“Nasty,” I say, shaking my head. “I didn’t think you had a mean bone in your body.”
“That just shows how little you know about me.” She grins.
I chuckle, but there’s truth in her words. I know nothing about her, and I wish I could change that.
The lighthouse comes into view as we crest the hill.
“Straight ahead, over there.” I point out. She cranes her neck to see and gasps at the huge white tower.
“It’s so big,” she cries.
“I’d have preferred to hear that last night,” I quip. Her eyes widen as she laughs, a blush creeping onto her cheeks. “Sorry,” I murmur with a laugh. “I couldn’t help myself.”
We get out, and I grab the basket and a blanket from the trunk and head toward the tower. I take her hand in mine, her fingers threading mine. The park below the lighthouse is deserted which I’m secretly happy about. I was hoping we would have this place to ourselves.
Even from the ground, the view is amazing up here. We walk close to the edge of the cliff and stare out at the waves crashing against the rocks below.
“Stunning, but so far down,” she mumbles. She glances over at me, a wistful look on her face. “Do you ever imagine what it would be like to jump? To just have those few moments of freefalling, where nothing in the world can touch you?”
Instead of sounding crazy, her words hit home. That’s exactly how I felt when I used to come here after my mother died. I used to stand here on this very edge, thinking those same thoughts. My heart races, because for me, it’s just another sign that being with Amanda is right.
“I do know what you mean,” I mumble.
Words are catching in my throat, because thinking about my mother has me feeling a little emotional. I’m sure Amanda has noticed, but she’s too polite to mention anything. She takes my hand and gives it a squeeze, as if to let me know that she’s there.
We sit down and I lay out my spread, impressed with what I was able to whip up in the hour I had to prepare.
“Be honest, you had half of this stuff just sitting in your pantry already, didn’t you?” she teases.
“What’s wrong with that?” I ask, pretending to be offended.
She picks up the jar of imported pickled oysters. “Are you kidding me?” she giggles, making a face.
“Not your thing?” I say with a smirk.
“Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for fine dining, but I would’ve been just as happy with sandwiches and soda.” She grins at me. “I wouldn’t have thought this was your kind of food.”
“You get a lot of things wrong about me, don’t you?” I smirk. “Maybe you shouldn’t be trusting those instincts so much.”
“Nasty,” she giggles. Her laughter makes me smile because I love it when she’s happy.
“In all seriousness though, I’m glad you came out with me today.” I hesitate before adding, “I’m glad last night happened too.”
“I’m glad it did too.” She pauses for a second and looks up at me, her eyes suddenly serious. “I did want to talk to you about something, though.” She takes a deep breath, and I’m bracing myself for something I probably don’t want to hear.
“Are we moving this too fast?” she blurts out. She frowns. “I had that worded so much better in my head.”
“If things are moving too fast, we can slow it down,” I say. “Whatever you want.”
“It’s just I’ve only known you for a couple of weeks and...” Her voice trails off, but she doesn’t need to finish, because I know where this is going.
“It’s okay,” I rush to assure her. “If you need to slow this down, then that’s what we do.”
After we’re done eating, I take her up to the top of the lighthouse where the view is the most impressive. We stand there, staring out in silence. She’s admiring the view, but all I’m doing is trying to hide my disappointment.
After everything last night, being with her felt right, and I thought bringing her out here would lead to her opening up to me. Instead, all I’ve done is push her back into her shell. I came here hoping for more, and I feel like I’m leaving with less. I know I’m being stupid. I know that slowing down doesn’t mean we’re over, but if I can’t have her all, I’m not sure I can have her at all.
God no wonder she’s running away. Look at me, I’m a mess. I snort which earns me an odd glance from her direction. I cover it up with a cough.
“I guess we’d better get home,” I mumble. “The kids will be wondering where I am.”
“Sure,” she says, and then hesitates. “Are we okay?” she asks. “What I said…” She shakes her head. “I don’t want you to think that I want to stop seeing you, because that’s not what I want at all. I just need time to process this.” Her eyes lower as a blush creeps across her cheeks. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I don’t have a whole lot of experience when it comes to relationships. This is a lot for me to get my head around.”
“I get it,” I say. “And I meant it when I said we can go slow. Relationships are hard work, but even more so when they come with two kids and a whole lot of baggage. I understand completely if you want to run the other way.”
“You’re lucky I like baggage.” She grins. “Now, are you going to kiss me or not?”
“I think that can be arranged.” I pull her into my arms and kiss her, pressing my lips against hers. My fingers stroke her soft hair, and she sighs as my finger inadvertently brushes over her nipple. It hardens, which in turn, hardens me. I kiss her again, this time with more intensity, my mouth exploring hers. She pulls away and smiles, her eyes closed.
“That was quite the kiss.” She chuckles.
“What can I say?” I grin. “I aim to please.”
Eleven
Nina
“Hello? Are you there?”
I snap back to attention and smile sheepishly at Amber. It’s nearing the end of my shift and we are both tidying up, but my head isn’t in it today. Where I’m normally on the ball and focused on what I’m doing—even when I don’t do it very well—today, all I can think about is Adam.
“Sorry,” I mumble.
