“Don’t be so quick to judge.” Hunter put his hand on her slight shoulder. “You did the same thing when you were her age.”
“I don’t believe you.” His little girl put on her stubborn pouty face.
“That sounds so adorable,” Merry said. “I wish I could have seen it. Do you have pictures?”
“Probably not.”
There weren’t many photos of his little girl’s first year. Between ranch work and caring for an infant, he’d been pretty overwhelmed. His focus was on the day-to-day needs of their child. Memorializing that dark time with photos hadn’t been high on his priority list.
“I’m going to move this along.” Max took charge and told everyone where to sit.
“You’re putting me at the foot?” Wilder asked.
“Consider it a metaphor. Maybe that will give you a kick in the—” Max winked at Wren “—backside and knock some sense into you.”
The youngest Crawford took his place and grinned across the expanse of the big table at his father. “I’m perfectly happy with the amount of sense I have.”
“Well, I’m not.” Max watched everyone take the places he’d assigned.
Hunter pulled out Merry’s chair and whispered, “My little brother doesn’t have enough sense to know he has no sense.”
“I heard that,” Wilder said.
“Okay.” Max picked up the carving utensils. “I’m going to cut this bird and we’ll start passing the food around.”
Everyone started to talk and the noise level rose. Hunter sneaked a look at Merry and thought she seemed a little tense and sad. Maybe she was intimidated by so many Crawfords in one place. Or maybe she felt out of place because she was his employee. He had a hard time remembering that because she seemed to fit so seamlessly into Wren’s life. But this was also her first holiday without her dad, and her brother was also missing.
He wished there was a way to fix this as easily as he had patched up her finger earlier.
“How’s your wound?” he asked.
“My what?”
“The finger.”
She looked at him and her cheeks flushed. “I think I’ll live. But it has to be said, I don’t think I’ve ever peeled so many potatoes at one time.”
“Feeding this family is kind of like cooking for an army.” It was supposed to be a lighthearted comment to make her smile. It didn’t. “Did I say something wrong?”
“What? No.” She shook her head. “It just made me think about my brother for a second. I haven’t spent a holiday with him since I was a little girl.”
Hunter could have kicked himself for making her look so lost. Somehow he needed to snap her out of it because he wanted her to live up to her name again. And she was here to get through the first holiday without her dad.
He looked around the table at his brothers, remembering the testosterone-fueled squabbles they’d had over the years. There were a few black eyes and fat lips in all of their pasts. “We could have used a referee when I was growing up.”
Her look was sympathetic, as if she knew their family scandal. “But now I bet you’re glad to have every one of your brothers.”
She was right. He loved them and wished each one a life filled with love and not loss like the one he’d experienced.
Finally Max, with pointers from Lily, had finished with the turkey and everyone started passing bowls and platters of food. When plates were full, their father announced that the annual what-I’m-thankful-for rounds would commence. Of course, as head of the family, he would start, then it would proceed from eldest to youngest.
“I’m thankful for all of my sons and their new brides. I’m grateful for this wonderful meal, prepared by all of you, especially our resident chef, Lily.” She blushed as everyone applauded. Then he looked at Sophia and Wren with raw tenderness on his rugged face. “And I’m more grateful than I can say for these beautiful children, the next generation of Crawfords.”
Everyone voiced their approval and there was some not very subtle sniffling from Avery. Wilder jumped in before his brothers could take their turns.
“I’d just like to say that I love all my new sisters-in-law, but, man, I’m glad to be single.”
A chorus of boos drowned out the rest of his words but he only grinned. Hunter had mixed feelings.
The sound of a utensil tapping on a glass got his attention and he looked up. Finn was standing at the table, gazing down at Avery with an expression that revealed he was nuts about her.
“My wife and I have something special to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. We’re going to have a baby.” Spontaneous cheers, applause and hugs followed the reveal. “We wanted to keep the news just for us but we’ve known for a while.”
“So have we,” Logan and Sarah said together.
“Us, too,” Genevieve said. “The glow. The baby bump.”
“Am I showing?” Avery put a hand to her tummy.
“Just a little,” everyone chimed in.
The mother-to-be sighed. “At least you didn’t think I was just getting fat.”
“You look beautiful,” Finn assured her. “And I’m going to be a father.”
“Better you than me, big brother,” Wilder said. “I’m not a dirty diaper–changing kind of guy.
“So I’m gonna have another baby cousin?” Wren asked. When assured that she was right, she said, “Cool. I can’t wait. This is the best holiday ever.”
Hunter had to disagree. Except for Logan and their dad, he was the only other father in the room. The rest of them were gushing about wanting to expand their families, have babies. They couldn’t wait. Even Wren couldn’t wait.
Everyone was so happy and he couldn’t say anything. All he had to offer was a warning about what could happen and he didn’t want to bring everyone down. But it would terrify him if Merry was pregnant.
Whoa. Where the hell did that thought come from? Except he knew. He’d seen her bleed a little while ago and wanted to fix it. Because in spite of all his own warnings, he wasn’t just starting to feel. He was starting to care. And that had to stop.
