by Shirley Jump
“Tell me,” she repeated, softer this time. “Please.”
Maybe then she’d understand him. Maybe then she’d know enough to move forward, in one direction or the other.
Cole paused for so long, his gaze on the soft ripples in the water, that she was afraid he wasn’t going to say anything at all. He picked up a handful of rocks and flung one at the lake. It skipped twice, then sank beneath the surface. “My mom started drinking when I was a little boy. She was in a car accident, and I think she drank because of the pain from that. Maybe she drank because it sucked to live with my father. I’m not sure. We never talked about it. But she stopped being any kind of mother to me long before I was in kindergarten.”
“Oh, Cole, that’s awful.”
He shrugged, as if it hadn’t bothered him, but she could see the pain in his eyes, in the hunch of his shoulders. To live without a mother at such a young age, no one to kiss his scrapes or tell him bedtime stories, had to have been incredibly tough. Her tough husband, made that way by a childhood as rough as cement.
“My father was a...difficult man,” Cole went on. “After my mother started drinking, he got worse. Maybe it was because his world was out of control, so he tried to control it more, through me. I’m not sure. But he had incredibly high standards for me to meet, and there was no choice but to meet them. An A wasn’t good enough, it had to be an A+. My room had to pass a military-type inspection. Hell, before I went to school, he would bring me in the kitchen and inspect my clothes, my nails, my hair. If anything was out of place, I’d be punished. I learned not to make mistakes. Ever.”
Cole flinched, as if dodging an invisible blow. Emily wasn’t sure if he even knew he’d done it. Her heart broke, and she wished she could go back in time and protect the little boy Cole had once been. Stop the bully who had the name Dad and tell Cole it was okay to get dirty, to make messes, to have fun. Take away the bruises and the tears and hug him tight. “Oh, Cole.”
“My mother never spoke up or stopped him or did anything but drink more and more and more. So I decided the only way to keep my father happy was to be the best. Never to quit. And always, always to win.” He nearly spat the words.
It explained so much about Cole, about his approach to work, to life. To them. “And never to admit a weakness,” she added softly.
“Exactly.”
“Cole.” She shifted on the rock and reached up to trace the features she loved so much, to meet his gaze with her own. Even now, he held himself stoic and strong, as if relating someone else’s story. It was a defense, she realized, against more blows. The physical hits may have stopped, but the emotional ones still came at him. “It’s not a weakness to need someone.”
He jerked away and got to his feet as if the very concept burned him. “It is to me, Emily. I never told you about any of this because I was ashamed of my parents. Of the way I grew up. I didn’t want you to pity me or—”
“See you as weak?”
He nodded.
“That’s where you’re wrong. To me, you are the strongest man in the world because you didn’t just survive that past, you conquered it.”
“I didn’t conquer it, Emily. That’s the problem. I’m still scared as hell that I’ll become my father with my own children.” He shook his head and cursed under his breath. The loon called a second time, as if searching for a friend in the cold, dark night. Cole got to his feet and dumped the rest of the rocks onto the ground. “I can’t do that to our baby, Emily. Maybe we should do the right thing and just go our separate ways. I’ll take care of you financially—”
“Stop, Cole.” She wanted to hug him and hit him all at the same time. How could he be so smart and yet so incredibly dumb? “Do you know what the problem is? You’re just as afraid of failure as I am.”
“I’m not afraid. I’m trying to be sensible.”
She let out a gust. “Let me know when you want to stop being sensible and lead with your heart instead of your brain. Do you think I’m not terrified that I’ll be a terrible mother? But I love this baby enough already—” her hand went to her abdomen “—to take that chance and to do my best. I’m okay with not being perfect all the time. Life and love are messy, Cole. Like the ties on the closet floor. When you’re ready to stop being afraid of a mess, you know where me and your baby will be.”
Then she drew her coat closed and headed back into the inn. The light fog had drifted in from the lake, and now swirled around her feet and legs as she walked, as if begging her to give love a second chance.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
THE PHONE ON the other end rang a half dozen times before it was answered with a flurry of laughter, voices and a barking dog. “Hello?”
“Hey, Pete, it’s your big brother.” Cole perched on the windowsill of his hotel room in Boston. He should have gone back to New York, but until he was sure Emily was going to be okay, he couldn’t bring himself to leave the state. Several stories below, the traffic passed by in a steady stream. People headed out of town to visit friends and family, to share hugs and pie. A holiday he had avoided, finding excuse after excuse to work or be out of town, because he hadn’t understood the importance of being grateful for those he loved. Until now. Until he’d lost them.
Now he had a family on the way. And where was he? In a hotel instead of sitting around a Thanksgiving table with Emily.
“Cole!” Pete’s voice boomed over the phone. “Long time no hear.”
“Too long.” Yet another personal relationship that had suffered because of Cole’s constant devotion to the company. He vowed to change that from here on out. “Sorry about that. I wanted to call, wish you a happy Thanksgiving.”
“Same to you. One of these years, I’ll get you to come down to Connecticut for the craziness of our house.” Pete shushed the barking dog. “Sorry. Got the wife’s entire family here, and our Lab thinks they’re all here to visit him. The kids are all excited, probably because they know if we’re eating turkey it means Christmas is just around the corner.” Pete laughed, an easygoing sound.
