by Ramy Vance
The door of the hut opened, and a female Smuggle stepped into the clearing. She had luscious blonde hair and bright green eyes. The old Smuggle bowed low before reaching into his pocket and covering the green-eyed Smuggle woman with glitter. She sneezed, and glitter flew everywhere. Once the glitter settled, the Smuggle woman took the old Smuggle’s hand and took him into the room. She shut the door.
The Mundanes exchanged looks as the rest of the Smuggles chanted quietly. As the old Smuggle and the green-eyed Smuggle smuggled, some of the other blue folks began to prepare plates of food. It took more than a handful to bring plates to the Mundanes, but they managed. The plates were filled with exotic fruits and vegetables and a pile of sweet-smelling meat. Diana conversed quietly with one of the Smuggles and explained to the Mundanes as they were eating. Finally, the elder Smuggle exited the throne-hut. He bowed to the Smuggle who approached the throne-hut door. The ritual continued.
Diana excitedly whispered to Chip and a few Smuggles who were not partaking in the ritual. Suzuki wondered what they were talking about. Granted, the ritual wasn’t quite what he was expecting, but it was interesting to see the culture that had inspired one of his beloved childhood cartoons.
Stew leaned over to Suzuki and prodded him in the side. “Hey, dude,” he whispered. “Guess that answers the age-old question about Smurf orgies, doesn’t it?”
Suzuki sighed and held his finger over his lips. “This isn’t the time, Stew. This is a sacred tradition we’re watching. You should be respectful.”
Sandy nodded, agreeing with Suzuki. “Yeah, Stew, don’t be an ass,” she hissed.
Beth glared at Stew. “Yeah, douchenozzle, shut it,” she said as she munched on a piece of fruit.
The night air was full of the sounds of smuggling.
Stew sighed and leaned back as he chewed on a bite of the dessert. “Whatever, dudes,” he grumbled. “First time we see a little blue gangbang, everybody acts like we’re in church or something.”
No one bothered responding. The Mundanes sat in silent reverence for the ancient tradition of the Smuggles. After the ritual was over, the Smuggles raised their hands to the sky and cheered. The blonde, green-eyed Smuggle exited the throne room. She seemed more than a little tired and was helped to walk out to the jungle. The rest of the Smuggles quietly took apart the throne-hut and made their way into the night. Before long, the Mundanes and the Horsemen were alone in the clearing. Chip and Diana had already started to set up camp. “The Smuggle chief offered us a chance to sleep in the ritual space,” Diana said. “It’s a very high honor. Practically adopting us into the tribe.”
The Mundanes began pitching their tents. Stew was still complaining about everyone being so serious. “I’m just saying it’s funny,” Stew muttered.
Sandy had already finished and was sitting by a small campfire, reading. “There is nothing funny about ritualistic sex magic, Stew,” Sandy said. “It’s one of the oldest forms of magic, and you shouldn’t poke fun at it. They could use it to curse you.”
Stew stopped what he was doing, interested. “Are you serious?” he asked.
Sandy lazily flipped through her book. “Yep. Nasty curses, too. You ready to hit the hay?”
“Yep. ‘Bout ready to pass out.”
“Don’t pass out too fast. We’re not just going to sleep after watching a ritualistic orgy. You obviously don’t know who you’re dating.”
Stew nearly jumped into the air with joy before blushing bright red as the Mundanes and the Horsemen stared at him. “Uh, night guys,” he stammered as he rushed into the tent.
Sandy closed her book and vanished it, then stretched and yawned. As she walked toward her tent, she said, “Don’t forget your sound-dampening spells. From what Diana said, the Smuggles are very light sleepers. Night, losers.”
That left Suzuki and Beth as the only ones still awake. Suzuki looked at Beth, who was cleaning her sword. She seemed about to pass out. “You ready to hit the hay?” he asked.
Beth sleepily smiled as she stood up and sheathed her sword. “Thought you would never ask, Suzy,” she said as she walked over him and draped her arms around his shoulders. “We’ve got some smuggling to do.”
