“Why are you smiling?” I asked.
“I was just thinking about something my mom used to do when we would lie like this.”
“What?”
She blushed, shaking her head. “It’s going to sound stupid.”
“I doubt it, but even so, who cares?”
“She used to draw on my face.” Before I could express my confusion, she added, “Like this,” and inched forward. Then Sam lifted her arm and slowly brought her finger to the center of my forehead. My eyes stayed locked on hers as she moved in a circle, sweeping down my cheek and across my chin until she was back where she started. Her finger moved to my nose, drawing a quick dot, before tracing three lines across each of my cheeks.
With a shy smile she pulled away and tucked her hand underneath her head. “It’s a lion. She did it all the time, even when I was older. It has no real purpose.”
“It felt nice. What other purpose does there need to be?”
She smiled. “True.”
My thoughts drifted to my mother. To all the ways she comforted me before drugs took over her life.
But even after she became addicted, there was a lot more good in her than people wanted to believe. It was easier for society to paint her as a monster than to see her as a victim. Because if she was a victim it could happen to anybody.
Parents were supposed to be heroes in their child’s eyes, and I wondered if she knew that even though I’d grown up, even though the illusion of perfect had faded away, I still thought of her that way. I was immensely proud for all she’d overcame. And wasn’t that the definition of a hero? Someone who was admired for his or her courage?
I quickly stood up and motioned to Sam. “Can I have your blanket?” She gave me a weird look before handing it over.
Without looking back at her, I walked to the dryer and tossed the blanket in. After turning it on, I walked to the kitchen and grabbed two water bottles and set them on the counter.
Standing in the tiny washing room and waiting for the dryer to be done, I pulled out my phone and called my mom. She picked up after only one ring.
“Derek?”
“Hey, Mom. How are you?”
“I’m great.”
“Really? No morning sickness or anything?”
“Some, but nothing too unmanageable.”
“And how’s Mark?”
She sighed. “Mark is wonderful. He’s currently giving me a foot rub.”
“Hi, Derek!” I heard him shout in the background.
After my mom returned my hello, she asked why I called. “You’re still coming tomorrow, right?” Mom hated it when we missed Sunday breakfast, and Naomi had already told us she couldn’t make it.
“Of course. I just called to tell you I love you.”
I heard some shuffling before she spoke again. “I love you too, Derek.” She paused. “Are you sure everything is okay?”
“Yeah. I know it’s a bit random. But a friend of mine… well, she’s having a shitty day. Her mom died a few years ago today, and it made me want to call you. To tell you I love you.”
My mom sniffled. “Thank you. I’m glad you called to tell me. And I’m sorry your friend is having a rough day.”
“Me too.” I raked my fingers through my hair. “I hate that I can’t do anything to make it better.”
“You are.”
“How do you know?”
She laughed, like it was the dumbest question I could ask. “Because I know you, and that’s what you do. You make people feel better.”
“Thanks, Mom.” I slumped back, the weight on my chest feeling a little lighter.
“Why don’t you bring her to breakfast tomorrow?”
I hesitated, but truthfully… “I think she’d like that.”
“Excellent! I’ll set an extra place then.”
“I don’t know for sure—”
“See you two tomorrow!” she cut me off and hung up before I could say more.
Chuckling, I slipped my phone into my back pocket as the dryer went off. I pulled out the warm blanket, grabbed the two bottles in the kitchen, and walked back to my room.
Sam was still curled on her side, arms tucked beneath her head, as she stared at the wall. Her eyes met mine as I set the water on my nightstand before shaking out the blanket.
“When I was little, this was something my mom used to do when we weren’t feeling well,” I said softly while I wrapped the warm blanket around her. Sam smiled as she burrowed deeper into the bed.
“The warmth doesn’t last that long,” I added. Then I ran my hand through my hair until I was gripping the back of my neck, suddenly feeling stupid. “I hardly noticed because…” I trailed off.
“Because?” Sam prompted.
