“I… uhh…” She bit her lip and whimpered. “Yes. I feel… full. So full.”
Growling, I said, “You’ve never felt so full, have you?”
She quickly shook her head.
“Good.” Pulling back, I brought a hand down to graze her clit.
“Ahhh… d-do that again…”
Ignoring her, I kept my pace. “That’s how you make me feel. You’re all I think about. I used to think I was whole, but now…” I trailed off on a moan. “Shit, Sam. Now I’m only whole when you’re with me. I’m empty and aching without you.”
“Me too.” Tears leaked out of her eyes.
My balls drew tight and a tingling started at the base of my spine. I couldn’t let go without her, so I rubbed her clit and then she was gone. We both were, moaning and trembling against each other as we came.
“Derek, Derek, Derek,” she chanted, head thrown back with her hands woven in my hair.
“Fuck, Sam.”
About a minute later we slowed. Our movements still jerky but less pronounced, our moans turned into soft whimpers and our grabbing, greedy hands began caressing.
“Oh my God…” She drew in a deep breath and pushed my hair back from my face. Her sweet smile nearly killed me as she leaned forward and gave me a slow kiss. I pulled her away from the wall and carried her back inside to the bed. I gently laid her down, my body following hers.
We continued to kiss, but they were no longer greedy nor rough. They were gentle and deep. Sam hissed as her nipples grazed against mine.
“I can’t believe…” She shook her head against the white sheets. “That felt incredible.”
“Yeah.” I trailed my fingers along her shoulder, where her skin was scratched from the wall. “Sorry I got a little carried away. Are you okay?”
“More than okay.” Sam practically melted into the bed. “It was perfect. And every time I feel these scratches over the next few days, I’ll remember the mind-blowing sex we just had. So really, don’t apologize.”
Then her expression grew pensive. “Derek?”
“Yeah?” I asked as I ran my fingers through her hair.
“I love you.”
I froze. I’d been on the verge of telling her two nights ago when she asked me to stop. I had been hurt and confused, and even though I’d told her it was okay, those feelings had lingered. But not anymore. She was so direct in her declaration that I knew she’d been telling the truth. That it wasn’t because she hadn’t wanted to hear it or couldn’t say it. It was something else.
“I wanted our friends to know before I said it. I didn’t want you to have any doubts,” Sam continued.
Grabbing both her hands, I laced our fingers together and guided them above her head. I brought my face closer to hers and whispered, “I knew I would love you, Sam.” Her fingers squeezed mine. “That’s why I fought it for so long, because I knew once I let go there’d be no stopping it.”
“I know what you mean. I denied it, thinking you didn’t feel the same. It would have crushed me to let all those feelings in, only to never have them returned.” Shaking her head, she laughed, teary-eyed. “But you know what? This feeling is something I never could have prepared myself for. It’s better than anything I could have imagined.”
I stared down at her, memorizing her flushed cheeks and bright eyes. My eyes fell on her lips, swollen and raw from mine. Then her tongue peeked out and ran over her bottom one. I bent down and captured her mouth with mine.
It was better than I’d imagined too.
April 13, 2017
Mom,
It’s my birthday. 18. One of the big ones. And you’re not here. You should be.
Things with Derek are as complicated as ever. One moment I’ve convinced myself we’re friends, and the next he’s doing something so incredibly sweet that I have to bite my tongue to keep from blurting out everything I’m feeling. Today was one of the latter. I’m still smiling as I write this.
It was nearly ten o’clock. We’d all gone out to dinner to celebrate and before I could get in my car to go home, Derek told me he had something for me at his apartment. My heart had been racing, all sorts of possibilities infiltrating my mind. Gabe was sleeping over at Alara’s so it was just the two of us.
We got there and he told me he’d made a cake. I sat the counter and watched him light 18 candles before sliding it in front of me. His stare was so intense on mine that I felt vulnerable closing my eyes, but I had to. After I blew out the candles and opened them, he was leaning over. His head only inches from mine.