2
The Mundanes and the Horsemen rose a little after the dawn. As usual, Diana was up first. She put together a fire and started boiling water for breakfast. By the time Suzuki got out of bed, Diana had nearly finished cooking. Suzuki, still trying to shake off the cobwebs from sleep, sat down without saying anything. Diana handed him a cup of coffee, and they drank by the fire.
Suzuki would never be able to express to Diana how much he appreciated her early rising. They had been on a few small quests together since the Battle of the Viceroy, and Suzuki had grown to depend on having a cup of coffee before he was expected to be talkative. Plus, he really enjoyed being able to sit and take in the locale before the campground became a boisterous place. Once the rest of the Mundanes woke up, especially Beth and Stew, the campsite would devolve to laughter and shit-talking. Not that Suzuki had a problem with it. Just nice to be quiet sometimes.
After Suzuki finished his coffee, he dug into the bacon and eggs Diana had whipped up. The eggs were a Middang3ard twist. Diana explained to Suzuki as he ate that the eggs had come from a small ranch back on the mainland. A friend of Wendy’s, the owner of the Red Lion, had managed to procure them. The eggs provided a health buff for a little over twenty-four hours. Whenever Diana could, she got some of those eggs for the road.
The two adventurers discussed the Smuggle ritual they had been allowed to observe. One of the things Suzuki was beginning to really appreciate about Diana was her curiosity about the world around her. Most of the MERCs Suzuki knew were, for good reason, very concerned with the task of taking down the Dark One. The threat of his invasion hung over everyone’s head. Diana was different, though. She seemed to care a lot about Middang3ard. It was hard to imagine Diana having grown up on Earth. She often spoke of the different realms she had spent time in. It made Suzuki wonder just how long she had been serving with MERC.
Finally, the rest of the Mundanes filtered out of their tents.
Chip’s hair was a mess, a tangle that hung over her face. She sat down amid a heap of mutterings and groans as she searched for the coffee. Sandy was the complete opposite. Her makeup was already expertly done, and she grabbed a plate of breakfast with the bright-eyed smile of one who’s either been up for a while or who has an infinite love for mornings. Stew looked pretty indifferent to being awake. He took a plate for himself and practically inhaled it. Then he opened his HUD and scrolled through his inventory to grab the ingredients for a meal. It had become standard policy for Stew to cook his own second breakfast. The boy could eat.
Beth took a seat next to Suzuki, and he leaned over to kiss her on the cheek.
She made a fake gagging sound and smiled before clasping his hand and squeezing it tightly. Then she knocked Stew over, who was kneeling, inspecting his pot of boiling water. “You better watch your ass, Stew,” Beth joked. “If you lose your balance that easily, you might be easier to decapitate than you think.”
Stew dusted himself off as he stood up. “Unless someone attacks us while I’m painstakingly trying to provide for my fellow party members, I think I’ll be fine,” he retorted.
“Dude,” Suzuki grumbled, “you know you’re going to eat all of that yourself and not even offer us any.”
“It’s the thought that counts. And maybe if you guys didn’t take so long to eat, you could get down on my grub. You’d think you guys were dining at a four-star restaurant instead of roughing it in the jungle.”
Sandy conjured a book and pulled a nearby rock closer so she could prop her feet up on it. “Some of us like to taste the food we’re eating,” she joked.
Stew held his hand to heart and feigned a look of shock. “Me? Not taste food? How dare you insult my palate!”
They talked a little longer while Chip and Stew finished eating. Suzuki smiled through
nearly the entire meal. It was moments like this when he just wanted to sit and observe. The journey through Middang3ard had at various times been harrowing and blissful. These were his friends, his party. These were the people he would die for. Hopefully not anytime soon, but it was a good thing to keep in mind when you were constantly risking your life.
Stew swallowed the last of his food and started breaking down his part of the campsite. “So, when are we going to go find this mushroom?”
As usual, Suzuki was the one who had to correct Stew. “It’s not a mushroom,” he explained. “Ambrosia is a rare fungus that can be processed into an even rarer alcoholic drink.”
“Ambrosia’s the stuff the Greek gods were supposed to have eaten, right? Made them immortal or something like that?”
