“You know I don’t want to leave you.”
“I know, Ezra but you have to. I’ll be okay. I’m a big girl.” Begrudgingly, he left after a few more minutes of me pushing him.
I sat in a chair in the midst of chaos and talked to a Detective Barnes about the suspects I had for who would have vandalized my studio. I only gave him one name.
Nicole Fredericks.
He told me the security cameras picked up three guys smashing the windows and tearing the place up but I still only spoke one name with certainty.
Nicole Fredericks.
“She paid them to tear up my place. I don’t know who they are but I guarantee if you find them and ask them, they’ll give you her name eventually. She couldn’t have paid them well enough to shut the fuck up about it.” I folded my arms and crossed my legs, wagging my foot back and forth just to keep the negative energy moving through my body and not festering the way it wanted to.
“Miss Monroe, why would this woman pay to have your studio vandalized this way? What would be her motive?” I laughed bitterly at Detective Barnes’ question and chewed on the inside of my cheek.
“I’m in love with her son. She has an unhealthy relationship with him. For the past two or three months, she’s been making him believe he was incapable of living a normal life without being totally dependent on her. She has every ounce of motive. I can’t think of anyone else who would take the time to do this shit but her. She’s at home right now so you can go question her. I need to start cleaning up my studio. Are we done here?” I asked.
“Um, sure. We’ll be in touch with you, Miss Monroe and I’m so sorry about what happened to your yoga studio. Hopefully, you can rebuild soon.” I nodded at him and stood by the door while they all filed out and got back in their cars.
I was left all alone with the biting pain of having my business ripped to shreds. I wouldn’t be able to have classes in the studio for some time while I got things fixed up.
I grabbed a broom and started sweeping. Each crunch of glass made my stomach twist in knots but I had to start cleaning it up. What I really wanted to do was go to Mrs. Fredericks’ house and beat her ass relentlessly. I knew that wouldn’t solve anything in the long run but it would make me feel better.
…
SOLANA
I canceled all my classes using my phone to send out mass emails and texts earlier when I walked into the disaster that was now Sun Goddess. I’d been cleaning all day, picking up anything salvageable and setting it to the side for when I started the rebuilding process. I’d never been so glad Amaris made me get amazing business insurance before in my life.
I needed a cup of tea so bad. My nerves were on edge and one of my most sacred places had been turned upside down so I couldn’t sit there and restore my energy. I decided to take a break from cleaning and walk to the store to get a box of tea. At least the electric kettle was unharmed. The nearest Whole Foods was only a twenty-minute walk. I needed it to clear my head anyway.
I hoped with everything inside of me that Detective Barnes would be able to pin the vandalism on Ezra’s mother. She needed to be in jail. She needed to be away from Ezra and definitely away from me. I couldn’t promise I’d be able to keep my cool if I saw her face again. I wasn’t a violent person but my livelihood had been disrupted.
As I walked, I mapped out ways to overcome the wrench thrown in my life. I could talk to the dean at the college and see if I could hold all of my classes there until Sun Goddess was back up and running. When I got back to the studio I would make all the insurance calls and get the ball rolling as quickly as possible.
When I reached Whole Foods, I walked in and looked around for a few minutes until I found the tea and coffee aisle. I hated the boxed brands of tea. I’d gotten spoiled with Ezra’s quality blends. I picked up a box of chamomile and a box of peppermint then headed toward the registers.
“Solo!” I heard a little voice call out excitedly. I’d know that voice anywhere. Malachi rushed over to me and wrapped his skinny arms around my middle. They were arms far too skinny to be on a six-year-old. My heart cried for him.
Wait.
If Malachi was there then that meant…
“Goddamn, Solana. Still sexy as ever,” Vince’s voice grabbed me like a skeleton’s hand dragging me through cold earth down to hell. Hair rose on the nape of my neck and forearms. My shoulders drew in tight.
