My heart hasn’t stopped pounding since he kissed me. I believe him completely when he says he’d save me again but I’m not sure if I should be thankful or angry. Maybe both.
Live in the moment, Fox told me. I could think about this for hours, repeating and dissecting every single syllable I’d mutter at Boxcar in response of his actions but none of it will be as real or satisfying as doing what I really want to do right now.
I sit up and glance around the tent. It’s been silent for hours, lumps of sleeping bodies completely still in the dark, just waiting for morning. My eyes fall on Fox for a moment and I give a quick smile to the best friendship I’ve ever had in my life before looking forward at Boxcar.
I stand and tiptoe over to his cot. The pitch blackness gives me little to navigate but my senses hone in on his silent breathing. He instantly stirs as I sit down beside him, flashing open his eyes with a quick boost of adrenaline.
“Shh,” I tell him, laying my finger across his mouth.
He says nothing but I don’t need him to. I pull his blanket down and slowly ease my way inside of it to lie beside him, constantly glancing around for sleepless eyes. Luckily, no one moves as I replace the blanket over us. I see Boxcar’s eyes in the darkness, full of confusion and excitement. He waits, holding back as if it’s all just a cruel trick.
I slide my finger over his mouth, feeling his warm breath tickle my fingertips. His lips purse against my skin; an unconscious desire surging through him. My hand falls to his chest and lean forward to kiss him as quietly as possible.
Boxcar’s hand rises to my face and his trembling fingers burrow into the hair behind my head. I feel his heart pounding like mine; scared of getting caught but not willing to stop either. He embraces me tightly and his hardness grows against my thigh. My senses burst for him but I can’t let myself give in completely. Not here. Not without getting caught and suffering the consequences.
But I know I’ll never sleep unless I feel him one more time.
Our lips dance; silent but wild. His tongue passes over my lips and I quiver at his taste against mine. My hand moves down his body and he inhales a sharp breath as my hand slides into his pants. He closes his eyes and rests his forehead against mine while I stroke him, fighting every urge he has to vocalize his pleasure and expose the moment to the world.
Boxcar grips my body and eases me onto my back. My hand slips from his shaft but it doesn’t seem to bother him as he attacks my neck with soft kisses and tastes my skin, driving shivers down my spine. His hands travel south, gliding over my breasts and navel towards my center. I gasp as his hand fishes inside my panties and he lays his other hand against my cheek to remind me to keep quiet. Even in the dark, I can sense that playfulness in him and he takes great pleasure in teasing me.
He crushes his lips against mine, tasting me as his fingers caress my clit. I grip his body and dig my nails into his skin but it does nothing to dissuade him. My throat tightens, wanting so badly to moan but I hold it closed, even as his mouth falls to my neck and teases the sensitive skin beneath my ear. My resolve sways as pleasure builds with each quick rub he gives me.
Just when I think I’ll burst, Boxcar slides his hand out and grips my pants with both hands. He pauses, fighting the urge to take me, and silently asks me with his fearless eyes.
My mind tells me to say no — to stop this before it goes too far — but my body won’t abide that. I kiss him softly, fighting to breathe in the hot, desert heat, and reach down to slide his pants down below his ass. He kisses me back with open eyes and they scan the quiet barracks as we push my pants to my ankles.
I open my knees to him and Boxcar settles between them, moving so slowly it drives me crazy but I know even one open eye will tear this down. He pins me to his cot and I feel his hard girth sliding between my folds. I bite my lip as he exhales against my neck, fighting his passion while thrusting inside of me. My mouth opens, silently screaming his name, begging to be fucked the way his eyes tell me he wants to fuck me.
The cot creaks beneath us and we freeze with our lips gently caressing. I look around, begging for just one more moment of this bliss, and thankfully, no one stirs. Boxcar’s lips curl against mine and he kisses me to keep me quiet as he tests the waters, sliding his hard cock out only to pump me once. My heart thumps wildly and I clench my closed jaw. I hold him against me and he breathes rapidly while his slow, steady thrusts drive both of us insane.
