by Kitty Neale
‘Yes, I am. Goodnight, Jenny,’ he said, picking up the cases. ‘I’ll drop these off on the way.’
Nuala beckoned Jenny to the kitchen. The poor girl looked dreadful, so pale, so tired, and talking could wait until the morning.
Chapter Fifty-Two
For the first time in ages Jenny slept like a log and didn’t open her eyes until gone nine the next morning. She was glad to have the same room, the same familiar bed. It was as she’d told Nuala last night, it felt like she’d come home.
Lazily she got up and, when dressed, went downstairs to poke her head into the kitchen. ‘Good morning.’
‘Jenny, you’re up at last. Sit yourself down and pour yourself a cup of tea.’
‘Are you sure? You don’t usually allow guests in the kitchen.’
‘You’re more than a guest, darlin’, you’re like part of the family, and as you’re the last one up I’ll have a cup of tea with you.’
Jenny felt she was right–that it wasn’t a place she had needed, it was a person–and seeing Nuala’s smiling face had lifted her spirits already. She was glad now that she’d decided to take such a long, circuitous route back to England.
Nuala sat down, poured the drinks, and then said softly, ‘Now tell me. How did you get on?’
‘I looked everywhere, but I couldn’t find it.’
‘’Tis a shame, but your mammy will be looking down on you and she’ll know you did your best.’
‘Do you really believe that?’
‘Yes, and you should too. You’re a lovely girl, one your mother would be proud of.’
Tears came then, tears she’d held in check for so long. She’d failed, but perhaps Nuala was right, perhaps her mother would understand.
‘That’s it, you have a good cry,’ Nuala said as she reached across the table to grasp Jenny’s hand.
‘That’s the last of them,’ Bridget said as she walked in with a pile of plates, only to halt in her tracks when she saw Jenny sitting at the table, sobbing. ‘Oh…oh dear, what’s wrong?’
‘She’s just a bit upset, that’s all,’ Nuala said. ‘Just leave the plates and I’ll see to them. You can get on with the rooms.’
Bridget put them by the sink and then placed a light hand on Jenny’s shoulder. ‘Can I do anything to help?’
‘Bridget…’ Nuala warned.
‘No, it’s all right,’ Jenny said, touched by the girl’s concern as she fought her tears. ‘Thank you, but I’m fine now.’
Bridget hesitated, but at another warning look from Nuala she went to get on with her work. Jenny managed a watery smile. ‘I only saw Bridget briefly before I left, but she seems nice.’
‘She is, but needs a bit of pushing to get on with her work. Now then, what would you like for breakfast?’
Unsure that she could eat anything, and knowing it was past the time that Nuala served food, she shook her head. ‘Nothing, thanks.’
‘You’ll at least have a bit of toast,’ Nuala insisted as she stood up.
‘I’ve put you behind, and I’ll only eat a bit of toast if you let me help with the washing-up.’
‘There’s no need for that.’
Jenny ignored her and now went to the sink, soon immersing the plates in hot, soapy water. Nuala looked at her and shook her head, but she was smiling as Finn walked in.
‘Jenny, what’s this? You’re a guest.’
‘I’m just giving Nuala a hand.’
‘The dishes can wait,’ Nuala said firmly. ‘Now dry your hands, sit down, and eat your toast.’
‘It’s best to do as she says,’ Finn advised. ‘She’s not one to argue with.’
‘Haven’t you got light bulbs to change?’
‘Yes, Nuala, I’m on me way.’
Jenny ate her toast, finding that she had an appetite after all, and then took another slice while Nuala stood over her like a sentinel.
‘Good girl,’ she finally said, sitting down now, ‘and before you try to wash up again, I have something to tell you. My sister rang to tell me that my dada isn’t too well. He’s in his late eighties now, and though Maeve said she doesn’t think it’s anything to worry about, I feel I have to see that for myself. I’m going to Kilkee in the morning.’
‘Oh, Nuala, I’m sorry. I hope he’s all right.’
‘So do I, but ’tis a shame you’re only here for a few days. I’ll be away for a week and won’t be back before you leave.’
