In the morning, Olivia opened her eyes. Her mouth felt dry and sticky and she had a massive headache. “Where am I?” She wondered aloud, glancing around the room. Sun was filtering in through the big bay window and the room was much cheerier than it had been the night before. The night before, Olivia thought. It was a realization that hit her like a ton of bricks, and she felt instantly ashamed and embarrassed.
“Max?” Olivia pulled the duvet back and checked the bed, but there was no sign of her son. Discontent ripped through her body and turned to panic as she tore the sheets and blankets off the bed, looking for Max. “Max?” She called again, louder this time.
“Max!” Olivia leapt out of bed and raced down the hall. She skidded to a stop in front of the living room and gasped when she heard Max’s giggling. “Max,” Olivia said again, relief evident in her voice. “What are you doing in here?” But as she crept closer, she stopped dead in her tracks. Max and Jackson were sitting on the floor, playing with small wooden cars. Olivia was astounded to watch as Jackson picked up her son with ease and set him on his lap, gently maneuvering the wooden car on the paneled floor.
“Wow,” Olivia said. She walked up, unable to hide the grin.
“You look great,” Jackson said.
Olivia immediately blushed bright red. She’d forgotten that she was only clad in one of Jackson’s t-shirts. The hem of the cotton shirt grazed her mid-thigh but she immediately tugged the shirt down and inched backwards until she was in the hallway. Turning on her heel, she ran breathlessly into Jackson’s bedroom and pulled on yesterday’s dress. Her skin ached at the scratchy tulle, but it was definitely better than being seen practically naked by an almost total stranger.
Except Jackson didn’t feel like a stranger. Not at all. When Olivia rejoined Jackson and Max in the hallway, she noticed that Max looked happy and calm. Jackson didn’t say anything about her embarrassing earlier entrance, and for a moment she was struck watching them play together. Oddly, the physical resemblance between the two was stunning. Max looked exactly like a tiny version of Jackson – they even had the same pinkish gold skin tone and perfect golden-brown eyes.
“Hi,” Olivia said shyly. She lowered herself down onto the floor with a graceful motion. “Did Max cause a fuss?”
Jackson shook his head. “I heard him crying, so I thought he might be hungry,” he explained. “I gave him some apple slices and peanut butter, is that okay?” He smiled at Olivia and she felt her stomach cramp up with pleasure. “I mean, I didn’t want him to wake you. You were sleeping so soundly, I figured you must have really needed it.”
Olivia nodded. “God, I’m sorry,” she said, unable to believe that Jackson would have done something so considerate. She swallowed, feeling uneasy about having to go home and face Lisa. “Here, I’ll take him now.” She reached over and picked Max up, groaning a little at his weight. “I should get going,” she said apologetically. “I think I’ve imposed on you for long enough.”
Jackson shook his head. “Don’t even think about it,” he said casually, waving a hand in the air. “You aren’t bothering me at all. I like having you here.”
“I’ve just been asleep,” Olivia said, feeling embarrassed.
Jackson shrugged. “Doesn’t matter,” he said. “I still like having you here. Scent of a woman, and all that.”
Olivia felt her cheeks pink with pleasure. “Thank you,” she said softly.
“So,” Jackson said. He raised his eyebrows and got to his feet, reaching a hand down and helping Olivia up. Without heels, the top of her head barely came up to his chin. “May I ask you something?”
“Sure,” Olivia said. She shifted Max from one hip to the other, wincing at the strain of the uncomfortable dress on her body. She would have liked nothing more than to take a long bath and curl up in a comfy robe for the rest of the day, but her nerves were jangling. She couldn’t believe that she’d slept so well after such a traumatic night, but maybe that was just the effect Jackson had on her nerves.
“I was wondering,” Jackson said smoothly. “I was hoping, rather, that you’d like to go to dinner with me. A real date,” he added.
Olivia pursed her lips. She wrestled with the decision for a few moments before answering. “Jackson, I’d love that, but I don’t know if now is the right time,” she said softly. “I…I dunno, I was engaged to Derek for so long, it just doesn’t feel right.”
Jackson nodded. “I get that,” he said slowly. “Well, if you ever change your mind, can you promise that I’ll be the first to know?”
Olivia nodded, grateful that he hadn’t pressed her. And yet, some part of her was almost disappointed that he hadn’t pushed harder. Don’t be like this, she thought with a flicker of annoyance at herself. Men don’t like women who say no when they mean yes. Don’t be like this, Liv.
“Of course,” she replied, still tasting the bitter traces of disappointment in her mouth. “Now I really should be going.”
Jackson shook his head. “Listen, why don’t you stay for a little while? I ordered a ton of food a while ago – wasn’t sure when you were planning on waking up. And this way, Max can have a little nap while we eat. He’s been up since early this morning.”
