He laughed. “There is that.” Sober, he added, “Besides the wild fruits and berries eaten to nothing, the animals have been hunted until gone.”
Beth considered the Indians she’d seen so far. “What will the native people live on when everyone is finished emigrating to the west?” She smiled at him when he paused, fork in mid air, to look at her. “It just makes sense that a people who live as nomads might need food wherever they go for the season.”
He placed the fork back onto his plate. “Exactly right. The land has been changed by the whites crossing it. I’ve seen animals shot for sport during one trip. When the next group passed, they starved for lack of fresh meat.”
Beth ate, quiet at this. If he’d not found her, Nicholas might have had more for himself. She saw how much money he carried while purchasing items at the fort. “I’ve not given you much time to hunt, have I? If you hadn’t found me, you’d be able to live a little bit better.” She set her dish and utensil aside, near the fire. “When you’re done, I’ll wash.”
He scraped out the last few bites from the cook pan. “Will you share this with me?”
“I’m full, thank you.”
“If you’re sure?” When she nodded, he said, “I’ll eat this up and rinse these for tomorrow.” Nicholas stood, adding, “Be back in a moment.”
He left before she could squeak out a protest to do the work herself. Instead of remaining idle, Beth spread out their bedrolls. She looked up from arranging the blankets to see him enter the ring of light and set down the pan with dishes. “I have a plan for breakfast tomorrow and lunch. I can make up biscuits with a little sugar in them for more taste.”
His eyebrows lifted in surprise as he sat beside her. “Good! I look forward to breakfast already.”
“So do I.” She settled in under the covers.
Nicholas glanced between her and his own bed. Getting up to a kneel, he moved his bed to touch hers. “Just in case you get cold tonight, you can use me to warm yourself.”
She smiled as he slid under his covers, turning to face her. “How very thoughtful of you.”
Returning her grin, he looked at her while they both lay down on the blankets. “I try.”
“You do well.” She reached out and caressed his smooth face. “I appreciate you very much.”
He took her wrist, bringing her palm to his lips. “I appreciate you as well.”
He smelled good, his face clean. His proximity drew her closer. He put an arm around her shoulder and pulled her close, kissing her. He paused long enough to ask, “Shall we?”
Instead of answering, she pressed her lips against his. He shuddered. Beth melted into him, tired of resisting. Now aware of how lovemaking with him unfolded, her anticipation almost hurt. She wanted to be wild, but still felt shy.
Nicholas murmured against her ear, “I liked feeling every inch of your skin against mine.” He pulled the shoulder of her dress down to expose more of her chest.
He kissed lower, nipping at the upper swell of her breast and she gasped. She asked, “Could we undress now? I wouldn’t mind.”
Her neckline prevented him from dropping her other shoulder and sleeve. With a quick move, he rolled onto Beth. “I don’t want to take the time.” He rested his weight on hands and knees, pulling up her skirt. “I want you now.”
Tingles of desire danced along her skin. When his hand slid up her thigh, she bent her knee, needing him. “I want you too.”
“Why don’t you undo my pants, then?”
Though nervous at doing such a thing, Beth reached for his belt and buttons. Her hands shook while unfastening them. He groaned when she touched his hardness. “Is this good?”
“Very.” He lowered to rest on an elbow, widening his legs to spread hers apart. Brushing a hand between her thighs, he asked, “Is this good too?”
“Yes!” The feel of him, the possibility his fingertips might reach inside her caused Beth’s stomach muscles to tense. “I want you, Nicholas. Please, let’s start.”
“Since you ask so nicely, how can I refuse?” He positioned himself, pressed and slid in as if she were made of warm butter.
She let out a wavering “Oh!” at the same time he panted her name. “Last time,” Beth gasped as he rocked back and forth. “Now this time, and my goodness!”
His lips rested against her ear as he murmured, “It’s better now, isn’t it?”
“Oh yes, so much. We have to do the same as last night.”
He kept a steady rhythm for a few minutes, the tension building like a steel spring. “Beth, wrap your legs around my hips.” He moaned when her ankles locked behind him. “Maybe not, I can’t last….”
