I want to make sure we both go into it being honest and open and loving and, most of all, trusting each other.”
“Like grown-ups?”
She nodded. “Exactly.”
Later, they pulled into Jacob’s dad’s house where they would spend a few days before Cami would take Charlie to the airport.
Chapter Thirteen
“CAMI?”
“What?” she replied the night before the day Charlie was scheduled to leave. She was playing with the dusting of hairs on his chest. Nothing thick or carpet-like for Charlie. He had smooth skin with a peach-fuzz of blonde, almost like bee pollen, all over his arms, legs and chest.
“I was thinking about what you asked me a few weeks ago. Remember? If I’d ever have sex without a condom again? If you decide to go back on birth control pills, when I come back, we can just use that method.”
She stilled. Each and every sexual act during the past few weeks relied heavily on prophylactic protection. Just as it had always been until she began taking the pill. Cami questioned him sarcastically about it one night, suggesting that he buy some stock in Trojan condoms, since there was no way he’d have sex without using a condom ever again. At least, not with her.
Her head jerked up. “You mean you’d trust me?”
“Of course I’d trust you. I doubt very much that you would do it again.”
“I wouldn’t do it again,” Cami replied, and her gaze turned solemn and serious. She swallowed hard because an instantaneous lump of emotions climbed up her throat. “You don’t know how much that means to me. It would prove—”
He nodded. “I realize that. That’s my primary intent. And I intend to stick to it. If you do.”
“I do. I will. By the time we next see each other, I’ll be back on the pill.”
Just as they were drifting off to sleep, Charlie said, “Promise me something.”
“Anything.” Cami didn’t usually reply so willingly but after the amazing day they had, feeling so close and having so much fun, talking and laughing, she would have agreed to anything he suggested. The old, inside jokes that made her feel special and closer to him than any other person on the planet, kept resurfacing. Cami found it hard to believe he was leaving this continent for more than a year. So did Charlie. Although it was happening the next day, neither one of them could really grasp the concept.
“Don’t… don’t try to convince yourself that Jacob’s a better fit for you. I know it might appear like it. But he’s not. He’s got a lazy streak. An unkind streak… a fondness for trouble-making that you might erroneously think is like you, but it’s not. He’s not like you at all.”
She literally sat upright. “Jacob? Are you suggesting… there’s something between us?”
“I know about last summer, Cams.”
“What? Nothing happened between us last summer!” she all but yelled in protest.
He sat up beside her. “No. Nothing happened. But I know how you two spent it.”
“How did we?” she shrugged. “I mean, there’s nothing to tell, but you weren’t here.”
“I know you. I know him. And I was gone. He hinted about what you guys did.”
“He can be a total dick, Charlie. Don’t listen to him. I wouldn’t do anything with him.”
He rubbed her shoulder. “I know. But you might find times when he’s a lot easier to hang out with than me, but he isn’t, and he doesn’t bring out the best in you. You have so much good inside you. But he knows how to tap into your insecurities and he’s just… he’s not good enough for you.”
She shook her head. “Do you honestly think I intend to stay here just so I can cheat on you? With Jacob?” Her voice rose higher, horrified he could ever think that of her.
“No. I don’t believe you have any such intention. As for Jacob? Yes. Could it seem mutually attractive in six months? Maybe. That’s all I’m saying. Be aware.”
“You say this to me now, right before I prepare to live here in Everett with him?”
Charlie shrugged and flopped back on the pillow. “What could I say about it? You didn’t ask my opinion. Just as I failed to ask yours regarding my school plans and where I intend to live. So, no, really, I couldn’t and shouldn’t say anything to dissuade you from your plan.”
“So you really never wanted me to live here?”
“I wouldn’t say that. I think your plan is a good one. No, it’s a great one. I liked seeing how excited you got about it. I don’t think you’d intend to do anything with Jacob. But he seems to have more in common with you than I do. I was just pointing it out, in my humble opinion, but I don’t think you actually do have that much in common. For one, you’re a far better person, and I just want you to remember that when I’m not here to remind you.”
She stared at him for a long moment in cold silence. Then, to Charlie’s surprise, a grin brightened her face. She turned over and flopped on top of Charlie, her body pinning his down and her head directly over his face. “You are the oddest man I’ve ever met.”
“How do you figure that?”
“Because you’re jealous. You, Charlie Rydell, are jealous. But you refuse to admit or believe it because you think you’re above such a base emotion.”