Harder, faster. I want so much more of him but I can’t have it. Pleasure aches in my sex, slowly building inside, but I keep still, fighting the urge to meet every buck of his hips. He shifts into a grind along my pelvis and my clit throbs, surging waves of sweet thrills throughout my body.
A squeak escapes my throat. Boxcar lays his hand over my mouth but he doesn’t stop. He stares into my eyes while his cock owns me from head to toe. His finger slips between my lips and I taste his skin, biting softly against his knuckle instead of moaning. Boxcar takes the pain with a smile and lays more soft kisses on me while masterfully grinding his hips.
Climax takes hold of me and a soft chuckle teases him. His hand presses harder against my mouth. He wraps his other arm around me and stops thrusting as fire shoots through me and my entire body bleeds in ecstasy. Hot air shoots through my nose. I know I’d barely be able to control myself if it weren’t for Boxcar’s strong grip on me.
Finally, the wave falls and I lay my hand on his, sliding it slowly away from my mouth to signal my control. His hand shifts downward to cup my breast and he kisses me again, firm and true.
Then his hips move and I sigh softly, feeling his stiff grind inside of me again. He buries his face in my shoulder, focusing his attentions on his own pleasures and I let him take me as he wants. Still silent, still slow, but just as passionate as ever. He swells inside of me and I wince at the threat of his teeth etching a line in my skin as his body goes tense with orgasm.
Boxcar pulls out of me and his tip splashes along my navel, warm and wet. I cup his face and bring his lips to mine to taste his heaving breath and to feel the desire leaving him. He balances above me on quivering arms and smiles at me with playful eyes, returning each of my kisses as we both hold back the laughter in our throats.
We lie together until my pulse returns to normal and my toes don’t feel as numb. I feel in the dark for my pants and slip them back on as Boxcar pulls his up.
He reaches out before I stand and draws me in for one last kiss full of passion and warmth. I smile, feeling just as much ache for him as he does for me.
My skin grows cold the second his touch drops from me. Not even the desert heat keeps my skin from shivering as I lie back down on my own cot and pull the blanket over me. I look out across the tent, sensing Boxcar’s deep green eyes on me in the dark, and a happiness grows inside of me; one I’ve never felt before in my life. I think for a moment, wondering if anything in the world can bring this down.
Then I look around again at the empty cots of my unit and I remember where I am.
***
I sit up in my cot and dread immediately seeps inside of me.
Just yesterday, I had my team’s blood on my hands and today, I’m going home. I always thought I’d feel differently about it. I thought I’d feel happier but I something feels out of place, like a puzzle piece that just won’t fit right until you realize you’ve got it in backwards.
I look straight ahead at Boxcar’s cot. He’s still inside of it, sleeping quietly. My lips twitch, along with the rest of me at the memory of last night.
My eyes wander to Fox’s cot next to mine and I pause. It’s as empty as Rogers’ and West’s. Usually, it only takes a hiccup to wake me but I must have slept through him tying off his boots.
I throw on my BDUs and step outside into the desert sun. It’s somehow more harsh than usual and each breath feels less satisfying than the last. I scan the camp for Fox’s face but he’s nowhere to be seen.
“Fawn!”
Paxton waves me towards the command
tent and I slip inside. The men he brought with him sit around the tent, each one of them staring me down as I scan their hard faces. “Yes, sir?”
“Chopper leaves in an hour,” he barks, chewing on the end of a pencil. “You and Carson better be on it.”
I nod. “Absolutely, sir. We will be.”
“Good.” He waves me off and bends down to sift through a stack of paperwork on the corner desk.
I linger for a moment more. “Sir, I’d like to speak with Fox before I go. Do you know where he is?”
“Who?”
“Fitzpatrick, sir.”
Paxton pauses and stands up taller. “Oh, him,” he says, sliding the pen out from between his teeth. “Fitzpatrick was transferred out this morning.”
“Where?” I ask, my skin crawling with confusion.
He hesitates, furrowing his brow so a shadow casts over his eyes. “Doesn’t matter anymore,” he mutters. “Damn plane went down over Iraq. He’s gone.”
