by Jerry Remy
Phoebe said, “I’ll call you back when I know more,” and hung up. Just as we were rushing to get on the plane, she called back and said, “Jen died.” That’s all the conversation we had because the plane was ready to take off. I sat on the plane in total shock. I don’t remember the flight. I don’t even remember taking my seat. I was in a complete daze. All I could think about was what had happened at home.
By the time we landed, I knew that my son had been arrested and that he was responsible for the terrible act. I walked up to Jack McCormick, the team’s traveling secretary, and let him know that something terrible had happened and that, as a result, there might be some chaos around me and the organization. The news was already out in the media, but when I arrived at Fenway, there was no one there.
It was and continues to be, by far, the most horrible day of our lives. There’s not a day that goes by that we don’t think about Jen and what a heinous act was committed by our son. Two families were ruined, and a beautiful woman who was so full of life was gone.
The next day we were immediately crushed by the media, which we totally expected. Media trucks were set up everywhere in our development. It was awful; we couldn’t go anywhere near a window.
We received a call from one of our close friends who suggested that we spend time at their home, away from Boston, to collect our thoughts. We spent three days there, trying to come to grips with what had occurred. We were absolutely distraught.
More and more details were coming out about what had happened. Talking to our lawyer, there was no question that Jared was going to be charged with first-degree murder.
The trial date was set for the fall of 2014, but in May of that year, Jared decided to plead guilty to the charges against him. He told Phoebe that a trial would be a circus and that he didn’t want to put his family through that. He said, “I did this, this is my fault, this is my responsibility.”
He made his decision knowing that he would spend the rest of his life in prison. He wasn’t looking for an out. No one was looking to get him out of anything. There was no out for anyone involved. We were just going through the legal process and dealing with everything that came with it. We were trying to deal with our grief as well as protect and do what was best for our grandchildren. What I do know is that it was a tragedy and, for our grandchildren, a terrible, life-altering event.
So, now, Jared spends his life in prison. We talk to him when he calls, we visit, write letters. His life has changed in the worst possible way. It’s just so hard, and it’s something our family has to deal with daily.
For Jen’s family, their daughter is gone. What do you say to them? There are no words. Jen was the sweetest, most loving person you could ever meet. She was a gem.
And our son is responsible for taking her life. That’s not an easy thing to accept. It’s the guilt that’s consuming. We will live with this tragedy for the rest of our lives. You wouldn’t wish this on your worst enemy. It’s absolutely horrible.
Our grandchildren have rebounded as well as can be expected. I have as much respect and adoration for my grandson, Dominik, as anyone I know. He’s an incredible young man. With what he’s had to go through in his life, to turn out the way that he’s turned out right now, it just makes me so proud. We get to be with our 10-year-old granddaughter, Arianna, who is a sweet, loving child. She is special; she is our little angel.
What bothered me so much after the tragedy was the criticism of my wife. I heard comments like, “How can she be a responsible grandmother when she can’t even raise her own kids?” Of course, this narrative took off on the talk shows. It was nasty; it went above and beyond. I promised her that I’d never do another talk show, and I have kept my promise.
The criticism lasted for months. It was just relentless and cruel. People would offer opinions on whether I should ever work again and speculate about how I could possibly do my job knowing that my son had murdered the mother of his child, my grandchild.
I certainly had those thoughts, I really did. I thought this was going to be it. I didn’t know if I could ever return to the booth.
A meeting was set up with Red Sox chairman Tom Werner, president Larry Lucchino, principal owner John Henry, NESN boss Sean McGrail, and communications director Dr. Charles Steinberg. They asked me what I wanted to do, and I said I didn’t think I could go on. Honestly, I was in no condition to broadcast a game nor did I have the desire to. They told me to do what I needed to do. They couldn’t have been more understanding. I could tell that they really felt for me, that they cared for me and my family. It was agreed that I would take the rest of the year off, to attempt to get my head on straight, and come back the following year. Then Larry Lucchino kindly offered me his house in La Jolla, California, if Phoebe and I needed to get away. I never took him up on it, but the gesture was amazing. That’s how much these people cared about Phoebe and me.
Sean McGrail, from NESN, was very supportive. I’ve said it over and over again, but the relationship I’ve had with Sean and Red Sox ownership, Larry included, and now Sam Kennedy, who replaced Larry as team president, has been off the charts for me.
These people have treated me like family. They have supported me through my bouts of cancer, depression, missed work, and have been nothing less than 100 percent in my corner. I’d run through a wall for them; I really would.
While Jared is our son, what he did was unforgivable.