“Was it a good one?” he whispered.
“Huh?”
He laughed. “The wish. Did you make it good?”
“Oh.” I stared down at the cake, my face heating up. “Yeah. I think so.”
I didn’t tell him that I wished he’d kiss me.
Trying to distract myself from his intensity, I dragged my finger through the frosting. But before I could eat it, Derek quickly snatched my wrist. “You can’t eat that.”
“Why?” I asked slowly.
“It’s horrible,” he said, like it should be obvious. I raised an eyebrow. “I’m almost positive.”
“What—”
I cut myself off and went completely silent as he brought my finger to his mouth and sucked. I stopped breathing. His eyes were hot on mine. And it seemed to take him entirely too long to lick it clean.
“Absolutely inedible. Well, the cake is anyway…”
My eyes widened. I had no clue what to say. It was so hard to pick apart his intentions when he was so naturally charismatic. “So it’s all for show? Tease me with a cake…” I grinned, hoping the joke was covering my increasing anxiety.
“Of course not. That’d be cruel.” Derek let go of my hand and rummaged in the fridge. When he turned around, I laughed. He had a store-bought cake in his hands.
It was sweet, right? It felt sweet. We ate half the cake that night. I stayed for hours and we talked the entire time. As always, I wish you were here to tell me what it all meant. To tell me if my hopes are futile.
Hope is a beautiful thing, and tonight I’m drowning in it. That in itself makes it dangerous.
Maybe tomorrow will feel different.
I love you.
I miss you.
Forever,
Sam
“SO,” HE BEGAN, ONE eyebrow lifted. “You and my sister?”
I sighed as I finished washing my hands at the sink. “Are we really going to do this?”
“Do what?”
“You know… have the cliché conversation about me being your best friend and you being her big brother.”
“Oh, that.” Gabe pretended to think about it. “Yeah, we really do.”
We’d been back in Carillo for a week but this was the first time Gabe and I were alone together.
Drying off my hands, I leaned back against the server’s station. Luckily it was a slow day. “Okay let’s have it.”
“Were you dating before she left?” he asked.
“No. We started dating after she broke up with John.”
“How long have you liked her?”
“Since the beginning.”
Gabe’s eyebrows shot up at that. “So why’d you wait so long? Why wait till she had a boyfriend?”
I glanced around the bar, noting the two tables we had right now were still good. “Seeing them together really woke me up. It made me realize I was being an idiot.”
With narrowed eyes, he said, “Are you sure it wasn’t the thrill of going after what another guy had?”
Part of me wanted to be hurt that he thought so little of me. But realistically I knew Gabe was only doing what he felt he had to; it didn’t have much to do with me.
“This isn’t a game to me,” I answered. “She’s not a prize to be won, and other guys aren’t opponents to conquer. I was ready to tell her before she left. I didn’t because I convinced myself it would be pointless. But the truth is… I didn’t know if she’d be willing to
take that big of a chance on me.”
That seemed to appease him. “And you think you’re good enough for her?”
“Definitely not.”
He nodded. “Right answer. No one is, by the way.”
“Agreed.” I raised my eyebrows, silently telling him I was ready for whatever he threw at me.
“Would you leave her if I told you to?”
“No.” My answer was immediate. “You’re one of my best friends and I wouldn’t want to lose that. But no, I wouldn’t leave Sam.”
A small smile spread across his lips. “Good. She’s been through enough.” He sighed, becoming serious. “I don’t want to be that cliché either. You’re one of my best friends too, obviously I trust you. But she’s my sister. I need to make sure you’re taking it seriously. I don’t want her hurt.”
“I love her,” I said simply. “Is that serious enough for you?”
“Yeah, it is.” Gabe held out his hand, and with a sigh of relief I shook it. I went to let go and he held on a little longer so he could ask one more question. “You’ll take care of her?”