My heart sinks. His tone is so cold, so impersonal, like he just lost a pawn on a chessboard. “Excuse me?”
He glances up and his eyes glide over me. “I said Fitzpatrick is gone,” he repeats with annoyance. “Shot down. No survivors.”
My senses cease and for a long moment, I can’t feel anything. No desert heat. No sounds. No scents. Just the blinding, white lights of rage filling my vision. “That’s not possible,” I finally say, refusing to believe it. I just saw him. He was here last night. I spoke to him. He can’t be gone.
Paxton laughs and my hands roll into fists. “No, honey,” he spits, “that’s reality. Now get out of here. I don’t have time to hold your hand after every broken nail.”
I lunge forward and I hear the shouts of others echo in my ears as I wrap my fingers around Paxton’s throat. His eyes grow wide with surprise and every bit of amusement drains from them as I squeeze.
“Fawn! Let go!”
They tug at me but I hold on tighter as my heart breaks into small pieces.
Fox. The only friend I have in the world and this fucker tells me like this?
They finally yank me back and I raise my hands, surrendering to the strength of three men. They pull me away from him and Paxton’s fucking grin returns to his face.
“You’re lucky you’re out of here today, Fawn,” he smirks. “If you weren’t, I’d have to make quite the example out of you.” His eyes slide down my body and it’s easy to read the meaning dripping off his words.
I jerk my arms free from their grasp and spin away from him to leave the tent. A small crowd gathered behind us and I push through them, driven to distance myself as far away from this moment as possible.
“Caleb?”
I pause near the barracks, completely blanking on how I got here in the first place.
Boxcar reaches out for me and he studies my face, cupping it softly to hold it up. “Whoa—” He looks over my shoulder at the dispersing crowd across the camp. “What’s going on?”
I try to look him in the eyes but everything feels so heavy. Tears push through my throat, breaking through every attempt I make to hold them down. “Fox…” I whisper.
Boxcar pulls me out of the sun and guides me back into the barracks. “Caleb, what happened?” he asks. He stops us and holds my face again. “Look at me.”
His face blurs. My gaze wanders over his shoulder, landing directly on Fox’s empty cot. “Fox is gone…” I say it so softly even I can barely hear it.
It only takes a moment for Boxcar’s eyes to shift away from confusion. He pulls me closer, tightening his embrace around me without a care for what it might mean to others.
“It’s going to be okay, Caleb,” he whispers, his words stiff but powerful.
I shake my head, rejecting the very thought. “He…” My voice fails and I choke as tears fall from my eyes.
My knees give under me and Boxcar holds me tighter to guide me down to the floor. I cry into his chest and he repeats his words softly in my ear.
“It’s going to be okay, Caleb.”
Maybe someday I’ll believe that.
Chapter 19
Boxcar
Los Angeles
Present Day
If pissing off Caleb Fawn were an Olympic event, I’d take home gold every single time.
Naturally, when it came time to do it on purpose, things went exactly as expected. So much so, in fact, that I can barely even hide the victory smile attacking my lips.
I look down at her in my arms. She stares straight ahead out the windshield, watching as we roll closer and closer to Fox’s house. I nudge her chin to bring her face up to mine. The bright street lights pass by the windows, illuminating her already stunning face with orange light and they do the same to mine. There’s a quiet anger behind her eyes, obviously, but I flash her my token, cocky smile; a hidden smirk made just for her.
Caleb blinks at me with suspicion then her face finally falls and she gives me that look.
What the hell did you do?
I tighten my arm around her and brush my lips against her forehead.
She looks up at me now with pride, annoyance, and a bit of fear. I don’t blame her at all. Obviously, I have a plan. She’s gathered that much from my silent eyes but she has no idea what that plan entails other than giving up the secret location of our most trusted ally. Not the greatest of starts.
Then again, if Caleb and I were to adopt a motto — that’d be it.
Lilah stops the car in front of the black gate outside of Fox and Dani’s Hollywood mansion. She fires me a look through the rearview mirror and I give Caleb’s hand a decent squeeze before I get out to open it.
