by Anna King
Did she understand? No, she didn’t, not really, but if he was determined to go, she would make it as easy for him as possible. Placing her hand over his, she said shakily, ‘If that’s what you want to do, then do it. As you said, I can manage on my own now, but I won’t be on my own, will I? I’ll still have Lily with me, and… Bertie, what’s the matter?’ she cried in alarm as he jumped to his feet, the sudden movement knocking over the cup of cocoa.
‘I’m going to ask Lily to come with me,’ he blurted out, his eyes fixed firmly on the floor. ‘I haven’t said anything to her yet, but I intend to ask her tomorrow, and-and I’m pretty sure she’ll say yes. Oh, Ruby, don’t look at me like that, please! This is hard enough for me as it is.’
Ruby’s body felt frozen with shock. She had been half-expecting him to leave, but to take Lily with him! She’d have no one left. George came round only when it suited him, and much as she liked Rene, they didn’t have much in common outside work. There were the children, of course, but it wasn’t the same as having someone of her own age to talk to, to share things with, and Lily was more like a sister to her than a friend. If she left her as well, she’d be truly alone. Oh, he couldn’t, he couldn’t! She felt a surge of anger rush through her and, ignoring the cocoa that was now running over the edge of the table, she said between clenched teeth, ‘Do you intend to marry her, Bertie, or is she to be just a bit on the side? Because if that’s your intention, then you’ll have me to deal with. She’s worth more than that… You know she is. Oh, you’re right – she’ll go with you, she’s loved you for years, but how do you feel? Do you love her? Well, answer me, damn it! Do you love her?’
‘Yes, I love her,’ Bertie shouted back, his face ablaze with anger. ‘How could you think otherwise? But you know I can’t marry her, not until I’m absolutely sure that Amy won’t come back. It’ll be years before I can get a divorce on grounds of desertion; you know the law. But the minute I’m free, I intend to marry Lily, if she’ll have me.’
‘Oh, she’ll have you all right!’ she said bitterly. ‘And what if she falls for a baby while you’re waiting for your divorce? Do you think Lily will be happy knowing her child, or children, will be known as bastards?’
Bertie slammed his fist into his hand, crying, ‘There are ways to prevent that happening, but— but I don’t want to prevent it, I want children, and given Lily’s age we wouldn’t be able to put off having a family long anyway. Besides, that’s nothing to do with you. Whether or not we have children is between Lily and me.’
Silently she sank back in her chair, then said, ‘You’ve got it all worked out, haven’t you? And that being the case, there’s nothing left for me to say except Goodnight. Or should it be Goodbye?’
‘Ruby, don’t say that!’ he entreated, his anger evaporating at the sight of her woeful expression. ‘Look, I promise we’ll come to visit, say for the weekend – when I get the time off that is, and…’
‘You can let yourself out, can’t you, Bertie? I’m going to bed.’ Bertie looked at her helplessly, and then with a loud exaggerated sigh, he turned sharply on his heel and walked out.
Ruby stared after the retreating figure with hard eyes, and when she heard the front door shut, she thought bitterly, ‘The selfish bastard! But what man isn’t?’ When it came right down to it, they were all the same, every last one of them. Look at Michael! Disappearing without even saying goodbye to his children, and probably right at this moment having a drink with friends in a pub somewhere in Ireland without a thought for the people he’d left behind. So angry and upset was she that she forgot for the moment the reason Michael had left. Picking up the lamp, she walked into the bedroom, and sitting down heavily, muttered furiously, ‘Damn them all, I don’t need anyone! I can look after myself. Damn them all to hell!’
* * *
Euston Station was packed solid with people and their suitcases. Ruby, Bertie and Lily stood in a tight circle on the platform as the milling throng jostled and pushed past them.
‘Well, we’d best be getting on the train, or we’ll never get a seat, and I don’t fancy standing up all the way to Northampton,’ Bertie said awkwardly.
‘Yes, of course. You get settled, and I’ll wait here and wave you both off,’ Ruby replied, her lips stretched wide as she fought to conceal her distress.
Picking up the two brown suitcases, Bertie hesitated for a minute, then, setting them down once more, he took Ruby in his arms. ‘I’ll write as soon as we arrive, I promise, and we’ll come back to visit the first chance we get.’
Ruby laid her head on his shoulder, her arms tightening round his neck. ‘I’m sorry for what I said that night, Bertie,’ she said, careful not to let Lily overhear. ‘I was very upset and angry. I didn’t mean to hurt you, and I know you’ll take good care of Lily. It’s just that…’
‘I know. I know,’ he replied reassuringly.
Pulling away from him, she smoothed down her dress and said brightly, ‘Well, you’d better get on board before the train starts.’
