“The carriage horses are safely stowed in the stable. I’ve ordered the grooms to give them a good rubdown.”
“Thank you. I’ll just go up and change my shoes, and then I’ll take a ramble through your glorious gardens. They will make a perfect setting for the wedding.”
After dinner, her father invited her into his study for a drink and a talk. He handed her a glass of port. “I propose a toast to the lovely Countess of March.”
“I’d rather you didn’t call me that.”
“Ah, do I detect a lingering resistance over the fact that you had an arranged marriage, Sarah?” He set his glass down. “I wanted a noble husband for you, my dear. When the opportunity presented itself to make you the Countess of March, and the future Duchess of Richmond, I would have been remiss as a dutiful father to pass up such a match for you. You’ve seen Goodwood, its treasures, and its thousand acres of property. Surely you cannot fault me for doing the right thing?”
Sarah stared down into her blood-red wine. Then she raised her lashes and met his gaze. “The match brought me a noble title and wealth, but it was unconscionable to marry me at thirteen. I was a child.”
“But Charles was embarking on his Grand Tour, and you were sent back to London to your fancy finishing school. It was a marriage in name only.”
“And will remain so.”
Her father stared at her aghast.
Sarah set down her wine. “Good night, Father.”
Why can’t I sleep? Sarah had tossed and turned for hours. When she finally laid still, one disturbing thought after another chased each other. At last she had taken her long-planned revenge, and it should have given her a little satisfaction. But it hadn’t. Not even a smidgen.
She told herself that it wasn’t in her nature to be unkind, and that’s what was troubling her. But it was more than that. Guilt was gnawing at her. Why should I feel guilty? He deserved it! But she knew that was only half true. The youthful brute she wed at The Hague deserved it, but not the man who returned to London after three years abroad. He had never said an unkind word to her.
Finally, she faced the truth about why her conscience was torturing her. I purposely set about to deceive him. I deliberately used feminine wiles to lure him into losing his heart. Then I took my cruel revenge. It was more than unworthy of me, it was unconscionable.
Sarah finally fell asleep, but the next night her troubling thoughts started the cycle of sleeplessness all over again. To add to her dilemma she realized that she missed Charles.
She missed his company, missed his laughter, and missed his teasing. She felt forlorn in the empty bed. She missed his warmth and his tenderness. She admitted that Charles had banished her loneliness, which had now crept back with a vengeance. She realized there was nothing she could do about it. I burned my bridges. I must suffer the consequences.
Chapter Nine
“How the devil could I have been so naive?” Charles Lennox asked his reflection in the mirror. The man in the glass had no answers.
I am better off without her. All females are selfish jades that take pleasure in a man’s pain. He didn’t believe either of the thoughts he had just considered. Sarah was so young and sweet, how could she possibly have been so deceitful and vindictive?
Charles went down to breakfast. Admit the truth. At eighteen I was a cruel and utterly selfish bastard. I deserved the things she said about me. Sarah’s words echoed in his thoughts: “I’m referring to the hurt you inflicted on me the day I was forced to marry you.” Didn’t she realize that I was being forced to marry, just as she was?
He scorned himself for the weak excuse. Sarah was no more than a child. The hurt and humiliation we suffer as children are burns that never come out.
Charles went into the library and opened his desk. He took out the papers she had seen. He shook his head at the interpretation she had put on them.
Henry Grey spoke up. “Lady March came to the library at the crack of dawn.”
Charles nodded. “Yes, I know.”
“But did you know when we crossed to The Hague on the Green Lion that she was aboard? She is the young girl you soundly cursed for running into you.”
“I don’t even remember the incident.”
“Lady Sarah did. She quoted your exact words.”
“Remind me, Henry.”
“You called her a clumsy idiot girl. When she apologized, you said, Sorry be damned. You haven’t the brains of a bloody baboon, barreling down the gangway like a loose cannon.”