* * *
Hunter had been very quiet during dinner. Merry noticed because he’d been uncharacteristically chatty when they’d first sat down. She’d gotten the feeling he was trying to cheer her up. Go figure. Then Finn and Avery had made what should have been a happy announcement and his brothers and their wives had talked eagerly about starting families, too. Wilder had been outspoken in his aversion, but Hunter had clammed up.
They were home now and Merry was in the upstairs bathroom overseeing Wren’s quick shower. The little girl was tired and needed to be in bed ASAP. When the water shut off, Merry was ready with a towel. After Wren dried off, she put on her favorite princess nightgown.
“I’ll give your hair a quick brush, sweetie.”
“Okay.” The one word was followed by a big yawn. A few minutes later Wren climbed into her bed.
Merry pulled the covers up over her. “I’ll go get your dad to read.”
“But I want you to do it,” the little girl said.
“Sweetie, your dad always reads to you. It’s your thing.” Merry felt a tingling at the base of her neck and somehow knew that Hunter was in the doorway hearing this. A moment later Wren confirmed her feeling.
“Daddy, I want Merry to read to me tonight and give me a good-night kiss.”
He walked over to the bed and looked down at his daughter. There was no way you could miss the troubled expression on his face before he forced a smile. “Whatever you want, honey. Is it okay if I kiss you, too?”
“Yes, Daddy.” She reached out her little arms and he bent down, then swallowed her slight frame in a big hug.
“I love you.” His voice was gruff with emotion and some hurt feelings he was trying to hide. As always, he kissed her forehead. “See you in the morning.”
Merry wanted to say something to Hunter but didn’t know what. Even if she came up with the right words, it wasn’t appropriate to discuss this in front of Wren. There was a slump to his broad shoulders when he left the room.
“I want the princess story,” Wren said sleepily.
It was in a book of fairy tales, her favorite, and was on the nightstand beside the bed. Merry picked it up and started reading. “Once upon a time...”
A few paragraphs later she saw that the child was sound asleep. Merry set the book down and kissed the girl’s sweet little cheek before tiptoeing out. Normally she would go to her bedroom and read, avoiding her employer and her crush on him. But not tonight. She needed to talk to him and make sure he understood that kids were changeable, temperamental and moody. Especially after a long, busy day.
She found him sitting on the sofa in the front room with a tumbler of liquor in his hand while staring at a blank TV screen. His back was to her.
“Hunter? Are you okay?”
He took a sip from his glass but didn’t look in her direction. “I’m fine. Kids are unpredictable. Don’t worry about it.”
“Okay. Good. I wanted to make sure you were aware of that and didn’t take offense to her asking for me. Because you are the most important person to her.”
“I know.” His voice was flat, empty of emotion, and then he drained the liquor in one swallow. When she didn’t leave, he looked up and said, “Is there something else?”
“Yes.” Stiffly, she sat on the end of the sofa, carefully leaving enough room between them for at least two people. “You got very quiet tonight at dinner. Why?”
“I had nothing to add to the conversation.”
“Oh, please. You were talking my ear off until your brother announced Avery was expecting. Then you looked as if someone cut the stirrups off your favorite saddle. Why?”
“You’re my daughter’s nanny. It’s not information you need to do your job.”
His tone wasn’t angry, abrupt or condescending, which, oddly enough, concerned her more. This felt too controlled. “I disagree. Something’s bothering you. Wren is going to notice. Maybe instinctively she already did and that’s why she asked me to step in for the bedtime story. I need something so I know how to respond when she asks why her daddy got quiet and stopped smiling.”
He set his empty glass on the table beside him and seemed as if he was going to walk away without a word. But then he released a long sigh and looked at her. “Her mother died.”
“I know. When she was a baby.” But Merry was extremely curious about what happened. She wasn’t proud of that but she was only human. “But I don’t understand—”
“It’s my fault.”
“What?” She couldn’t believe she’d heard right.
Dark intensity glittered in his eyes. “Wren was a couple days old and Lara complained of headaches, blurred vision and upper abdominal pain. I found out later all are classic symptoms of eclampsia. A complication of pregnancy.”
She was quiet for a moment, then hesitantly asked, “But what is it?”
“High blood pressure that caused seizures and compromised her kidneys and other organs. Mostly it’s diagnosed during prenatal visits and treated. It’s rare to show up after birth but we drew the short straw on that.” Bitterness squeezed every single word.
“That’s so awful I don’t even know what to say.” Merry didn’t want to look at the misery on his face but couldn’t seem to look anywhere else. “But I also don’t understand why you blame yourself.”
He dragged his fingers through his hair. “I fell for her and wanted to marry her when I was a college senior and she was a freshman. But I didn’t want to marry too young like my dad, didn’t want to make the same mistakes he did.”
In the interest of full disclosure she said, “Lily told me that your mother abandoned her children when you were all really young.”
“I was about Wren’s age. More than once I thought that if I’d been a better kid she wouldn’t have left.” He shrugged. “So Lara and I waited and got married right out of college. Both of us wanted kids, but she got a job with a Dallas TV station and was working hard, hoping to be promoted to on-air anchor.”
