Connor rubbed his temples, frustration surging through him. “I wasn’t kissing her. I was telling her to leave me the hell alone. She’d been following me around all night. I grabbed her and told her to piss off.”
Tex’s gaze became slightly more sympathetic. “I’m sorry, man, it really looked like you were kissing her.”
“So, I just need to explain that to Lexie.”
Tex shook his head. “I already told you. You don’t know if she’s going to the airport tonight, and even if she is, you can’t make a scene. Can you imagine if you go storming in there? You’ll get mobbed. And I think that’s the last thing she’ll want to see while you’re trying to apologize to her. And if you find her, manage to not get noticed, and apologize, make her believe you weren’t kissing that girl, and convince her not to leave, what then? Have you even thought that far ahead?”
Connor hesitated. “I’ll bring her back here.”
“And then what? You’ll bring her back just so you can screw her and then take her back to the airport and wave her goodbye again in a couple of days? What is your actual long-term goal here? You can’t keep messing around with her. You need to figure out what you want, or you should just let her go.”
Shit. He didn’t have a plan. Hadn’t been thinking past finding her and begging for forgiveness.
Tex’s voice softened. “She cares about you. And you obviously care about her. As much as you can, anyway.” Connor gave him a sharp look. “But if you were planning to say goodbye at the end of the tour and never see her again, then please do not go chasing after her just so you can appease your guilt. It might even be easier for her if it ends this way. It might be easier for her to move on if she thinks you’re an asshole.”
Connor closed his eyes and took several deep breaths. He hated that what Tex was saying made sense. He’d been refusing to think past the end of the tour. His emotions were so tangled up, he didn’t know what he wanted. Particularly in the aftermath of finding out about his dad’s death. How could he drag Lexie back and then just let her go again?
All the fight went out of him, and he sagged against the wall. “I don’t know what I want,” he admitted quietly.
“Then you need to figure it out before you talk to her again. Because if you keep screwing her around, all of us will kick your ass.”
Connor scrubbed his face with his hands.
And he’d deserve it.
Chapter 41
The door swung open before Lexie could knock, and Piper rushed out, gathering her into a comforting hug. She pulled back to scan Lexie’s face, worry evident in her blue eyes and furrowed brow. Her look of concern broke through Lexie’s hard-fought control, and hot tears overflowed and trickled down her cheeks.
“Oh my God, honey, what happened?” Piper asked as she guided Lexie into the house. “I wish you’d let me come and pick you up. You shouldn’t have had to get a cab.”
“I didn’t want to create a scene in the airport, and I would have broken down seeing you there. Plus, I didn’t even call you until I was already here, so it was quicker just to get a cab. I’m sorry for the late notice.”
“Don’t worry about that; I’m just glad you came to me. Come on inside. I’ll make you a cup of tea, and you can tell me about it.” She grabbed Lexie’s suitcase out of her hand and led her further into the house.
Lexie followed her sister-in-law into the warm, cozy kitchen. She sat down at the wooden farmhouse-style table while Piper busied herself boiling water.
“It’s so good to see you, Piper. I should have visited earlier. It shouldn’t have taken something like this for me to get my butt down here.”
Piper placed a steaming cup of tea in front of Lexie, then sat down across from her and reached out to squeeze her hand. “I’ll take you any way I can get you, honey, but you need to tell me what happened.”
Lexie sighed, picked up her tea, and breathed in the soothing chamomile scent before taking a small sip. Where to start? Along with the pain, the familiar surge of guilt overwhelmed her. How could she tell Damien’s sister what she’d done? What would Piper think of her? True, she had encouraged Lexie to have a fling, but she would never have believed Lexie would be stupid enough to fall for someone like Connor. She’d even warned Lexie against it before the tour.
“So, which one was it?” Piper asked after the silence had stretched on for too long.
She should have known Piper would guess straight away. After all, what else would have had Lexie turning up on her doorstep in tears?
“Connor.” More tears slipped out and dripped down her cheeks. She wiped them away angrily. He didn’t deserve her tears. She’d already given him too much of herself.
“Tell me what happened.”
The sympathy in Piper’s voice caused Lexie’s throat to tighten. She took another sip of tea, taking a few seconds to compose herself before letting it all spill out. She left out some details—after all, there were things she couldn’t share with her late husband’s sister, like exactly how amazing the sex had been. How he’d made her feel things she’d never felt before. How she’d let herself fall so hard for someone so completely wrong for her.
When she finished, Piper looked at her, head cocked to the side and eyes searching, as if she knew Lexie was leaving things out. “So obviously he’s a major jerk to treat you like that. I may be a pacifist, but that doesn’t mean I won’t get violent on his ass if you need me to.”
Lexie managed a smile for her friend, then frowned when Piper paused and chewed on her lip. It was clear she had something else she wanted to say, and it wouldn’t be Piper if she didn’t have some words of wisdom to share—welcome or not. Lexie sighed. “What do you want to say, Piper?”
Piper scrunched her face up apologetically. “Well, this is going to sound bad, but Lexie, it might not be such a terrible thing it happened.” She put her hand up as Lexie opened her mouth to protest. “Wait, hear me out.”