Olivia was surprised at how grateful she felt, and how easily she said yes. The two of them put Max down for a nap on the living room floor, surrounded by couch cushions, and waited for the food to arrive.
“This smells awesome,” Olivia said. She stared enviously at the platters of brunch food that Jackson had ordered. “I’m starving. I didn’t even think about it, but god, I’m really hungry.”
Jackson smiled. “I had a feeling you might be,” he teased. “Besides, you barely ate anything last night. Now’s a good time to catch up.”
Olivia nodded, relieved for a distraction. She dug into the spread, making a platter with a bagel with lox, some fresh fruit, and a few pieces of bacon and sausage. She carefully balanced the plate on her lap as she leaned back on the opposite couch, watching Max snooze contentedly on the floor.
“He’s a good kid,” Jackson remarked before tearing into a bagel. Olivia had to stop herself from laughing: even though Jackson’s manners were impeccable, he’d eaten almost the whole bagel in one bite.
“He is,” Olivia agreed. She bit her lip. “His father didn’t really think that, though,” she added in a sour tone. “I mean, well, it’s complicated.” She sighed and ran a hand through her long, dark brown hair. “He um, well, we both wanted a baby. It was something we decided when we both turned twenty-two. I wanted more than one, but he just wanted the one to start with. And then he’s…” She trailed off, aware that she was blushing again. “Well, he’s infertile. Impotent, I guess, you’d call it. So he had the idea of going to a sperm bank and picking out a donor that looked just like him. But after I got pregnant, well, he started having a problem with it.” Olivia looked at the floor, ashamed of what she was about to say. “He said he couldn’t love another man’s baby, and he said he couldn’t love me as much because of it.”
Jackson gaped. “He’s an asshole,” he replied firmly. “Just like I told you before. Derek sounds like a total idiot. Any man worth his salt wouldn’t say anything that hurtful, Olivia. You have to know that he was just trying to manipulate you.”
Olivia set her plate of breakfast down on the floor, no longer feeling hungry. “I get that,” she said softly. “But it hurt so much, it felt like it was tearing my whole world apart. And now I get mad at myself because I hate being alone, but what if the next guy I’m with turns out to be a jerk, just like Derek?”
“He won’t be,” Jackson said confidently. For once, his words didn’t have the usual impact on Olivia and she felt tears well up in her eyes.
“And then he cheated on me,” Olivia said, her chin and lip trembling. “He said it was because he wanted someone who’d never been with another guy, even though the sperm bank was his idea!” She felt a hot flash of anger. “He was so selfish!”
“He was,” Jackson
agreed. “Sounds like the only person Derek really cares about is himself.”
“I’m sorry,” she said. “This is so embarrassing.”
“It’s okay,” Jackson said in a soothing voice. “It’s okay, Olivia. You can talk to me.”
The gentle sound of his deep voice saying Olivia’s name was all it took for her to start crying uncontrollably. She sobbed and sobbed, covering her face in her hands. After a while, it occurred to her that she didn’t even know why she was crying this hard – it definitely wasn’t because she still missed Derek.
Olivia was only slightly aware of Jackson pulling her into his arms, stroking her hair, holding her tight and comforting her. He smelled good – like musk and something that reminded her of the forest – and Olivia closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, letting the soothing scent wash over her senses.
Before she even knew what was happening, she’d fallen asleep.
Chapter Three
The next few weeks were a whirlwind of change and excitement in Olivia’s life. Lisa moved out almost immediately – she’d sent numerous texts and calls to Olivia’s number, but Olivia never deigned with a response. She was grateful to receive an email from Lisa with the subject line “moving out” and when she got home that day, she had the locks changed on all the doors.
Unfortunately, Derek had been bugging her just as much. Olivia had been horrified to pull into the driveway one day after work and see Derek’s SUV parked there, as if waiting for her. The worst part was that he didn’t even want to apologize for what he’d done – all he cared about was trying to make himself look good.
“She threw herself right at me!” Derek had exclaimed when Olivia had asked him what happened with Lisa. “It was like we were magnets, and I couldn’t keep her away!”
“Yeah, right,” Olivia muttered before pushing past Derek and striding purposefully inside. “If you come back again, I’m calling the cops.”
“Liv, baby, come on!” Derek had whined from outside. But Olivia hadn’t opened the door again, and after about an hour, Derek had stopped sulking and driven off.
The only other frustrating thing was Jackson. She couldn’t stop thinking about him, no matter how hard she tried. It was like he’d wormed his way inside of her head as thoroughly as a weed, or a root deep in the earth. Even though Olivia tried consciously not to think of him, the hunky woodworker kept popping up inside her brain.