In the circumstances, Jenny knew it couldn’t be helped, but felt a surge of disappointment. ‘Never mind, at least I’ve had a chance to see you today and as I don’t want to be chased out of the kitchen yet, I’m going to help you with that washing-up.’
And she did, the two of them chatting until at last it was finished. Jenny was about to go to her room to unpack a few things when Finn appeared, frowning.
‘Nuala, I’ve got a bit of bad news.’
She paled. ‘Finn, not my father!’
‘No, it’s the car.’
‘You eejit!’ Nuala exclaimed. ‘Why didn’t you say that to start with? I…I thought…’
‘Sorry, I’ll start again. The garage just rang. They haven’t got the part yet and the car won’t be ready in the morning.’
‘I’ll just have to go by bus then,’ Nuala said.
‘There isn’t one that goes all the way and you’d have to change buses perhaps two or three times. Can’t you leave it until the car’s fixed?’
‘And how long will that take?’
‘I’m not sure.’
‘Not sure! What good is that!’
‘It won’t hurt to wait.’
‘No, Finn, I have to go. I…I have this feeling on me.’
Without hesitation, Jenny said, ‘I’ll take you, Nuala.’
‘You will? Oh, Jenny, are you sure? It’s nearly a two-hour drive.’
‘Is that all?’ Jenny said nonchalantly to prevent any further protest. ‘I could be there and back by lunchtime.’
Nuala hugged her then, her voice a croak. ‘I don’t know how you do it, Jenny, but you seem to turn up just when I need you. It’s like you were sent here to help me again.’
‘Now you’re off with the fairies again,’ Finn said.
‘Or the leprechauns,’ Jenny said, grinning.
‘Oh, you two, you’re as bad as each other,’ Nuala said, smiling, ‘but you’ve got to admit it’s strange.’
Yes, Jenny thought, she had come back just when Nuala needed her again, and though it was just a coincidence, she was glad that she was able to help.
That night, in bed, Nuala couldn’t sleep. Since Jenny had arrived she’d had this strange feeling within her, an urgent need to get to Kilkee, but it had eased from the moment Jenny offered to drive her there. She’d had a similar sort of feeling the last time Jenny had stayed with them, when the girl had been looking at her map and for some reason she’d felt compelled to point out Kilkee.
Nuala plumped up her pillow, worried again. Had she been forewarned then that her father was going to be ill, that Maeve shouldn’t be dismissing this latest bout of bronchitis so flippantly?
‘Nuala, stop fidgeting and let’s get some sleep.’
‘I can’t help it. I’m worried about my dada.’
‘Maeve said he was no worse when you rang her earlier.’
‘She didn’t say he was any better.’
‘You’ll see for yourself tomorrow.’
‘It’s a blessing Jenny turned up when she did. It’s almost as if she’s meant to take me to Kilkee.’
‘Now you sound like you’re off with the fairies again.’
‘You always say that when I get funny feelings, but they’re usually right.’
‘Not this time. Your dada will be fine. Now go to sleep,’ Finn said, this time putting an arm around her.
Nuala found it comforting; her last thought before drifting off that there was more to her funny feelings this time, something she couldn’t put her finger on.
Chapter Fifty-Three
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It was raining as Jenny and Nuala set off for Kilkee. Finn had shown her the route, across the River Shannon then on into County Clare. The road looked all right at first, but then they would have to leave it and take a minor one to the coast which Jenny knew from experience would slow them down. She knew Nuala was itching to get there and as she drove she asked, ‘Are you all right, Nuala?’
‘Yes, anxious to see my dada, that’s all.’
‘Tell me more about Kilkee,’ Jenny said, hoping it would take Nuala’s mind off her fears.
‘I told you, it’s beautiful, but it’s not just that, the weather can be soft there too. My dada says it’s because the rocks of Duggerna Reef guard the bay from the full force of the Atlantic and the beach has lovely soft sand that slopes gently down to the sea.’
‘It certainly sounds lovely.’
‘It is, and I’ve seen dolphins in the bay. Now they’re a sight to behold.’
‘Oh, I’d love to see dolphins.’
‘I can’t promise that, but you don’t have to rush back to Limerick. I know you’re disappointed that you didn’t find your mother’s grave, and perhaps before you go back to England a little holiday in Kilkee is just what you need.’