I looked down at Malachi instead of at Vince’s face because too many painful memories flooded my senses at once. “Hey, Tyke. What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be at school.”
“I didn’t want him in school today,” Vince growled, stepping closer. His cologne set off alarms in my head. I vividly remembered smelling it on his skin when he forced himself on me at night after beating me until I was bloody.
“He needs his education, Vince.” I tried to keep my voice steady so that the fear pumping through my veins wouldn’t show.
“I’m tired of your fucking sister medaling in my business. She’s making things difficult for me. Did you know she had CPS open a case against me?” He sneered at me and moved closer. I wrapped my arm around Malachi and held him close. I was determined to protect him no matter what. No matter how weak my joints felt or how hard my heart rapped against my chest. “Of course you did. She’s your fucking sister. You probably told her to do it.”
“Solo, can I please come with you?” Malachi whispered against my waist.
“Aww, you wanna go with Solana? I wish you could go with her and fucking vanish from my life.”
“Then give him to me, Vince. I swear to god, you’ll never have to see him again. Let me petition the court to terminate your rights.” I smoothed Malachi’s tangled curls back with my hand while I held on to him with my other arm. Vince seemed to mull the thought over in his head and I prayed that he came to the right decision.
“I tried that once with his grandmother and she died.”
“She didn’t ask the court to terminate your rights though.”
“Terminate my rights,” He said slowly, rubbing his chin. “I’ll consider what you’re talking about if you come to lunch with me and the boy right now.” I blinked in disbelief.
“Lunch? Vince, I’m at work right now I can’t…”
“I’ll let him stay the night with you,” he blurted. Malachi squeezed my middle so tight it was hard for me to breathe.
“Please, Solo. I want to go home with you.” I could hear the tears in his tiny voice and it twisted my insides.
“Okay. Fine.” I couldn’t pass up the chance to take Malachi home with me even if it was for one night. So I agreed to go out to lunch with my ex-abuser even though I was in the middle of cleaning up the wreckage of my studio and trying to file insurance claims. Vince never did care about what I had going on in my life. If it didn’t involve him, it wasn’t serious enough to warrant his consideration.
“Good. Then maybe I can get a good night’s sleep without having to hear that fucking cry baby whining all night.”
“Don’t talk about him like that,” I warned through clenched teeth. Vince lifted one side of his mouth and smirked at me.
“Let’s go, Solana. Now.” I followed him to the front of the store, paid for my tea with Malachi still anchored to me, then walked outside. “Where’s your little yellow piece of shit?” He chuckled looking around the parking lot.
“My boyfriend has it right now.”
“Boyfriend? What kind of bum-ass man are you fucking with that doesn’t have his own car? I knew you’d never do better than me. You need to reevaluate your choice in men.” His fingers wrapped around my bicep and dug into the muscle making my arm burn. “You can ride with me.” When he put his toxic hands on me, I saw flashes of him beating me the moment we were in the car. My mind spun wildly in circles powered by fear but I kept my cool on the outside. Malachi didn’t need to see me freaking out. Neither did Vince. I didn’t want him to know how shaken up I was.
“I’m sitting in the ba
ck with Malachi,” I told him, standing firm on shaky legs.
“You’ll sit up front with me.” He unlocked his car and I stood near the backdoor. “Solana, I don’t know if you remember this or not but I call the fucking shots. Now get in the front or else you’re not taking the boy tonight.”
“It’s okay, Solo. You can sit up front. I’ll be okay,” Malachi said, finally letting go of my waist. I nodded reluctantly and got in the passenger seat. Once Vince was beside me and the doors of the car were closed, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. He looked at me and I saw desire in his eyes. It made bile creep up the back of my throat.
“You look so good right now. If I didn’t have that little asshole in the backseat I would fuck the shit out of you.” I cringed on the inside and crossed my legs, angling my body toward the door.
“I’m not here for you. You know that right?” I said in a surprisingly calm voice for someone who was shaking like a leaf on the inside.
