“Ready?” Ash asked.
“Ready.” Lance was pretty sure he had never told a bigger lie in his life.
Ash took his length in hand. He was hyperaware, almost to extreme discomfort, of every touch, but he followed Ash as they slowly positioned him where they needed. He lowered his hips more and gently pushed. Ash let out a long moan and said, “Do it again.”
So, Lance did, and he buried himself deeper this time. There wasn’t much resistance because of how wet Ash was, but they were tight, and Lance was feeling it now. His breaths came quicker. Ash told him to move.
He met Ash’s wild hips with his own and pushed himself inside, balls deep. Ash clawed at his hair as they whimpered his name, begging him for more. So, he moved a bit faster. Thankfully, he didn’t have to think too much about it because his mind and body were at the point they knew exactly what needed to be done to reach a much-needed release. Stimulation and pressure in just the right areas… and then Ash crashed around him. The rhythmic pulses of their body coaxed him to come too, in one big burst.
Hell, it was a relief. He didn’t know how much longer he could stand that buzz of arousal. He was glad to let it go.
He continued to hold himself up with his arms as he rode out the rest of their orgasms. And then, like that, it was over and done. He couldn’t help thinking he just wanted to take a shower to get all the crud off him. He’d take Ash with him, wash them too. But he pushed those thoughts away and stayed still. He watched Ash’s chest rise and fall as they slowly came down from climax.
Finally, Ash opened their eyes; they twinkled like fucking stars. Their smile glowed soft like candlelight. Lance had never seen Ash more satisfied. Never. And he didn’t understand it. Ash looked like they had just experienced the best moment of their life, like they were just coming down from heaven, but he didn’t think this was any better than jerking off alone—except for seeing Ash’s satisfaction. That was much better.
Lance worked off the condom and tossed it in the trash.
You did it, he told himself. You did it.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
LANCE SIGHED AND RAN his hand through his hair. There were sticky clumps in it. He tried to ignore them and lay down beside Ash. Ash cuddled into his side, hips still gyrating. He moved back subtly when Ash hit too-sensitive nerve endings. He really didn’t want to be touched again so soon after orgasm. Other places were fine, but anything “erotic” was too much. Luckily, Ash didn’t seem to notice or mind. They smiled and buried their face into his chest.
“Good?” Lance asked. Maybe he shouldn’t have. Maybe that wasn’t something normal people asked after sex. He didn’t really know. He didn’t know much about sex. Not even porn. It never interested him much.
“Good?” Ash repeated. They shifted so they could look Lance in the eye. “Hell yeah, it was good. Wasn’t it good for you?”
“Of course. The best.” Lance tried to smile, but he didn’t feel it. In fact, he felt something much different, something that made his lips quiver.
“Lance,” Ash touched his cheek, “what’s wrong?”
Lance clenched his jaw as he remembered Drew’s harsh words: “Don’t lie. You don’t love me.”
“Nothing’s wrong,” he said.
“Hey.” Ash kissed his lips softly, sweetly. “Look at me.”
Lance hadn’t realized he had started to look away, but he forced himself to obey.
“Tell me the truth. Something is obviously wrong. You look like you’re about to cry.”
Great. That was worse than anything. Lance wasn’t even a crier by nature, so what was this shit?
“You came out to see me tonight. You said you almost didn’t come back, but not for the reason I think. So, what does that mean? What is all of this about?”
Lance refused to close his eyes and shut out all visual stimulus. “I love you, Ash. I really do, but I tried to ignore it and never admitted it to myself because I was sure it would never go anywhere. But every time I saw you, my heart would race. Every time you touched me, every time our eyes met, all of it.”
Ash gave that same glowing smile. “I feel that too. It’s something magical. Romantic, I guess. I’m new to this.” Ash touched his chest again, just over his heart. And Lance’s heart beat a little faster like it always did. That hadn’t changed. Ash gave him butterflies.
“I just… When I tell you the truth, Ash, don’t say I don’t love you.” Lance said, practically begging. Was he really doing this? Was this smart?