17. Dealing with Cancer
I thought I had bronchitis or pneumonia. I was really sick, and I went in to see Dr. Larry Ronan, who is the Red Sox team physician. He took a chest X-ray and he didn’t like what he saw in the bottom of my right lung and he suggested a CT scan. I credit him with saving my life because I would have never known that I had cancer if I hadn’t gone to see him. He immediately scheduled a CT scan for me. The scan result showed a suspicious spot that needed to be biopsied. The biopsy showed that, yes, the mass was cancerous, and it had to be removed.
The first time I had the cancer removed, I had a minimally invasive procedure. They took it out and that was it. There was no radiation, there was no chemotherapy. I bounced back from that surgery okay. I tried to keep it quiet. Unfortunately, I developed an infection and that’s what really knocked me out to a point where it was kind of touch and go. That’s the spring training where I was exhausted. I had lost a lot of weight. I was really thin. I had been accustomed to doing every game. It was like hell if I missed a game. Suddenly, I’m battling a post-op infection, I’m battling depression, I’m battling panic attacks, I’m battling cancer. It just all came crashing down on me. That was the first time.
I was scheduled for CT scans every three months. The second time it showed up, I was able to be treated with radiation. I had a week’s worth of radiation that took care of the tumor. It was just five treatments. That was the second time.
The third time was the same thing. After having a normal CT scan, there was a strange spot on a follow-up scan. It required radiation again to remove this spot. I was told I would need five more treatments. I was fine after that. It wasn’t long enough to make me feel fatigued or have any other side effects. The doctors told me that everything was okay for now.
The fourth time they detected another spot needing treatment, it was brutal. It was major surgery. They opened me up around my shoulder blade in order to remove the tumor. The doctors were very confident that the surgery would take care of the cancer. But two days after the surgery, they came in to let me know that the final report showed several other adjacent areas that needed to be treated. That made it a whole different ballgame. Now I would need three cycles of chemotherapy, which would be done once every three weeks. That would be followed by 27 treatments of radiation. We did all that from June of 2017 until January 15, 2018.
I was kind of wiped out after this episode because this was very intensive treatment. It took me approximately 10 weeks to completely recover after the surgery.
The chemotherapy was like a rollercoaster ride. That amount of radiation took much more out of me than the previous times. I didn’t realize it until I got to spring training. When you’re home in the winter, you’re not doing a lot of walking around. When I got to the ballpark, I started walking around the complex and I was exhausted. I decided to get up early every day to go out to the ballpark and just take little walks around the complex to increase my stamina. That seemed to help.
Finally, I thought I was out of the woods. But then I had another relapse in July of 2018. I had known that my cancer had returned for about a week, but I wanted to do the Yankees series at Fenway. I actually flew to Toronto with the team and I had intended to wait until the end of the season to deal with this latest setback. Once I got there, I thought, what am I doing? Cancer can’t wait! I got my butt back home the next day to address this diagnosis.
I couldn’t believe I had relapsed so quickly. My two best options for treatment were, again, surgery or radiation. This procedure would make my last surgery feel like a walk in the park. For the first time, I was really scared. Especially when the surgeon, Dr. Wright, told me that he could remove my entire right lung, which may eliminate the recurrences, but that I could die on the operating table or from complications afterward. If I survived the surgery, there were no guarantees about my quality of life. So, I decided against the surgery and opted for radiation.
The doctors were concerned with keeping me in remission. Because of a gene I have, immunotherapy alone was a long shot at successfully treating future tumors. They told me I may qualify for a clinical trial where tissue from my previous tumor would be used to create a personalized vaccine. The vaccine, in turn, allows the immunotherapy drug to work more effectively. In early November of 2018, after my last scan, I heard that I was cancer free. Later in November, I was informed that I was a match for the vaccine and was admitted into the clinical trial to prevent further recurrences.
The next step was to receive the vaccine (and immunotherapy drug) through IV therapy. I would need to receive treatment once a week for eight consecutive weeks. Because of possible side effects, I would have to be monitored for up to 10 hours on some days. That would be my schedule for January and February of 2019. I was really looking forward to that! I am through the most difficult part and am now receiving treatment once every three weeks.
When I had a couple of relapses and needed chemotherapy, I was in contact with John Farrell and he was very helpful in talking me through it. I also talked to a couple of other people who had had cancer and had been through chemotherapy; I tried to get as much feedback as I could on what to expect. Quite frankly, I found it not to be as devastating as I had anticipated. Although, make no mistake, it was a rough ride. You’re emotionally high and emotionally low due to the steroid medication you take to combat the side effects of chemotherapy. Exhaustion is a factor. Just when you start feeling better, it’s time for another treatment. You don’t feel good for very long. I was fortunate not to have any nausea or vomiting.