“Doesn’t matter. That pussy will always belong to me. Whoever your man is doesn’t know what to do with you.” I bit my tongue at his words because the last thing I needed to do while I was in the car with an abuser was to spew out love for Ezra. I sat in silence for the entire drive.
Vince pulled up at some expensive ass restaurant and got out. I took the opportunity to text Ezra the address and to tell him to meet me there when he was done testing.
Ezra: What’s wrong, Solo? The whole vibe of this shit doesn’t feel right.
Me: You still taking your test?
Ezra: We’re taking a break. What the fuck is going on? I feel uneasy.
Me: Please just come when you’re done, okay?
Ezra: You’re not going to tell me what’s going on until I’m done, are you?
Me: No.
“Let’s go, Solana! What the fuck are you sitting in the car for? I see you’re still slow as fuck,” Vince grumbled, making me jump. I looked in the backseat at Malachi and forced a smile.
“Come on, Tyke. Let’s get this over with, okay?”
“Yeah. Okay,” he sighed. I got out of the car and opened the door for Malachi and we held hands all the way to the restaurant.
“Walk in front of me. I want to see what I’ve been missing all these months.” Vince waited for me to walk past him and I did so self-consciously. I felt the grease from his stare sliding down my back and I hated it. “Jesus, girl. You sure you don’t want me back in your life?”
“I think the restraining order we’re currently violating confirmed that, Vince.”
“Oh, that’s right. You did have a fucking restraining order put on me, didn’t you? You see how well that worked?” He laughed and spoke to the host about seating us outside. My stomach buzzed with nerves that made me nauseous. I was in no mood to eat.
He can’t hurt you or Malachi in public, Solana.
We were led out to the beautiful patio but I couldn’t concentrate on the scenery right then. I was too busy looking at how skinny Malachi was and how dirty his hair and clothes were. I wanted to punch Vince in the fucking mouth.
“What can I get this little cutie to drink?” The waitress bent down and smiled at Malachi. He smiled back but slid closer to me, locking his arm with mine. He was terrified. I could feel it all over him.
“Nothing. We’ll let you know when we’re ready to order,” Vince smiled and the server nodded, letting the smile drop from her face.
“Can he get a water please?” I asked she before she left our table.
“Of course,” she found her smile again and then walked away.
“Vince, you aren’t going to sit here and eat in his face and not feed him.” Anger took over the fear and my body stiffened.
“Fuck him. He doesn’t need to eat. That’s all he cries about. That’s why I can’t sleep at night. All I hear is him whining through the walls about being hungry.”
“Then maybe you should fucking feed him!” My voice spiked in a way I wasn’t expecting. Vince glared at me then cleared his throat and chuckled, baring perfect white teeth.
“Lower your fucking voice, Solana. Act like a lady, okay?” I smoothed imaginary wrinkles from my shirt and nodded. I hated the way I fell right back into the battered mindset I had when I was with him. How much had I really overcome if he still triggered the same reactions in me?
“Here’s your water, little man.” The server appeared bright and cheery, sitting a kid’s cup beside Malachi.
“Thank you so much,” Vince said. He was charming whenever anyone else was around but I could tell our server got an uneasy vibe from him. She was right. If only she knew what a monster he really was. “We’re ready to order.” He straightened his tie and closed the menu. “She’ll have the apple smoked pork chop and I’ll have the filet mignon.” My eyes grew wide and I shook my head immediately.
“No. Absolutely not. I’m vegan. Can you bring me a salad and water with lemon? Thank you.”
“Sure thing. What about for the little one?” She winked at Malachi and he smiled a little.
“He’s not hungry. Besides, if he orders, he won’t eat it. You know how kids are.” He grinned then took the menu from my hand and handed it to her. She laughed politely then walked away, leaving Vince to shoot daggers at me from across the table.
“You’re going to eat whatever the fuck I tell you to eat, Solana. I don’t give a damn about you being a vegan.” His voice was low so that only I could hear him. He made my fucking skin crawl.