Ash furrowed their normally smooth as butter brow in confusion, but they waited for him to say more.
“I do love you. I wouldn’t be here doing this if I didn’t. I also wouldn’t be so mad at my brother about last night.” It was then Lance realized he understood exactly how Austin felt when Mateo was out doing dangerous things with him and Yuri. This had to be love. He truly did understand it, and that was why he hated seeing those two together sometimes. He joked and said they were disgusting, but that wasn’t true. He felt the same way about Ash. He swore he did. Just not about sex. He never wanted to admit these feelings even to himself because he was going to lose. He knew he was going to lose Ash. He could feel it coming with his next words: the truth.
“I don’t understand,” Ash whispered.
“I don’t feel this,” Lance confessed. “I don’t get what’s so great about sex. I’d be just as happy to have a romantic dinner with you or to cuddle on the couch while watching a movie with you. Actually, I would like that a lot more.” He bit his lower lip. “I’m sorry.” His eyes burned like hell. “I don’t know why I’m fucked-up like this.”
Ash sat up suddenly. “No way.” They took Lance’s arm and tugged. He sat up too. It was hard to look Ash in the eye, but he made himself do it. God, he was ashamed.
“Mark my words, Lance. There is nothing wrong with you. There’s nothing wrong with feeling that way. I’m not mad, and I don’t think any less of you.” Ash wiped away a tear that had managed to escape Lance’s eye. “Would you say you’re asexual, then?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“Other than I have no idea how to satisfy a lover who feels differently, so why would you want to stay with me?”
“I may not be asexual, but I get being different. You know, I’m non-binary. You aren’t obligated to have sex, Lance. So get that idea out of your head right now. And don’t think it’s a deal-breaker for me. It wasn’t sex that made me fall in love with you. I won’t lie and say I didn’t enjoy what we did just now. It meant a lot to me, but if you never want to do it again, I won’t hold it against you, okay?”
“I don’t believe that,” Lance said.
Ash put their pointer finger to his lip. “Then I’ll have to prove it. But don’t run away from me because you don’t think I’ll be happy. That’s not for you to decide.”
He wondered.
Ash pulled Lance in and hugged him. “I love you, Lance. I do. And you’re the first person I’ve ever said that to, so I hope you know how much that means.”
Lance’s cell phone went off. He wanted to revel in Ash’s words. He wanted to hold on to them to keep them from leaving him, but he knew that ringtone. He gave Ash a quick squeeze before jumping off the bed and fishing his phone out of his pants pocket.
“Yuri,” he said in a flat tone.
“Lance, I need you to fix my shoulder. I’m doing a shitty job of it on my own. It’s dislocated.”
Lance growled. “Tell Mateo to do it. You’re out with him right now, right? You must have managed to drag him away from Austin for once. If anyone could, it’d be you. He always took things plenty far, but even he had some sense of when to stop. He probably warned you.”
“I’m not out with Mateo.” There was something weird in Yuri’s voice. Lance couldn’t say what it was exactly, but he knew his brother, and the rich tones that usually made up his voice were missing. His voice was hollow.
“Are you okay?” Lance
asked.
Yuri hesitated. “No.”
And Lance was ready to go. When Yuri said he wasn’t okay, he meant it.
“I’ll call you back,” Lance said as he crushed the phone between his shoulder and ear and worked to get his underwear and pants on. So much for that shower.
Lance hung up and turned to Ash. “I have to go.”
“Okay.” Ash stared at him, wide-eyed.
“I’ll be back.”
Lance leaned down to kiss Ash. He hated the hesitation on Ash’s lips as they kissed him back, as if they were wondering if it was okay to kiss him. But he couldn’t figure it out now or fix the damage he had dealt. Yuri needed him.
“Wait for me,” Lance said.
“I’ll wait. Go to your brother.”
Once Lance had all of his things, and he and Ash had exchanged phone numbers, he hurried out the door as millions of little claws pricked his skin and threatened to tear him apart.