‘I must admit I was upset, though I felt better after talking to you. It…it’s something else now, something that seems to be pulling at me and…oh, this is going to sound silly.’
‘I doubt it’ll sound any sillier than my feelings, but I’ve learned to trust them.’
‘It’s just that I felt drawn to come to Ireland, as if something was calling me, and now when I go back to England I’ll feel I’ve left something unfinished, something just out of reach.’
‘You did your best, Jenny, and if this is guilt you’re feeling there’s no need.’
‘No, it isn’t that…at least I don’t think so.’
‘Ah well, as I said, maybe a little holiday in Kilkee will do you good. Did I tell you it’s a place to soothe your soul?’
‘Yes, and perhaps I will stay for a few days,’ Jenny said. She didn’t tell Nuala that as they continued their journey the feeling she had of being pulled was growing stronger. Maybe Nuala’s anxiety about her father was rubbing off, and now she too began to worry about what they’d find.
Passing through Kilrush, Nuala knew that they’d soon be there. The sky had now cleared and the sun was shining, the sea gleaming both to the front and the side of them. Loop Head was off to the far left of the peninsula and Kilkee just ahead. It was strange, but the closer they got, the more her anxiety lifted. She felt a little foolish that she’d made such a fuss, Jenny driving her all this way for what might turn out to be nothing. As Maeve had said, her father was no worse than usual.
Lacking any sense of urgency now, Nuala directed Jenny to her family home, though only her father and sister still lived there now. When they pulled up outside the stone-fronted, two-storey house, Nuala got out of the car, but Jenny remained behind the wheel.
‘Come on, Jenny,’ she urged.
‘Are you sure? I don’t want to intrude.’
‘Don’t be daft. Now get out of that car.’
As Jenny did so, the front door opened and Maeve stood on the step, waving. Nuala smiled, pleased to see her sister. Maeve had never married, no man able to see past her outward appearance, and as a young woman she had almost entered a convent. Perhaps she should have warned Jenny, but thankfully she acted perfectly normal when Maeve spoke as they walked up the path.
‘Hello, Nuala, and you must be Jenny.’
‘Yes. It’s nice to meet you,’ Jenny said.
As they walked inside, Nuala’s eyes went straight to her father and she rushed to kneel at his side. ‘Dada, how are you?’
‘’Tis just me chest, that’s all, and Maeve told you that.’
‘I know, but I wanted to see for myself.’
‘Well now you have, so get off your knees and pour me a drop of whiskey.’
‘No, Dada,’ Maeve warned. ‘You can have a cup of tea, but none of the hard stuff.’
‘Stop treating me like a child in me own house. If I want a drink I’ll have one.’
‘It’s only half past ten,’ Maeve said patiently. ‘Can you not wait till lunchtime?’
‘I can’t see the hands on that clock and thought it was later than that. Yes, all right, I’ll have a cup of tea.’
‘Dada, this is Jenny. She drove me here to see you,’ Nuala said.
The old man’s rheumy eyes looked at Jenny and his old Irish charm was evident as he said with a smile, ‘Hello, darlin’, and welcome to me home.’
‘Thank you,’ she said.
‘Jenny, sit down,’ Nuala urged. ‘I’ll give Maeve a hand with the tea.’
Going into the kitchen, however, she found that Maeve already had it made. ‘I’m sorry, you were right–Dada seems fine.’
‘He’s as tough as old boots, but it’s lovely to see you and I hope you’re still going to stay for a week.’
‘Yes, of course I am, and, Maeve, I think Jenny would like to stay for a few days too.’
‘She’ll be welcome,’ Maeve said. ‘Jenny seems a nice girl and didn’t even blink when she first saw me. Did you warn her?’
‘No, I didn’t think to.’
‘There’s something familiar about her, as if I’ve seen her before but can’t place where.’
‘Jenny’s from England so I doubt that. She came here to find her mother’s grave, and is sore disappointed that she couldn’t.’
‘Did her mother come from these parts?’
‘No, but it’s a long story so I’ll save it till later,’ Nuala said, the two of them saying no more for the time being as they took the tea through.