He bent down and kissed her lightly on the cheek. ‘I’ll put the suitcases on board while you two say goodbye.’
When he had gone, Ruby and Lily stood looking at each other for a long moment, and then with a loud cry, Lily threw herself into Ruby’s arms. ‘Oh, Ruby, I’m going to miss you, and the children. Look… If you want me to stay, you only have to say, you know that. I wouldn’t leave you if you didn’t want me to.’
Ruby felt as if she had an obstruction in her throat; any minute now she was going to break down, and if that happened, she knew Lily would change her mind about leaving. And much as she wanted her friend to stay, she knew it would be unfair. Clearing her throat, she said firmly, ‘Now, we’ve had all this out. In fact we’ve spoken of nothing else this past month! I’ll be perfectly all right, and now that I’ve decided to buy that shop, I’ll be too busy to miss you. Go on, Bertie’s waiting for you.’
They pulled apart, only to come together again, their arms wrapped tightly round each other. Ruby stared desolately over Lily’s shoulder. Dear God, she couldn’t take much more of this… she couldn’t! Firmly she disentangled Lily’s arms and was about to speak, when a porter came hurrying down the platform.
‘This train will be delayed for half an hour,’ he shouted. ‘The company offers its apologies for any inconvenience.’
Ruby heard the announcement with dismay. She couldn’t stay another half-hour; she had to get away now. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she spoke cheerfully. ‘Goodness, I can’t wait that long! Rene’s probably pulling out her hair by now looking after those two devils. I should have brought them with me, I suppose, but you know what they’re like. They’d have been lost among the crowd in two minutes flat.’
‘Give them another kiss from me, will you, Ruby?’ Lily pleaded. ‘And get them to write to me, won’t you?’
‘Yes, of course. Now get going, else Bertie will come looking for you.’ Ruby watched, still smiling, as Lily climbed into the train, and with a last wave she turned and walked away. She hadn’t gone more than a few yards when the dam broke, and heedless of the crowds around, she groped blindly for a nearby bench. Once seated, she put her face in her hands and wept.
At that moment, Lily too was weeping profusely, her head cradled against Bertie’s shoulder. Suddenly she pulled away, hiccuping loudly. ‘Goodness, I – I forgot to give Ruby the present I bought for the children!’ Getting to her feet, she fumbled in the wicker basket by her feet. ‘Here it is! Look, I’ll run after her; she can’t have gone far. I’ve got plenty of time. I won’t be long.’
‘Can’t you send it to her? I mean, the train could pull out at any time.’
‘No, it won’t. You heard the announcement. Anyway, I’ll be quick.’ Before Bertie could say another word she had leapt to her feet, and within minutes was out on the platform, anxiously scanning the hordes of people for a glimpse of Ruby. Pushing her way through the crowd, she looked over to the exit, her face falling as she realised that she
was too late. With a resigned expression, she turned and made her way back to the train, only to stop again as she caught sight of Ruby sitting alone on a bench in the middle of the station. Her face lighting up with relief, she went towards the lone figure, a part of her mind wondering why Ruby hadn’t left. Just as she was about to touch her on the shoulder, she noticed the shuddering sobs that were tearing through her slender body, and felt the tears spring to her own eyes as she drew her hand back. Oh, poor Ruby! All that bravado she’d displayed over the past month had been a front to hide her true feelings. In those few seconds she made up her mind and raced back to the train.
Bertie, amazed, saw Lily run into the carriage and begin pulling her suitcase from the rack. ‘Wh— What are you doing!’ he exclaimed in disbelief.
‘I’m doing what I should have done earlier! I’m staying with Ruby. I don’t know how I could have even thought of leaving her. I’m sorry, Bertie, I…’
Bertie sprang to his feet, his eyes wide with dismay. ‘You can’t leave me like this… we had it all planned! Everything’s waiting for us in Northampton. Look…’ he gabbled feverishly, ‘Ruby will be all right. She’s strong, she doesn’t need anyone to look after her; she never has done.’
Lily pulled herself away, and, her face full of sadness, she answered, ‘There you are wrong, Bertie! She does need someone, and never more than now.’
‘But I need you, Lily. I need you by my side.’ He was pleading now, and Lily, unable to witness his anguish, turned her eyes away.
In a voice that was barely a whisper, she murmured, ‘I love you, Bertie, and I always will, but my Ruby needs me more than you do, and I owe her… owe her more than you could ever imagine. I’ll still be here when you come back. Goodbye, Bertie, and good luck.’
Bertie watched helplessly as she walked from the carriage, his whole body shaking with shock at this unexpected turn of events. Sinking back down on the seat he stared out of the window, his expression bleak.
