by Gary Hawkes
Part III: Essays and Other Ramblings
Guide to Future Disagreements Between Countries to Avoid Wars
Before wars commence, there is usually an issue or several key issues that are causing the two (or more) countries to decide to resort to killing each other. This will be a template to be used in an attempt to avoid modern definition of war as much as possible.
When the countries involved in a particular dispute have become unable to resolve their difference through normal logical debate, and the issue at hand is unable to be resolved, WAR will be declared. Once war is declared by one or both countries, each country involved will nominate two countries to act as wingers or allies. The purpose of the wingers during the time of war will be to provide logistical support and to help ensure talks continue during the war period and make sure both side are playing fairly.
The two countries will elect / nominate their top representatives; 50 people from their respective countries who best exemplify the ideals and principles of the respected country. These 50 individuals will then represent their country in a 3-7 day (depending on the issue at hand, length of the wars will be voted on by the allied wingers) academic & athletic contest in which the winner will be given the “win” on whatever the particular issue was at hand. The allied and other neutral counties will act as judges of the various contests. Again, this process should only be used in the most extreme cases when all other logical debate is not able to come to a resolution, as the process will be costly and time consuming (but far less so than an actual war).
An optional celebration after the war is over between the two countries that will be hosted on a neutral site is also recommended.
INSPIRATIONS / INFLUENCES / THANK YOUS
Some of my influences are probably pretty obvious, or maybe they’re not. My style is my own, but who I am as a person has been strongly effected by many different people. Some I’ve known very well and were and are still close friends; others I’ve never even met. But, not just people but characters as well. I think it’s one of the reasons I tend to be able to get along with just about anybody. So, here’s a list of people who have helped me out along the way by giving me inspirations both famous and not. The list is only partial, but no one makes it in life completely on their own. I’ve had plenty of help along the way, both directly and indirectly.
Sarah, Mom & Dad, Dad & Gwen, Jenny & Ella, JJ & BB, the Bruno’s, Gramma, Grandma & Grandpa, Papa & G-Maw, Uncle Paul, Uncle Gary, Uncle Steve & Aunt Janice, Deanne, and the rest of my family; Hunter S. Thompson, Hemmingway, Wu Tang Clan, Billy Bob Thornton, Jack Black, Spike Jonze, Jackass, Charlie Kaufman, Jim Carrey, QOTSA, Maya Angelou, Roseanne, “the Boss” , Flea, Keidis, Rolling Stone Magazine, Eddie Vedder, Charlie Rose, Dave Grohl, Led Zeppelin, Elmore James, SNL, Quentin Tarantino, Jamie Foxx, Muddy Waters, Robert Johnson, Johnny Depp, Bill Hader, Steve Martin, D.A.G., Martin Short, the Wayans, EWU, Dan Patrick & the Dannetts, TEC, Miles Davis, Charlie Parker, Vampire Weekend, Tim Burton, Scorsese, Chris Cornel, Brad Pitt, Sean Penn, Art Alexis, Seth McFarlane, John Coltrane, the Duke, MJ, Count Basie, Pre, Stephen King, Kristin Wiig, Mike Meyers, Dana Carvey, Steven Harvey, Louis C.K., Smashing Pumpkins, Billy Corgan, Dr. Dre., Snoop Dogg, Van Morrison, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr., Bon Scott, AC/DC, Sublime, STP, Pearl Jam, Bernie Mac, Kate McKinnon, Blue Colar Comedy, Richard Pryor, Gene Wilder, Mel Brooks, Seinfeld, Kurt Cobain, Clinton, Chevy Chase, Oscar Peterson, Eddie Murphy, “Ace Man”, CAKE, Bo Diddley, Josh Homme, Andy Samburg, Adam Sandler, Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Falon, David Letterman, “the Dude”,
Sipe, Sells, “the Darkness”, JayJamesJoe West, “Don Piskole”, Rusty, Richards, Elzy, Zach, Legan, Schinz, E-Dub, “Crazy Tony”, Tyler, Schnieder, Mini-Schinz, Robby, Quinn, Berggie, Panny, Fouts, Rikio, Copeland, Dejung, Big Bro Bessette, Lil bros Collin & Jordan, Garcia, Turberg/Ferrari, and all my other Sigma Nu Brothers;
Sudy, J. Williams, London, Schacter, Dougie, Espuche, Mannela, Solomon, Cheez, J. Segal, Schpizner, Dalton, Mayo, Finkelstein, Bobby, Andrea, Heather, Amanda, Ryan P, Marc H, Stan G., and all my friends and campers from 4 great years at Trails End; Claw, Aus, Pinky, Lucky, Dazha, Claret, Val, Grub, Claymore, Boulder, and my friends from a great summer at Campy Rogy ’01, Gasche, Estes, Rice, Ian, Halferty and Central XC/Track, SVC XC, Coach “Waggs”, Coach Lindberg, Coach Ian, Coach Kevin Adkinson., and all the great coaches of I’ve had throughout my life, , Maxine Hansen, Pastor Laura, Mrs. Eloph, Mr. Christianson, Mr. Ivey, Mr. Brown, Mr. Seldney, Mr. M. Reed, Mrs. White and all the great teachers I’ve had, Gary C, Jacoby, Lance, Cody, Bryan & Brandon H, Jason L., Mark, Nate, Lucas Lee, Jeff Newnam, Jason T, Jeff Truex, Kelly Toombs, Laura Sisel and Amber Walker (even though I never said one word to either of them in HS), ORSU Rugby, Breeden, the Marriott’s, Hartman, Dip, Gavin, Glin, Waller, “Packers”, “AJ”, Rooney, and OHHS Track & XC, friends from long long ago: Robert Bourne, Chad, Joey Rickman, Ryan Spradling, Michelle Jones; Katarina, Medi-Brothers, AOPi & AZD, EWU Rugby, S.O.B. Rugby, Whidbey Island Track Club, Boy Scouts. If I didn’t mention your name it’s not ‘cause I’m an asshole, well maybe I am but I waited 33 years to write this book so I can’t fit everyone on one page. On another day I would probably have a whole other list of names. There are so many people I left off that have helped me out or made and impact on me in somewhere. Even people I only knew briefly or not at all. For all those who’ve helped me out along my journey, I thank you.