“No wonder she shrank in horror from me when I turned out to be the groom.”
Charles took the bank draft from Sarah’s godmother and put it in his pocket. “I have an errand to run. I should be back before Albemarle arrives. This partnership we’ve formed won’t all be smooth sailing. It will likely take years before we achieve our goal. If William gets here before me, I’m sure Anne will be happy to entertain him.”
On his way out, his sister hailed him, flourishing a note in her hand. “Charles, did you know that Sarah has gone to Caversham Park to help prepare for the wedding?”
“Yes, she informed me of her intentions.”
“But I’m choosing the material for my wedding gown today. I wanted her advice.”
“Well, she cannot be in two places at once. I’m sure she is needed at Caversham for all the necessary wedding preparations.” She wants to make sure your wedding is happier than hers.
“Even though Albemarle serves His Majesty, King George won’t attend the wedding.” Sarah and her mother were in Caversham’s guest wing. They decided the bridal chamber would be on the third floor, and the other guests would be assigned bedchambers on the second.
“That is such a relief. King George travels with an entourage we could never comfortably accommodate.”
“We will give the Prince and Princess of Wales the best bedchamber, and we can put the Duchess of Marlborough next to the royals.”
“Do you think Her Grace will require a separate chamber for her granddaughter?”
“Lady Diana is very young. I think the duchess will want to keep an eye on her with all the bachelors who’ve been invited. We’ll give the rose room to the mother of the bride. The Duke of Richmond is incapacitated. Anne’s aunt Adelaide, the widowed Duchess of Shrewsbury, can have this adjoining chamber.” Sarah marked her list.
“The bachelors can go in the smaller rooms on the east side. I know young Prince Frederick will be attending. Who are the others?” her mother asked.
“The Marquis of Blandford, of course. We can also expect Lord Hartington and his cousin, the Duke of Bedford.” Charles Lennox can stay with the bachelors. I don’t know how I’ll be able to face him.
It took the rest of the day to rearrange furniture and direct the maids to put fresh linen on all the beds that would be needed.
Sarah devoted the following day to planning the menu for the wedding banquet. Her days, busy with plans and preparations, went by quickly. Her nights, however, were interminable. When she was alone in her bedchamber, it seemed as if time stood still, and the lonely hours stretched before her endlessly.
Thoughts of Charles pervaded the darkness. She could still see the hurt in his eyes. Sarah regretted moving into Richmond House and living a lie. How much better it would have been to confront her husband with her grievances and have it all out in the open. Pretending to be attracted to him until she could take her revenge was wrong. Trouble is, I was attracted to him—I wasn’t pretending.
Whenever she closed her eyes she could see his handsome, sun-bronzed face with its sculpted cheekbones. She visualized his burnished body and remembered how attractive his hands were. She lay in bed wishing his arms were around her.
Sarah finally admitted that what she felt for her husband was more than a physical attraction. She missed his laughter and his teasing. She missed the adoration in his warm brown eyes that made her feel special. She missed his companionship that had so effectively banished her loneliness.
Wh
at made it unbearable was the guilt she felt over her deception. What’s the use of having remorse unless I confess my sins and ask for forgiveness?
“I refuse to take the money back. I have no intention of letting you and Albemarle take all the credit.” The Duchess of Marlborough held up an imperious hand. “It’s such a worthy cause—children are abandoned daily in London. It will take far more money than you’ve collected to establish a foundling hospital. Who else can help our cause?”
“King George, of course. We’ll need a royal charter.” Lennox smiled. “That’s where Albemarle comes in. His persuasive powers will be worth their weight in gold.”
“Your lovely wife must be impressed with your philanthropic endeavors. Give her my best regards, and I shall see you next at Caversham Park.”
