“Bites are some of the worst for bacterial infections. You’re looking good, but you definitely can’t go back. I’ll sign you a certificate of exemption in a minute.” He reaches down to the shelf under the cupboard by the bed and grabs a specimen bottle. “I just need a urine sample. You’ll find an omega bathroom through there.”
Jax points at the door at the end of the room. Bennett will have used that the whole time he was here, but damn it, Jax is going to give him once last chance to take a look at the omega shelter poster on the back of the door and maybe memorize the number. It kills him that it is all he can do.
When Bennett disappears through the door, Ronmin sits on the bed and gives Jax one of the slow lazy smiles that irritates him so much.
“I see congratulations are in order, doctor,” he says, nodding at Jax’s neck.
The bite is covered in a pale bandage, but Ronmin will be able to smell it. The scent glands of a newly claimed omega are one of the few scents that will keep alphas away, even during a mating run.
Before Jax started medical school, he had an idea of finding a synthetic scent that would replicate it.
After finishing medical school, he came to the realization that he’d never be able to get the funding or research grant for it. No alpha board would ever authorize it.
If Jax ever gets rich, it’s going to be the first thing he funds.
“Thank you,” Jax replies brusquely.
“You know, you have a wonderful little town here. Perfect vacation destination. A hidden jewel, you could say. I think I’m definitely going to visit more often.”
Oh, go away. “That would be lovely.”
The door opens and Bennett appears, holding out the sample to Jax.
“We’ll just run a few quick tests.” And then I’ll have no further reason to keep you here.
“How long with that take, doc?”
“Not long at all. I’ll get someone to do it now.”
He doesn’t want to stay another minute in the room. He can’t do anything for Bennett, and Bennett is so badly whipped, he doesn’t even seem to want to do anything for himself.
The cloying scent of alpha is suddenly too much and too claustrophobic.
Jax flees the room. As he leaves, he sees Ronmin pat Bennett on the top of his head like he’s a dog, and Bennett actually leans into it like he’s happy to accept being petted like an animal. Jax’s stomach turns over.
He shuts the door firmly behind him, gritting his teeth.
He hands the sample to one of the temp support staff, and tells them what tests to run, and to let him know once it’s done.
Then he heads to his office, shutting the door behind him.
He stands back to the door and reaches up to the bandage at his neck. The material feels rough underneath his fingertips, and the pressure is not quite enough to be painful. He pushes harder. Now it hurts.
He can smell the sex too. He’s had a shower since and changed his clothes. The old ones are bundled up into a plastic bag which he shoved under his desk ready to go home and to the washing machine later.
It’s making his office stink.
He digs in again at the wound in his neck. It’s already healing, and it’s not damaged enough to be painful, just slightly sore. It feels like it should hurt more.
It should hurt more, considering what it represents.
It seemed like a really good idea at the time, Jax thinks. Just like every other bad idea in history.
Now he’s out of the heat and thinking with his head instead of his dick, it was definitely a bad idea.
It doesn’t stop him wanting Gray. In fact, he wants him more than ever.
Right now, the world feels completely empty without his mate beside him.
It’s not real. It’s not real.
Jax sinks to his knees, repeating the words over and over. If he says it enough times, maybe he can make himself believe it. It’s not real.
It’s just the claiming chemicals messing with your head. Use your brain, idiot. It still exists. You’re not just some alpha-obsessed simpering omega.
An annoying little voice in his head says: Yes, you are. Why fight it?
He shoves the voice away in irritation. There’s a reason he’s always avoided heats unless the alpha he’s with is nice but not that attractive.
They’re fun while they last but they completely turn off any kind of thinking function in the omega brain. There’s nothing in there for an entire week except obsession with being repeatedly fucked senseless.
Letting Gray fuck him through his heat is the stupidest thing he’s ever done.
Heats are the reason that alphas and betas look down on omegas. They’re out of control. Nothing in their brains except sex and getting knocked up. And when they’re not thinking about sex, they’re thinking about cubs and running after their omegas like mindless slaves.
The worst part is that they’re at least partly right. Heats make it impossible to remain independent.
Take Gray for example. Jax actually asked a wild wolf to claim him. No one sane would do that, and yet it had felt so logical.
You idiot.
God, I miss him.
It’s only been a few hours and his whole body is aching for Gray. And it’s not just desire. It’s memory too. He can feel Gray inside him. He’s still deliciously sore from days of Gray doing nothing but fucking him senseless.
He jolts, startled as a knock sounds at the door.
“Jax?” Adam’s voice says.
“Just a minute.” He unlocks the door and gets behind the desk, trying to get himself under control.
Adam walks into the office without his cane, good solid steps until he closes the door and lets himself struggle.
He falls into the chair. “That asshole just won’t go home. Says he’s waiting for Bennett. He didn’t the last three times the man was here. He—”
Adam finally scents what is right in front of him. “You let him bite you.” His brother doesn’t sound angry, just confused.
