by Ada Marie
“I’m good.” When she looked around she was speechless. It was beautiful. He led her to the grass that was before the cliff. It was the different from Florida. Florida was humid and unbearable. Arizona was beautiful. The grass wasn’t dead, as it had been in Florida. The air, while it was warm, also had a breeze to it. The sky was a beautiful shade of blue, as the sun was high enough to shine down.
She looked around the lake and noticed that the cliff went all the way around. It wasn’t too high, but higher then she’d like to be. She was afraid as she looked down. The water was a pretty blue. She could see where the sun’s rays glared off it. Travis stood beside her, except rather than looking at the view he was watching her.
“It’s beautiful,” Annabella told him.
“It is. I liked to come here and think as I do with that other place I took you. However, this place I find more comforting, I like to sit on the edge and get lost in my thoughts,” he explained to her, turning his head to check out the view.
“It really is peaceful here.”
“It is. So what do you say?” Travis asked her hopefully.
“I don’t think I can,” she admitted, feeling the harsh reality coming back to her. She felt hopeless. She couldn’t do this? She wasn’t capable of having fun, not after what happened.
“What are you afraid of?” Travis asked.
“Falling,” she said.
“I’ll protect you, Bella, just give me that chance to do so. Don’t be afraid,” Travis told her, extending a hand toward her. “Trust me. Take my hand. I’ll be with you the entire time.”
She stared at the hand in front of her. Could she take it? How could she possibly do something so crazy? Travis had been nothing but nice to her and something in her was fearful because of it. She liked Travis; he was her friend, and the truth was that she felt good around him. Now here she was hesitant to trust him to stop her from falling. Looking into his eyes, she saw his hope. And she knew he’d never intentionally hurt her. Slowly, she reached her hand out for his and linked their fingers together.
“Are you ready?” he asked her.
“Yes…”
“On three?” Travis suggested.
Nodding, Annabella closed her eyes.
“One,” Travis counted as Annabella’s heart raced faster. “Two, three!” She opened her eyes when they jumped.
Falling from what felt like a thousand feet above, Annabella felt daring. She liked the feeling of living on the edge, it was exciting. As she went under the water, she felt a rush of excitement. If she was counting, it was the one millionth time it happened today. And she’d do anything to keep feeling it.
“That was such a rush,” Annabella said when she surfaced. Turning around in the water, Travis was smirking. His wet hair was pushed back in a way that made him look like a bad boy. His eyes were a beautiful shade of green, his smile as beautiful as she’d never seen.
“Told you it would be fun.”
“It’s the first time I’ve had fun and so long,” Annabella confessed.
“Well, I’m here to make sure you have fun every day from now on. I’m going to make it my personal mission,” he informed her as he began to swim closer. Closer than she could bear.
“Can I ask you something?” Travis asked her seriously.
“Of course,” she told him.
“Why are you so afraid to live?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that you’re so afraid to take risks, but when you do you enjoy them, possibly even more than me. A girl like you should be the one to come up with the thrilling idea,” Travis pointed out.
“I was that girl once, but the thing is Travis, you don’t always stay the person that you want to be. Sometimes things happen, and you’re forced to change. “Annabella explained to him in a heartbreaking tone. It was true, she never wanted to change, and she missed the girl she used to be. She missed her more than anything in the world, but that girl was gone and dead.
“What happened to you that forced you to change?” he asked. It was the one question she hoped he’d never ask.
“Nothing happened to me. I just changed.” She splashed him before the conversation could go any deeper.
“Oh that’s how it is?” Travis splashed back and they got into a full on splash fight, and soon after Travis was too close to her. He put his hand on her stomach, attempting to tickle her.
Memories came flooding back to her. It was dark, he was there. He was touching her. She felt dirty. Please stop.
“Stop!” Annabella left him in the water, alone and confused.
Nine
Annabella stared at her white walls as she lay in her bed. It had been two weeks since she hung out with Travis, ever since she flipped out on him.
He’d tried calling, texting, he even stopped by one day, but she convinced her brother to tell him she wasn’t home. She couldn’t face him. She was embarrassed, but more than that she was a coward. She let herself start to feel again, and it got her in trouble.
Whether she wanted to admit it or not, he was always going to be a part of everything she did. He took her life and he turned it into a nightmare that she relived every single day.
Growing up, she always hated secrets, and now they defined her. She had so many of them, and they consumed her, controlled her. She had no control over her life, and it was the only thing she felt like she needed right now.
She walked into her bathroom and washed her face. The warm water on her face was soothing. It was just what she needed. Looking in the mirror, tears pricked her eyes. She couldn’t hold on to any of it anymore.
She let all her anger consume her, she almost didn’t even noticed when she felt herself punch the mirror before it shattered in pieces, just like she was. Everything was unraveling in her life, she was pushing out the one person in her life that didn’t judge her and she didn’t know how to handle it.
