She screamed, and screamed again, even though she knew sound didn’t carry in a vacuum. And then a pair of strong hands were on her biceps, shaking her, Derek’s voice saying urgently, “Cassidy, wake up! Wake up!”
Her eyes snapped open, and she realized she was in the cockpit, one leg tucked under her, gone dead and asleep from the pressure of her weight. With a grimace, she slid it out, feeling the sharp prick of pins and needles as blood began to rush back into the limb.
“What was it?” Derek asked, worried dark eyes scanning her face.
“What do you think it was?” she snapped, angry at herself for losing control like that. “Just a nightmare.”
His eyebrows lifted. “It must have been a hell of a nightmare. You were screaming like you were being murdered.”
Maybe she had. It certainly felt that way. A shiver went over her, and she knotted her fingers together, willing the dregs of the nightmare away. “It’s no big deal. I guess I must be more stressed than I thought.”
No reply, only an expectant look as he stood there, rocking back slightly on his heels. For the first time she realized he was dressed for sleep, wearing baggy pajama bottoms and a tight-fitting T-shirt. His biceps bulged against the sleeves, and she swallowed and made herself look away. Why the hell did he have to be so…distracting?
“Okay,” she said, relenting when it became obvious that he had no problem with standing there and staring at her until she told him what the dream had been about. “I was in space, and something grabbed me.”
“Something?”
“A corpse wearing a GDF uniform,” she snapped. “Satisfied?”
Actually, he didn’t look satisfied at all. His jaw tightened, and his brows drew together as he regarded her carefully. “He would have killed you, given the chance.”
Intellectually, she knew that, knew she’d only done what she must in order to stay alive. Sure, killing someone was way outside her comfort zone, but she’d kept telling herself that those pilots had sure as hell intended to kill her and Derek, and stealing their ship was the only way to survive. And maybe her conscious mind had accepted that “ends justify the means” argument, while the whole time her subconscious had been saving up a huge ration of guilt, just waiting to launch it at her at the first opportune moment.
“I guess it was,” she replied, giving what she knew was a very half-hearted shrug. All she wanted was for him to stop staring at her with those worried eyes, as if he feared this was just the beginning, that she was going to fall apart when he needed her most. “I don’t like that I had to kill anyone, even though I was only doing what had to be done. I guess it just…caught up with me.”
He reached out to her then, to lay what he no doubt thought was a comforting hand on her shoulder. But something about feeling the warmth of his flesh through the thin fabric of her shirt seemed to touch off a spark within her, something that seemed to shimmer and dance along every nerve ending. Although she hadn’t intended to, she sucked in a breath, the gasp sounding hideously loud in the close confines of the cockpit.
For some reason she’d thought he’d pull his hand away then. He didn’t, though. His fingers tightened on her shoulder for the briefest of seconds, then slid down to her arm. It was a caress. Cassidy knew there could be no other word for it. She also knew she should pull away, shouldn’t let him continue to touch her. The situation was complicated enough already — did she really intend to make it worse?
Raising her eyes to his, she pulled in another breath. He was watching her with that same careful gaze she’d come to recognize, but beneath it was a steady, hot glow, one of desire. There was no mistaking it this time, no pushing it away and trying to call it something else. She could tell he was waiting for her to react. He wouldn’t force this. The final decision would have to come from her.
Before she realized precisely what she was doing, she was pushing herself up out of the captain’s seat, standing so she was only a scant few inches away from him. He smelled good, she realized, of soap and warm skin, and as she inhaled that enticing aroma, she knew she was lost. She could blame it on stress, on weariness, on being so damn tired of feeling alone, but she knew it was more than that, more than she wanted to acknowledge.
And then she was tilting her face up toward his, and he was bending down to her, and oh, God, that was his mouth on hers, soft and strong at the same time, and his tongue, tasting of peppermint. She let out some kind of incoherent sound, half sigh, half groan, and she was pressing against him, feeling the hardness of his muscles, feeling the hardness of something else through the thin fabric of his pajama pants. Heat flickered in her core, and she knew she wanted him in her, wanted it more than anything she could remember wanting. It seemed this desire had flared up out of nowhere, like a nuclear explosion, and she could only wrap her arms around him and pull him more closely against her, needing to feel as much of him as possible.
In that moment, he lifted his mouth from hers and asked, his voice hoarse, “Is this — is this something you want? Because I didn’t expect this to happen — ”
“I want it,” she murmured, and brushed her hand against the bulge in his pants. “Believe me. I know it’s crazy, but I don’t care.”
“Neither do I,” he said, bending to kiss her again.
Ah, the delicious sensation of his mouth pressed against hers! No one had ever kissed her like this before, so full of need, of desire, with an intensity that seemed to push all other concerns to the side.
She didn’t want to pull away from him, but there were other places on board this ship far better suited to the kind of activity she had in mind. So she ended the kiss, but gently, then took his hand and guided him to the largest cabin, the one he’d said should be hers. She’d been so focused on getting the ship away from Triton that she hadn’t even come back here to explore yet, but what she saw now pleased here — a decent-sized stateroom with a bed big enough for two, the walls a soft gray-blue, a small table up against a wall. The bag containing the items she’d brought away from Triton was sitting on that table, which meant the bed was blessedly unobstructed.
