by Mari Carr
Dedication
To my inspiration, Jambrea, and to single, working mothers everywhere. You are strong. You are amazing. And you all deserve a very happy ending.
Prologue
“Were you serious about that Howl List?” Shelly asked, leaning closer so only Josie could hear her.
Josie Jacobson grinned. As far as New Year’s Eve celebrations went, this one had been pretty fun, despite the fact it was fairly low key. She had counted every single minute between five flipping a.m. and this moment, when she could kick back, put her feet up and relax with her girlfriends. They’d been here nearly two hours and her shoulders were only now starting to loosen up. Of course, the wine was helping.
Zoey had pointed out earlier that it was shame six attractive, single women had chosen to remain in rather than venture out for a fun night on the town. And maybe to the outside observer this party would seem pretty lame, but Josie had been looking forward to it all week. She intended to get blitzed, stumble across the lawn to her townhouse and pass out in front of New Year’s Rockin’ Eve.
Unlike Zoey—whose plans had fallen through at the last minute—Josie had purposely elected to ring in the New Year at Laura’s house with her girlfriends, rather than subject herself to the meat-market atmosphere of the nightclubs. She was in no mood to compete with all the other single women for the few available men left in this Podunk town, just so she could get a kiss at midnight.
As far as she was concerned, she’d already kissed the only man who counted in her life. Tommy, her adorable little six-year-old son, had planted a big sloppy smooch on her cheek before leaving to spend the night with his dad.
“I was one hundred percent serious about this second chance. I’m horny, Shell, and it’s depressing me. You said you wanted to lose weight this year because you felt old. I’m in the same boat. I want to broaden my sexual horizons while I’m still young enough to try all the kinky positions.”
Shelly laughed. “So what’s on your list? Besides the sex-with-a-stranger one which I think is totally cool and completely frightening.”
“Nosey Nelly. Why do you want to know? You want to change your second-chance goal to mine? We could go on the manhunt together.”
“Hell no.” Shelly shook her head vehemently. “I’d be happy just to have freaking sex this year. I don’t feel the need to be creative about it.” Shelly pulled her legs beneath her on the couch. She was still a virgin. A fact that left Josie equal parts shocked and jealous. Josie had succumbed to her ex-husband, Tony’s, charms at sixteen. She’d been too fucking young and too fucking stupid to see what an idiot he was.
“So ask out the guy at work you’re hot for.”
Shelly brushed off her suggestion with a wave of her hand. Again. “You always say that. I can’t. I’m just not wired that way.”
“What way?”
“The bold, self-confident way. Christian comes around and I freeze up. Besides, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t even know I exist.”
“Bullshit.”
Shelly gave her an appreciative glance, then held up her glass when Laura came by with the bottle, offering to top them both up.
Josie studied Shelly’s face. While Josie attributed her recent funk to horniness, she suspected her best friend was suffering from genuine loneliness. It pissed Josie off to see men ignore her. Shelly was the sweetest, funniest person she’d ever met, but most men were too shallow and blind to see beyond the weight. Shelly’s lack of self-esteem was something they’d all been working to bolster over the past few months, but it appeared they weren’t having much success.
“More wine, Josie?” Laura held up the bottle.
“Why not? Nothing says New Year’s Day like a hangover.” Josie lifted her glass so Laura could fill it.
Laura plopped down on the coffee table in front of her. “I’m looking forward to hearing the details about your first full-moon adventure. Something tells me I’m going to be living vicariously through you this year. That’s quite a goal you’ve set for yourself. I’m sort of sorry I didn’t think of it. Sex without strings. It’s inspired.”
Josie and Laura were completely on the same page when it came to long-term relationships. Like Josie, Laura had married her high school boyfriend too. Unfortunately, Josie had been eighteen and pregnant, so it wasn’t like she’d really set herself up with too many other options.
Laura had certainly given the institution a better try than Josie had, hanging in there twenty-plus years. Josie hadn’t even made it to her seventh anniversary, the wool and copper one. At least Laura had survived through ivory, crystal and china. Jeez. Josie needed to get a better job. Working in a department store was clearly skewing the way she viewed the world. “Yep. I want the sex without all the issues.”
Kristen rejoined them, after stepping outside to take a phone call from work. “I’ve had unencumbered sex for over twenty years. Believe me, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.”
Kristen had shocked them all when she declared her goal for the year was to find a man and get married. Problem was she had decided that if she couldn’t locate an eligible groom by her fortieth birthday, she’d settle for her law partner, Jason, who was apparently her back-up plan. They fought like cats and dogs, so Josie wasn’t sure Kristen had clearly thought through her goal.
“So instead you’ll settle for angry, married sex with Jason?” Leave it to Georgie to say what they were all thinking. Josie covered her mouth to stop from laughing out loud.
Kristen rolled her eyes. “You guys are too hung up on the back-up plan. I told you. I have no intention of initiating it.”
“That’s right,” Laura said. “Because eligible men our age who are reasonably attractive, have a job and don’t still live with their mothers are in great abundance these days.”
“Naysay all you want. I promise you, I will be married by this time next year.”
Laura blew out a long sigh. “I can’t imagine wishing for something like that.”