Yeah, they had exchanged phone numbers, but he had probably ruined everything.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
ONE MORE TIME YURI tried popping his right shoulder back into its socket. He was strong, but with the pain coursing through his body, he just couldn’t get it right. Not to mention the angle was all wrong. He had jarred his arm worse by this point and was ready to give up until Lance got home.
Lance was taking way too fucking long, though. Yuri could’ve had this taken care of by now if he went to anybody else in Eurio, but he needed Lance.
What the hell was Lance doing all the way in Fairbanks anyway? That was where he had confirmed he was on the phone.
Sweat poured down Yuri’s forehead as he sat down and tried to stop moving his arm. He wanted to lie down, but that hurt too much. He wiped away the sweat with his good hand and was relieved to hear the familiar rumble of an engine stalling at the front of the cabin. A few moments later, Lance walked in through the door.
“About time you got here,” Yuri said. He smirked, but another twinge of pain stopped the expression from lasting very long.
He had managed to pull on some pants since returning to the cabin, but that was it. Because of that, Lance could take a good look at him. He stared at Yuri’s right shoulder and didn’t say a word. He stormed forward, grabbed Yuri forcefully, and shoved him down onto the ground none too gently. Yuri’s shoulder screamed, and he screamed along with it as Lance popped it back into the socket. It hurt like a motherfucker, but then it felt better. A lot better. It would be sore for a little while, but at least it could heal properly now.
Lance got off him and held out his hand. Yuri took it, with his left, and Lance pulled him to his feet.
“Thanks, Lance.”
“Why did you wait so long to get that taken care of?”
“I tried to do it on my own, but I just couldn’t get it right.”
“No shit. You fucked it up more.” Lance touched Yuri’s forehead. “You’re hot. Are you feeling okay? What’s going on? What were you doing?”
Yuri didn’t want to talk about any of that. They were extraneous details that didn’t have anything to do with anything. None of what happened was real. Yuri was just having a relapse. He didn’t like it, but Lance would take it much worse. Lance was the one who dwelled on stuff, not him. He had no idea what was going on, but he was going to choose to ignore it, to move on, because it had no place in his life.
It wasn’t real.
“You smell like sex,” Yuri commented, because Lance did. Big time.
Lance moved his ice-like eyes to the burns on Yuri’s skin, and then there was a burst of red. He cracked Yuri across the face with his fist.
Yuri stumbled back and caught himself on the couch’s wooden arm. “Fuck!” he shouted. “What was that for?”
“What were you thinking last night? You took Ash out into the middle of nowhere to get hypothermia and burned and shit?” Lance demanded. “You haven’t been better that long and you’re back to being as reckless as you were when you thought this was all going to end with you dying from those seizures.”
Yuri rubbed his jaw and wiped away a trickle of blood. “I never stopped being reckless.”
“No fucking joke, but I thought you were learning to tone it down a little bit. I thought I understood why you did it. Because you didn’t know how long your future would be, you wanted to live every moment and be normal. Is that wrong? What about now? You’re fully healed! Was last night necessary? Do you want to die?”
“You’re starting to sound like Gale.”
“We have things to lose now, Yuri, and we have everything to gain.”
Lance was trying to sound positive or something, but Yuri saw the way his jaw twitched. This time he was ready when Lance launched himself at him. He darted out of the way and Lance collided with the couch, toppling it over with a crack. Then Lance was back on his feet, coming at Yuri again. Yuri caught him this time, but his shoulder protested that move. Lance got the better of him and shoved him against a wall. Yuri kneed him in the stomach. Lance crumpled long enough for Yuri to put some space between them.
Then Lance was back on him, and this time his eyes were flickering to his animal. So Yuri beat him to it. He called to his tiger half and started shifting. He barely pulled off his pants in time to save them from being shredded as his bones popped and skin morphed. When he was finished, he was staring at a mirror image of himself. The only difference was that the tiger in front of him was white with eyes so light blue they were almost red.