The position drove him deeper into her. “Yes! This is better!” The steady pace he kept pushed her ever closer to the cliff she knew waited for her. “Don’t stop, Nicholas, please.”
“I might have to,” he ground out, his voice harsh with restraint.
“No, faster. Give me more!” Her hunger shocked Beth, as did her crude language. However, the way he kept driving at her sent such tendrils of pleasure through her body. Each rush of passion led her to urge him further. Each liberty she took with her words increased the need for release.
“You’ve wanted this, haven’t you?” He exhaled in her ear. “I’ve needed you under me, warm and willing.” He ran a hand down to her breast, fingertips raking her nipple. “Every day, I’ve fallen a little more in love with you and longed to feel you this way, all sweet and hot and soft.”
Her climax hit Beth like a cannon shot, all consuming and too much to ignore. “Yes!” she gasped and held onto him, the rush of pleasure so intense her toes curled and her hands clenched. She knew he’d been waiting for her and when he stopped moving, Beth knew he’d found heaven too.
He pressed his lips against her forehead, giving a groan at each throb of his body. He put his arms around her, lifting her up to do so. “You’re an amazing woman, Elizabeth Roberts.”
“As you are an amazing man, Nicholas Granville.” She sighed. Even her bones felt too relaxed to be solid. “I thought of last night as the best of everything good. But you proved me wrong just now.”
“I agree.” He yawned and went to the side. Turning her as last night, Nicholas snuggled her as if spoons. A few moments passed before he said, “Beth, before I fall asleep, I need to tell you something.”
“Sounds ominous. What is it?”
With lips still pressed against her skin, he said, “I’ve acted terrible today.” He paused before continuing, “Last night, and then this morning, I kept thinking of Sally and wondered if I’d been betraying her memory by loving you.”
She worked to keep her tone even. “I see.” Her heart hurt at how he shared the pain Daggart had felt. She dreaded the moment Nicholas would confirm her worst fears and tell her that she would never be first in his heart anymore than she had been first in Daggart’s.
“I don’t know that you can.” He intertwined his fingers with hers. “I thought I would be ready for you when the opportunity occurred, and at first, I was.”
Beth bit her lip to stop the sob threatening to escape her. “But then you remembered your late wife and how she was and is your first love?”
He sighed as if in relief. “Exactly.”
“Very well, Nicholas, I understand.” Her nose stung with the need to cry, and she turned so he couldn’t see her face. No matter what happened between them, Nicholas had just admitted he loved Sally like Daggart loved Lizzy. Not trusting her voice, she managed to croak, “I’m also very tired. May we talk more in the morning?”
“Good night, Beth.” He wrapped his arm around her waist.
“Good night,” she replied, eyes squeezed shut to prevent tears from falling. She loved Nicholas. He was her first love. He’d always be her first, and now Beth knew she’d always be his second. The warmth of him against her almost burned with how good he felt. Tears slipped and rolled from the corners of her eyes. Even with him being so different from her brother-in-law, she just couldn
’t be yet another widower’s consolation prize. How could she ever be the only woman he loved?
Chapter 15
Nick breathed in deeply, enjoying the smell of early morning mixed with the scent of Beth’s hair. She lay in his arms, head resting on his now numb shoulder. He grinned, wondering how to get started on the day. She’d been such a heavy sleeper so far. He might get away without waking her. The guilt of two nights ago didn’t haunt him anymore. Not after he’d told Beth how conflicted he’d been. He leaned forward a bit and kissed her. Admitting he still loved Sally hurt to say, and yet Beth seemed to understand. Nick felt her heart beat under his hand. He’d never wanted to move on from Sally’s death, but the woman he held gave his heart no choice.
Thinking of how passionate she’d been with him last night, his body awakened against her. He stifled a chuckle and eased his arm out from under Beth. While he’d like to wake her with kisses and more, they needed to reach the wagon train soon. He’d bought as much as they could carry back, and yet it might not be enough. He didn’t want to take the chance on having to let her go hungry. They’d either need to find some game animals, or he’d need to give her his rations. Nick shrugged at his thoughts. There’d been plenty of days he’d been too distracted by sorrow to eat. He didn’t want that for Beth though.
