by Anna King
* * *
Michael looked around his rooms for the last time, his face solemn. On the table stood his canvas bag already packed with his few possessions. He had been ready to leave an hour before, but something had kept him, a reluctance to leave the first real home he’d ever had. Leaning forward in his battered but comfortable armchair, he absently threw another lump of coal on the dying fire. He knew he should go now while his resolve was firm, but still he sat as though waiting.
Despite his confidence that Ruby would fall into his arms at the first opportunity, she had held herself in reserve whenever they were alone together. She was always friendly and obviously enjoyed his company, but that, it seemed now, was all she felt for him. Moodily he continued to stare into the dying embers of the fire before giving a soft derisive laugh. ‘Well, me boyo, it looks as if your Irish charm has failed this time!’ But, damn it, he had been so sure she felt something for him. How, knowing women as he did, could he have been so wrong?
The sight of her that afternoon decked out like a duchess had knocked him sideways. He’d always known she was pretty, but had never realised just how beautiful she was. Seeing her clothed in the long blue dress and wearing jewellery that obviously was worth a fortune had brought home to him just how far apart in class they were. It was only when he’d overheard that spiteful old harpy sneer at Ruby that he had realised he truly cared for the girl, and the shock of the discovery had almost sent him reeling. Him, Michael O’Brien in love? And if it wasn’t the everlasting kind of love the poets wrote about, it was the closest he would ever come to it. That painted old floozie had been lucky that the lemonade had only gone over her ridiculous dress; it had taken all his willpower to stop himself from hurling the jugful in her face! And as for that remark about not being able to buy her way into the upper class… Begod, some of them hadn’t a penny to call their own and would marry a hunchbacked one-eyed idiot as long as she brought a good dowry with her! At least he would have made her happy. But what was the use in staying here torturing himself; the sooner he was away, the better. Bending over, he banked down the fire, then swung his hessian bag over his shoulder. With one last fond look around the lodge he walked slowly to the door, only to stop in his tracks as a frantic hammering started on the door.
Who the hell could that be? Surely not Agnes again! Bejasus, the woman was harder to shake off than a flea on a mangy dog! Grimly he wrenched open the door, only to fall back in surprise at the sight of Ruby standing in the doorway. ‘What… ?’
He staggered as she pushed past him, then watched in bewilderment and hope as she positioned herself in front of the dying fire. She had changed out of her finery into her more familiar attire, and for that alone he was grateful. He saw clearly the trembling of her body and longed to go forward and take her in his arms, but she must make the first move. Anything that happened now would be her choice. His own breathing became restricted as he waited for her to speak, while thinking, ‘Holy Mother of Mercy, make her choice be me!’
Across the room, Ruby licked her lips nervously, her hands tightly clasped. Breathing heavily as if she’d run up a steep hill, she gazed at the tall dark-haired man, her thoughts galloping. What if he said no? What if he laughed at her? Her spirit would be crushed to the ground, but who would know? Only the two of them, and he would be gone, but she couldn’t let him go without knowing how he felt.
Straightening her back, she took another deep breath and then, with all the courage she possessed, said quietly, ‘Agnes tells me you are leaving.’ Her eyes flickered towards the bag that lay at his feet. ‘I see she was telling the truth. But before you go, there is something I have to tell you. I love you, Michael, and if you go, a part of me will die. I think you feel a certain affection for me, and so I’ve come to ask you if you will take me with you. I don’t expect you to marry me, but feeling as I do, I’ll be quite happy to live with you, if only for a short while. Please, Michael, take me with you, or stay here with me? I won’t make any demands. I just…’
Her voice broke as the tears began to fall, and with one bound Michael was standing in front of her, his arms round her. Pulling her close, he murmured into her hair, ‘Ah, Ruby, Ruby, don’t! Don’t demean yourself. I’d be proud to make you me wife. And I’ll make you happy, Ruby, I swear by the Blessed Virgin you’ll never regret this day. Oh, me darling, me darling Ruby!’
Ruby felt her body shudder with relief and joy. He wanted her. Michael O’Brien, who could have his pick of women, wanted her. Closing her eyes, she buried her head against his broad chest.