“Always,” I swore.
Derek and I were practicing. Well, at least I was trying to. It was the Saturday of Thanksgiving weekend and auditions would be here within two weeks.
He was sitting behind me, dropping kisses down my neck and across my shoulder, while I tried to focus on my keyboard.
“Derek.” I tried to sound stern, but he picked that moment to suck on the skin right below my ear, so a little moan slipped free.
“Yes?”
“Stop it,” I muttered halfheartedly, my head falling back to his shoulder.
“That’s in direct contradiction to the way your ass is grinding against my dick.” Derek chuckled. His hands skimmed around my waist, up to my breasts until he was squeezing them. I whimpered when he pinched my nipples.
“Yes—”
A loud knock interrupted us.
“Shit!” I jumped up and spun around. “Bad.” I pointed a finger at Derek, but he just grinned, lounging back against the couch.
“Hurry up and get rid of whoever that is.”
I walked to the door, straightening out my shirt on the way. When I opened it, my mouth dropped open in shock.
“Surprise!” Essie yelled. I barely had time to process anything before she was charging me and sweeping me up in a hug.
“Hi.” Snapping out of it, I returned her hug. “What are you doing here?”
“Well if I waited for you to come visit me I’d never see you.”
I cringed as I shut the door. “I’m sorry. I—”
“Don’t be. It’s only been a couple months. I just got impatient. Turns out I liked you more than I thought.”
Derek stepped forward then and I made the introductions, including Rory’s as she bounced around our feet.
Essie eyed my keyboard. “Were you guys playing? You have to play me something.” She turned to Derek. “She’s never let me hear her before. I was so excited when she told me about this contest.”
Without waiting for a response, she flung herself into our oversized chair. Derek laughed at the ease with which Essie made herself at home.
Shaking my head, I sat down and rested my fingers on the keyboard, waiting as Derek picked up his guitar.
We started playing and the music flooded my body. It became the blood pumping through my veins and the air filling my lungs. It filled me up and gave me life.
Pure energy crashed into me, the kind I could only get from this. My smile widened as I stared at Derek and recognized the same thing inside him. Everything else fell away until it was just the two of us and our music.
It was the same rush you got whenever you heard your favorite song.
The intro made you sit up and pay attention, and as the music continued it completely absorbed you. Every single word struck your heart, embedding itself inside you. Every note matched the tempo of your life. It filled spaces in you that you didn’t even know were empty. It made you feel understood, to find a song that seemed made for you. That laid out all your hopes and fears. And when it was over, you were almost unable to process what you’d just heard and how it could make you feel so much.
There were so many songs in this world, and yet this one resonated with you the way no other song could.
That was how it felt to play with Derek. To be in love with him.
When we finished my arms were shaking and my heart was pounding in a way that felt fatal.
“Holy shit,” Essie mumbled. But neither Derek nor I broke our stare.
And as I was looking into his eyes, I saw the shift. The shift from boyfriend/girlfriend to something more. Something larger and more consuming.
I saw the shift from now to forever.
I was standing in front of a row of lipsticks.
After Essie heard us play, she wanted to know what I was wearing to the auditions. She wasn’t satisfied with anything I showed her and finally declared I’d need an entirely new outfit.
Which is how we ended up at the mall the day after Black Friday. Essie was looking for my clothes upstairs when Derek joined me. He’d been searching for a new wallet.
“Did you find something?” I asked. With an eager nod, he took the leather wallet out of the bag. I ran my hand over it. “Ohh… this is really nice.”
“It was a little out of my original price range,” he admitted. “But every time I tried to look at another, my eyes kept wandering back to it.”
“I think in the long run it will be worth it. It’s good quality and will last longer than a cheaper one.”
Derek smiled and gave me a quick kiss on the forehead. “Good point, babe.” He looked down at the counter. “No luck?”
“It’s not that…” I trailed off, feeling ridiculous.