Beth looked impressed. “Wow, Stew. I didn’t know you knew anything about Greek history.”
“You’re not the only one who grew up watching TV, you know. Some things just click, I guess.”
Suzuki headed over to his tent and began tearing it down. “Well, real ambrosia doesn’t make anyone immortal or give them superpowers. But Chip said it was José’s favorite drink, so we’re getting it for the Lion. I’m tired of seeing everyone moping around. It’s about time we celebrated José and, uh, moved on.”
Across the campsite, Chip glanced at Suzuki, quick, to the point, and fleeting. Chip returned to her work, and Suzuki turned back to his tent. Part of him was glad Chip had come on the quest. She had been holed up in her room, torturing herself for her role in José’s death for far too long. The other part of Suzuki thought it was too early for Chip to be doing anything remotely related to José, but Chip was an adult, and a veteran MERC. If anyone knew how to handle grief, it was her.
Sandy had already finished putting away her tent. She was going through her HUD inventory as she paced around the camp, anxious to get going. “So, what’s the game plan?”
Diana and Suzuki convened in the middle of the clearing. Sandy’s agitation was understandable. It was time to get moving. Suzuki pulled out his reference picture of the ambrosia fungus. It looked like a red, flattened honeycomb with feelers stretching out of its hexagonal structure. He handed the picture to Diana. “This look about right?”
Diana took the picture and looked it over. “Yep, that’s what we’re looking for,” she replied. “I’ll assume Milos didn’t tell you anything about the jungle.”
“He said finding the ambrosia would be easy enough.”
Chip chuckled as she walked over and joined the group of MERCs. “Sounds like exactly the daft line the shyster would pass along to you. This jungle is leagues from easy-peasy. Otherwise, the little fucker would have come here himself.”
Suzuki frowned, irritated. Chip was right, and Suzuki should have pressured Milos for more information. No mission Milos had ever sent them on was easy. It was stupid of Suzuki to assume the dwarf had changed. “So, what do we have to be aware of?”
“Plain and simple? Everything here is gonna try to kill you. Even the trees have a touch of the ol’ murderous intent, so keep your peepers peeping. Otherwise, you might not survive to peep another day.”
A rustling sound came from the jungle. The Mundanes and the Horsemen drew their weapons.
The elder Smuggle walked out of the jungle and bowed low before continuing toward the MERCs. “You wish to enter the sacred jungle?” the Smuggle asked.
Diana and Suzuki knelt to be closer to the Smuggle’s level. Diana looked at Suzuki, giving him the go-ahead to speak with the elder. “Uh, we didn’t know it was sacred,” Suzuki explained. “We did not mean to offend.”
The elder Smuggle shook his head and smiled sweetly. “No offense. Partaking in the ritual opened the jungle to you. It is your sacred jungle, as well. But warning, there is a creature in the jungle. Terrifying. Beware. It kills. It always kills.” The elder Smuggle motioned to the jungle, and a few Smuggles came out from behind a tree. They carried a large stick and placed it at Suzuki’s feet. “This has killed many creatures,” the elder said. “Use it wisely.”
Suzuki picked up the stick. It didn’t look any more useful than his axe, but he wasn’t going to shit on tradition.
In fact, he was excited.
Diana wasn’t the only person who was interested in other cultures, and this was the first time since joining MERC Suzuki had been able to spend time with anyone other than humans. The most he’d seen so far was an elvish city, and that was only for an afternoon. It didn’t compare to this.
Suzuki bowed his head and uploaded the stick to his HUD inventory. “I will make sure to use it wisely. Should we bring it back when we’re done?”
The elder shrugged his shoulders. “No worry. Jungle full of sticks. May the gods watch over you.” The elder and the other Smuggles disappeared into the jungle.
Suzuki turned to the rest of the MERCs. “All right, you guys ready to find some fungus?”
3
The jungles of the island were thick with trees and plants, none of which Suzuki had seen before. The trees grew close together, covering the ground with their roots. Their branches stretched overhead and nearly blocked the sun. Shadows moved across the ground as creatures slithered in and out of the shadows cast by the trees, faster than any of the Mundanes could see.