Jenny was chatting to Nuala’s father, but a part of her mind was elsewhere. From the moment she had driven into Kilkee it had felt as if she’d been there before, had seen it before…though of course that was impossible.
Nuala’s father was a lovely old man, telling her all about Kilkee, and Jenny listened patiently though she’d heard most of it from Nuala. It had been a bit of a shock when she’d first seen Maeve, but she’d managed to hide it. Maeve was tiny, badly deformed, with one leg shorter than the other and her back humped crookedly. It made her head sit to one side towards her left shoulder, yet when she smiled, it was Maeve’s face that arrested you, intelligence shining out of the most beautiful blue eyes that Jenny had ever seen.
‘Moore Bay is nice, but there are some lovely cliff walks to explore if you’ve a mind,’ the old man said.
‘Yes, I’d love to see more of Kilkee.’
‘Well now, as you’re staying with us for a few days, you’ll be able to do just that,’ Maeve said as she placed a teapot on the table.
‘I…I was going to find a hotel.’
‘Sure, there’s no need for that. We’ve got plenty of room, haven’t we, Dada?’
‘Yes, but if I’m to have three women in my house, I don’t want you all fussing over me.’
‘Don’t worry,’ Nuala said. ‘We won’t do that.’
‘Of course you can all take it in turns to pour me a whiskey,’ he said, his wizened face crinkling as he smiled cheekily. ‘I just hope yous two won’t be as mean as Maeve with the measures.’
Jenny found his smile infectious, and the sisters obviously did too.
‘Dada, you know that isn’t true’ said Maeve, though she was smiling.
‘Don’t you be believing her,’ the old man said. ‘I think she uses a thimble as a measure.’
Jenny laughed then and they all joined in. As soon as she’d seen Kilkee she’d decided to stay for a while, intending to find a hotel, but was now glad that she’d been invited to stay with Nuala’s lovely family. Once again, she didn’t think it was the place that would soothe her soul, it was these wonderful people, the fondness they had for each other shining through. Not only that, she would be able to spend more time with Nuala, a woman she’d have loved as her mother–the mother she had never known.
With their father settled for the night, and Jenny in bed too, Nuala and Maeve were still up. They didn’t see each other that often and were enjoying catching up, but it was Jenny who was the first subject up for discussion, Maeve saying, ‘So, are you going to tell me more about Jenny?’
‘She’s been quiet all day and hardly opened her mouth when we went out for a walk.’
‘She has a look of sadness about her, but as you told me she can’t find her mother’s grave, I suppose that explains it.’
‘Yes, the poor girl was adopted and seems to have this need to find ties to her mother.’
‘Why was she adopted?’
‘Her mother died giving birth in a home for unmarried mothers. It was run by nuns and Jenny was told it was in Limerick.’
‘Why couldn’t she find it?’
‘I don’t know, and ’tis odd. Jenny said the man who adopted her and took her back to England collected her from there, so why couldn’t he say exactly where it was?’
‘Yes, that is a bit strange. Where was her mother born?’
‘That’s another odd thing. Jenny was told that her mother came from Dray, but there was no trace of her, or any other family there. I wouldn’t say this to Jenny, but I think it’s almost as if this man doesn’t want her to find any trace of her family.’
‘I still think I’ve seen her somewhere before. You don’t think her mother came from these parts, do you, and I’m seeing a family resemblance?’
‘I suppose anything’s possible, but rather than raise false hope I think it’s best not to mention it. Jenny’s been searching long enough, and I don’t think she could stand any more disappointment.’
‘Yes, you’re probably right. Now come on, tell me all about Aiden. I hope you’ve brought some photographs with you.’
‘Of course I have,’ Nuala said, going to get her handbag, all thoughts of Jenny and her family forgotten for a while now as she proudly showed off her new grandson.
Chapter Fifty-Four
Jenny awoke the next morning, anxious to see more of Kilkee. Nuala had walked her down to the promenade yesterday and, as Jenny’s eyes had swept the beach, she’d been overwhelmed by that feeling again. She had seen it before and now knew where. It was the place, the beautiful one she had seen in her dreams. If she hadn’t offered to drive Nuala here she’d never have found it, and now the coincidences–Nuala having being born here for one–were piling up until she was utterly confused.
