by Ada Marie
“Yes, I’m very intrigued to know what Mr. Hotshot writes about,” Annabella joked.
Sitting on his bed, Travis softly began to play. His notes were soft and sweet, as he began to sing. Annabella was blown away with how amazing of a singer he was.
Through an endless diamond sky
I won’t let you down
I can see it in your eyes
All the pain you feel inside
you walk this life alone
Because you have nowhere to go
you think you’re all alone
In this cold and messed up world
But Bella you’re so wrong
Just take my hand,
I can’t promise to make things better but I promise I will try
I’ll be your friend when you need somewhere to go
I’ve watched you fight this battle all alone
But if you get up off your knees, I’ll catch you when you fall
Because where there’s rain the sun does follow and leads you home again
The darkness that you feel inside won’t keep you down forever
and if you just take my hand we’ll get you through this together
I’m not special, I’m no saint but tonight I’ll be your hero
Yeah, just take my hand,
I can’t promise to make things better but I promise I will try
I’ll be your friend when you need somewhere to go
I’ve watched you fight this battle all alone
But if you get up off your knees, I’ll catch you when you fall
Because where there’s rain the sun does follow and leads you home again
As he finished the song, Annabella took a step back. She didn’t know what to make of any of this. She thought she was just going to hear a simple song, but instead he played her a song that was about her. She closed her eyes, in hopes that if she couldn’t see him then she wasn’t really here. She felt her invisible walls begin to slowly begin to crumble, how did this happen? Was it possible to actually care about someone enough to let them in?
“Bella, are you still with me?” Travis asked, breaking the silence that lingered in the air.
Opening her eyes, she began to feel the tears that pricked her eyes. This couldn’t be happening, for so long she’s tried not to feel anything, and yet here she was standing in front of someone that she considered to be her best friend, only it was so much more than that. “Why did you write that?”
“I didn’t intend to, it just kind of happened. The night you ran away after I dropped you back home, I was just inspired by you. I want you to know that no matter what happens in your life, I’m here,” Travis told her, and it was the truth. He saw something in Annabella, something great.
“Travis,” Annabella started with every intention of telling him that they shouldn’t be friends anymore.
“Stop. I know what you’re going to say, but I’m not going to let you. Let me ask you something, do you trust me?” Travis asked as he stepped closer to her.
“Yes. Travis, I trust you more than anyone else in my life, but…” He cut her off by placing his finger over her lips.
“If you trust me, then trust me enough to know I don’t want you to push me out. I care about you, a lot.” Travis spoke with such a sweet voice as he cupped her face with both hands.
The moment their lips touched, every invisible chain binding her to her past didn’t matter. She knew she should push him away; every instinct inside her was telling her to run away, but there something about the way he made her feel that was pulling her towards him. As much as she wanted the kiss, as much as she wanted to stay in this moment forever, she knew the happiness wouldn’t last.
“Travis,” she whispered, pulling away.
“Don’t pretend you didn’t want that as much as I did,” Travis said. The kiss had been so much better than he’d planned. It was soft and slow. Her lips were soft, and he could kiss her again, if only she’d let him.
“Travis, I ... I don’t. I can’t. I just have to go.” And with those final words, she was gone.
Eleven
Annabella fled from the house and ran as fast as she could. It didn’t matter that it was cold or raining. All she knew was she needed to get as far away as possible.
Travis kissed her, and what was even worse is she kissed him back. She wanted it as much as he did. She couldn’t deny it any longer; she had feelings for him and the intensity of how much she felt for him scared her to death.
Annabella found herself in the clearing that Travis brought her to the first time they’d hung out. She’d paid someone to buy a bottle of whiskey for her, and its half-empty bottle dangled from her fingertips. Annabella wasn’t much of a drinker; in fact it wasn’t something she ever did until tonight.
She didn’t know what brought her here, but she knew she just didn’t want to feel any longer. She couldn’t handle any of it anymore. Annabella wanted nothing more than to just stop the madness, the darkness. Travis kept crossing her mind as she stood at the edge of the cliff. The water began to flow faster as the rain came down harder. She was a broken shell, and there was no one left to save her. She wondered what it’d be like if she just jumped. End it all.
She couldn’t handle the past that was holding her to that God awful night. She couldn’t move forward even though it was what she wanted the most.
Travis kissed her, and rather than staying with him, she ran away from him. If that didn’t say he deserved better, she didn’t know what did.
She felt the tears begin to fall from her crystal blue eyes as she moved further to the edge. All she had to do was take one more step, and she could end all the pain, all the misery, and all the memories.
“Bella!” A familiar voice called out to her through the rain.
Turning around, she could see Travis standing behind her. He was wearing the same jeans and pants he wore when they’d been together, except now they were drenched.