“Is everything okay? You seem a bit off.” She looks at me, concern in her eyes as she hands me a tray of clean glasses. I force myself to smile, even though I don’t feel like doing it, as I pack them away behind the bar.
“I’m fine,” I say. I hope I sound convincing, even though I’m feeling far from fine.
Today is one of those days where everything feels messed up. Nothing bad has actually happened, but between my developing relationship with Adam, having to hide my past, and worrying about Michael, I’m stressed, anxious, and just waiting for something to go wrong.
“Okay,” she says, her expression saying that she doesn’t believe me for a second. “But if you need to talk, I’m here. I know how hard being in a new place can be and all.”
“Thanks,” I say. I hesitate, because I actually do want to open up to her. She’s been a good friend and I think letting my guard down, even just a little bit, would show her that I value our friendship.
“It’s Adam,” I admit.
“Go on,” she says, a grin spreading across her lips. I laugh and cover my face with my hands, embarrassed. I’m not good with sharing my emotions, especially when it comes to boys. Though Adam is far from a boy.
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” I moan. “I’m so not used to this kind of situation. I feel like I’m making a fool of myself every time I’m around him.”
“What do you mean?” she exclaims. “You’re doing really well, apart from the ‘sodagate’ incident. He obviously likes you.”
“I know,” I sigh, managing a smile at her sodagate comment. “But I’m not sure I’m ready for anything serious, and I don’t think he can afford to be in a relationship that’s not serious. Not with his kids. He wouldn’t want to risk them getting hurt, and I don’t want to be the one who hurts them.”
“I understand that, but at the same time there’
s no real harm in just seeing where things go, is there?” she argues. “Surely, you can do that without involving the kids?”
“The problem is, I like the kids,” I groan and close my eyes, resting my head on the surface of the bar. “I like spending time with them, almost as much as I like spending time with Adam. Sadie is adorable, and Mason is even lowering his guard with me.”
“You can still be part of their lives, but just as a friend to Adam. They don’t have to know you’re his girlfriend or whatever. Why label it? Whatever it is that you have with him, just go with it and see where it leads. Stop worrying so much.”
I sigh, because if only it were that easy. Worrying is what I do. I’ve always been like that, ever since I was young. Maybe it was losing my mother so young that instilled in me that I need to protect those I love.
“Amanda, is something else bothering you? Tell me to shut up and mind my own business, but I’m not buying this.” She frowns at me. “I feel like it’s deeper than what you’re saying. There’s more to it that you’re not telling me.”
I bite my lip and look down, focusing on cleaning a spot on the counter. I’m about half a second away from completely opening up to her when a guy walks up to the bar to order a coffee. Even though it’s just clicked past closing time for our lunch service, I serve him, just to avoid continuing this conversation. As much as I love Amber, and I do trust her, I think involving her would be a mistake. The less people who know about my past, the better, because it’s one less person that I can end up hurting.
Luckily, by the time I finish making the coffee, Amber has been moved onto another task. I slip out the door before she gets the opportunity to grill me again.
I wander down the street, at a loss with what to do with the rest of my day. There is only so much time I can spend sitting in my cramped room before I drive myself insane, but I’m not really in the mood to interact with anyone either. I decide to steal Adam’s spot for the afternoon and head up to the lighthouse, if only to try to clear my head.
The lighthouse and the view from the clifftops are just as beautiful the second time around. It’s about a fifteen-minute walk out of town, and by the time I reach it I’m feeling refreshed and awake.
I climb up the mountain of stairs to the very top of the tower and sit down, looking out over the water. It’s so peaceful up here. I can see why he loves this place so much. Being here and knowing how much this place means to him makes me feel just a little bit closer to him. Is that what I want? To be closer to him? I frown, confused. I’m contradicting myself all over the place, because one second I don’t want to get him involved, and then the next, he’s all I can think about. I’m trying to convince myself that I don’t want a serious relationship, but maybe it’s not about that at all. Maybe my doubts are completely about my father and my past. If I didn’t have any of that baggage, would anything be holding me back? Probably not.
My biggest worry is that I know my father has the resources and the means to find me. I know it’s only a matter of time before he does. But what if one of his enemies finds me first? It’s been in the back of my mind since I left. I can handle something happening to me, but I would never be able forgive myself if someone else got hurt because of me. What if something happens to Sadie or Mason?
“Fancy meeting you here.”
I spin around and find myself face-to-face with Adam. So much for keeping my distance until I work this out. I smile at him as he sits down next to me on the cold concrete. My heart races as I breathe in the smell of his aftershave. I sit on my hands, resisting the urge to creep closer to him.
“I stole your spot. Sorry.” I grin. “I heard it was a great place to reflect.”
“Don’t be sorry. It’s my own fault. I built it up so much I can’t blame you for stealing it,” he laughs. “You were so deep in thought that you didn’t even notice me when I first came up.”
I cringe. How long was he standing there, watching me?
“I guess I have a lot on my mind,” I say, forcing a smile.
“Anything you want to talk about?”
I chuckle, “Everyone seems to be offering that today.”
“Sometimes it helps to get everything out, because once you do that you can start to see it from a different perspective.”