Jax shrugs. This is not a conversation he ever imagined having with his brother. He flips pages on the patient chart in front of him and pretends to scan it. Anything to meet Adam’s eyes. “Less that I let him and more that–”
“I’m going to kill him.” Now Adam does sound angry. He looks it too. If he were in wolf mode, his hair would be standing on end.
“More that I asked him to,” Jax finishes.
“Why?”
“I don’t know,” Jax says miserably. “Because I wanted him to.”
“Well, that’s going to make this more complicated.”
“This?”
“Ash is gone. No one’s seen hide nor hair of him in five days. It looks like he was just wanting to make sure his place as leader was secure, but if Gray’s going to stick around?”
“Crap.”
“Yes crap. And with Ronmin here...” Adam sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. “I guess you’ve made your decision though and we’ll have to work with that. You have made your decision about him? You’re officially mated?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well, make up your mind!”
“I will. I just need time.”
“You don’t have that. I need an answer now. If Ash comes back while Ronmin is still here, we have a serious problem.”
Adam is right. He’s also got that look on his face, the one he’s had since Jax was a boy, whenever he had to make a decision for the pack. This is the reason he is still in charge, despite his injury. When Adam is like this, it’s impossible to budge him.
“Pick now. Do you want Gray for your mate, yes or no? If yes, we need to get ready for a fight.”
A fight. It’s a fight that they probably won’t win. The city wolves are stronger. They have more allies. This is a fight that might kill his brothers.
“I don’t know.” Jax wants to cry. “I want him. I do, but this is not what I wanted. You know that. What am I going to
do? Get married and pump out cub after cub?”
“Then that’s a no.”
“No, it’s not a no. It’s just—” Jax breaks off. It’s that he can’t imagine Gray ever fitting in with human life, not completely. Jax sighs and puts his head in his hands. “Adam, I had to explain to the guy what toilet paper was for.”
Adam looks startled as if he suddenly had an image in his head that he really didn’t need.
“He’s a good man,” Jax continues, “but he’s a wolf. A wild wolf. I mean, he annihilated Gregor’s greenhouse. He left me dead rabbits in my bed. He had the best intentions, I know that, but that’s not human behavior. It’s completely uncivilized.”
“You’re saying no again,” Adam says. “You’re just using more words. Fine, I’ll make the decision for you since you don’t seem to be capable.”
“Adam—”
“No. Jax, I’m not a jerk about you being an omega, you know that. I let you do what you want, but ultimately, I am responsible for you and I am responsible for the pack. You know what Dad told me when I took the leadership? He told me one day I’d have to tell you no.”
“Dad was an asshole.”
“Maybe. He was also right. Look, if you knew what you wanted, then it would be easy. I’d stand by you. Gregor and Luke would stand by you too. You know that, but you’re not just risking you, or me. You’re risking both of them, as well as Cal and the baby, and you don’t even know if you want it. I can’t let that happen.”
“Adam–”
“Gray has to go. That’s my final decision.”
GRAY
cold shivers and hot tea
Gray stands on the carpet in the corridor outside Jax’s office and tries to understand.
He’d tried to stay away, but it had been hours: far too long, and now he’s standing and listening to Jax and Adam argue about whether Gray should be Jax’s mate.
And Jax is the one who is saying no.
He’s a good man but he’s a wolf. Gray can’t argue that one, but he didn’t think it mattered. Jax had asked Gray to bite him. He thought that meant Jax wanted to be his mate.
Then Adam voice drifts through the door again, “Gray has to go. That’s my final decision.”
Gray waits. Jax is going to argue. He has to. He is going to tell Adam that Adam is wrong. He’s going to fight for Jax the way that Gray would fight for Jax. He is going to say that it doesn’t matter about Ash and it doesn’t matter about the city wolves. He is going to say that Gray is his pack now and that is it.
There’s silence.
The realization hits Gray like a thunderbolt. Jax isn’t going to do it.
He shivers, suddenly cold. He draws in quick sharp breath then another and another, his vision unexpectedly blurry.
Go. He has to go. He doesn’t want to fight Adam. He doesn’t want to hurt Jax’s brother or be hurt by him.
Go. He doesn’t want to but there is still no sound from the office. Jax isn’t going to tell his brother that he’s changed his mind.
Gray moves, putting one human foot forward, then the other, his legs somehow unexpectedly heavy.
He makes it to the end of the corridor, then turns back into the reception area. The nice beta at reception smiles and waves. “Did you find him?”
Gray stares at her blankly for a moment, then nods. He doesn’t have the energy to try find the right human words.
He uses the handle on the door correctly and steps out onto the street.
Scents assault his nose. There are just so many people: clean humans, humans wearing perfume, unwashed humans. Humans who have just had sex, and humans who are in heat and desperate for it.
None of the scents are his brother. Adam was right. Ash has gone back up the mountain where he will protect the pack, and down below Adam will protect his. Gray can’t stay. Both packs will be in danger if Ash comes back looking for Gray.
Gray starts walking. He still can’t shift, but that might be a good thing.