As Charles lay abed alone, night after night, sleep eluded him. I cannot stop thinking about Sarah. No, the truth is that I don’t want to stop thinking about her. I miss her. I want her beside me. A dozen times a day, he thought he could hear the rustle of her gown or smell the scent of her perfume. She is my wife. I can force her to return to me. But Charles knew he would never do that. He was gravely at fault for what had transpired between them. That first time we met, after I returned to London, I should have gone down on bended knee and begged her forgiveness for the brutally cruel things I said to her the day we were wed. Then we could have started with a clean slate.
He threw the covers back and padded over to the adjoining door. He opened it and stepped into Sarah’s room. He imagined he could feel her essence. His fingers brushed over the black pearls and touched the ruby earrings. I tried to buy her love, but she couldn’t be bribed. He refused to put the jewels back in their lacquered chest. He was determined to leave them where she would find them if she returned. She’ll never return.
The pain in his heart was unbearable.
Two days before the wedding, Charles made his way to the poverty-stricken St. Giles area. He often came here when he felt low in spirit. It never failed to make him appreciate how fortunate he was. He gazed up at the dilapidated tenements known as the Rookery. He walked the slum streets of White Chapel. He tossed coins to the dirty, ragged urchins who clustered about him begging. My grandfather King Charles wrote stories about walking these same streets, giving pennies to every child he saw. It is past time when something must be done. When Parliament opens, we must press for change.
Charles promised himself that when he became the Duke of Richmond, and took his seat in the House of Lords, he would introduce bills and petitions to alleviate the conditions of those who lived out their lives in abject poverty. He would do it in memory of the grandfather he had never known.
When he arrived back at Richmond House, he was still feeling melancholy. He knew he would not feel restored until he had seen Sarah. He made up his mind in an instant. Charles saddled his horse and set out for Caversham Park.
“The only things left to do are the cake and the flowers, and we still have two days before the wedding.” Sarah handed the list to her mother.
“I truly appreciate all your help, my dear. It’s been lovely having you at home.”
“It was my pleasure, Mother. The cake should be baked today and decorated tomorrow. And we should definitely consult Father about the flowers. He’s the expert.”
Sarah conferred with the head cook, and they decided on the number of tiers. Tomorrow they would put on the almond paste and the white icing.
When Sarah left the kitchen, an idea was beginning to form in her head. She didn’t want the animosity between her and Charles to spoil Anne’s wedding. When a girl marries, it should be one of the happiest days of her life. I have time to go up to London and apologize to Charles for my deceit and vindictive behavior.
Sarah went to the stables and asked the grooms to ready the carriage. Then she went upstairs to change into a traveling dress and pack an overnight bag.
An hour later she climbed into the coach, assuring herself she was doing the right thing. She settled back against the squabs as the horses picked up speed on Caversham’s long driveway. A rider on horseback passed them, and it took a minute for Sarah to realize who it was.
“Stop the carriage!” she cried, and hammered on the panel behind the driver.
Charles saw the coach coming toward him as he galloped down the drive. As it passed him, he caught a glimpse of its female passenger and knew it was Sarah. He turned his horse about, and when he saw that the carriage was slowing, he dismounted.
He reached out his hand and opened the door. “Sarah. I have to talk to you.” He swung up into the carriage and sat down facing her. He saw how pale she was and noticed the mauve shadows beneath her lovely eyes. My God, she knew I’d be coming for the wedding and tried to flee because she couldn’t bear the sight of me.
“With all my heart, I wish I could undo the terrible things I said to you that day in The Hague when we were married. I’m so sorry for the cruel words I used.”
“Charles, you, too, were being forced to marry. I was too young to understand.”
“When I returned to London and saw you for the first time, I was stunned by your beauty. When I learned you were my wife, I couldn’t believe my good fortune. Instead of begging you to forgive the brutal words I had flung at you, and the unconscionable thing my father did, I arrogantly believed I could make you fall in love with me.”
“Charles, I’ve been guilt ridden over the way I deceived you. I led you on purposely and plotted my revenge.”