Their tails cracked like whips. Anything standing on the entertainment set or the coffee table had no chance. Lance didn’t even seem to care about that new TV he spent hours searching for—because he just had to find the right one, just like they had to have the best generator—as he rushed forward, jumped over it, and smacked it with his tail to get a swipe at Yuri. Yuri almost dodged, but Lance caught Yuri’s tail between his teeth. Yuri roared his displeasure as he spun around and scratched Lance across the face. It was a deep cut, and he narrowly missed his brother’s right eye. It was too damn close.
But Lance kept coming.
Yuri held back this time. He let it happen because maybe all Lance needed was one more good hit on him. Yuri grimaced when Lance jumped and clawed him and the curtains as Lance almost forced them both out the window. Luckily the twins missed hitting it head-on, so the glass stayed intact, but the wall rumbled, and the wood squeaked underneath their weight.
Enough was enough. Their cabin was going to be totally wrecked by the time they were done. And Lance didn’t stop with one more hit. He got in several good slashes, so Yuri kicked him off with his hind legs. They tumbled across the floor as claws flew and blood followed. They grappled like that, one on top and then the other, neither of them gaining ground, until Yuri finally managed to push through the pain of his right foreleg and pinned Lance down for good. He made sure to trap all four of Lance’s legs as he practically lay on top of him. Lance needed to stop moving already. Each time he struggled, Yuri flinched, but his willpower was greater than the physical pain.
The two of them growled in each other’s faces, long canines threatening to tear flesh, but neither of them lashed out again. Their only options now were to go for faces and necks. It seemed that was enough to knock some sense into Lance. He started shifting. That usually meant he was done. Yuri gladly followed him, though he made sure to keep the upper hand. He wasn’t going to let his brother out from underneath him until he was sure this temper tantrum had run its course.
“Are you finished?” Yuri asked, chest heaving. “Don’t answer that. You are. We’re done. No more fighting.”
Blood from a cut along Yuri’s jaw dripped onto Lance’s face. Lance winced, but his teeth were bared, and his eyes were burning red. He wasn’t finished yet.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
“WHEN YOU GET LIKE this, I know you need to talk,” Yuri said. “So, talk.”
Lance wiped Yuri’s blood from his cheek along with the blood from his own cut lip. He tremb
led, and his eyes glinted red to blue to red, so Yuri held tighter. He wasn’t in the mood for another fistfight, and his right shoulder was screaming at him again, but it wasn’t like he had much of a choice. It was better to keep Lance in a bind than to have him wailing on Yuri. It was less painful.
“Just the two of us,” Yuri said. “It’s always been just the two of us. That’s why I didn’t ask anybody else for help, okay?” He wasn’t sure if this was what Lance wanted to hear, but he had to try. He hadn’t answered Lance’s questions earlier, so maybe it would help. “Mateo came and went, but we are never going anywhere. We made that promise when Dad died, and that’s the one constant I count on, Lance. That’s why you had to be the one to fix my shoulder. No one else was around when I did it, and I didn’t even think about anybody else. I called you. When you said you were on your way back, I was going to wait.”
Lance started laughing. “Oh, really? It’s just the two of us? You count on me? You’re going to wait for me? What about all the times you’ve run off and done crazy shit on your own when even Mateo wouldn’t go along with you or even before that when it was just me and I said it was too much? Or what about when we were sixteen and we hot-wired an SUV so we could go to Fairbanks whenever we wanted just so you could play around, flirt, and get laid?”
“What the fuck are you trying to say, Lance? You were right there with me.”
“I followed you because that’s what I’ve done my entire life! I’m a shadow. I always follow you, Yuri. I can’t escape you.”
“What?”
“And then you went and tried to steal Ash from me! You were always going to leave me. As soon as Josh cured your PWD, it was just a matter of time.”
“Stole Ash?”
“I met Ash months ago while I was trying to figure out a way to save you.”
Little pieces of a puzzle Yuri didn’t know he needed to solve began falling into place. “That’s why you started spending so much time in Fairbanks,” he said. “Sounds like you’re the one who’s going to leave me. Not the other way around.”
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