If she paused now, she knew she might lose her nerve, so she didn’t stop, drew Derek toward the bed, sank down on it and pulled him down with her, feeling the weight of his body on top of hers, the hardness of his arousal against her thigh. He was kissing her again, but at the same time she felt his hands moving over her, finding the fasteners for her shirt, pulling it loose from the waistband of her trousers. Then it was his fingers against the bare flesh of her stomach, a touch that ratcheted up the heat within her, causing her to wrap her legs around him, pull him closer. It was as if she needed to have every inch of her body touching every inch of his, and so she didn’t protest when he undid her bra, pushed it up and over her breasts, caught hold of both it and her shirt and pulled them away. At the same time, she grasped his T-shirt and yanked it over his head.
God, she wanted to groan aloud at the sight of him, at the hard muscles of his chest, his flat stomach, all that wonderful smooth golden-brown skin. How had he managed to stay in that kind of shape during his stint at the MaxSec? She’d have to ask him later…if she could hold on to the thought that long. Right now her body was screaming for him, for all of him. It had been way too long since she’d been with anyone, let alone someone like Derek.
Actually, she’d never been with someone like him. He was as far outside her experience as daily life on Eridani. But you know what they say about new experiences….
His hands were on her pants, undoing them as well, pulling them away. Somehow her underwear seemed to go with them. Not that she minded. One less obstruction between her and the thing she wanted more than anything right now. Her own fingers were pulling at his pajama bottoms, and then he was free, and she could see how much he wanted her, how big he was, and she didn’t stop to think, didn’t wait, only ran her hand down his shaft, feeling the smooth skin, the hot, heavy weight of his need.
He moaned, and she continued to stroke h
im, even as he shifted so his mouth could close on her nipple, his tongue moving in slow, teasing circles. She hadn’t been expecting that, and gasped, but didn’t release her hold on him, not even when one of his hands moved downward, found the wet heat at her core.
This from a man who claimed he’d never had much time for women? Cassidy wasn’t sure she believed that, since he seemed to know exactly where to touch her, how to touch her. Slow and purposeful, fingers curling into her so she leaned her head back against the pillows and felt the pressure building within, the hot waves of arousal pulsing closer and closer together, until at last they coalesced into an explosion of pleasure, one that rippled all through her, aftershocks leaving her limbs trembling.
She must have let go of Derek while in the throes of ecstasy, because she felt him move against her, felt him heavy and thick against her inner thigh. So, so close….
In ages past, she might have had to worry about getting pregnant, or catching a disease. But she’d had all her shots, and she knew Derek, coming from MaxSec, where he’d been kept in solitary, would also be clean. It was so easy, then, for him to slide into her, for there not to be a single second of hesitation or doubt. Her hand moved up to glide along his neck, then run through his thick hair, even as her other hand slid down, feeling the muscles in his firm ass flex as he thrust into her.
And then all she could think about was how good he felt, how he fit into her so well, how they seemed to know exactly how to move together, to rock into one another as if they’d done this a hundred times before. His breathing sped up, but she could almost feel him trying to hold back his orgasm, to make sure he didn’t reach climax before she did. She wanted to tell him that it was all right, that he’d already made her come, and he probably needed the release even more than she did. The words seemed to get caught in her throat, however, and all she could do was keep rocking him into her, feeling that pulsing warmth at her center once again, and she knew he wouldn’t have to wait very long, wouldn’t have to restrain himself for much longer.
The orgasm struck her with the force of a terrestrial hurricane, and she screamed as she came, letting it all go, not caring how much noise she made. Derek seemed to take that as his signal, because he sped up, driving into her, his own breathing quickening, coming in harsh rasps, and then she could feel it hit him as well, feel him drive into her one last time as his own orgasm shuddered through him. He moaned, fine jaw clenched, and then he collapsed onto her as if he didn’t have the strength to hold himself up any longer.
Not that she minded. She liked the feel of his weight, liked feeling his slightly sweat-slick body pressed against hers. He felt real, and close, and she knew then that she never wanted him to leave.
After a long, heavy silence, he pushed himself off her and rolled over onto his side. One hand reached out to brush a stray lock of hair away from her face.
This was the moment when all the men she’d known would climb out of bed, using the excuse that they needed to get cleaned up, and hey, it had been fun, and they’d be in touch. Not that they ever called, and Cassidy found she didn’t much care.
Now, though, she found herself holding her breath, wondering what Derek was going to do, what he was going to say. True, they were on a spaceship; there was a limit to how much distance he could put between the two of them. Even so, she braced herself for the inevitable rejection.
It didn’t come. He watched her, dark eyes thoughtful. Then he said, “You’re beautiful, Cassidy.”
Under normal circumstances, she would have laughed, or made a sarcastic comment about his eyesight. But there was something so achingly raw in the way he looked at her, the way he seemed to take in every aspect of her face and body, that she knew she couldn’t make the standard response. It would wound him. He’d opened himself up to her and told her about the rift with his father, had been honest and real, and she knew she had to accept the gift he’d given her, not throw it back in his face.