By the time he’d walked Buck to water and let him graze at the sparse grass, she had woken up. Beth held the cook pot and a cup. “Good morning. I’ll get water for the coffee and breakfast if you’ll build the fire. I’d also like to wash up for the day.”
She walked by him as he said, “All right.” He watched after her, puzzled by her expression. She didn’t seem as happy on the outside as he felt on the inside. He turned, going back to their small camp. She’d probably just had a bad dream, he figured.
He secured Buck, stoked the fire, and rolled up their bedding. After setting them aside, he dug out the foodstuffs for the meal. Nick looked at his personal saddlebag. He’d brought his Bible and retrieved the little book. Opening it in the middle, he found his drawing of Sally. He heard a sound at his side. Beth stood beside him, looking at the sketch. “This is my Sally. We’d not been married long, so I just wanted to have some sort of portrait of her. I tried to capture the laughter in her eyes.” He took the paper and held it up for Beth to see.
She took the depiction, saying, “Oh, Nicholas, this is beautiful, she’s beautiful.” Tears welled in her eyes. “You drew this yourself, then?” He nodded and she continued, “I had no idea you were such an artist.”
Her praise embarrassed him a little. Nick held out his hand to replace the picture in the Bible. “I’m not sure drawing anatomy in medical school made me an artist.”
“Yes,” she gave him the picture. “Yes, it did. You have an amazing talent.” She sniffed, wiping the tears with a sleeve. “I’m sorry to be so emotional. This took me by surprise, how lovely she was and how much of her personality you’ve shown.”
“Do you think so?” He enjoyed her praise. Nick liked hearing his opinion of Sally echoed by someone else.
“Absolutely. I think it’s amazing how a few lines in charcoal can say so much with no words.” She picked up the cook pot, checking the coffee. “I wish you’d met Lizzy. I should think Daggart would like a drawing of her as well. At least, I would like one.” Beth poured their drinks.
He took the cup she offered. “I’m not inclined to do anything for him, especially now. And yet, if Lizzy still lived, I might never have met you.”
“Maybe.” She took a drink. “I might have found my own husband by now, instead of being a spinster. My father might still be alive, and I might have my own farm with my husband or stay at the family place.” Beth shrugged. “A lot of mights that never happened, I suppose.”
Nick also drank his coffee, thinking of how close they’d been to never meeting. He didn’t like the idea of her married to anyone else now that Daggart had been dealt with. “Spinster, hmm? Did you ever have a husband in mind?”
“A few. Henry at the general store seemed nice, but wanting him was selfish on my part.”
He’d met the man and remembered very little about him. Other than the obvious as a successful business owner, Nick didn’t think Henry had much to offer Beth. Not as much as he himself did. “How were you selfish?”
“I wanted him for all that fabric and wool he’d order for me.”
Nick laughed, relieved she’d not lost her heart to the man. “You know at some point you’d have too much to ever use.”
“Nevertheless, I’d have liked to try having too much.” Standing and smoothing her skirt, she added, “But he’d never live on the farm, and I wasn’t resigned to living in town.”
“I suppose my family’s place being at the edge of both is in my favor?” he blurted before realizing how much like a proposal his words could sound to her. Self-conscious, he walked a few feet away to dump out the coffee grounds.
“Very much in your favor.” Beth helped him pack the cups and bedding. “Or at least for me it would be if I were in the market for a farm. The best of both worlds.”
He smiled, nodding, “I think so, too.” A little glimpse of sadness on her face puzzled him. “I don’t suppose any other man appealed, or you’d have refused the request your father and Daggart made.”
“Some suitors did seem like good husbands, most did not.” She followed him to where Buck stood. “When I did see a man I rather liked, I couldn’t speak to him.”
He reflected back, wondering if she’d ever been shy with him. “So maybe being married at first helped you talk with me? Assuming you rather liked me and all.”