Lexie closed her mouth and leaned back in her seat, frowning as Piper continued. “I know it hurts now, honey, and that sucks, no doubt about it. But you’ve taken the first step, and that’s a good thing. You’ve faced your fear, had your heart broken, and yes, it’s painful. But you’re still here, you’re still standing. It hasn’t broken you. He didn’t break you.”
She reached out and grabbed Lexie’s hand, squeezing gently as she continued.
“So, my advice to you is, thank that douchebag for the orgasms and move on to bigger and better things.” She waggled her eyebrows. “If you know what I mean.”
That shocked a laugh out of Lexie. It was a nice sentiment, but hard to imagine it being possible.
Her laughter died, and she sighed. “Maybe you’re right. I just feel so stupid. I mean, I knew it wasn’t going to last—he was clear about that. But I trusted him, you know? I thought he at least cared enough to be kind.” Her voice started to waver. “I guess that’s what I get for letting myself fall for someone I knew from the start was wrong for me.”
“Don’t feel stupid, honey. How could you have known he was wrong for you unless you tried? He must have had some good traits, otherwise you would never have even slept with him, let alone developed feelings.”
“I should have known because he’s so different from Damien. I’m angry at myself because I stupidly fell in love with him anyway, even knowing he wasn’t right for me.” Lexie’s emotions spilled out again, and her shoulders shook as she cried.
Piper got up and grabbed a box of tissues off the counter. She passed the whole thing to Lexie before sitting back down and reaching across the table to clasp Lexie’s hand again.
“Lexie, Connor being different from Damien has nothing to do with whether he’s wrong or right for you. I don’t know how you got that idea in that head of yours. I think it’s good you chose someone different. I’d be far more concerned if you picked someone too much like my brother.”
Lexie wiped her nose and looked at Piper in confusion. “Damien and I were perfect together.
Why would finding someone similar to him be wrong? I mean, obviously not someone exactly the same, that would just be creepy—”
“No kidding,” Piper smirked.
“—but someone with the same traits, the same values. Someone I know will fit me, who’ll love me the way I want to be loved. The way Damien did.” Tears trickled down her cheeks, a seemingly never-ending stream that mourned the loss of Damien as well as the man she’d thought Connor was.
“Listen to me Lexie, you and Damien became perfect for each other. You were just kids when you met, and you grew to fit each other. But you’re a different person now. His death forced you to be different—more independent, more adventurous—so you need to be with someone different. Have you ever thought maybe the reason you turned down all those sweet men that asked you out wasn’t that you weren’t ready, but because they were too much like Damien? Maybe deep down you know you need someone different now. And to be honest, if you and Damien met for the first time today, I don’t know if you’d end up together.”
Lexie started shaking her head, but Piper plowed on. “You need to find someone who fits the new you, and that means keeping your mind and heart open, Lexie, because you don’t know who might end up being the next love of your life. And if Connor hadn’t been such an asshat, there’s no reason it couldn’t have been him. You took a chance, and I’m proud of you for that. You just have to make sure you keep taking chances, because one day, the chance you take will be worth it.”
Lexie brushed more tears from her cheeks, taken aback by Piper’s words. While it was hard to listen to, what she was saying rang true. She knew she had a lot of thinking to do, but right now was not the time. Everything felt too raw. First, she needed to get over Connor.
She squeezed Piper’s hand. “Thank you. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“No problem, honey. You know you’re like a sister to me. I just want the best for you. Now, I know you left out all the juicy details before. Connor was a jackass, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to hear about how he was in bed.”
Lexie felt a fiery blush suffuse her at the memories that flooded through her. “Um, yeah. He was good.”
Piper arched her brows. “Just good?”
Lexie sighed and rolled her eyes at her friend. “Fine, he was really, really good. Mind-blowingly good.”
“Multiple orgasms good?”
A laugh escaped Lexie. “Yes, definitely.”
Then the laugh died as the pain hit her again. “I just wish it hadn’t been so good. I let our physical connection fool me into thinking there was more to it. I let myself believe he might have felt something for me. But that’s on me. He told me up front that he doesn’t have relationships. It was just physical for him.”
Piper scowled. “Well, that’s bullshit.”
Lexie’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”
“I’m sorry, but having sex with you exclusively, living with you on the bus, spending all his spare time with you. That was a relationship, even if it wasn’t meant to be permanent. If that prick was too chickenshit to admit it to himself, then that’s his loss.”
Once again Piper had made her smile. Lexie stretched across the table and hugged her sister-in-law. “This is why I love you so much. I think you’ve managed to call him enough names now to make me feel better.”
Piper lifted her cup in salute and winked. “What’s family for if not for insulting loser exes.”
The smile slipped from Lexie’s face. “I just need to get back to work and take my mind off everything.”
“When’s your next job?”
“I’m heading to Canada in just over two weeks.”
“Great, you can stay with me until you have to go home and pack. We can sunbathe, drink wine, and indulge in all-important retail therapy. What do you think?”