Chapter Nineteen
‘I believe there is something you wish to tell me, Ruby. Please don’t keep us in suspense; we are all anxiously waiting to hear the news.’
The thinly-veiled contempt in her father’s voice made Ruby’s stomach contract painfully. She stared down at him as he sat behind the safety of his desk, his eyes daring her to speak the words she had rehearsed for days. Under his penetrating gaze her courage deserted her, and she looked nervously to where Dr Benson stood silently by the window, his face turned towards the street, his hands clasped firmly behind his back. Seeing the familiar figure here in the library had been a severe shock to her. When he had told her the week before that he would be unable to accompany her on her fortnightly visit due to pressure of work, she had believed him, why shouldn’t she have?
All the way home in the cab she had gone over and over in her mind what she would say to her dad once she arrived. Now it appeared that she had no need to worry; it was obvious the news had already been broken to him. She wondered briefly whose idea it had been, Dr Benson’s or Lady Caldworthy’s, but what did it matter? The painful task had been taken out of her hands and she didn’t know whether to be grateful to Dr Benson for sparing her the ordeal or angry with him for his betrayal. God, she felt sick! She could feel her head begin to jerk alarmingly and told herself to calm down. She had known the interview with her dad would be difficult and painful, but she hadn’t bargained on the look of fury and something akin to distaste in his eyes. Silently she thanked God she hadn’t allowed Michael to accompany her as he wanted to; his presence would only have aggravated the already tense atmosphere. Turning her head slightly, she looked to where her mother was sitting quietly, her eyes full of pain as she returned Ruby’s gaze.
‘Well, Ruby, I’m waiting. We are all waiting to hear this startling revelation you intended to spring upon us,’ Bernard said coldly, his thin lips set into a grim line.
Ruby’s attention was brought forcibly back to the man sitting behind the desk, and as she once again looked into his eyes she felt a moment of fear as she recalled Lily’s words: for this man sitting so quietly looked as if he could indeed commit murder. It was as if she were looking into the face of a stranger, and her fear grew so strong that she glanced wildly to her mother for support. But Daisy’s head was bowed, her hands covering her face as if she were unable to witness the scene before her. Dr Benson also remained staring resolutely out of the window as if determined not to meet her anguished gaze. Her whole body was shaking now, the only thought in her mind to flee this room and make her way back to Michael and the safety of his arms.
But before she went, she had to defend herself, and so, taking a deep trembling breath, she said shakily, ‘I’m sorry, Dad, and you too, Mum. I never meant to hurt either of you, it just happened. I love Michael and he loves me. And— and we want to get married as— as soon as possible. Please don’t be angry with me; I— I only want to be happy. Please try to understand… Please?’ The sound of the placating tone of her voice sickened her, and swallowing the bile that had risen in her throat, she stood silently waiting for her father to speak, her eyes begging him to understand.
Bernard looked at his daughter, his proud beautiful daughter, the one person in his life he had tried so hard to protect from the outside world, and felt the hatred building in him for the unknown man who had taken her from him. Grinding his teeth, he said scornfully, ‘An Irishman, the scum of the
earth. Couldn’t you do better than that, Ruby? Or had you become so desperate for a husband that you’d marry anyone so long as you had a man in your bed?’
She was going to be sick. She had to get out of this room before she vomited on the carpet! With a supreme effort she turned to leave, her voice dejected as she said, ‘There’s no point in my staying here. I— I’ll go and pack the remainder of my belongings. Maybe— maybe when you’ve had time to calm down, you’ll… you’ll reconsider what you’ve said and how you’ve hurt me. I’ve done wrong in not telling you about Michael, but I thought… I really thought that once your anger had abated, you’d see how I felt and want me to be happy, but I see now I was wrong.’ She wanted to say more, much more, but the lump in her throat was constricting her breathing. Casting one last pleading look in Daisy’s direction, she turned to leave.
‘Just a minute, Ruby. Aren’t you forgetting something?’ Ruby stopped abruptly, a faint glimmer of hope stirring in her breast, a hope that died instantly at the sound of her father’s next words. ‘Your grandmother’s necklace and earrings. You have them with you, I trust?’.