“You shouldn’t be here,” Annabella scolded him.
“Bella, get away from the edge,” Travis begged as he stepped closer to her.
“Travis, stop. You don’t get it. You can’t be with me, and you shouldn’t want to. I ruin everything I touch. I’m a monster.”
“You’re not. Bella, I know you believe that, but you’re not a monster. Please don’t end your life. Please just come back with me. I’m here for you, I can help you.”
“Except you can’t! You can’t erase what happened. You can’t erase all the pain, or the anger or guilt of knowing that it’s my fault,” Annabella said.
“I can’t help you unless you tell me what happened,” Travis responded compassionately. The sight of her in tears on the edge of a cliff made his heart hurt. The only thing he wanted in that moment was to grab her and never let her go.
“It hurts. It hurts so much,” she told him before gulping down a long sip of whiskey. The burning sensation ran through her veins.
“What hurts?”
“All of it. I can’t stop the memories. Travis, I just want my life back. Why can’t I have my life?” she pleaded.
“Hey, it’s going to be okay,” Travis said, trying to comfort her.
“It can’t be. Just go Travis, just get away now, before I ruin you. I ruin everything. Just walk out the door and never look back,” Annabella begged him as she took yet another large gulp of the only thing that would help her forget, even for just a moment.
“You don’t get to make that decision for me. I’m in love with you. So go on, push me away, tell me it’s better this way, tell me that you don’t feel the way I do, but we both know that would be a lie. You would never be a mistake. My life was a dark cave until you walked in, and I can’t see living one moment without you,” Travis confessed as he moved cl
oser.
“No, you promised. You promised we’d never be anything more,” Annabella said, remembering the condition to them becoming friends.
“I know, but things change,” he told her. “Come with me.”
“No, I can’t.”
He moved to stand beside her. “Fine, if you want to jump then let’s jump. If you’re going to jump, then I’m jumping with you,” Travis said to her with a soft, amused smile.
“You can’t,” she said.
“Then stop this nonsense. I’m here, Bella, please don’t take the easy way out. Please just give us a chance. I’ll never let you down, I’ll protect you. Let me be there for you,” he begged.
“Travis,” she started to say, but he cut her off with his lips on hers.
The world stopping spinning the moment their lips met again. Closing her eyes, she gave in to it all. Dropping the bottle that remained in her right hand, she wrapped her arms around in his neck, and ran her hands through his wet hair. She wasn’t sure why any of this was happening, why would Travis want to be with someone like her? She’d only ruin him the way he ruined her.
“Come with me,” Travis murmured against her lips as he pulled away.
“I can’t,” she said turning around. She didn’t want to face him. When she went to pick the bottle back up, he’d already beaten her to it. “Give that to me.”
“That’s not going to solve your problems, pretty girl. Getting drunk won’t solve anything,” he told her, throwing the bottle into the river.
“Yesitwill,” she said, her words slurring together.
Travis realized just how drunk she was. She felt the dizziness hit her all at once. She just wanted to sleep forever.
“Come on,” he said, catching her before she fell. With that he picked her up and walked her to his car. He knew tomorrow she’d wake up with regrets, but tonight, he just wanted to make sure she was safe. The only thing that mattered in that moment was that she was going to be okay. He’d make sure that she got through whatever secret she was dealing with.
The drive back to his house was a silent one. Annabella hid her tears from Travis as best as she could, but he noticed anyway. He just wanted to take them all away and wrap her in his arms. One way or another he’d make her believe that everything was going to be okay.
“Where are we going” Annabella demanded drunkenly as Travis carried her up to his bedroom. With everything else that happened with her today, the last thing she needed was to face the wrath of her brother and friends. She just needed a place to call her safe haven, and Travis would be that.
“I’m going to keep you here tonight. I don’t think you want to face your brother in this state,” he replied.
“Thank you. I’m all wet though. I need clothes,” she replied.
“Here,” Travis said, pulling out one of his shirts and handing it to her.
“I’m too drunk to move,” she said, watching him from her place on his bed.
“Would you like me to do it for you?”
She was uneasy about the idea of him undressing her. “Maybe I can manage. I just need help getting up.”
“Okay, come here party girl,” Travis said. He helped her into the shirt without once looking at her.
“Thanks. Your arms are safe, Travis. It’s like all the damage he caused is lessened when I’m with you,” Annabella told him just before she passed out.
In that moment, Travis knew her secret must be far worse than he ever imagined.
Travis didn’t slept that night. He spent the whole night holding her in his arms, listening to her breathe. He couldn’t imagine living in a world where he didn’t know her. For the first time in his life he was falling hard for a girl, and if he was being honest, he didn’t want to stop it. If it was possible, he’d want to live in this moment forever.