He reached out and took her hands. “Sarah, I don’t want you to feel guilty. Look what it’s doing to you. I can’t bear to see the dark shadows beneath your eyes and know that I’m responsible for your unhappiness. The thought that you were fleeing from me fills me with despair.”
“Charles, I wasn’t fleeing from you. I was coming to London to see you.”
“Really?” His brow cleared as a glimmer of hope began to dawn.
“I need you to forgive me for hurting you.”
“Sarah, there’s nothing to forgive. I love you. I don’t want to live without you. Can we begin all over again?”
“Oh, Charles, that’s exactly what I want, too.” He wanted to take her in his arms and crush her to him.
Don’t jump on her, you fool. You’ll spoil everything. Sarah is delicate. You must do things right this time. He raised her hand to his lips and kissed it gently.
“I don’t want to leave, but I have to go and get Anne. When I come back, we’ll talk. There is so much I have to tell you, so much I want to share with you.”
“Of course you have to go. The wedding is the day after tomorrow. It will be here before you know it. You take the carriage back to London, and I’ll stable your horse.” She smiled into his eyes. “Charles, I’m so glad you came.”
“Wilt thou have this man to thy wedded husband? Wilt thou obey him, and serve him, love, honor, and keep him, in sickness and in health; and forsaking all other, keep thee only unto him, so long as ye both shall live?”
“I will,” Anne answered solemnly.
Sarah was following every word of the marriage ceremony. I must have said these vows and made all these same promises to Charles. I don’t remember saying the words.
She was acutely aware of her husband’s compelling presence and guessed that he, too, was thinking of their own wedding.
“Who giveth this woman to be married to this man?”
Charles stepped forward. “I do.” He placed his sister’s hand in William’s, then he stood beside Sarah while the bride and groom pledged their troth.
When the formal ceremony was over, and everyone was busy congratulating the newly wed couple, Charles clasped Sarah’s hand and drew her away from the others. More than anything in the world they wanted to be alone.
They slipped from the house and ran across the wide lawn, past the formal gardens with their rectangles of blazing flowers and neat borders. With Sarah now leading the way, they skirted the fishpond with its ornamental fountain a
s well as the circular rose garden. They passed through a row of tall yews and didn’t stop until they reached the wild flower garden, where a natural stream wound its way through the middle and tumbled over a small waterfall.
Breathless and laughing, they stretched out beneath a hawthorn tree, amid buttercups and Queen Anne’s lace dancing on the summer breeze.
“The bride was beautiful.”
Charles knelt before her. “To me, you were the bride.”
“I followed the words of the ceremony closely.”
“I never proposed to you … I’d like to do it now. Sarah, will you be my wife?”
She smiled into his dark eyes. “Yes, I will.”
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a wide gold wedding band. He took hold of her hand and pledged his vows. “I, Charles, take thee Sarah, to my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, and thereto I plight thee my troth.” He slid the ring onto her finger.
“Do you promise to keep me warm, and to make me laugh, and to keep me from ever being lonely again?”
“I do,” he swore solemnly.
“Then you may kiss the bride.”
Charles drew her into his arms and sealed the promises he’d made with a kiss. Then they lay together amid the wildflowers, whispering and sharing all their secrets, hopes, and dreams.
“So that’s why you sold the horses. It wasn’t to pay off gambling debts.” She traced his cheekbone with her finger. “When we were at Goodwood, I opened your cabinet and looked at all the poignant drawings. In my heart, I knew you were the artist.”
It was hours before they joined the other guests, and they were unmercifully teased about wanting to be alone and acting like newlyweds when they were a long-married couple.
They did their duty by mingling with family and friends and thanking them for coming to Caversham.
The Dowager Duchess of Marlborough took Sarah aside. “I am delighted that you invited both Prince Frederick and the Duke of Bedford. Either one would be a worthy match for Lady Diana. My granddaughter is a treasure in herself, besides what I shall give her.”
Lords of Passion Page 10