He’s wearing proper human clothes. He can talk like a proper human being. The world is a big place. There has to be a pack somewhere that will have him, especially once he’s healed and has his strength back.
He understands the main street better now. That is a place to sit and eat food. That one is a place to get food and take it away. That one cuts hair.
He’s not even spent a full turn of the moon as a human. Imagine how much he’ll know when winter comes and passes, and summer comes around again?
All hard things pass. That was his favorite saying from his mother. She’d said it a lot, and often about her life before she came to the pack. She used to be human. She’d learnt to live with the pack. Her son could do it the other way around.
It’s just a pity that he has to wear shoes while he does it.
That building belongs to the police. Jax pointed it from the window of the hotel during one of the many interludes between sex. They help people.
Gray looks at the building. It’s low and flat, and made of the usual square white material with glass windows. There are vehicles outside.
Maybe they can tell him where to go and how to get there.
It smells peculiar inside: a combination of fear, relief and anger. A lot of people have passed through here, and most of them were feeling strongly about something. The associated scents still linger even under the strong cleaning chemicals.
The walls are covered in pictures and the human-made shapes that Jax called writing. Some have pictures of people.
The man behind the desk looks up curiously when he comes in. He’s a tall alpha with an easy smile.
“Can I help?” Then he smiles again and doesn’t wait for an answer. “Wait, you’re Gray. From the mountain pack?”
“Yes.”
The man puts out his hand. Gray takes it and shakes vigorously. The man grins. “I’m Dan. I’m the Sheriff. What can I do for you?”
Gray wonders whether he should ask what a Sheriff is, but he’s got enough to work out.
“I need to know where to go.”
Dan raises his eyebrows. He comes around to the front of the desk and leans against it, arms folded. “Uh okay. Where do you want to go?”
“I don’t know. I can’t stay here and I can’t go back. I need to go somewhere.”
“Right.” He pushes his arms back against the desk and stands up straight. “Tell you what. How about I make you a cup of coffee and then we can talk it over?”
“Yes.” Gray says, then remembers his manners. “Please.”
“Come on. Follow me.”
Gray obeys, following him behind the desk Dan indicates a chair. Gray sits down in it.
The sheriff takes hold of a pot filled with dirty-looking water and pours it into a mug. He pours something white into it, then passes it to Gray who sniffs it with suspicion.
“You ever had coffee before?”
“No. Jax said it would make me hyper.” He sniffs at it again. “It smells strange.”
The man breaks into a grin. “That may be true. Would you prefer tea?”
“Yes, I think so.”
“No problem. I’ll have the coffee then. My wife says I drink way too much but she’s wrong. It’s the only way to get through a night shift.”
“Yes,” Gray agrees politely.
Dan bustles about with another mug. Gray watches carefully. Jax made all the tea before. He’s going to have to learn how to do it himself now.
“Which kind do you want? I’ve got mint, Earl Gray... here have a sniff of the boxes. Tell me which one you like best.”
Gray points to the one that smells like the one Jax makes. Dan pulls something out of the box and dips it into the mug.
While Gray watches, something comes to mind.
“What does uncivilized mean?”
“Uh, it depends on the context, I guess. It usually means someone or a group of people who don’t have the same advantages or knowledge as others. Sometimes it means rude or bad mannered. It depends. Did someone cal
l you that?”
“Yes.”
“I wouldn’t worry, then. They probably just meant you’re not used to humans.”
“Probably.” That’s not what Jax meant though, Gray thinks. It had been bad mannered to destroy all Gregor’s plants, even if he hadn’t known it, and Gray still isn’t sure why it was bad to bring Jax rabbits.
Dan passes a steaming mug to Gray. He cups it in both hands and sips carefully, checking the temperature.
“The Winterstokes know you’re leaving?”
“Yes. Adam said I have to go.”
“He did?” Dan sighs, and threads his fingers through his hair. “I’m sorry to hear that, though I can’t say I’m surprised. That was a bad business with your brother.”
He studies Gray’s face for a moment. “You know you’re not the first wild wolf to want to live among humans. There are a good few of you, although I don’t think there’s been anyone from your pack in years. Most of the recent ones have been from down south. The drought last year caused a lot of upheaval among the desert wolves.”
Gray immediately thinks of his uncle, the silver wolf. “When was the last one? My uncle left the pack but I thought he died. At least, he didn’t come back.”
“When was that? I don’t remember anyone coming down. Not in recent years.”
“I was still a cub.”
Dan shakes his head and takes a sip from his coffee, swallowing before he answers. “That’ll definitely be before my time. But the support group will know. They’re a bit like an old boys’ network. They all look out for each other. Do you want me to get in touch with them for you?”
“Yes, please.”
“Give me a minute.” Dan takes a seat beside one of the desks and leans over and presses the button on a screen on the desk above it. The screen flickers to life. Gray watches it curiously.
Dan uses his fingers to tap and click, making images and shapes flash up. Gray watches intently. He needs to learn how to do that too, but Dan’s fingers are too fast for Gray to catch the order he taps in.
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