“But?” There had to be one.
“After a year I wanted to start the family we’d talked about. She finally gave in because she wanted me to be happy.” He looked anything but. “A classic example of be careful what you wish for.”
She didn’t know what to say and asked, “What’s the second reason?”
“Wren was two days old when Lara’s symptoms started. I wanted to take her to the emergency room but she insisted it would pass. She refused to leave her baby—” He stopped for a moment and pressed his lips together. “I should have insisted. Should have picked her up bodily and made her go.”
“You’re not a doctor, Hunter. You couldn’t know what would happen.”
“No. But if I’d been a better husband she would still be alive.”
So, there was still some of that little boy in him, the one who felt if he’d been better his mother wouldn’t have left. Merry sighed. “So you were remembering all of this when Avery revealed that she was pregnant.”
He nodded, and when he looked at her, the worry was more focused. “Everyone forgets about the bad things that can happen, but I lived it. At dinner all they talked about was the warm, fuzzy part of having babies. Everyone was over the moon. But I just can’t get excited. Something—” he touched his chest “—something is stopping me.”
“Oh, Hunter.” She couldn’t stand to be so far away from him and crossed the distance between them until she could feel the heat from his body. She touched his arm. “I understand why you feel this way. But you said the condition is rare. You couldn’t know what was going to happen. Hindsight is twenty-twenty and if you could do it differently, surely you would.”
He nodded but said nothing.
“Someday you’re going to have to tell Wren. So she knows her family medical history.”
There was a tortured expression in his eyes when he met her gaze. “Oh, God—”
She knew exactly where his mind went. That the same fate awaited Wren one day. “Don’t go there. But this is the reason doctors want medical history.” She waited until the fear on his face receded. “But if you tell her it’s your fault her mother died, that would be a lie. And you don’t strike me as the kind of man who doesn’t tell the truth. To Wren or anyone else.”
“I try to stick to the facts.”
“And the fact is, Wren’s mother made a choice. You honored her wishes.”
He thought about that for a few moments, then nodded and almost smiled. “How did you get so good at making someone feel better?”
“I’m no stranger to having a loved one taken away.”
“Gosh, Merry, I’m sorry.” He put his hand over hers where she’d left it on his arm. “This is the first holiday without your dad and I made it all about me.”
“It’s understandable.”
“No. I’m an idiot. Tell me about your dad.”
“Are you sure?” she asked.
“Yes.”
His spirit seemed lighter after talking about his feelings. Maybe it would work for her. “When Mom died and my brother left home, Dad didn’t quite know what to do with me when he was working. There were after-school programs or a neighbor lady sometimes watched me. But when he couldn’t find somewhere to leave me, he took me with him on his electrical jobs.” She smiled. “People called him Sparky. And I learned a lot about sockets, wires and circuit breakers.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” Hunter smiled.
Merry was glad she was already sitting down. The grin transformed his face and he was so handsome her knees went weak. She cleared her throat and continued. “Dad was
good at what he did and was busy most of the time, but on a rare day when he was home, we hunkered down and hung out together.”
“Doing what?”
“Chores. Playing games. But our favorite thing was watching old movies. He always said they don’t make ’em like that anymore.”
“We can do that now.” He half turned to grab the remote control from the table beside him.
Merry’s hand slid off his arm. She was both horrified that touching him felt so darn natural and wistful that the contact was over. Then her head cleared and she realized what he was doing.
“That’s okay. I don’t want to bore you with old movies,” she said.
“Hey, who says it will bore me?” He challenged her with a look. “Besides, you cheered me up. I’m returning the favor. Call it a tribute to your dad.”
With the remote he turned on the flat screen TV, then pulled up the guide and scrolled through until finding the channel he wanted. Hunter leaned back and relaxed into the sofa. He held up a fist and said, “Here’s to Sparky.”
Merry bumped his fist with hers and the TV screen blurred as tears gathered in her eyes. She settled in next to Hunter and said, “Dad would have loved this.”
She loosened up and the heat from Hunter’s body warmed her, made her drowsy after a while. Her eyes drifted closed and she dozed off. She woke with her head on Hunter’s shoulder, not sure how long she’d been out. But the movie credits were scrolling by so it had been a while.
Hunter’s breathing was soft, even, and she knew the tryptophan had claimed another victim. She was reluctant to move and wake him. Mostly she was reluctant to move and end the closeness of their bodies.
While she hesitated, the decision was taken out of her hands because he was looking at her.
“Hi,” he said, smiling drowsily. His gaze was unguarded and open, revealing raw, unconcealed need.
He slowly lowered his head, tilting it the way a man did to kiss a woman. Merry’s heart started to hammer and she could hardly breathe. Anticipation and excitement hummed through her as her eyelids drifted closed.
Then she felt him freeze and her eyes popped open. The happy, sleepy smile was gone, replaced by a bitter twist of his lips.
Maverick Holiday Magic (Montana Mavericks: Six Brides For Six Brothers Book 5) Page 9