He made a choking sound and grumbled but eventually, he muttered, “Fine. Perhaps it makes me a little nuts w
henever I picture you being with him here… alone. What can I do, Cami? I’m the one to blame. I’m the one who chose to go away to another country for school. My choice, so how can I dare to cut you off from your friends?” He shook his head as his mouth twisted up in disgust. “Fine. I’m just freaking jealous.”
“So what is my sweet, kind, wonderful boyfriend’s solution to such a base, ordinary, and normal feeling?” She leaned down and touched his lips with hers, then raised her head up. “Is it to gently warn me that I’m a lot better than him? I thought he was your best friend too?”
“He is. But over the last couple of years, he’s not the same as he used to be,” Charlie said, his tone no longer kidding. His inflection went from gentle to stern in one second flat. “He’s not the same as he once was. Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad you have him to talk to and that the Starrs are letting you stay here. I guess I just wanted you to be aware.”
She set her forehead on his. “Okay. I’m aware. I promise not to have sex with Jacob.”
He let out an annoyed huff and tickled her side. She giggled at his touch. “You are such a brat. You’re not even taking me seriously.”
“No. I’m not. I’m not going to cheat on you either, so I don’t have to. But I can mess with you, can’t I? And be a little bit glad to see you being as petty and insecure as the rest of us? Remember the first time I met Rosalie?”
He chuckled. “Yes. I remember.”
“Well, I felt as petty and insecure as you do now. And clearly, you would not cheat. So…”
“Neither will you.”
“Clearly.” She smooched his lips and fell onto his chest and buried her face against it. “Oh, Charlie. I am so tired of long separations from you. I am going to miss you so much this time.”
“I think it’s because everything between us has been so good lately.”
“It’s exactly like it used to be.” She agreed.
“No,” he said.
She jerked her face up to his.
He smiled gently, brushing her wild hair off her forehead. “No, it’s way better than before.”
“Someday, you’ll have to quit leaving me.”
“It’s not because I want to leave you. But because of the things I want to do that just can’t be found here.”
“Well, it totally sucks.”
He nodded. “It totally sucks.”
****
Cami drove Charlie to the airport in her car. She had no experience in commuting around the area and zero navigational skills. She visited Everett before to see Brianna but they never drove anywhere. With tens of thousands more people in the immediate area than there were in the entire county of River’s End, Cami doubted she could ever get used to it.
Their first airport goodbye was so final and poignant and sad, making it much bigger than any other parting. They hugged just before Charlie entered security, where a boarding pass was required. “San Francisco first, right?”
“Yeah, it’s a three-hour layover and then I take a twelve-hour flight to Amsterdam, for another layover. Then I get on a small puddle jumper to Hamburg. A total of twenty-four hours before I’ll be there with all the time changes and everything.”
“Are you freaked out? Flying over the ocean, I mean?”
He shrugged and gave her a small smile. “If a plane falls from the sky, I guess it won’t matter what’s under it, huh? And you can die on a hundred-mile flight to Spokane, which is only a short distance away, right?”
“Always so pragmatic, aren’t you?”
He shrugged and sighed before putting his chin on top of her head. Cuddling against his chest, Cami buried her face just below his clavicle. “Well, I won’t cheat, and I won’t fall in love with Jacob. But neither can you.”
He chuckled. “I swear on my mother’s grave I won’t ever fall in love with Jacob.”
She nearly swatted his arm. “Don’t ever use your mother like that. You know what I meant.”
“I know. I won’t.”
She sucked in a breath of air. Hot tears pricked her eyes. “Isn’t this a little bit harder than usual?”
“This feels worse than all of them combined.”
She let out her breath. “Thank God. I thought it was just me again, being overly dramatic and emotional and super-sensitive.”
“Is that how I make you feel?”
She shrugged. “Sometimes.”
He leaned her backwards so he could bend down and kiss her. “I never intend to make you feel like that again. We are in this together. We’ll make this work.”
“We always do.”
He nodded, setting his forehead on hers and staring right into her eyes, long and deep. “Thank you.”
“Why are you thanking me?”
“For staying with me while I’ve been in school. Thank you for standing by me while allowing me to pursue my dreams. Thank you for supporting me and pushing me to act better and be better. Thank you for being my heart and soul and for making me feel at home in us, wherever you are. Even when we’re so far apart, I always find comfort in knowing I have us. Do you know what I mean?”