Getting out of bed, carefully and quietly so he didn’t wake her, Travis went downstairs to make coffee. His mom was standing at the counter as she put a bunch of papers in her briefcase.
“Good morning, Travis,” she greeted him without even looking at him.
“Morning.”
“So she spent the night? Travis, Bella seems like a nice girl; don’t treat her the way you do other girls. I’d love to see her for more than a few weeks,” Casey scolded him.
“Mom, she’s different. I mean, I don’t want from her what I wanted from other girls. To be honest with you, it was about hooking up with them. Bella and I haven’t hooked up. I wasn’t planning on her spending the night, but last night she was just going through a difficult time, so I was there for her. She makes me feel something I’ve never felt. She makes me want to be better. I can’t explain it, Mom, but I can’t just walk away from her,” Travis told his mom.
“I’m glad you found her, you’ve changed in a better way since spending time with her. Now, I have to get to work. I’ll probably be home late. Nothing new there,” Casey said. She kissed her son’s cheek and then left.
“Good morning,” Travis said upon walking back into his room to see Annabella had opened her eyes.
“Hi,” she said, feeling the ache in her head as she began to sit up.
“How are you feeling?” Travis asked her, setting the tray down on his nightstand.
“Like crap. Travis, I’m so –”
“Don’t you say you’re sorry. Now, I didn’t know what you preferred, but I brought you coffee and orange juice and here’s some Advil for your head. And after, I can take you home if you’d like or you’re free to stay here,” Travis said.
“Thank you, for everything, but we have to talk about it. I was incredibly stupid,” She admitted.
“What the hell were you thinking?” Travis asked.
“I was thinking that you kissed me, and I liked it,” Annabella admitted.
“Then why did you run out on me?”
“I ran out because I was afraid, Travis. I ruin everything that’s good. There are things you don’t know, things no one knows. And when you played that song, and then kissed me, I just knew it I had to get out before it was too late, good things don’t happen for me, they can’t.”
“They can if you’d let them. Bella, you put up these walls, but I can see right through them. You don’t let anyone, not even me in, not because you don’t want to, but because you don’t feel like you deserve happiness. You’re wrong though; you do deserve it. You deserve to feel the way you do when you’re with me. I know you feel it, because I do. I want to be with you, and I don’t mean just as a friend. I want you. The real you, the one you’re afraid to share with anyone else. When you’re happy, I want to be happy. When you’re sad, I want to be sad, I want you to trust me enough to know that I’ll never hurt you. I want to pick you up when you’re down and I want to wipe those tears when you cry. Can’t you just give me a chance?”
“Travis, I don’t know. What if I screw up?” Annabella asked him. She knew it would be exactly what would happen. She’d give him a chance, and then she’d find her own ways to screw it up.
“You won’t. I know you’re scared, and I know you’re keeping a secret that you won’t tell me, but Bella, I’d do anything to make you happy. I think we have something, something that could be amazing, if you’d just let it happen.”
Annabella stared at Travis with her wide blue eyes as she absorbed each word that came out of his mouth. He wanted to be with her for whatever reason. She didn’t want to push him away anymore; she didn’t want to fight the feelings that were pulling her to him. She wanted him to take her in his arms and never let her go.
“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?” Travis asked as Annabella finished up her orange juice.
“I was thinking that I didn’t want to fight my feelings for you anymore, but I’m terrified to let you in.”
“Take a chance. Ple
ase,” Travis begged her as he moved closer to her. When they were nose to nose, Annabella’s heart began to race, but in a good way. Travis made her feel something she thought she’d never be able to feel with anyone again.
“I’m going to kiss you. If you want me to stop, you’re going to have to say so right now,” Travis said as he ran his thumb down her jaw line.
Annabella said nothing, but before Travis could kiss her, her lips were already touching his. He was surprised. She’d kissed him first. This whole time she’d been pushing him away, telling him to give up on her, yet here she was, kissing him. He wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol that might still be in her system, or the fact that she was actually giving him a chance. Whatever it was though, Travis knew that he didn’t want it to stop.
“Does this mean that you’re going to give us a chance?” Travis asked, pulling away.
“Just promise me one thing, promise we that we can take it slow,” Annabella begged.
“We can go as slow as you want,” Travis told her, tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear.
“Then yes, this would be me giving us a chance,” she told him and then they were locked in another kiss.
“Can I ask you something?” Travis asked, wanting to ask her about something she’d said last night.
“Sure,” she responded, picking up a bagel that was on the tray.
“Last you said my arms are safe. That it was like all damage he caused lessened when you were with me. What does that mean?” Travis asked, he had his ideas but he couldn’t jump to conclusions.