“I’ll get sick if I eat meat. You know that.”
“Good. You need to be sick after the way you left me. You’re so inconsiderate.”
“I had to leave or you would have killed me.”
“I’d never kill you. You’re the love of my life. You know it. Now, tell me how the fuck to get my rights terminated. I looked into legally signing them away because I don’t want to be a father. Everything about him ruins my goddamn life.” I’d never seen a parent look at their own child with such disgust. My heart broke for Malachi. He sat there unfazed like he heard those things all the time.
“You can’t legally sign away your rights in California. I’ve checked. Trust me. I can petition to bring you to court though. Then they can decide if your rights should be terminated.”
“Fuck that. I’m not going to court over this little motherfucker. Find another way. I want him out of my life. All he does is mess everything up.”
“I’m sorry,” Malachi muttered under his breath.
“It’s okay, baby,” I tried to smile but my heart was too heavy and sad.
“It’s not okay. I’m tired of having my life disrupted.”
“Vince, going to court isn’t that bad. With the type of parent you are, I’m sure they’ll award me custody. Especially if Malachi says he wants to stay with me.”
“I do,” he sniffled.
“I’m not going to court. You think I want to have my fucking business dragged through the mud for all my colleagues to see? They don’t even know I have a son.” His jaw flexed in between angry words. “You find a way to quietly get him out of my fucking hair and he’s yours. Keep him forever. I don’t give a fuck. He means nothing to me.” How the hell did he let such callous and cruel words fall from his mouth like they were feathers instead of bombs spiked with shrapnel?
My chest tightened.
I was on the brink of a panic attack being in Vince’s presence. I hadn’t seen him for more than six months and somehow I ended up sitting across from him having lunch almost like no time had passed.
The server brought our food out and I did little more than pick over my salad. I didn’t want it. I didn’t want anything that he had a hand in. The server could have thrown the salad on the floor and I would have been fine.
Malachi’s brown eyes glanced over at my food several times and I wanted to slip him something but I knew Vince would blow up and I was trying to avoid that. We were in public though. There wasn’t much he could do. I forced the knot in my throat down and dished out a little of my
salad onto a saucer for him. When I pushed the dish to Malachi, Vince glared at me.
“I said I didn’t want him eating.”
“He’s starving,” I countered quietly.
“Does it look like I give a fuck if he’s starving?”
“No, it doesn’t and that’s the problem.” Malachi looked too terrified to eat one bite. “Eat a little, Tyke. It’s okay.” I leaned down so that I was all he could see. He stuffed a forkful of romaine lettuce and tomato in his mouth then chewed it hurriedly.
“Still haven’t changed huh? You still think you have the right to say what does and doesn’t happen?” Vince’s voice was ripe with fury and I knew the second we were alone he would cave my face in if he got the chance. I was hoping he didn’t get the chance. I looked at him and narrowed my eyes.
“Malachi is hungry. That’s all I care about. I don’t care about you and your need to control everything.” I straightened my spine and tried to look as unbothered as I possibly could. I didn’t know how well it translated though. I couldn’t let Malachi see how I actually felt on the inside. He didn’t need to know that the person who was trying desperately to save him was quaking in her shoes.
“You look hungry yourself, Solana.” I hated the way my name curdled on his tongue.
“I’m not.”
“I think you are. I’d be a horrible date if I didn’t offer you some of my food.”
I looked at the filet mignon on his plate and my stomach lurched. “No thank you,” I said, trying to remain calm. My knee bounced relentlessly under the table though.
“It wasn’t a request. Eat the fucking food or else the boy stays with me tonight. I need you to see how much control you don’t have.” He slid his plate across the table to me and I shut my eyes for a second.
“No, Solo…you can’t eat it. You’ll get sick. You’re a vegan, remember?” Malachi’s big doe eyes stared up at me full of concern and all I could do was force a pained smile on my face.
Defect Page 24