Letting out a breath, I finished, “My mom usually held me until I fell asleep.”
“Oh.” She fiddled with the edges of the blanket before scooting over. I held my breath. Sam was letting me in. It was one thing when she was grieving. She had been searching for comfort, however she could find it. But now…
I searched her eyes. What did this mean? Did it mean anything to her? Did she think I was angling for her to offer?
“I wasn’t saying that to—”
“I know,” she quickly cut me off. “You’re a bit more direct.” Sam smiled, but it quickly fell as she swallowed roughly. Gaze on the bed, she whispered, “I want you to.”
Her eyes tentatively moved up to meet mine. With a nod, I turned off the light and lifted the covers to join her. As I did she turned over, giving me her back.
My arms tentatively slipped around her waist, and I pulled her against me until her back was flush against my chest. Sam settled her hands over mine, and I swore I heard a sigh of contentment.
I tried not to read too much into it.
I tried to keep my head on straight.
Tried to remember she still had a boyfriend. Was still Gabe’s little sister.
It was useless.
Because as sleep pulled us under, my last thought was…
Mine.
WE WOKE UP LEISURELY, like we had all the time in the world. Like we did this every Sunday morning.
I was on my side, my arm still wrapped around Sam’s waist and my breath hitting the bare skin of her shoulder. She slowly pulled away and flipped to her back. A dark blush raced across her cheeks as I tucked a wayward strand of hair behind her ear.
“Morning,” I whispered.
“Good morning.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Better.” She cleared her throat and rested her hand on my forearm. “Thanks to you.”
Relief coursed through me. “Good. To be honest I had no clue what to do.”
“Gabe spends our mother’s birthday with Alara. He told me how much it helped him. To talk about her, to remember the things she loved and what made her smile.” She had a far-off look in her eyes. “People talk about celebrating a person’s life, not mourning their death. I guess I should have been doing that.”
I rested my hand on her hip and squeezed. “But there’s nothing wrong with telling it like it is. Death sucks.” Her gaze flew to mine. “Even if there is a better place, even if heaven is real, it still sucks that a person you love is no longer here. It’s okay to mourn her. It’s okay to miss her. It’s okay to lose it every once in a while. It’s okay to see her favorite flower, or hear her favorite song, and start crying. And I don’t care where you are when that happens—you can call me. Or come find me. I’ll be there. I’ll drop whatever I’m doing and I’ll be there with you, Sam. No one should tell you it’s not okay to mourn her, even years later. Okay?”
A few tears fell as she nodded.
“And when you’re ready, after you’re done grieving, when you hear that song or see that flower, and instead it makes you smile as you recall a happy time with your mother, you can call me then too. I’ll be there no matter what. Just take your time. Do whatever is best for you.”
“Thank you. Being with another pers
on helped. Being with you helped.”
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. When I opened them Sam looked equally affected. I turned and swung my legs off the bed before I did something especially stupid like kiss her.
“Let’s go.” I stood up and once I was a safe distance away faced her again.
She was lying on her side, propping herself up by her elbow. The blanket pooled around her waist and she looked far too much like she belonged there.
Shit.
Apparently there was no safe distance when Sam was in my bed.
“Where?” she asked.
“Sunday breakfast.”
Her eyebrows nearly hit her hairline. “With your family?”
“Yeah.”
“But—”
“No buts. My mom already thinks you’re coming. You wouldn’t want to break her poor pregnant heart, would you?”
Sam rolled her eyes and shoved the blanket off. “That’s not fair.”
“Never said I was.”
“I didn’t realize when you shared the news of her pregnancy you’d be using it as a guilt trip. When do we leave?” She sighed like it was a big inconvenience, but I could tell she was secretly glad to be invited.
I looked at the clock. “Forty minutes?”
An hour later we were pulling up in front of Mom and Mark’s house. The living room curtain ruffled as my mother’s face disappeared from view.