Diana walked beside Chip, holding a notebook. Often, she would stop and make notes about a plant or tree she passed. Any time an animal darted in front of them, she noted it.
Her curiosity was infectious. Suzuki had never been much of a nature person back on Earth. His father had taken him camping a handful of times, but most of the outdoor activities Suzuki had taken part in had been in Middang3ard with the Mundanes.
And even then, most of the time, he was much more concerned with staying alive than taking in the natural beauty around him.
Not today.
Diana raised her hand and waved Sandy over to her.
They both knelt beside a bright red plant shaped like a tube with a protruding lip that hung over the rest of the plant like a veil. Diana took out her wand and prodded the plant’s veil-like lip as bright blue liquid oozed out of it. Diana took out a vial, scooped up the blue liquid, and held it up to better see in the light. “Manna potions are made out of this liquid,” Diana said as she tucked the vial away. “This vial alone is enough to make thousands of potions. The plants aren’t hard to find, but the species that grows here is known for its exceptionally effective secretions.”
They continued moving through the jungle, Diana occasionally stopping to comment on one of the plants they passed. Suzuki tried his best to memorize what Diana was saying. Most of them seemed like they had magical applications. Suzuki was interested in what kinds of things could be made from the more mundane plants. Most of the enchantments Suzuki had created were mostly based on runes or magical gems. He wondered if it were possible to use any of these plants for crafting and enchanting.
Suzuki realized Beth had been quiet for most of their walk.
Diana, Chip, and Sandy were talking excitedly about potion-making, a hobby all three had some experience with.
Stew was quiet and was giving off an air of sullenness. Whatever was bothering Stew wasn’t Suzuki’s concern, though. Stew tended to get morose when Sandy was giving anyone but him attention.
Beth, on the other hand, didn’t seem to care much about what Suzuki was doing. It never affected her mood in any way. That was why it was so noticeable when something seemed to be on her mind.
Suzuki came up to Beth and squeezed her hand. She looked at him and smiled briefly before turning away. “Hey, Beth, everything okay?” Suzuki asked.
Beth nodded as she looked at the gray vines that hung over them. “Yeah, yeah, everything’s okay,” she murmured. “Just thinking, I guess. You understand.”
If there was anything Suzuki did understand, it was thinking. In his case, though, it was more overthinking, obsessing, and backtracking than simply thinking.
Beth pointed to a section of vin
es that had burst into bloom, displaying bright yellow and orange flowers that looked like a collection of individual sunsets. “Those are beautiful, aren’t they? I’ve never seen anything like this before. Back home, I lived in the city, a good three hours away from the closest forest. Never thought I’d care much about seeing a tree. Even when we got here, most of my time was spent going back and forth between villages and shit. This is a nice change of pace, seeing something I didn’t care about seeing.”
Suzuki stopped to touch where the vines met the trees. “Yeah, same here. Never thought trees were very interesting. Guess the trees back home are different.”
“These are something else. They must be so old. Look at how thick their roots are. Can you imagine how long they must have been growing here, Smuggles evolving around them? Life starting to take off in this forest.”
Suzuki laughed as he pushed his hair out of his eyes. “Here I thought you might be upset about something. I didn’t know you were having an existential experience. Did you sneak any of Diana’s shrooms?”
“Fuck off, Suzy.”
“I’m just joking. Never pegged you for someone who meditated on the vastness of existence the first time they walked into a forest.”
Beth pointed at Stew. “It’s better than staring straight ahead like a zombie. Look at him.”
Stew was slouching, practically dragging his feet as he walked. His eyes looked dull, and he was drooling slightly. His movements were drawn out and exaggerated. Suzuki thought he looked like one of those depictions of a caveman.
Suzuki ripped a piece of hanging leather from his gloves and wadded it up into a small ball. He tossed it at Stew, shouting, “Hey, Stew! Too much green for you?”
Stew turned to face Suzuki. He was foaming from the mouth, and his eyes had rolled back in his head. He took a step toward Suzuki, jerking violently as the veins in his chest started to turn black. Stew lunged forward faster than Suzuki had ever seen him move before, swords drawn.
