I loved flying here solo. It was such a rush. It was dangerous and nothing made me feel more alive. Having Jo in the seat next to me, well it was easy to see that maybe I had been flying solo for so many years because I was saving the seat for her.
The sound of the plane made it impossible for conversation, even with the headphones on. I tapped her on the knee and her head turned towards me. I gave her a thumbs up sign and then the most brilliant thing happened. She gave me a toothy grin and gave me a thumbs up back. Her aviator sunglasses reflected the sun and I knew she not only belonged in this plane, but next to my side in life.
I turned the plane and veered towards the mountains. We flew for a total of maybe forty-five minutes when I saw the backcountry landing strip nestled in the small valley between the two mountain peaks. Really the landing strip was a small strip of land that looked no larger than a dirt road. I looked over at Jo to make sure she was okay but she simply looked my way and gave me a small smile. I took that as a good sign and prepared to land the plane, concentrating on everything I needed to make sure it was a smooth landing. Well, as smooth as it could be with landing on dirt. Once we hit the ground, I started to decelerate, the plane slightly bouncing up and down as it slowed down.
As soon as we were at a complete stop, I did what I needed and eventually turned off the plane. I pulled off my headphones the same time Jo did. We both turned our heads, our eyes connecting. “That was awesome,” she told me.
“I was worried there for a bit. You looked nervous when we took off.”
“I’ve never flown in a plane this small, so yeah I was a little nervous but once we got up there I was fine. I was more than fine, that was a freaking rush, holy shit!” She was giddy with excitement. I knew the rush she was talking about and I loved sharing it was with, giving her the experience of it.
“Come on, let’s grab our stuff.”
***
After getting out of the plane, I knew there was a small lake close by. We hiked and swam in the lake under the afternoon sun, both of us naked as the day we came. There was no one around for miles and this lake wasn’t on any designated trail. I wasn’t worried about anyone seeing us. We eventually put our clothes back on. When we were swimming I had grabbed Jolene and we made out, our hands grazing over our bare skin under the clear water, but it never went father than it. It was innocent in a way, but sensual in a way where I was dying to sink into her. I was holding back, going slow, knowing there was a moment for us and I didn’t know when it was going to be, but that moment wasn’t right now.
It was evening by the time we had set up the tent. I had started a fire and was in the middle of cooking dinner. It wasn’t much, ground beef and veggies wrapped in tinfoil and thrown into the hot coals from the fire. Tomorrow I planned on catching fish to make for dinner. Jolene had grabbed wood for us and I would catch her standing there, her head high looking around at the mountains towering over us. I didn’t blame her. I had been at this airstrip before, it was one of the less popular ones but it was stunning here. We were in a small valley, less than half a mile wide and two mountains boarded each side. I knew we were at about seven thousand feet for elevation and the peaks were almost at ten thousand.
Even in the summer months, there were still large patches of snow this high. There was a creek on one side I knew had awesome fishing and sometimes if I was lucky, I would see a black bear come down the mountain sniffing around the water, trying to find food. The black bear was mostly harmless as long as you left it alone and there were no grizzly bears in this area.
Jolene walked back to me, wood piled in her arms, her braid falling out, and her flannel blending into the background. She was like my mountain princess, made for this land. Made for me.
She huffed and tried to blow the hair out of her eyes, still holding the wood. “What are you looking at?” she asked me.
“You.”
“I don’t know why with all this beauty around.”
I got up and took the wood from her hands, stacking it next to the fire. “I have to ask, where did you get the outfit. I didn’t know it was in your closet.”
I saw Jo blush, which was a strange sight because she rarely blushed. Even when I was making her lose her mind, she didn’t blush. That must had meant she was embarrassed.
“Well. I bought the shoes because I figured I would need them if I kept hanging out with you.”
That statement did something to me. To know she invested in what had to be not a cheap pair of hiking boots showed she was somewhat committed to this.
She continued, “I had the jeans and I borrowed the flannel from Clara. She’s a little smaller than me, but it was big for her. I wanted to play the role. Plus, this flannel is pretty warm.”
“You don’t have to play a role with me, you can always just be you. Especially around me. Not that I don’t like the flannel. It’s cute on you, you could model for one of those outdoor clothing lines.”
Jo gave me a small smile as I put my arm around her waist and leaned my head into the bare of her neck, kissing her softly.
She put her hands on my arms and I heard her small gasp under her breath. She didn’t want to admit what I did to her but I knew and loved it. I craved it. I kissed her neck again, open hot kisses as I moved up and sucked on her earlobe. The small moan she gave me was even harder to hide and I smiled into her skin, breathed in her scent and found myself growing hard just at the thought of having her underneath me with the night sky above us.