Everything about Cole’s younger brother was easier and simpler than Cole. The younger Watson had an affable personality, one that rarely stressed about anything. Maybe because Cole had done enough worrying for the both of them when they’d been younger. Cole had done his best to take the brunt of their father’s temper, to spare Pete. “How is Diane? The kids?”
“Everyone’s great. Our youngest turns two next week, and the oldest is a star in first grade. I think she inherited your genius tendencies.”
Cole chuckled. “I am far from a genius.”
“Yeah, well, I disagree. You were always smarter than me.” Pete’s voice softened with love and affection. “So how’s Emily?”
Cole didn’t want to get into the messy details with his brother. He hadn’t called for that, or to talk about how worried Cole was that he was too late to repair the damage in his marriage. “She’s great. And, uh, she’s expecting.”
“A baby? That’s fabulous, Cole, really fabulous. I’m thrilled for you. You must be over the moon.”
Cole shifted on the sill and put his back to the window. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure. Anything.”
Cole fiddled with the phone cord. “Were you ever afraid you’d turn out like Dad or Mom when you had your first child?”
The busy noise in the background faded away. There was a soft click, which meant Pete had probably ducked into another room to talk in private. “Hell, yes. Of course I was. With parents like ours, you’d have to be a fool not to worry at least some of that would rub off.”
“How did you move past it? Finally take the plunge and have kids?”
Pete chuckled. “It’s ironic, you know, you asking me for advice. I’ve always looked up to you, big brother, to be the leader, the one to tell me what to do.”
&n
bsp; “I know how to ace a test, launch a business, grow a market share, but when it comes to having a family...” Cole exhaled. “I don’t know where to start.”
“You start with love, Cole,” Pete said quietly. “If you love your kids, everything else flows from there.”
“Mom and Dad loved us, in their own way, I’m sure. How is that any different?”
“They put other things ahead of that love. Alcohol. Success. Appearances. They led with the least important thing rather than the most important.”
Cole thought about that for a minute. It was a concept that applied to business, too. Focus on the most critical areas first, then the other, less-important things would fall into place. “That makes perfect sense.”
“Even as the goofball of the family, I can come out with a smart line or two.” Pete chuckled. “Hey, the natives are pounding on the door. Turkey’s ready and waiting for me to show off my carving skills, and if I don’t get in there soon, they’re going to riot.” Then Pete’s voice softened, the little brother worried about the older brother. “You going somewhere for Thanksgiving?”
Cole looked out the window again, but his gaze went farther than the roads he could see. To a cozy, quaint inn deep in Massachusetts. “I’m going home, Pete. Home.”
* * *
Emily was awake before dawn, the urge to write burning inside her. Her fingers flew across the keyboard, fast and furious, the page count adding up at a rapid pace. A little after eleven, she sat back and let out a sigh. The book needed a lot of revisions yet, but the gist of the story was down. She had written more in these past few days than she had in her entire life. And it felt good, really good.
For an hour, she read, and as she turned the pages in the manuscript, she realized she had told her life story in her characters. The woman struggling to find her place in a marriage that had gone dead, the husband who couldn’t give up on the way things used to be. But unlike her own life, her characters had found their way out of the quicksand and back to each other. If only her real life could read as smoothly as the novel did.
The scent of roasted turkey and fresh-baked pies drew Emily’s attention, and she put the novel aside. Emily showered, dressed, then headed downstairs. It was Thanksgiving Day. Instead of spending it at the house in New York, eating a catered dinner by herself or with friends while Cole worked and ate at his desk, she was here, at the inn, with Carol, Martin and Joe, her makeshift family.
The only person missing was Cole. Emily told herself that he was the one missing out, the one who would be alone. Still, her heart ached. She paused on the landing, looking for Cole’s car. But it wasn’t there.
She pressed a hand to her belly. “We’ll be okay, Sweet Pea. I promise.”
She found Martin and Joe in the living room, watching a football game and talking about things like field goals and Hail Mary passes. Emily ducked into the kitchen and sneaked a fresh-baked biscuit just as Carol turned around. “Hey, no snacking,” Carol said.
Emily grinned. “How can I resist fresh-baked bread? Besides, this wasn’t for me. It was for the baby.”
Carol laughed. “In that case, take a second one.”
“Oh, I will. And I’ll also have an extra helping of pie. Or two.” Emily picked up a whisk and began stirring the gravy. “It all looks awesome, Carol. You are an incredible cook.”
“If you want, I can teach you. If you’re planning on staying.”
Where else was Emily going to go? The house in New York had never been home. This inn came the closest to the warm and loving environment Emily wanted for Sweet Pea. It also offered the perfect refuge for a woman trying to get over a painful divorce. “I’ll be here as long as you’ll have me,” Emily said.
Carol drew her into a one-armed hug. “You’re welcome to stay as long as you want.”