“What is it?”
“I always get red.” Derek raised an eyebrow, clearly not following. “Whenever I tried to wear another color, my dad or John would tell me how much better the red looked.” I was shaking my head before I even finished. “It’s stupid—”
“No. Your feelings aren’t stupid, Sam.” He picked up the three lipsticks I was debating between. A baby pink, a nude, and a dark purple. “Without thinking about it, which one do you want?”
When I didn’t answer fast enough he tsked. “You’re thinking.”
Smiling, I tapped the dark purple one. Derek put the other two down and confidently walked over to the saleswoman, setting the plum-colored lipstick on the glass counter with a broad smile.
“How do you think this will look on me?” he asked, and my eyebrows furrowed.
What the heck?
“Uhh…” The clerk’s eyes shifted to mine before she shyly returned Derek’s smile. “That’d be, uh, lovely color.”
I rolled my lips between my teeth to keep from laughing. It wasn’t at the idea of a man wearing lipstick, but of Derek wearing it.
“Really?”
“Definitely,” she answered with more confidence as she rang him up.
“Okay, good.” Derek leaned his elbow on the counter and shifted his body my way. I lifted an eyebrow, waiting for whatever crazy thing he would say next. I was always waiting, and I loved it. No day was ever the same.
“You see, my girl over there…” He trailed off and tilted his head my way. I couldn’t hide my wide grin if I tried. When he continued his voice was softer, like he was telling her a secret, but still loud enough so I could hear. “She’s kind of obsessed with me. Can’t keep her hands… or lips, off me. That’s why I had to ask. I already know it’ll look good on her.”
Rolling my eyes, I finally came to stand beside him. When I reached down to grab my wallet he stopped me and threaded his fingers through mine. The clerk was looking between us with a soft smile. I didn’t even care how stupid we looked, staring at each other like lovesick fools. It wasn’t until I saw Derek slide his card toward her that I snapped out of it.
“Hey. You—” He silenced me with a quick kiss.
“Here you go,” the clerk interrupted. Derek took his card and signed his name before grabbing the bag she’d set on the glass. “Enjoy,” she said with a grin.
“Oh, I will.” He winked at her before throwing his arm over my shoulder and leading me toward Essie.
“You’re crazy,” I said on a laugh.
“For you.” His fingertips softly grazed my neck. “I was serious,” he whispered. “I can’t wait to see this on you. To see your dark purple lips wrapped around my—”
I quickly spun and slapped my hand over his grinning mouth. “Stop it,” I hissed, feeling my nipples harden and my underwear dampen. He nipped my hand until I removed it.
“Why? Are you embarrassed?” he asked, still smiling.
Without answering, I shrugged his arm off me and walked faster. I heard his heavy footsteps and somehow even that was a turn-on right now.
Still ignoring him, I reached the elevator and jabbed the up button a few times. I didn’t even look at him as we got on. He hit the button for the second floor. I crossed my arms over my chest and I tried to keep from fidgeting as the doors shut, leaving Derek and me alone.
We’d just started moving when, all of a sudden, I was being shoved into the corner, pinned by Derek’s large body. “You’re not embarrassed.” His voice was rough and deep with lust, wonder framing the words. He didn’t speak again as his hand slipped into my skirt and under my panties.
“Fuuuuuck,” he murmured into my neck as he dragged his fingers through my wetness. I groaned, my head falling back against the wall when he quickly shoved two in. I could see a camera in the corner behind him, but he was shielding me. “It turned you on.”
“Y-yes.”
“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.”
I removed his hand from my pants and pushed him away before the doors opened. And thank God I did because there was a family standing there. A mother and father with seven kids.
I gave them a quick smile before darting out.
“Hey! Mommy says you can’t lick your fingers.” I turned around to see one of the younger kids looking up at Derek, who had the two fingers that were just inside me in his mouth. My eyes widened.
Unveiling Hope Page 19