“It’s pretty clear I do like you. I was so angry at Daggart when you and I met.” Beth hopped up onto the horse, sitting behind Nick. “I forgot my shyness and later, speaking with you stayed easy.”
“I’m glad, hope it always does.” He settled in, ready to ride for at least ten miles before noon. The way he figured it, they had a good five days of riding before reaching the others. Maybe fewer if illness, death, or weather delayed the train. Nick reviewed the supplies they had on hand. Beth might be a marvel with catching fish, but he’d been in too much of a hurry to pack a hook. “If I see a deer, I’m taking the shot.”
“Venison sounds good right now.” She patted his shoulder. “I’ll help watch.”
“We should be finding more as we go.” He looked back at her and saw Beth nod. Facing forward, he breathed in, the cool air feeling good in his lungs. Nick enjoyed how mountains hugged the horizon, some distant and blue, others closer and brighter colored. Buck’s hooves sounded a steady beat as they continued covering the dry, rocky land. Whenever the animal nudged sagebrush, the spicy scent surrounded them.
Nick had time to consider two choices in how they reached the group. One way they skirted the Platte for an extra couple of days. Most travelers took that route in the trail’s first few years. With the detailed guidebooks published since, folks began cutting across some hostile country in an effort to save time.
They crossed a murky creek. He could smell the stagnant water from horseback. “Next time we stop, let’s make sure to drink our fill. This might be fine, but as long as the canteen is full and we’re this close to the Platte, I’d rather wait.” He turned to her, adding, “We can always cut across to the river, if you’d prefer.”
Beth bit her lip. “Which would add a few days to our travel time.”
“Exactly.” He liked how she’d drawn the same conclusion, and loved how she looked when pondering a problem.
“I can wait until later too. We’ll make what we have last.”
He faced front and nudged Buck to a faster walk. “Very well.” He loved the sound of her voice, but didn’t want to chatter. Yet, Nick wanted to learn more about her. Had she given any thought to life after Bartlett, he wondered. Curiosity chewed at him, so he asked, “No suitors, none serious, so you can go anywhere you choose. I suppose, even Independence is a possibility.”
“I suppose so.”
He stifled a sigh, now knowing how she must have felt yesterday with his short answers. After waiting to see if she said anything more, Nick added, “Or, there’s Oregon Territory. Men outnumber women, still.”
“I can imagine. It’s probably why so many men marry Indian women there.”
“Hm. I suppose that’s true for some.” Nick felt her hands on his shoulders.
“You’d mentioned both a wife and a child, and losing them.”
He searched his memories with her for such a statement, asking, “I did?”
“Yes, after the accident where….”
“I remember now.” He’d forgotten, upset from the man’s injuries and the sight of so much blood in one place again. Nick tried to find the words to tell Beth what happened to his family.
She interrupted his thoughts, saying, “I suppose not telling anyone you’re a doctor is beneficial. People wouldn’t be asking for cures night and day.”
Smiling at her concern for him, he replied, “It’s not that, so much. Although, that’s a good reason to stay quiet.” Nick shook his head. “It’s more serious than inconvenience.” He breathed in deep for the nerve to tell her what happened without becoming maudlin. “I worked hard to save my wife and child. When Sally bled to death, I tried a cesarean but not in time to save our son.” He sighed, still disgusted at his incompetence. “So, I cut her open for no reason. The two patients I’d give my life to save and I lost both in the same hour.”
“Oh no. I’m sorry, Nicholas, truly I am. Is that why you’d looked so unkempt back in Independence?”
He squeezed her hand. “Pretty much. I didn’t care anymore. I’d been at my cabin, alone, when Sam pulled me with him to Independence. Out of spite, I didn’t shave and bathed only when I couldn’t stand myself anymore.”
“I could tell.”
Nick laughed at her sardonic tone. “I did my best to get him to leave me alone, hoping he’d tell me to turn tail and leave already.”
“Was it just you and him?”
“No, all our hands were there too. We’d met up with them after helping you and Bartlett. They threatened me with a dunking, and I’m still sure Lawrence could have thrown me in himself.”
Undeniable Page 29