The sun sits just below the horizon and I blink for a moment when I realize the time. At this time yesterday, I was imagining a very, very different plans for my weekend. In the last twenty hours I’ve stolen a quarter of a million dollars from a billionaire pervert, ran away from two assassins, flew across the country, banged my estranged wife, broke into my friend’s house, befriended a bounty hunter, avoided torture, and I’ve done it all with little on my stomach other than cheap airline pretzels and imported booze.
Needless to say, my plans don’t usually go as anticipated.
Let’s hope this is the one that sticks.
I open the black gate and Lilah rolls the car inside, leaving me here to walk the rest of the driveway alone. I close the gate and scan the street outside, eying the other houselights on the street. Sure, strangers should mind their own business but a suspicious, prying eye might come in handy right now.
I pick up my pace and make it to the car as Lilah and Elijah slowly ease up the front steps.
“What’s the code?” Lilah asks, gazing at me over her shoulder.
I throw open the back door to gather Caleb and hide any tells that might give me away. “Uh… one-two-two-four-zero-eight.”
Caleb manages to push herself up out of the car with some of her own strength and I breathe of sigh of relief knowing that whatever the hell Elijah did to her wasn’t permanent. If this plan goes south, I may need her to back me up. She grips my jacket to keep steady and we spin around to find the twins staring at us from their spot on the stoop.
“What?” I ask.
“That code doesn’t work,” Lilah says.
“It doesn’t?”
She rolls her eyes. “No.”
Caleb and I walk slowly up the stairs and I tap the numbers in myself. The panel flashes a crimson red and I furrow my brow. “One-two-two-four-zero-eight,” I say aloud as my finger taps it in slowly. Again, the panel flashes red.
Elijah snatches my hand before I can type it again. “This panel wouldn’t happen to have an alarm function for multiple failures, would it?”
Dammit.
I pause. “Of course not.”
Lilah’s gun taps my cheek. “How about you get it right this time… just in case,” she warns.
“It’s zero-seven,” Caleb says.
I look down at her, still playing dumb. “Is i
t?” I ask.
“Yes.”
“Are you sure?”
Lilah pokes my cheek a little harder. “I swear to God, I will shoot one of you.”
“Okay, okay—” I tap the numbers into the pad. “One-two-two-four-zero-seven.”
The panel shines green and the door clicks unlocked.
“Told you,” Caleb gloats.
I flash her a smile and adjust my arm around her to hold her close as we step inside the house. Elijah flicks on the first light switch, illuminating the dark entryway, along with the foyer and front hallway.
Caleb stays quiet as her eyes jut around, noticing the extreme lack of Dani’s presence on anything. The movie posters are gone, along with the picture frames that once littered the end tables.
“This is Fox’s house?” Lilah asks.
“Yep,” I answer. I lead them through to the living room and I let Caleb slip down onto the sofa next to a few throw pillows stacked by the arm.
Lilah pauses at the photo of us in the desert and she shrugs. “Seems a little strange for his tastes…”
“That would be the point, wouldn’t it?” I ask. “Why hide in the shadows when no one will expect you out in the open? Plus, it’s big and nice —” I pat the pillow next to Caleb’s shoulder. “Perfect for special occasions.”
Her eyes flick up at me and I flash a smooth smile, letting my hand linger a little longer on the pillow before I step away. I watch her slink closer to the pillows but she does nothing to draw any attention to herself as she inches her hand beneath them.
“Well…” Lilah lets out a thick sigh. “If this is Fox Fitzpatrick’s house, then where is Fox?”
I shrug. “Upstairs, probably.”
“And he didn’t come running when his front door opened?” Elijah asks. Lilah’s nose turns upward, no doubt smelling the exact same suspicious air.
“It’s a big house,” I say. “I’m sure Caleb comes and goes all the time, right? He’s used to it.”
Elijah eyes Caleb for a confirmation and she nods from the couch. “Well, how about you and Lilah go get him…” He steps closer to Caleb and plants the barrel of his gun against her head. “And I’ll stay here with her.”
Love and Wargames: A Bad Boy Hacker Romance Page 15