“Thanks, Carol.” The two of them worked together for the next few minutes. Well, Carol worked, and made Emily sit down and do nothing more strenuous than stirring the gravy. Emily tried not to think about Cole’s absence, or wonder about whether he was at the office or the big house in New York. All she knew was that he wasn’t here. With her.
She cooked and laughed and chatted, but deep inside, disappointment sat like a chunk of concrete. This was what it would be like when the divorce was final. A part of her aware of the empty space at her side, while she forced a smile to her face and feigned happiness. Someday, it would get easier. Someday.
An hour later, they took seats around the dining room table, with the turkey in the center as the star of the meal. Carol sat at the head, Martin to her right and Joe beside him, while Emily sat across from the men and kept her gaze averted from the empty chair beside her.
“Let’s all join hands and say thanks,” Carol said. The four of them did as she asked, holding hands across their table and bowing their heads. “Thank you, God, for bringing us all together,” Carol said, “and thank you for good food and good friends. I am grateful on this day of thanks for the support and help of friends. People like Martin, Joe and Emily.”
“I’m grateful for an invitation to a great meal with a beautiful woman,” Martin said.
Carol giggled. “Thank you, Martin.”
“I’m grateful to be eating a home-cooked meal with some of the best people I know,” Joe said. “There’s nowhere else I’d want to be today.”
Emily opened her mouth to speak, but before she could say anything, she heard a noise behind her.
“I’m grateful for second chances,” said a deep baritone voice. “I’m also unbelievably grateful for my wife and for the child she’s carrying.”
Cole’s voice, coming from right beside her. For a second, Emily thought maybe she had wished so hard for him to be here that she had imagined the sound and the words she had wanted to hear. She opened her eyes and looked to her left. Cole stood there, in a pale blue button-down shirt and a pair of jeans, looking relaxed and sexy. He gave her a smile, and her heart flipped over.
Cole.
That man loves you more than anything in the world.
Emily drew her hand out of Joe’s, waited for Cole to slide into the seat, then take her hand in his, warm, secure, like coming home. His finger drifted over the ring she’d put back on her finger this morning. He looked up with surprise in his eyes, then gave her a tender, sweet smile. Her heart caught and her throat closed. “I’m grateful for miracles,” she said.
“And I’m grateful as hell that it’s time to eat now that we’re all here. Finally,” Joe said with a nod in Cole’s direction. Everyone laughed, and they broke apart, sending around the dishes family style while Carol carved the turkey and loaded everyone up with moist, tender slices topped with smooth, steaming gravy. The five of them chatted and laughed during the meal. As Emily looked around at the faces of those who were dear to her, she thought it had to be the best Thanksgiving she’d ever had.
When they were done, Carol shooed Emily and Cole out of the house, insisting the other two could do the cleanup. Emily and Cole grabbed their coats, then ducked out into the chilly evening air. They walked down the same lighted path she had taken the night before, though it felt like a million years ago. Had something changed? Had Cole changed his mind? Did she dare to hope just one more time?
As they neared the lake, Emily bit back a laugh. No wonder Carol had urged the two of them to go outside. Carol still believed in happily ever after—and in the power of old legends.
A soft gauzy fog came off the lake, a combination of the still-warm water and the cold bite in the air. It drifted over the water like a ghostly blanket, reaching long delicate tendrils across the grassy banks.
“It looks amazing, doesn’t it?” Cole said. “Almost magical. As if anything can happen tonight.”
“Like a dream,” she said. She drew her coat tighter around her. Winter was nipping at their heels, if the bite in t
he air was any indication.
Cole came around in front of her, opened his own coat and drew her into the warmth of his chest. She was so tempted to stay here, warm and protected, forever. Instead, she stepped back.
“I...I can’t, Cole,” she said. The words scraped her throat, ached in her heart. “I can’t keep getting close then breaking apart. It hurts too much. I mean, I’m glad you came today, but you’re just going to leave, and I can’t do this anymore.” She strode down the dock before the tears in her eyes made it to the surface and undid all her resolve. “I know what you said, but my God, it is so hard for me to trust you. To trust us.”
Cole caught up to her and captured her hand. “Don’t go, Emily. Please.”
She spun toward him. The fog licked at the edges of the dock, as if they were standing in a cauldron. “I can’t do this,” she said again. “I just can’t.”
“And I can’t live without you. Or our baby.”
Those last words stopped her. She swallowed hard, sure she had heard him wrong. That was twice today that he had mentioned the baby. Did that mean he had changed his mind about wanting a family? “You...what?”
Instead of answering, he lifted her left hand to the light. The tiny diamond Cole had given her years ago sparkled in the moonlight. He’d tried to buy her a bigger ring when he made his first million, but she had always preferred the simple small stone. “Why did you put your ring back on?”
She gave a little shrug and a wry smile crossed her face. “No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t give up on us. Or on you. I keep trying, Lord knows I do, but I guess I started believing in happy endings a long time ago, and I just can’t stop.” Tears brimmed in her eyes, and her fingers closed around his. “You’re a good man, Cole Watson, and I always thought I was lucky to marry you.”
“Ah, Em, how is it that you always see the best in me?” He brushed away a tendril of hair from her face, his touch so tender, so light.