“That’s very deep,” I tease. I’m trying to make light of everything, but inside, I’m touched that he’s so invested in wanting to help me.
“Yeah, I’m known for my deep thinking,” he jokes. His smile makes my stomach flip, and I look away shyly.
“I thought you would be at work today?” I say, changing the subject.
“I am. Sometimes I come up here on my lunch break to think about things. Is that corny or what?”
“I think it’s sweet,” I tease, biting my lip.
He chuckles. “Just what every guy wants to be called. Sweet.”
“As far as traits go, it’s not a bad one,” I argue. “Besides, you’re not limited to one trait. You can be cute and sexy.”
“Really?” he murmurs, a twinkle in his eye. “Are you calling me sexy?” I blush bright red, and he laughs. “Don’t worry. I won’t make you answer that.”
“So, are you working hard today?” I ask. I cringe. Is he working hard? What the hell is wrong with me?
He chuckles, “I always work hard. If anything, my downfall is I work too hard.”
“Then you should loosen up,” I joke. “Take some time off and have some fun. Take your kids away somewhere nice for a vacation. Live a little.”
“Is that advice you follow yourself?” He smirks, knowing I’m way too uptight for that.
“Sometimes,” I retort. “Or, at least, I try to.”
“Really?” he laughs. “What’s the most spontaneous, fun thing you’ve ever done?” I frown, trying to think of something, but nothing comes to mind. Suddenly I realize how boring I really am. He laughs and nudges me. “Come on. There has to be something.” I search my brain and come up empty. I shrug helplessly.
“Okay, so maybe I need to follow my own advice, but it doesn’t change the fact that you need to as well.”
He nods in agreement, his expression grave. “We need to rectify this,” he says. “And now.” He takes my hand and leads me down the stairs.
“Where are you taking me?” I giggle.
He grins and points out to the water. “Out there.”
“Out there?” I repeat, shocked. “Okay, one; it’s freezing, and two; I don’t have my swimwear with me.”
He smiles at me, a glint in his eyes. “Who said anything about swimwear?”
“What?” I growl. “No. No way. Not happening.” I cross my arms over my chest and shake my head furiously.
He chuckles. “This is happening. Either you undress and go in, or I’ll throw you in the water fully clothed. It’s your choice.”
“You wouldn’t dare.” I gasp, my eyes widening.
“You want to try me?”
My heart races as I watch him strip off. He starts with his shirt, undoing his buttons one by one, and then he unbuckles his pants and slips them off. I laugh and cover my face with my hands, peeking through my fingers as he peels off his boxer shorts. The sight of his bare ass disappearing into the water makes my heart flutter.
Skinny dipping is so not something I ever thought I’d do, but as I watch him dive under the gentle waves, I want to be spontaneous and join him. I want to step out of my comfort zone, more than anything else, because it proves to me that I can do this. Before I can change my mind, I’m shedding my clothes.
He watches me as I reach behind my back and unclip my bra, sliding it down over my arms. I shiver under the intense stare of his gaze. I slowly walk into the water, gasping at how cold it is as it laps at my ankles. He takes my hand and wraps his arms around me. I shiver as his erection presses against my thigh, a giggle escaping my lips.
“This is insane,” I mutter, shivering.
“No, what is insane is how much I want to kiss you right no
w. You’re fucking beautiful,” he murmurs.
He lifts me on to his waist. I wrap my legs around him, curling my arms around his neck. He presses his lips against mine, lowering me into the water. I gasp and arch my back, pressing against him.
“It warms up eventually, I promise,” he whispers. “Give it a few minutes and you won’t even notice how cold it is.”
He’s right, or maybe it’s just my body heating up with how close he is to me, but either way, I find myself forgetting that we’re swimming in the ocean, in the middle of winter. I groan as he presses at my entrance with his length, wanting nothing more than to feel him inside me. We don’t have protection, but I’m on the pill, and I trust him enough that I feel safe with him.
“Are you…”
I nod. “Yes,” I say, anticipating his question.
He grips my hips and lifts me onto him, sliding himself inside me, while his lips devour mine. I gasp and kiss him hard as he rocks me back and forth.
He carries me to shore and lays me down on the wet sand as the water laps around us. He takes my hands and pins them above my head, allowing his other hand to explore my body. I cry out as his lips close over my nipples. He sucks them until they’re stiff, rolling his tongue around them while he fills me with his length. He groans, his thrusts growing more urgent as he pushes harder inside me, spreading my thighs further apart.
“I’m going to come,” he grunts.
I clench my thighs, my muscles contracting around his length. I can feel him throbbing inside me, and when then he releases, his warmth fills me. His lips press against mine while he’s still inside me. He tilts my neck to the side, kissing along my shoulder and back up again until his lips find mine.
“Well, this was an eventful lunch break,” he mutters. I laugh and stroke his skin as I lay entangled in his arms. “I should come up here more often.”
“It sure beats sandwiches out of a paper bag in the lunchroom,” I admit. “Why is it I can’t stay away from you?” I flush, because I didn’t intend to say that out loud. He looks at me with interest and strokes my cheek.
Claiming Nina Page 8