Josie agreed. She considered herself lucky to have escaped marriage. There was no way she’d ever encourage someone else to dive into that hell. Of course, in all fairness, she hadn’t chosen well. She’d gotten pregnant two weeks before graduation and married Tony a month later. She’d lost the baby three months after the rushed nuptials, but by then, she and Tony had found a tiny apartment and jobs and had basically accepted their fate.
Sometimes Josie wished her mom had tried a little harder to be a mother, instead of playing the friend role. While it had seemed cool to breeze through the teen years without curfews or restrictions, it gave Josie too much freedom. As a result, she’d made too many bad decisions with basically no guidance from the adult in her life.
Kristen gestured to Georgie. “It can’t be that freaking hard to find a guy. I mean look at Georgie. She’s been engaged three times.”
Georgie narrowed her eyes. “And yet I’ve never been married. What does that tell you?”
Zoey grinned. “I thought you were regretting that. Hence your reason for going back to see if they were worth a second look.”
Georgie took a sip of wine. “I’m not really expecting to discover I left Prince Charming at the altar.”
“Then why bother?” Zoey asked.
“I don’t know.” Georgie shrugged. “Like I said, it’s just a weird feeling I’ve had lately that I screwed up. Once I can determine I didn’t, I’ll rest easier.”
The reasoning was so twisted and Georgie-like that it actually made sense to Josie. Georgie marched to the beat of her own drummer. It was why Josie loved her so. No one ever knew what she would do next.
“At least our goals are a bit interesting, Zoey. Going to the doctor just sucks.” Jo
sie grabbed a leftover Christmas cookie from the plate Kristen had brought over.
Zoey didn’t disagree. Josie couldn’t let go of the feeling Zoey hadn’t been entirely forthright about what her second chance really was. And if Zoey’s plan truly were to simply get healthy, Josie would be more than happy to suggest another one for her. If she had a hot rocker roommate like Zoey did, there was no force on earth that would keep her out of the man’s bedroom, but apparently Zoey was the only person on earth who didn’t see what a great couple she and Rob would make.
“My goal is just fine. Thanks for your concern.”
Josie let it slide. If Zoey wanted to tell them the truth, she would.
They talked about nightmare visits to the gynecologists for the next few minutes, but Josie struggled to focus. She was tired, straight to the bone, these days and she couldn’t figure out why.
Laura had proclaimed her second chance would be finding herself again. Trying to rediscover the woman she’d been before her marriage and motherhood redefined her.
Josie understood the feeling. Actually, she envied Laura. At least her friend remembered a time when she was someone she liked, someone she could face in the mirror and respect. Josie wasn’t sure she’d ever truly found that part of herself.
It was clear this year was all about making changes—be they good or bad.
Josie needed to shake up her life. God knew it couldn’t go on the way it was.
She sucked in a deep breath.
A second chance.
Bring it on.
Chapter One
Josie’s Howl List—January
1. Sex with a stranger
Josie glanced at the clock and tried not to cuss. The asshole was late again. She picked up a few stray toys in the living room while Tommy sat on the couch, glued to the Disney movie she’d popped in to distract him when it became obvious Tony wasn’t going to come when he said he would.
The doorbell rang. She closed her eyes and counted to ten. Patience wasn’t an easy thing for her and Tony was far too good at testing hers.
She opened the door. “Finally.”
Shelly stood on the threshold and grimaced. “Sorry. I assume the asshole isn’t here yet.”
Josie shook her head. “Nope. He’s late.”
She and Shelly had stopped calling her ex by his real name a year ago. Nowadays, whenever Tommy wasn’t around, they simply referred to him as the asshole.
“I thought I’d help you get ready for tonight, but it looks like you’re way ahead of me,” Shelly said, following Josie inside. She led her friend to the kitchen where they could talk without Tommy overhearing them. “You look fantastic.”
“Thanks.” The later Tony was, the less Josie wanted to go out. Tonight was her first night to howl. By telling her friends about the sex list, she’d sort of ensured she couldn’t back out. The other four women had already called today to wish her luck.
Unfortunately, Tony sapped her energy, her enthusiasm. What else was new?
“What time was he supposed to be here?” Shelly asked.
“Two hours ago.” Per the custody agreement, Tony got Tommy every Thursday night and every other weekend. While he always kept the dates, he never managed to pick his son up on time.
“Do you think he got held up at work?”
“You’re too nice, Shelly. No. I think he’s simply a selfish prick who’d rather indulge in a quickie with his girlfriend than spend time with his son.”
Tony had walked out on her and Tommy nearly two years earlier. He’d come home one night after work and announced he was in love with some chick he’d met at a bar. He’d packed a bag and moved in with the other woman that night.
“Sorry.”
Josie shrugged. “It’s not your fault. It’s mine. I’ve made at least a million mistakes in the past decade.” She heard Tommy giggle in the living room at something on the TV. She grinned at the sound. “And you know what? I’d make every single one of them again because they gave me that kid.”
Shelly laughed. “He’s the sweetest thing on earth.”