Lexie mustered a watery smile. “It sounds perfect.”
Chapter 42
The last concert was done, and Connor couldn’t be more relieved to finish a tour. He hadn’t seen or heard from Lexie since she’d left three days ago. He’d ended up confessing everything that had been going on between them to the others, as well as what he’d found out about his father and the things he’d said to Lexie afterward.
Drew had been angry to find out what he and Lexie had been up to, primarily because he hated being in the dark about anything that could impact the band. The others had been more understanding; they’d noticed the change in him when she was around.
Everyone was sympathetic, but they needed to finish the tour. He did what he could to bring the same energy to the last few shows as he had when Lexie had been in the crowd smiling up at him, but it was all an act. He just wanted it to be over so he could figure everything out.
Now Connor was sitting on the stage next to Tex after the last concert, looking out at the empty stadium as the crew tore everything down. His best friend had listened to him patiently as he spoke about Lexie. And after that, Connor finally opened up about his unhappiness with where the band was heading. His concern about his future, his fears about what his decision might mean for his friends.
When he finished, Tex stared at him with his brows drawn together. “Why the hell am I just hearing about this now? I can’t believe you didn’t think you could talk to me—any of us—about this. We’re friends for fuck’s sake. We’ve been through thick and thin together; you don’t think we could have a mature conversation about our future?”
Connor raked his hand through his hair. Now that he’d finally said it out loud, it did seem ridiculous that he hadn’t thought he could talk to his friends about it. He looked at Tex ruefully. “Sorry, man. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
Tex shook his head. “You weren’t thinking at all. You’ve always been wary of sharing too much of yourself with anyone, Connor, too worried about being rejected. And you take too much responsibility for other people’s happiness. We’ve been doing this thing for a long time; we’re all fucking tired of the touring. What keeps us going is making music together. But don’t think we haven’t all thought about other things we might like to do. So why don’t we all sit down and discuss it like adults.”
Connor let out a strained laugh. “Yeah, we should probably do that.”
“So, have you spoken to Drew about this, or am I the only one you’ve told?”
“I haven’t mentioned anything to Drew. The only other person I told was Lexie.”
Tex raised his eyebrows. “So, you’ve told Lexie things you haven’t told anyone else? Not even your best friends you’ve known since you were a kid?”
Connor nodded, the pain of her absence hitting him anew. He still didn’t know what he was going to do about her. The times he’d broken down and tried calling, she hadn’t answered. He knew Drew had her address, but before he did something stupid like turn up at her door unannounced, he needed to figure out what would be best for both of them, not just for him.
Tex was looking at him, his expression inscrutable.
“What’s that look for?” Connor asked.
Tex shook his head and sighed, before saying quietly, “You’re an idiot, Connor. Lexie is one in a million. When are you finally going to admit you’re in love with her? Head over heels, crazy in love. She’s smart, and kind, and funny, and one of the most naturally sexy women I’ve ever met. You would have to be the biggest fool in the world to not be in love with her.”
“You sound like you’re the one who’s in love with her.” Connor could hear the accusation in his voice.
Tex shrugged but didn’t deny it. “If you hadn’t made it obvious from the minute she came on board the bus that you wanted her bad, I would’ve made a move for sure.”
“You did make a move. You kissed her,” Connor growled.
Tex shrugged again. “Only because you were taking your sweet time to do anything about it. And I didn’t know if you would ever pull your head out of your ass, so yeah, I took a shot. It was clear there was nothing there on her side. She
was just as torn up about you as you were about her.”
Shit, he’d screwed things up so badly. Hurt her when that was the last thing in the world he ever wanted to do. He still felt ill knowing she thought he’d been kissing another woman. “I don’t know what to say to her, how to get her to believe me that I wasn’t screwing around.”
There was a tense silence from Tex, and then he said quietly, “She knows.” His expression was sympathetic.
“What the fuck do you mean she knows?”
Tex sighed. “I got through to her on the phone once, the day after she left. I explained to her what happened.”
Connor glared at him. “Why the hell are you only telling me this now?”
“Because she needs time, and so do you. You need to get your shit together before you go after her.”
“Do you think that was your decision to make?”
Tex shrugged and stared at him impassively.
Connor ground his teeth, then asked, “So she believed you?”
Tex nodded.
“Just like that?”
Now Tex was angry. “Yes, just like that! She loves you, which means she believes you. And she knows I wouldn’t excuse your sorry ass if I didn’t believe it.”
“If she loves me, why the fuck didn’t she come back. Why hasn’t she contacted me, answered my calls?”
“Because, you moron, she loves you!”
“You are making no fucking sense right now! What the hell are you talking about? If she loves me and she believes me, why didn’t she come back?” He was standing and yelling now, uncaring who heard.
Now Tex wasn’t just angry, he was furious. His eyes narrowed, but rather than yelling, his voice got low and icy cold. “Because she also believed you when you said you didn’t want a relationship. She believed you when you told her you didn’t need her anymore. And she believed you every time you never fucking told her you loved her.”
Fractured Hearts: A Fractured Rock Star Romance Page 25