“Thank you,” she said quietly, although she couldn’t help adding, “No one’s ever said that to me before.”
His eyebrows lifted. “And here I thought bad eyesight had been all but eradicated.”
There was nothing to do but laugh then, so she chuckled, even as she shook her head. “Let’s just say that most of the men I’ve known haven’t been real big on giving compliments.”
“I don’t like to think of it as giving you a compliment, only stating the obvious truth.”
What could she say to that? Cassidy couldn’t think of a good reply, so she settled for leaning over and giving him a quick kiss. That seemed safe enough. Just a light touch of her mouth to his, enough to show that she appreciated his remark, even if she wasn’t quite ready to go another round.
It seemed that he had other ideas, however, since he reached out and drew her close, deepening the kiss, even as she felt him hardening against her and knew he was ready even if she wasn’t.
Okay, scratch that. Her body was responding, heat moving through her all over again, and she pressed against him, let out a gasp as his fingers began to stroke her once again, all heat and fire and aching need. Then she was on top of him, riding him, and though usually she would shut her eyes in ecstasy, she wanted to keep them open, wanted to look at him, drink in every plane and angle of his face, the sculpted curves of his arms and shoulders and chest, the utter perfection of him. He was gazing at her as well, and their eyes locked, energy seeming to pulse between them, crackling with sparks, until she twined her fingers with his and held on while the orgasm racked through her, felt him spasm in her as well.
She collapsed next to him, panting, spent and happy and tingling in every pore. Now was the time when she should get up, go to the bathroom and clean herself off, put her clothes back on. True, they were far, far away from Gaia, and the proximity alerts would give them ample warning, but she should still be in the cockpit, monitoring everything, making sure nothing would go wrong.
All those were things she should be doing, but weariness came over her like a yawning dark wave, and she felt into it, let it suck her under. And then she was gone before she even realized what was happening.
CHAPTER TEN
He watched her sleep, her dark hair mussed against the pillow. Some time earlier he’d pulled the covers up around her, and she’d stirred slightly but hadn’t woken. Now was the best time for her to rest, while they were still out in the kingdom of the gas giants. Traffic would begin to pick up once they were inside the orbit of Jupiter, but he wasn’t sure how long that would be. Some hours, even in this ship, so much faster than Cassidy’s lost Avalon.
Although he knew he should be trying to sleep as well, he couldn’t help taking this stolen moment, to gaze on her when she was finally relaxed and unguarded, the barriers she kept up at all times relinquished in slumber. She’d chuckled when he’d called her beautiful, but she was, even if she didn’t want to acknowledge that truth about herself. Delicate as porcelain but stronger than titanium. A while earlier he’d thought he’d never met a woman like her before, and nothing in that estimation had changed. A mixture of toughness and trust, keen-edged intelligence and sudden, shocking vulnerability.
Years ago he’d realized he probably would never settle down, not the way his sister had. He was all right with that, as he loved his work, felt privileged to be making a difference in the world. Now, though, as he stared down at Cassidy Evans, his mind began to explore, ever so delicately, the possibility that there might be something more than the work, something more than the sterile days that had formerly comprised his life.
And that was crazy, wasn’t it? Because they were heading toward Gaia, and if he really cared about having a future with Cassidy, he should be waking her up and telling her to redirect their course, to get them the hell out of this system and very far away from anyone who had a vested interest in making sure Derek Tagawa was caught and silenced…permanently.
Somehow he knew he wouldn’t do that. It was a risk, and a terrible one, but he didn’t wa
nt to live his life in hiding, as someone else. He’d worked too hard to be where he was. Cassidy knew the risk she was taking and had still agreed to come along, had understood that some things were more important than mere survival. Although he didn’t agree with his father on a lot of things, personal honor was one ideal they both shared. Letting a lie live on, and allowing the people who’d killed Theo to get away with it, was not something Derek would allow himself to accept.
So he lay down next to Cassidy, moving slowly and quietly, and let himself fall into sleep, knowing that he wasn’t alone in this, that somehow, impossibly, he’d found the one person he could trust to have his back.
* * *
The beeping of a handheld woke her. Cassidy opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling of the cabin, taking a second to orient herself. Besides her, Derek stirred, but his eyelids remained shut.
She glanced around the cabin, didn’t see the device making the noise, then remembered hers had been shoved in the pocket of her trousers. Slipping out of bed, she located the discarded pants half-flung across a chair, but when she pulled out her handheld, it was blank and silent.
The beeping continued from a spot on the floor, buried underneath Derek’s T-shirt and underwear. The only thing left were his pajama bottoms, and, sure enough, when she lifted those and reached inside the pocket, she could feel the handheld vibrating against her palm.
So why had he felt the need to carry the thing everywhere he went, even in his pajama pants?
Because he didn’t want to miss a call.
The phone was locked, and she didn’t have the code, so all she could do was cross over to the bed and nudge it with one knee. “It’s for you,” she said, extending the phone as Derek opened one bleary eye and blinked at her.
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