I found her mouth but I didn’t attack her like I wanted. Instead I felt her soft lips with mine. Light like a feather I explored her, never fully kissing her but discovering, finding every spot that made her moan or gasp in pleasure. I lightly kissed the corner of her mouth and then licked her bottom lip. She pushed her chest against me, trying to get more, but I wouldn’t give it to her. This was not meant to be rushed. I smiled as she whined in this sexy way that I almost gave in. I almost devoured her lips but there were times for devouring and there were times for savoring. I went back to kissing her neck, kissing below the collar of the shirt she was wearing. “Ty,” she said on an exhale. I moved up and found her lips once again. I put my lips firmly on hers this time for only a moment before I opened her mouth with my tongue, pushing inside and finding hers. Our tongues tangled and her hands gripped my waist so tight. It was the best feeling. It wasn’t rushed or a mad dash of getting each other’s clothes off but instead a kiss that was so intense it was like she was holding on for dear life. I wanted her to hang on, knowing I would never let her fall. I would only let her fall with me, fall into what we created together, this haze around us of lust and beauty and love. I knew it was there even if we couldn’t admit it. I knew that for us, a kiss wasn’t just a kiss. It was a way to show our secrets and fears. It was a way to stand on the cliff and face whatever life threw at us. To feel the wind blast through us but know that in the end, we would be still be standing, together.
Our kiss ended. As Jo looked me in the eyes I knew she felt it too. I kissed her again to cement what was between us.
“Oh Ty,” she said to me. There was a mix of emotions in her tone. Lust mixed with fear. Wasn’t that what falling in love was? The initial lust and the fear of what happens when the lust turns into something more. The fear that you’re putting yourself out there for a person, handing them everything you are and hoping they don’t ruin it.
In this mountain valley, our fear was apparent and out there for everyone to see. The good part was that we were the only two souls to see it. The fear and the lust were all are own at this moment. It was all there for both of us to see.
I didn’t have to say it.
Instead I told her dinner was ready and it was time to eat. We sat next to each on a log, eating our dinner with our knees touching and our gazes catching each other’s. The lust and fear and all the emotions we couldn’t even name right now filled the valley. We let it. I pulled out the bottle of whiskey I had packed and took a swig of it, passing it to Jolene
wordlessly. She took a swig, thought about it and then took another. I smirked and took another.
We passed the bottle between us as the sun set and the fire burned. We made small talk, but nothing serious. That was until half the bottle was gone and we were both slightly tipsy. Actually, I think we more than tipsy because we were snuggled up to each other and Jo couldn’t keep her hands off me, which I didn’t mind at all.
“Truth or dare?” she asked me.
I laughed. “I think we might be too drunk for that. I’m afraid to stand up.”
“Okay, we can just play Truth then.”
I thought about it, but knew there was nothing I wouldn’t tell her. I wanted her to know me, know my truths.
“Sure,” I told her. I did stand up to throw more wood on the fire, feeling the effects of the whiskey course through me. Yeah, I was not sober.
“You go first,” Jo said.
“It was your idea, but okay, I’ll appease you at this moment.”
Jo looked at me. “What?” I asked her.
“You annunciate better after drinking.”
I thought about it. I didn’t drink a whole lot but thinking back, maybe she had a point.
“Anyways, sorry, back to the game. Go first and ask me a question.”
I grabbed her leg, rubbing her upper thigh. I couldn’t help myself; I never wanted to stop touching her.
“Do you like me?” She was also not sober and I wanted to know point blank, rather than the mixed signals she sent me.
“Clarify like? As in, yes I like you as a friend, or I like like you as in how you liked the boy in the 4th grade that you tackled on the playground and kissed on the lips. Then, you had to sit on the wall for the rest of recess because of what you did.”
I gave Jo a deep laugh as I looked at her. She looked dead serious. “Wait, you really held a boy down at recess to kiss him?”
She gave me a sly smile, but instead of answering the question said, “Option one or option two?”
I would love for Jolene to tackle me down and kiss the lights out of me. “Option two.”
“Okay then. Going with option two would lead to the answer that yes, I do like you. I like like you. And here’s another truth. That scares the shit out of me. Truth number three? I’ve never really like liked someone, even when I thought I did in the fourth grade. I’ve never liked someone enough to think beyond myself, to think about how my actions might affect another person. I’ve always been pretty selfish when it comes to liking boys and toying with them.”
My mind was trying to catch up with everything she had just said. “That was a lot of truth.” I told her.
She nodded. “Yeah. Yeah it was.” A bit of sadness filled her tone.
I got up and grabbed the blanket I kept in my plane, throwing it over us as the chill set in. “Your turn,” I told her.
She set her hands out on the blanket and I grabbed them, wrapped my larger ones around hers, letting her silently know she could ask me anything.
She didn’t hold back either. “What was the first thought that went through your head when Brooke told you she was pregnant?”
I took a deep breath. “That my was life was over. That I had fucked up. That my parents were going to kill me. That I had no idea how to take care of a small child when I was only a child myself. I think all those thoughts ran threw my head instantly when Brooke told me.”
“And when she was born? Your first thought?”
“That never had I seen such a perfect little person. That I never knew I could fall in love so fast and so hard when I held my daughter in my arms for the first time. Every thought that ran threw my head when Brooke told me flew out the door. I knew I would do everything in my power to keep her safe and to make sure she knew every single day that she was loved. That was my life goal then, to transfer all my love to this child in my arms because she deserved it. She deserves the world. God Jo, she deserves more than the world. I would give her the sky and the stars and the moon if I could.”