Shelly had become Aunt Shelly to Tommy shortly after he and Josie moved into one of the townhouses on Loser’s Lane. She babysat at a moment’s notice, picked Tommy up from school on days when Josie had to work late, and gave the greatest birthday and Christmas presents ever. Being a single parent would have been a hell of a lot harder if not for Shelly’s presence in their lives.
The doorbell rang again. Josie glanced at the clock. “Two hours and fifteen minutes late.”
“Take a deep breath,” Shelly advised. “I’ll go get Tommy ready.”
Josie opened the front door and sure enough, her ex was there, looking guilty as hell.
“Sorry, Josie. Had a bit of car trouble.”
It was a lie. After six years of wedded misery to the asshole, her bullshit radar was flawless.
“I see.”
Tony frowned, his gaze taking in her revealing outfit, makeup and dolled-up hair. “You have a date or something?”
Josie smirked. “None of your business.”
Tony looked like he wanted to press the issue, but Tommy flew by her like The Flash.
“Daddy!” Tommy yelled, leaping into Tony’s arms.
“Hey, T-man!” The two hugged and Josie remembered why she couldn’t completely hate her ex. As bad as he’d been to her was as good as he’d been to Tommy. Despite his continual screwups, he was a very loving father.
“Hi, Shelly,” Tony said, when her friend joined her at the door.
“Hey, Tony.”
“So, do you have big plans for tonight?” Josie asked.
“Yep. We’re hitting McDonald’s for dinner, then going to see that new Pixar movie.”
“In 3-D,” Tommy reminded him.
“Right. The one with that little alien.” Tony’s face proved he wasn’t looking forward to Tommy’s movie choice, but he wouldn’t let his son down.
“Sounds like fun. So I’ll see you around noon tomorrow?”
Tony nodded, studying her appearance once more. Josie’s listlessness about going out evaporated at her ex’s jealous gaze and suddenly she was excited about checking an item off her list. Tony had moved on, while she’d held back, trying to establish some sort of stability in Tommy’s life. She refused to stand still anymore and if Tony didn’t like that, so much the better.
“Bye, Mommy.” Tommy returned to give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Then he offered the same farewell to Shelly, who smiled at the show of affection. “Bye, Aunt Shelly.”
Josie waved as they headed for the car. “Have fun.”
Shelly sighed as Tommy and Tony drove away. “You’re always so nice to him. Even though I know you’re pissed as hell at him for being late.”
Josie shrugged. “I promised myself after the divorce that I would love my son more than I hated my ex. For all Tony’s faults, he loves Tommy. I’d be the world’s worst mother if I took my son’s hero away from him simply because things didn’t work out between us.”
“Well, just for the record, I think you’re a great mom. And I think you’re going to have to beat the men off with a stick at that bar. You look smokin’!”
Josie let Shelly’s compliments—as well as the mixed drink they’d had before she left—bolster her confidence as she walked into the Blue Moon two hours later.
Claiming a stool at the end of the bar, she waved to the bartender, then looked around. She’d chosen the place because of its name. Given her determination to howl, it seemed like fate was calling her to the Blue Moon.
“What can I get for you?” The bartender placed a napkin in front of her and gave her a friendly smile. If the customers were as hot as the bartender, she was going to have some fun tonight.
“Bourbon and Diet Coke.”
“Got a preference on the bourbon?”
She grinned. “Jim Beam. He’s my boyfriend.”
The bartender laughed. “Damn. And here I was, hoping you were single.”
“I’ll consider myself warned.” She watched him mix the drink, finding herself ridiculously attracted to his hands. They were large and capable, a little rough, sexy. Josie imagined exactly how she’d like him to put them to work with her in the bedroom. What would it feel like for him to drive those fingers—
“Miss?”
Josie jerked at his voice and struggled not to blush. Jesus. She was getting carried away with these fantasies. Now that she’d given herself permission to have sex, it was all she could think about. Twice in the last week, she’d pulled her vibrator out in the middle of the night, trying to work off some of her pent-up needs. “Sorry. Daydreaming.”
“Looks like it was some dream.”
She looked down at the drink he’d just put in front of her so she could avoid his too-knowing eyes.
“You wanna start a tab or pay as you go?”
“I’ll start a tab.”
“Fine. Just need a credit card.”
She opened her wallet and handed him the Visa. He glanced at the name. “Josephine?”
She grimaced. “Josie, please. Only my father calls me Josephine. And mercifully I haven’t seen him in fifteen years.”
“Josie.” He held out his hand and she took it, trying to ignore the sudden heat permeating her body as he shook it. “I’m Jake.”
“Nice to meet you.”
“Likewise. I’ve been working at the Blue Moon for nearly eight years now. Don’t remember ever seeing you in here. You new in town?”
She shook her head. She’d spent the past eight years at home—first with Tony, then alone, raising her son. Apart from her wine nights with the girls at Laura’s house, she couldn’t remember the last time she’d gone out on the town. “Nope. I don’t get out much.”
“Well, I’m glad you decided to give the Blue Moon a try.”
Another customer waved. Jake winked and stepped over to serve the other man. Josie watched him mix drinks for a few minutes as she sipped her bourbon, then she turned to look around the bar. It was starting to get crowded.