“She’s a little excited,” Sam said on a laugh, stepping out of the car. I was silent as I did the same. When we met on the sidewalk, I frowned.
“I might not have thought this through.”
“Oh.”
I shook my head. “That didn’t come out right. I want you here.” I hesitated a moment before reaching down and intertwining our fingers. “It’s just… I’ve never brought a girl home before.” Squeezing Sam’s hand, I said, “So be prepared for her to try and sell me off.”
Sam grinned as we both let go and walked up the steps.
Before I even knocked, my mom threw the door open. “Hi!” Her smile was abnormally large.
“Hey, Mom.” I leaned forward and pulled her into a hug. “How are you feeling?” Stepping back, I looked down at her stomach.
“Oh jeez.” She looked at Sam. “He’s almost as bad as my boyfriend. It’s not like I’ve never done this before. But they can’t stop worrying.”
“I think that’s a son’s and boyfriend’s job, ma’am.”
Mom smiled. “Probably. But it’s a mom’s job to make sure they don’t.” Sam stilled and my mother paled. “Oh God. I’m—”
“No, no,” Sam quickly cut her off, her expression strained. “You’re right. It is a mother’s job.” She took a deep breath. “My mom did that well, too.”
“Julie?” Mark yelled. “Is that Derek?”
I could tell my mom wanted to say more, but after everything I’d learned about Sam yesterday, I knew she wouldn’t feel comfortable with any more attention. “C’mon, Mom.” I put my arm around her and guided her toward Mark’s voice, giving Sam time to collect herself.
“I’m so so sorry, Derek. I didn’t mean to—”
“Julie? What’s wrong?” Mark asked as we walked into the kitchen. He dropped the pan he was washing in the sink and practically ran over.
“I’m around Derek’s girlfriend for a minute—”
“She’s not my girlfriend.”
“And I stuck my big, swollen foot in my mouth,” she continued like I said nothing. Her head fell against her boyfriend’s chest and he rubbed her back. Mark lifted an eyebrow at me but I waved away his concern and mouthed, She’s okay.
Sam walked in and froze. I grabbed her elbow and steered her to the table. “Hormones. She’s fine.”
My mom pulled away from him and wiped at her face before turning around and sitting down. “Hi. Do-over?” she asked.
“Not necessary,” Sam said with a genuine smile. “But officially, I’m Samantha.”
My mom took the hand she offered. “I’m Julie. It’s so nice to meet you. I’m glad you could make it.”
“Thanks for inviting me. Yesterday was rough.” Sam cleared her throat and looked down at her hands before saying, “But Derek made it better.” Her eyes lifted and landed on my mom. “And I’m glad I finally get to meet the woman responsible for such a great guy.”
She shook her head, a sad smile on her lips. “That probably has more to do with Derek than me. I wasn’t always around…” my mom trailed off, placing her hands on her stomach.
“Hey,” I whispered as I leaned toward her. I waited for her to lift her eyes before saying, “You’re a great mother. This kid is lucky.”
“Thank you.” She took my hand and squeezed. “Oh jeez. Look at me getting all emotional. Sam will never want to come over here again.” My mother patted her eyes dry before asking, “Anything new going on?”
I’m in hell because I’m living with a girl who I’m crazy about, and I have to keep it to myself…
I’m terrified about how quickly I’m falling for her…
“We’ve decided to enter a music contest,” Sam announced.
“What?” Mom gasped, a delighted smile spreading across her lips. “You are?” Her eyes flickered between us.
“Yeah.” I cleared my throat and tried to brush off the conversation. Sam gave me a funny look as my mom went on and on about how amazing I was and how sad she had been when I’d quit.
“Oh, you have to play us something. Mark’s never heard you. I have one of your old guitars in—”
“It’s barely been two weeks, Mom. We don’t have anything prepared.”
Sam cleared her throat, looking slightly guilty. “Well, actually… we could use their opinion.” She turned toward Mom and Mark. “Derek wants me to sing with him but I think it would work better with just his voice.”