Wordlessly Ruby bent over her bag and delved into the interior until she found the velvet-lined case, then with trembling fingers she laid it on the desk. The sound of quiet sobbing came from where Daisy was sitting in the armchair, her body now rocking back and forth in anguish. She stared at her mother, her eyes wide with distress. ‘Oh, Mum, don’t! Please don’t! Everything will workout. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I wouldn’t have deliberately hurt you for the world.’
‘That’s enough,’ Bernard snapped sharply. ‘Take what you need from your room and go before I do something I’ll regret.’
The hot tears blurring her vision, Ruby made one last effort to reconcile herself with her parents. Her voice thick with emotion, she cried desperately, ‘I don’t understand, Dad! I mean, I knew you’d be angry. I expected it, but not this… not this contempt and hatred you’ve levelled at me since I came into this room. Why, why are you behaving like this? I’ve done nothing wrong except to fall in love. And he’s a good man; he is, Dad. If you’d only agree to meet him… you’d see the man he is… Please, Dad, I’m begging you. Don’t let me go like this… Please!’ She broke off as the deep heart-wrenching sobs tore at her body, but Bernard remained unmoved.
‘That’s enough!’ he bellowed, banging his fist on the desk. ‘You stand there asking why. It would seem that your Irishman has not only made you into a whore, he’s also turned you into a consummate liar!’
The vicious words caused Ruby to stagger back in disbelief. ‘What are you talking about? I…’
‘I said that’s enough!’ Bernard was on his feet now, his face only inches from her own. ‘You were seen leaving the man’s lodgings in the early hours of the morning, so don’t bother trying to deny it. Why do you think I haven’t forbidden you to marry? If, as you imply, you have done nothing to be ashamed of, why do you think I would allow you to leave here to return to your Irish tinker?’ Unblinking, she stared at him in horror. There seemed to be no recognisable feature in the face before her, so suffused was it with anger. ‘You thought you were clever, didn’t you, eh? Get yourself pregnant and force my hand, is that what the pair of you planned? Is it? Well now, you can take yourself back to your lover and tell him the plan didn’t work. If, when he finds there’s no money coming with you, he still wants to marry you, you have my permission, but only because I don’t want the added shame of a bastard grandchild.’
Ruby clutched at the front of the desk. Oh, God… Oh dear God, so that was what they all thought. But it wasn’t true. She had stayed with Michael for hours talking over their future and the pitfalls that lay ahead of them, but they hadn’t… Oh, they hadn’t! Who could have carried such a tale? But did she need to ask? Who else but Agnes? She must have been spying on them that night. But that her family could believe such a story without giving her the chance to defend herself was unforgivable.
She felt the anger and outrage rising in her and, leaning forward, shouted into Bernard’s face, ‘Yes, it’s true, I slept with a man, and it was wonderful, do you hear? If you’d had your way I’d have remained a virgin for the rest of my life. Ever since I came into the room, you’ve acted more like an outraged husband than a father. Why are you so upset at the thought of my having a lover? Your behaviour goes beyond any paternal feelings. Were you planning on saving me for yourself?’
‘Ruby, stop it, stop it, child! Don’t make things worse.’ Daisy was out of her chair, her hands stretched in front of her in supplication, the tears still raining down her face.
Bernard stood rigid, the accusation Ruby had thrown striking a chord, forcing him to realise just how near the truth she had come. The knowledge was unbearable and, raising his arm high in the air, he brought the full force of it down on Ruby, the flat of his hand crashing against her face. The blow sent her reeling backwards and, before Daisy could reach her side, she fell heavily to the floor.
Bernard looked at the prone body, his eyes wide with disbelief and horror. All these years he had tried to ignore Ruby’s handicap, pushing the memories of the early days to the far corner of his mind, but now the truth was staring him in the face. As Daisy and Dr Benson rushed to help Ruby to her feet, he closed his eyes, but the image of her lying on the floor, her dress rumpled up around her hip to reveal the wooden leg and the leather straps attached to the white flesh, stayed fixed in his mind.