My gaze was transfixed on the fire in front of me as I remembered what it was like to hold Annabelle in my arms for the first time. As I glanced over to Jolene I could see tears in her eyes and they never left mine.
“How do I compete with that?” she whispered, and I felt my heart break. Those words hit me hard, because if anything Annabelle showed me that I had room for more love than I could ever imagine.
“Jo. It’s not a competition. Never. Having my daughter showed me how much I have to give. When it comes down to it, though, was I knew love was precious and I didn’t want to give to just anyone. I knew that whomever I loved, it would affect Annabelle. I was cautious and worked toward making sure I could support her. Now I realized that I can open myself up again and maybe I’ll get lucky like Brooke and find love. Maybe I think I already found it.”
Silence so loud even the roar of the fire was lost. I had said that. I had practically told Jo that I was falling for her. It didn’t make sense. It had only been a couple months from the first time I met her.
“Say something,” I urged her.
Jo opened her mouth but nothing came out. She couldn’t look at me. I had ruined it all.
“Ty,” she started. “How do I let go of everything I know and take this direction? How do I know it’s real and not words flung out? I’ve heard it all. Maybe that’s why I feel jaded at times. I’ve heard the words of affection and love said in my ear when guys are above me. I know what it’s like to fall in quick lust and mistake it for something else, to only wake up the next day and find it was only a fleeting moment, this high that came down as quickly as it shot up it. I have no experience in having a man tell me that he sees more than a month with me. I never let them tell me they see more, because by then I’ve hightailed it out of there and moved on. That’s the plan. This is only a summer and then fall comes and I go back to Boise and you go back to your family and we remember this summer fondly on those days when our souls are lonely. That’s what this summer is for.”
She was determined to push me way. Jo was holding on tight to this notion that, I don’t know, maybe she didn’t deserve more. She deserved more and I wanted to give it to her.
“Why?” I was starting to loose my patience with this all. Not with Jo exactly, but the situation. I was annoyed at whatever had hurt Jo in the past. It was ruining her future and her ability to find love.
I started again. “Why can’t we be together past this summer? Why does it have to end? Because from my point of view, I can see it being a wonderful thing. We can figure out what the next step in the fall is. We don’t have to figure it out all now and you don’t need to run away. I know it’s hard to trust me only on my word but I’ll keep you safe.”
“I want to believe you.”
That hurt. I wasn’t sure what to do, how to convince her. My words didn’t seem to be enough. At this point, I was afraid if I kept talking I would only make it worse. She was right and probably had multiple men promise her everything to either scare her off or they didn’t follow through. I was starting to realize maybe it wasn’t words I needed but action. If that meant never leaving her side, showing her time and time again I was right for her I would.
“I think it’s time for bed.” I kissed her gently on the forehead, holding her for only a moment and taking in her scent tainted with the forest around her.
We crawled into the tent, into our separate sleeping bags and fell asleep, both of us emotionally exhausted after our conversation.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Jolene
“The stars in the wilderness told stories. I found myself simply standing, searching for the stories spread across the sky. The white hot burning stars never burned like this in the city.”–From the diary of Maggie Brown, September 1891
I was wide awake. I had been for about twenty minutes. When we had crawled into the tent, I practically passed out. The whiskey mixed with the way too deep conversation had me falling fast asleep. It was now five hours later, the midd
le of the night, and I was wide-awake, sober, and had a small headache. It was also freezing. Clara had let me borrow her sleeping bag, but I felt like I couldn’t move and I was twisted in the sleeping bag. The ground was hard and I was focused on what I had told Ty, the words replaying in my mind. I couldn’t shut it off.
I was also a little scared. I started to think about the fact that we were literally miles away from another human. If something happened out here, I didn’t know what to do or how to get help. There was definitely no cell service. There were also animals out here. I think what woke me was a howl. Wolves? Were there wolves out here? Bears? Was a bear going to attack our tent? My heart started to race and I moved around again, each time making loud crinkly sounds from the goddamn sleeping bag.
I lout out a small sound of frustration. I tried to kick the sleeping bag off of me, but that didn’t work which pissed me off more.
“Stop taking it out on the sleeping bag. It’s there to keep you warm.” The deep sleepy male voice carried in the tent and I glared at Ty.
“Fuck this sleeping bag.”
Ty chuckled and turned over to face me. He looked perfect in his. I glared again.
“What’s the problem? Why are you tossing and turning over there?” Ty yawned. He was super cute when he was sleepy with his dark hair sticking every which way.
“I woke up and can’t fall back asleep.”
“Has anyone ever told you that you’re kind of violent in your sleep?” Ty leaned up on his elbow.
June used to tell me when she shared a dorm room. She would say that usually in the mornings she got up before me, she would find me with half a blanket covering up one leg and rest would be on the floor. June always covered me before she left.
“Might want to get used to that,” I said.
Ty smiled and rubbed his hand through his hair, which made it look even more disheveled. Not that I minded one bit.
“I hope I do have to get used to it.”
Being Jolene Page 14