“Perfect!” My mom stood up before I could protest. Mark trailed after her as they went to grab my guitar.
I ran my hand over my head. “I’m sorry,” Sam quickly whispered. “I didn’t think—”
“It’s okay.” Sighing, I looked up. “She gets a bit excited though.”
“That’s a good thing, Derek. I’d give anything to have that parental support back.”
I cursed my thoughtlessness. “I’m sorry, Sam. I wasn’t thinking—”
“Don’t apologize. You’re entitled to your feelings. I’m just offering a different perspective.”
My mom burst back in before I could say anything. Mark laughed at her enthusiasm.
Sliding back from the table, I made room for the guitar she handed me. Sam sat a little straight as I tuned up.
“Keep in mind we’ve only been practicing for a couple weeks.”
“And I’ve never sang before,” Sam added, a nervous hitch to her voice.
“Together first?” I softly asked. After her nod, I started playing.
The guitar strings became live wires under my fingers. My heartbeat aligned with the tempo, like the music was the only thing keeping me alive.
My eyes didn’t leave Sam. And an incredible rush flowed through me when she began singing, the song coming to life with her passion. She may have been a novice, but she was fucking phenomenal.
I couldn’t help but stare at her lush mouth. How would it feel moving against mine? Would her cheeks turn pink with the same blush?
When it was time for me to join her, Sam’s eyes locked on mine. Mom and Mark disappeared. The music wrapped around us and pulled us in.
It was far from perfect, but it felt right. Singing. Playing. Sam. All of it felt right, even when I’d convinced myself it was wrong.
The last note rang out across my mother’s kitchen. It was completely silent for a few minutes before I turned away from Sam and looked across the table.
They were stunned silent. Glancing back at Sam, I saw her hands fidgeting as she swallowed.
“Together,” my mom choked out, causing the tension to drain from Sam’s shoulders. “You definitely need
to sing it together.”
Mark put his hands on my mom’s shoulders before she even started crying.
That was the kind of love I wanted.
The kind that knew what the other person was thinking without them speaking a word.
The kind that unconsciously caused two people to gravitate toward one another.
My eyes met Sam’s.
And I tried not to think about how it felt like I might have already found it.
My feet were kicked up on the coffee table, a half-empty beer bottle wedged between my leg and the armrest as I tossed a handful of popcorn in my mouth. Rory sat next to me, tail wagging, eyeing the bowl in my lap. She would occasionally look up and give me those eyes.
“Nope, not happening,” I said around a mouthful.
A few minutes later I heard a key turn in the lock before Sam walked inside, collapsing against the door.
“Long day?” I asked.
“Yeah.” With a sigh she flipped the deadbolt before throwing her purse on the table.
It had been two weeks since she’d had breakfast at my mom’s place. We hadn’t been able to settle into much of a routine given our unpredictable work schedules, but things had been going great. We were able to get in at least a couple hours of practice a day, and I hadn’t been to a fight once.
“Hey,” I called out when she walked into the kitchen. “I stopped by that fancy cookie place and got you some snickerdoodles. They’re on the counter.”
Sam immediately grabbed them and turned my way. “This shop is on the other side of town,” she said, sounding dumbstruck.
“I was in the neighborhood.” I shrugged and tipped my head back, throwing a piece of popcorn in the air. Veering right, I caught it before it could drop past me and hit the couch.
“What for? It’s in a strip mall surrounded by a shoe shine, a clock repair shop, and a hospital supply store. It’s the most random group of shops to coexist together.” Though the words were argumentative, her tone was anything but.
“Maybe I needed my shoes shined.” At her lifted brow, I acquiesced. “Can’t you just say thank you?”
Sam’s eyes softened, looking at me like…
Nope.
When she opened her mouth to speak, I cut her off before she could make it a big deal. Because even though things had been going well, part of me felt like it was going too well. We shouldn’t be so comfortable together. So I needed a distraction.
Unveiling Hope Page 9