“I know exactly what you mean.” Tears slid from her eyes as he gently rocked her. “You’ve never said anything like that to me before.”
“Maturing,” he replied with a smile, as if to lighten the moment, but for the very first time, Charlie had tears in his eyes too.
“We both have,” she said softly, brushing the side of his eyes. He caught her wrist in his hand and pulled her closer.
“I love you.”
“I love you.”
He kissed her and finally let her go, shrugging on his backpack. “I’ll call you when I get there. Don’t worry, we’ll make this work.” His smile was reassuring.
“Yes, we will. We will make this work.” A few stray tears slid down her cheek, but she wasn’t sobbing anymore. In fact, Cami was half smiling when she watched Charlie back up a few steps before he stopped. With one last, long look and a sweet, genuine smile, he seemed to be forcing himself to turn and walk away to the boarding line. She watched him give the attendant his boarding pass and identification before taking his place in the long, snaking security line. He waved at her and she waved back before he disappeared around the corridor. Now, she was all alone. Cami blinked at all the strangers around her, a slice of humanity in the process of following their travel plans.
She sucked in more air, trying not to sob. The lump in her throat only grew larger and she wanted to cry. Scream. Sob. But she restrained the urge. She held herself together and even smiled for him despite the lead anchor in her heart that weighed her down.
Practice had already taught her, however, that the first moments after separation, and possibly the next hour or two would be the worst of it. It was best for her to go to bed early. Cami knew tomorrow would be a lot better.
Wandering out to the sky bridge, she walked across it, heading to the parking lot. Dejectedly, she found her car and flopped into it, leaning on the steering wheel and letting some more tears fall. She rationalized it was just sad to see someone you loved leaving on a plane.
However, now wasn’t like it was four years ago. Suffering from such deep insecurity about herself, she constantly worried if Charlie would be faithful or continue bothering with her at all. Straightening up, she threw her shoulders back and grabbed her seatbelt, clicking it into the latch. What was different? She certainly wasn’t working on self-improvement, but somehow, despite that, she really had changed. She was acting like a grown-up. She found some strength inside herself. Having become inured to their separate, yet together relationship, she actually honed her skills in perseverance and trust and communication. Things she once thought were all Charlie’s domain. But no. She was just as responsible for their success to date as he was.
Regardless of her betrayal and subsequent miscarriage, they found a way to stay together. She wasn’t the same way now because she’d grown up and succeeded in positive ways.
Now that they had to fa
ce another, much longer, separation with far more distance between them, an ocean even, she was not having a meltdown. She sighed, starting her car and using the GPS from her phone to guide her back to the freeway so she could head back to Jacob’s house in Everett. His name made her smile as she pictured Charlie being jealous. After a decade-long friendship. That showed how well Charlie knew her. She experienced the same things he listed over the summer she spent with Jacob. Those thoughts did flash through her mind, but she never surrendered to them or cheated. She never even considered it because she didn’t want to.
No, her heart was always so full of Charlie, for as long as she could remember. There was no room for her to indulge romantic thoughts of someone else. Never. No. No. She started laughing when a song she loved came over the radio. Turning it up to an ear-splitting level, she sang along, crying and smiling simultaneously. The reasons to smile came as she thought about Charlie’s surprisingly emotional goodbye. Then she remembered the night before. She finally seemed to “get” the confidence he felt about them. It took her longer (years, in fact) to develop. Something she never experienced until now.
Glancing up, she saw a Boeing 747 directly overhead. It was loud and low and crazy close as it roared free of Sea-Tac, starting its climb up into the sky to carry people somewhere else. Somewhere different. Perhaps exotic. Or utilitarian. Or extraordinary. People who were vacationing or conducting business or visiting family or returning home. She doubted that Charlie was seated on the plane, but she decided to pretend he was. She stared up for a few brief moments and accelerated her car as the radio blared and her heart began to burst, but she wasn’t crying. No, she was actually laughing as she pretended to fly away with the plane.
But she didn’t fly away. She had no desire to leave. She was too busy navigating through the multitude of cars surrounding her. Vacillating between two and four lanes, depending on the roadway or freeway onramp, Cami merged into the traffic that was already a sea of red taillights. It seemed as if all the commuters decided to go home at once and now, they were all stopped. Cami began to slowly work her way home in what mostly resembled a parking lot.