* * *
‘Are you all right, miss?’ enquired an anxious porter.
Ruby looked up into his ruddy face, and smiled wanly. ‘All the better for having a good cry,’ she replied as she wiped away the last of the tears. When the man had gone, she took a deep breath and rose from the bench. Whatever had possessed her to break down like that, especially in front of a crowd of strangers? But perhaps it had happened for the best, as already she could feel her strength returning. It was as she’d said to the porter: a good cry could do one a power of good. Putting the sodden handkerchief back in her pocket, she adjusted her hat and made her way to the exit. As she walked to the cab-rank, she thought back over the past month and the dreadful depression she had endured at the thought of managing without Lily. Of course she would miss her friend, but she had leaned on her for long enough, and although she would have dearly loved to have her with her for just another couple of months, she had done the right thing in letting her go.
Suddenly a man, hurrying to catch his train, cannoned into her. ‘Sorry, love, didn’t see you for a minute. You all right?’
‘Yes, thank you,’ she answered and then felt herself redden under his admiring gaze. Quickly she moved off, aware that his eyes were following her. Grinning to herself, she thought cheerfully, ‘Well, Ruby, old girl, you can still attract attention!’ Maybe it was time she stopped waiting for Michael to come back and found herself a new man. Not with any view to marrying again – Lord no – still, it never hurt to look! She wasn’t dead yet. Sneaking a quick glance over her shoulder, she saw with pleasure that the man was still staring after her. Returning her attention to the road, she saw a cab coming towards her and quickly lifted her hand, and as it pulled up alongside, she repeated to herself, no, she was far from dead, in fact she had her whole life in front of her, and she intended to make the most of it.
* * *
‘Excuse me! Oh, please let me through!’ Lily shouted as she struggled with her heavy suitcase through the crowd of people that were blocking her way. After what seemed an eternity she emerged by the bench where she’d last seen Ruby, and gaped with disappointment at the sight of the two strangers now sitting there. She looked frantically around, then dragging her suitcase, she made her way towards the exit. Once outside, she glanced up and down at the row of hansom carriages waiting for passengers and was just in time to see Ruby climbing into one at the far end of the row. With a strength she didn’t know she possessed, she picked up the suitcase and, half running, stumbled down the road shouting wildly, ‘Hey, Ruby! Wait for me!’
Ruby was half-way into the carriage when she heard the familiar voice. Stunned with surprise, she turned to see Lily, staggering under the weight of her luggage, coming, towards her. ‘Wh— What’s happened? Why aren’t you on the train?’ she stuttered.
Puffing and panting, Lily came to a halt beside the cab, and then looking up at her friend with red-rimmed eyes she smiled lopsidedly and in a tremulous voice asked, ‘Can I have a lift? I’m going your way.’
‘Oh, Lily,’ Ruby said softly, her voice filled with guilt at the knowledge that her friend had left the man she loved to be with her. Slumping down on the seat, she sought the right words to say to the woman standing expectantly before her. ‘Lily,’ she repeated nervously, ‘you don’t have to do this for me. I’m grateful! Believe me, I’m grateful, but I can cope on my own now. You have your own life to lead. Go back to Bertie, please, before the train leaves.’
Lily dropped her suitcase onto the pavement, her happy smile replaced by a look of astonishment. Even though Ruby’s eyes were still red from crying, she could sense that the old familiar Ruby was back – fighting fit, and independent once more. Her sacrifice in leaving Bertie had been for nothing… nothing! ‘You don’t need me any more, then,’ she said miserably, her eyes fastened on her suitcase.
Ruby looked down at the bent head, not knowing what to say. She knew what it must have cost Lily to leave Bertie and come after her; to tell her now that she was no longer dependent on her would be the same as throwing her friend’s kindness back in her face. Leaning forward, she touched her gently on the shoulder. ‘I’ll always need you, Lily. Even when I’m old and grey, I’d like to know you’ll be there for me.’
Lily lifted her head and, in a voice that was far from steady, asked, ‘Do you really mean that, Ruby?’
‘Of course I do. Now let’s go home; the children will be waiting.’
As the cab pulled away from the kerb, she took hold of Lily’s hand. She’d give it another couple of months and then she’d make sure that Lily joined Bertie in Northampton; and once she’d gone, she, Ruby, would set about the business of getting on with her life. But for now, she was content to have the company of her friend for just a little longer.
First published in the United Kingdom in 1991 by Random House
This edition published in the United Kingdom in 2017 by
Canelo Digital Publishing Limited
57 Shepherds Lane
Beaconsfield, Bucks HP9 2DU
United Kingdom
Copyright © Anna King, 1991
The moral right of Anna King to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
ISBN 9781788630122
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, organizations, places and events are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.
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