“Enough already,” Olivia said under her breath one evening as she was preparing dinner for herself and Max. “I can’t spend any more time thinking about you!”
“You!” Max chanted. Olivia rolled her eyes. He still wasn’t as vocal as he should have been for his age, and Olivia was loathe to admit it but she’d seen him speak the most frequently around Jackson. Even though Max had only been around the man for less than two days, they were old friends. Max even remembered his name, and Olivia found that her son chanting it out loud made her think of Jackson just as much as ever.
“I need to distract myself,” she said aloud to her reflection. The stress of the breakup and Lisa’s move were finally beginning to ebb from her system, and Olivia wanted to do something to make herself feel just a little better. One night, Max was spending the night with his cousins. Olivia dolled herself up and poured a glass of wine. She took a few flirtatious photos with the camera on her phone and uploaded them. Cautiously, she typed in “newchancedate.com” into the bar at the top of her browser.
But when the page loaded, she cringed. There were tons of stock photos of happy couples with smiling children. A coworker had told Olivia about this site – apparently her sister had met a husband there – and promised that it was supposed to be a stress-free way for people to ease back into the dating waters. And stress-free is exactly what I need, too, Olivia thought as she hesitantly clicked on the link that said “Create a free profile today!”
Olivia sighed as she began filling in basic information about herself. Height? 5’4”. Hair color? Brunette. Kids? One. She felt a hint of distaste creep into her mouth as she finished making the profile and began answering the first few questions.
“What’s the most impressive thing you’ve ever seen?”
Olivia almost typed in an answer about all of the woodwork at Jackson’s house, but stopped herself. Not a good look, Liv, she thought as she shook her head. Not a good idea to talk about other dudes when trying to land a date.
Instead, she wrote about Max learning to walk, and how amazed she was to see him grow every day.
When Olivia was done, she clicked “save” and then after a moment, refreshed the page. She gasped at the list of men who had already viewed her profile, then began to scrutinize their photographs.
“Hm,” Olivia murmured as she clicked on the first guy. “You could be interesting.”
She closed the page a moment later. His biography had seemed normal, until the third sentence where he mentioned that he was a widower….three times over.
“Not in a rush to become Dead Wife Number Four,” Olivia muttered as she picked up her glass of wine and took a long drink. Stay positive, she thought as she continued rooting through all of the profiles. One of these has to be good.
By the end of the night, she was feeling more discouraged than ever. The only guys who had responded to her messages all sounded suspiciously bratty, like Derek. There was no one who compared to Jackson. Hell, if Olivia was being honest with herself, there was no one who even came close.
The next evening, there was a knock on the door. Olivia hefted Max into her arms and cautiously opened the door, expecting it to be Lisa, or even worse, Derek.
Instead, it was Jackson. He was holding a brown paper bag full of something that smelled delicious and a bottle of wine. “I hope this isn’t too much of an imposition,” Jackson said with a grin. “I was in the neighborhood, I thought I’d stop by.”
Olivia could barely contain her excitement as she stepped to the side and allowed Jackson into the house. “I’m glad you stopped by,” she said shyly. “Max was really starting to miss you.”
“Just Max?” Jackson gave her a questioning look. “Or maybe you, too?”
Olivia gave him a coy smile. “My lips are sealed,” she said softly as she led the way into the kitchen.
Max was overjoyed to see his new best friend. He waved his arms and chattered excitedly through the whole meal. Jackson had brought Peruvian chicken with rice and beans, and the three of them enjoyed a wonderful meal together. When Max’s lids started falling down when they were almost finished, Olivia jumped out of her chair.
“I’m just going to put him down,” she told Jackson. “I’ll be right back. Is that okay?”
“Of course,” Jackson said. He took another giant mouthful of chicken.
Olivia grinned. She carried Max into his bedroom. There were butterflies in her stomach, and while she didn’t want to think about why she was feeling so nervous, she knew that it was because of Jackson. “Mommy has an important night tonight,” she said softly to Max as she laid him down in his light blue crib. “So you behave, okay?”
Max yawned in Olivia’s face, then snuggled up with his favorite stuffed animal and closed his eyes. Satisfied, Olivia crept out of the room, pulling the door closed behind her as quietly as she could.
Jackson had started to clean up the kitchen by the time she was back.
“You don’t have to do that,” Olivia chastised. “Really, you’re the one who brought the food! You should relax.”
Jackson laughed. “If you’re trying to let me down easy, I get it,” he said softly. He chuckled under his breath. “You’re so cute when you get so flustered.”
Olivia’s cheeks pinked and she dipped her head. “Whatever you say,” she said, trying to hide how flattered she felt. “Thank you so much for bringing that over. Everything was delicious. Especially that green sauce!”
Bearly Christmas Page 38