Why did he want to be her friend anyway? In the end she’d ruin him, just like she ruined everything.
She heard Ryan before she saw him push open the door, and when he saw her bleeding, with the pieces of the mirror around her, he gave her a sympathetic stare. He’d known she was dealing with something, something big, but she was too scared to let anyone in. It was going to end if was the last thing he did. He rushed to his sister and took her injured hand in his.
“What the hell were you thinking?” he demanded, wrapping her bloodied hand in a washcloth.
“I don’t know,” she whispered. She just wanted to be gone. She didn’t want this anymore. She wasn’t living.
“God, we’re going to have to get you to a hospital. Come on.” Pulled her out of the bathroom.
“I don’t want to,” she said, pulling away from him.
“Annabella Marie Adams, you are fucking going to the damn hospital if I have to pick you up and put you in that car myself!” It was very rare that he yelled, especially at her, but he’d had enough. He couldn’t bear to see his sister like that anymore. She wasn’t just hurting herself anymore, she was hurting everyone who cared about her.
“I said, I’m fine! Just leave me alone.”
“What has gotten into you? Why are you so intent on ruining your life?”
“I’m not ruining my life,” Annabella denied, but she knew she was.
“Then what do you call it, baby girl? I’ve tried so hard to give you the space and time you’ve needed to deal with whatever made you this way, but Bella, I can’t anymore. I hate seeing you this way. I’m your brother, and you used to tell me everything, so why won’t you tell me this?” Ryan asked, letting all his emotions come out.
“Stop, okay. Just stop. I’m fine. I can handle anything I’m dealing with on my own, not that there’s anything to deal with,” she snapped at her brother. “Now just please
leave me alone.”
“I’ve had enough. Let’s go,” Ryan said as he picked her up and tossed her over his shoulder. The washcloth nearly fell from her hand.
Annabella smacked his back with her uninjured hand. She wasn’t a child, and she didn’t need people to take care of her. She could handle it by herself.
“Put me down!” Annabella shouted as Ryan took the first step down the stairs. When he arrived in the kitchen and set her down, she came face-to-face with all her friends. They stared in shock at the bloody washcloth that wrapped around her wrist. She felt the pain. It stung, but compared to the pain she’d felt inside, it was nothing. She could deal with the pain that hurt her on the outside.
“What happened?” Matt asked, rushing to Bella. When he tried to touch her she stepped away.
“Stop, just don’t touch me. I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine, damn it. Where the hell are my keys?” Ryan was searching frantically.
“I don’t need to go to the hospital, Ry, I can take care of myself. Just leave me alone.”
“I’m not going to leave you alone! You’re going whether you like it or not. Do I need to call Mom and Dad and tell them what you did?”
Annabella said nothing. The last thing she needed or wanted was for her parents to come home and hover. She was causing her parents all sorts of pain, and she couldn’t bear to cause them one more ounce.
“Fine, I’ll go,” she said calmly, taking her keys out of her pocket and handing them to Ryan.
“That’s what thought.”
“We’ll come with you.” Matt offered.
“No.” Annabella insisted. She was glad her friends cared, but she couldn’t deal with them right now.
“I’m going to go out and start up the car. Don’t be long,” Ryan warned her.
“Why won’t you let me come? Or them?” Matt asked her, nodding his head at her friends.
“Because, it’s nothing. I’ll be fine Matt,” she assured him.
“Why are you pushing me away? The Bella I knew would have been welcoming with open arms.” She could hear the heartbreaking emotion in his voice.
“I’m sorry, Matt, I just can’t. You’re better off without me,” she told him before running out the door.
“Why are you hurting yourself this way?” Ryan asked as they waited in the hospital room for her discharge papers. They’d given her an x-ray, which told them that her hand was fractured, and on top of that she had to have stitches and a hard cast for the next six weeks at least.
“I don’t know. Maybe I’ve just had enough,” Annabella said.
“Had enough of what?”
“Life.” Her voice was barely audible.
“Are you ever going to let me in? I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what is going on. You don’t think we’ve noticed your change. The way you don’t smile anymore, the way you wear darker and baggier close, the way you stay away from people as much as you possibly can, you flinch when someone touches you, and I don’t know how to help you. You’re my baby sister.” Ryan spoke with tears pricking his eyes as he framed Annabella’s face in his hands “I just want you to talk to me. I want to be here for you, in the way that I’ve always been. Don’t push me away.”
“Ry, I ...” Annabella started but was interrupted by the doctor.
“You’re free to go Bella, take it easy,” he said.
“Does she have any prescriptions?” Ryan asked.
“Yes. It’s all in those papers the nurse gave you earlier. If you take it easy, and avoid hitting anymore mirror, or walls, then you should be fine.” The doctor’s tone was mocking.
“She won’t be hitting anything else, I can attest to that,” Ryan replied.
“Have a good night,” the doctor told them before he left the room.
“Come on, let’s get you home,” he said, putting a protective arm around her shoulder.