Within seconds of falling, Ruby had frantically pushed her dress down, but too late. Stunned with shock and humiliation, she stared up into Bernard’s ashen face. His eyes open now, he flinched as if he too had been struck by the look of pure hatred that was flaring from his daughter’s pain-filled eyes.
‘Oh, Ruby, Ruby, dear, come on, get up! Look, put your arm round my neck. That’s it, come on.’ Daisy struggled to lift her from the floor, assisted by Dr Benson, the old man’s normally placid face quivering with suppressed rage. When Ruby was standing once more, Daisy placed her arm tenderly round her waist before leading her from the room.
As the door closed quietly behind them, Dr Benson rounded on Bernard. ‘What in God’s name has come over you, man?’ he thundered at the now calm figure still standing behind his desk. ‘When I told you about Ruby and the gardener, I explained that it was only hearsay from one of the maids at the house. Why didn’t you give the girl a chance to defend herself? When I agreed with Daisy to let you talk to Ruby without interference, we neither of us thought you would react in such a despicable way. You treated your own daughter as if she were no more than a common slut. Why, Bernard? Why did you behave in such a way? And to strike her! Dear God, that I should witness such an act.’
Shaking his head sadly, he turned on his heel, anxious now to get to Ruby and see if there was anything he could do to help the poor girl. A feeling of guilt weighed heavily on his frail shoulders. He had thought he was acting for the best, but he had badly underestimated his old friend. Pulling the door open, he paused for a moment before facing Bernard once more to say gravely, ‘We have been friends for a good number of years, Bernard, and I thought I knew you. It seems I was mistaken. You sought to shame Ruby, but she walked from this room with dignity. It is you, Bernard, who has been shamed.’ With those damning words he left the room.
Bernard sank slowly into his leather chair, staring sightlessly at the closed door. He had hit her; he had raised his hand and struck out at the beloved face, felling his daughter to the floor, and the sight of her lying there helpless would stay with him forever. His head sunk low on his chest, he muttered, ‘Oh, God, why? Why did I hit her? I never meant to.’ But even as he whispered the words, his mind screamed the reason at him. He had lashed out at her because he felt as if she had betrayed him, and the image of her lying naked with an unknown man had sent him into such a fury he hadn’t been able to control his actions. Now his rage had subsided, he recalled the words she had flung in his face and admitted to himself that there was some truth in her accusa
tions. He had never wanted her to leave home, had never wanted her to marry. Instead, he had tried to keep her by his side so that he could watch over her and shield her from the outside world. He wanted to shield her from any more hurt, and instead it had been he himself who had hurt her the most.
The muted sounds from the hall suddenly became louder, and raising his head, he heard the familiar voice of his elder son shouting, ‘He did what?’
The words held a note of incredulity, and were quickly followed by Daisy’s pleading tone, ‘No, Bertie, leave it, please. There’s been enough damage done today.’
Then the door was flung open as Bertie, still clothed in his uniform, burst into the room. In three quick strides he was standing by the desk, his hands clutching at his open cloak. He stood silently, the muscles of his face working furiously, and then, his voice low and bitter he growled, ‘You miserable bastard, for two pins I’d give you a taste of your own medicine! The only thing stopping me from hitting you is respect for Mother; I don’t think she can take much more today. But this I will tell you. You were wrong about Ruby, she’s as innocent as the day she was born, and now you’ve lost her. Oh, yes, Father, you’ve lost her for good, and that knowledge alone will cause you more pain that I could cause by striking you as you deserve. Now I’ll give you some good news. You look as if you need some! I’m going upstairs now to pack my things. Oh, I know that won’t cause you any distress, because you’ve never liked me, have you, Father?’ Bertie waited for an answer, the rage in his voice unable to mask the unspoken plea in his question.
Bernard however, remained as though turned to stone. The two men stared at each other for a moment longer, then, with an exclamation of disgust, Bertie turned away from him, saying bitterly, ‘At least some good has come out of today’s revelations! You won’t have to put up with the sight of a common policeman around your precious home after today. You’ll be able to entertain your friends in comfort, without fear that I’ll walk into the room and shame you. God, you make me sick!’