***
Travis stood outside of Annabella’s house. It’d been so long since he’d seen her. He needed to make sure she was okay. She freaked out on him, and then was silent the whole way home. She didn’t even say goodbye when she got off the bike. She just left him without a word.
He couldn’t put together why she’d been closed off to him. All he wanted was to be her friend, to make her laugh, to comfort her when she was down.
Ringing the doorbell, He began to get nervous, the last time he’d been here Ryan told him Annabella wasn’t home, but he knew better than that. When the door opened, Matt looked at him in disgust.
“What the hell do you want now?” Matt asked harshly.
“Where’s Bella?”
“She’s not here.”
“Do you know where she is, or when she’ll be back?” Travis asked, trying to be nice. The only thing he wanted was to pull Matt outside and give him the beat down of his lifetime. He felt a sting of jealousy rush through him, knowing what Matt had shared with Annabella. He had no right to feel the way he did. I t was wrong, but he couldn’t help it.
“I have no idea when she’ll be back, she’s at the hospital,” Matt told him.
“Hospital, what happened? Is she hurt? She’s going to be alright, isn’t she?” Travis asked unable to stop the words from overflowing.
“We don’t know all the details, but when her brother brought her downstairs, her hand was wrapped in a bloody towel. If I had to guess, she punched something. It looked really bad though,” Matt told him. “They’re probably going to be a while.”
“I’ll wait for her, and don’t bother telling me not to,” Travis said, pushing past Matt and into the house. Chelsea, Maxie, and Aubrey all stared at him as he entered. Matt vanished out the door.
“Why are you here?” Aubrey got up from her chair and walked to him.
Travis already didn’t like her, and he couldn’t understand why Annabella was friends with her. She was stuck up, rude and she reminded Travis so much of Marissa.
“I’m here because Annabella is my friend, and I’ve come to check on her,” Travis informed her. “Not that it’s your business.”
“God, you are an even bigger idiot than I thought. You should just give up, she doesn’t like you, and she and Matt will find their way back to each other, and soon you’ll just be in the past.” Aubrey spoke with confidence.
No matter what she said to him though, Travis would never give up. Annabella was his friend, and he cared about her. He wasn’t going anywhere.
“You don’t scare me. You can hate me, you can tell me to leave her alone; hell you can even tell me that I’m nothing but a loser. The thing is, I don’t care what you think about me. I don’t give damn how much you don’t like me. The only person whose opinion matters to me is Annabella’s. She’s my friend and I’m hers, and that’s not going to change unless she says the words,” Travis commented.
“She’ll say the words, I know she will. Guys like you come and go, but guys like Matt are always there. You’ll never be able to make her happy. You’re a lowlife,” Aubrey accused. She couldn’t describe the hatred she had for him. Why couldn’t he just leave Annabella alone? Why couldn’t he just let her reconcile with Matt? They were the ones who needed to be together, not her and Travis.
“She’s right you know?” Chelsea cut in. “Matt and Bella belong together. You’re just wasting your time.”
“You know what? You guys know nothing about her. I bet I can tell you more about her in the week I spent with her than you could tell me in the years you’ve known her. Do you know what she said to me? That you guys hated her. She feels like an outsider when it comes to you, and she didn’t want to be around that. You make her feel like she should be guilty for who she is. She needed you to just be her friends, but rather than do that, you made her feel like a broken toy that needed to be fixed. The difference between us,�
� Travis paused, gesturing between him and them multiple times, “is that I don’t care who she is. I don’t want her to change for me. I just want her, whatever way she is.”
“That’s not true. We don’t treat her like a broken toy; we love her,” Maxie said.
“You have a hell of a way of showing it,” Travis chided.
“You don’t’ know what you’re talking about,” Aubrey shouted in his face.
Travis backed away. “Maybe if you were a better friend, she wouldn’t spend so much time avoiding you.”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about. I’ve been a better friend to her than she’s been to me in the past few months.”
“That’s bull. Did you ever think maybe underneath all her changes that she was going through something? Did that ever once cross your mind? Did you ever think that maybe she just needed her best friend?”
Aubrey’s silence gave Travis the only answer he needed. The truth was he’d only been her friend for about a week, and he was still a better friend to her then any of them were.
“Do you think we’re that horrible of friends?” Chelsea asked breaking the silence. She sounded so small.
“It’s not my business,” Travis whispered.
“Whatever. You’re such a moron. Stay away from her,” Aubrey said.
“I don’t think you have the right to tell him to stay away from me.” A voice from behind them said. They turned around to see Annabella and Ryan standing in the doorway. She had a cast on her hand that wasn’t there before.
“Bella, I’m going to clean up your bathroom, and then you need to go upstairs and rest,” Ryan said as he vanished.
“What the hell is your problem, Aubrey?” Annabella yelled at her, moving closer to them.
“You belong with Matt. Not this lowlife pig who probably wants to just get in your pants.”