My daughter, Jenna, was married on November 4, 2017. I had just finished a chemotherapy treatment a couple of weeks earlier, so I was feeling well. I was able to attend and enjoy our daughter’s wedding; that was a gift. I was initially scheduled for one more treatment after the wedding, but the treatments were starting to affect my hearing and my liver. The doctors decided against a fourth treatment. The end result is that due to the chemotherapy, I now have to wear hearing aids.
I started as a punk smoker. I was about 16, and I just smoked and smoked and smoked. When I signed professionally with the Angels and was going off for my first spring training, I thought that would be it for smoking. You’re a pro athlete now, you can’t smoke. When I arrived at spring training, to my surprise, some of the coaches and players were smoking. I thought it would be against the rules to smoke in pro baseball, but it obviously was not. I figured, oh, this is strange.
Instead of stopping, I continued smoking, and I never stopped. I was addicted to it. When you’re young, you don’t think anything is going to happen to you. You’re invincible. I basically smoked my entire life. There’s no question in my mind that the cancer is due to the smoking. No doubt about that, whatsoever.
I’d say I’d average approximately a pack of Marlboro Reds a day. However, there were days when, if we had a doubleheader or I was out late at night, I could have had two packs. Over the years, I tried to quit a couple of times, but it didn’t work. Truthfully, I never made a full effort to quit until recently and I have been able to stop now. Hopefully, it’s not too late. I always said that it’s easier to pick up the first one than to put down the last one. I don’t want to preach to people about the dangers of smoking because I used to hate hearing it from others. The only thing I would say is, don’t pick up that first one because it becomes awfully tough after that.
When I got to the Red Sox, we had some smokers. Cigarettes were readily available in the clubhouse for those who smoked. You’d go to a certain city, and if the clubhouse manager knew you smoked, there would be a carton of cigarettes sitting on your chair even before you arrived at the ballpark. We had quite a few closet smokers, too. They were the guys who weren’t regular smokers, but during games, they’d go down and fire up between at-bats.
To this day, the first thing I want to do when I get up in the morning is have a cigarette. I’ve come to where, if I can get through the mornings, I’m good for the rest of the day. I don’t smoke at the ballpark anymore. If I’m having a couple of glasses of wine after the game in my hotel room, I don’t smoke. But it’s a battle. Many times I go to sit in the lobby because I have to get out of my room. I want to smoke so badly; I’ve got to go where people are so I don’t smoke.
I wear a nicotine patch every day. I’m not going to lie; I still want to smoke. That sounds sick considering everything I’ve been through but that’s how addictive it is. I smoked for almost 50 years and I’m paying the price.
I think, in this day and age, kids and people in general are well informed about how bad smoking is for you. My family gets it; they’ve seen, up close, what I’ve been through. They do not smoke.
I’m not surrounded by a lot of people who smoke. I must say that, at times, when I come out of the ballpark and I start smelling those cigarettes, it’s difficult. I remember when I first tried quitting, I would walk past half-filled ashtrays on tables or those ashtrays that are outside of restaurants and I’d think, man, there’s still a couple of puffs on those...I could have that! That’s how crazy smoking can make you.
The road trips are extremely difficult for me; I’m much better when I’m home. An off day on the road, when I didn’t have anything to do, that used to be a day where I’d sit in my room and have a glass of wine and a cigarette and just unwind. I’ve got to really battle it now; I’m trying to do whatever I can to avoid smoking. It’s weird; in the evenings, I still have my wine but I don’t smoke. I thought that would bother me much more, but it doesn’t. It’s the mornings that are the hardest.
In the morning on the road, I get up, I’ll grab a cup of coffee, I’ll eat a bagel. Sometimes I’m ready to go by 10:30 am, sitting in the lobby for a 7:00 pm game. I’ve just got to get out. People laugh at me because I’m sitting in the lobby so early, but I can’t sit in my room. I can’t do it. I try to go to places where it takes your mind off it. That’s how I’ve been trying to handle it so far. It’s not as tough at home because my wife is like a hawk. She’s on me all the time.
But this is my life. I have to battle every day.
18. In Conclusion
If you’ve read this book in its entirety, you must realize by now that my life hasn’t been easy. You also know that I had the good fortune to be a major league baseball player and play for my beloved Red Sox. The good times continued with a fulfilling broadcasting career that has spanned more than 30 years.
I will say this, I couldn’t have done it without my life partner, my wif
e, Phoebe. She is my best friend. She’s the strongest person in the world that I know. She’s the rock of our family. We’ve been married for 44 years.
When we met, Phoebe Brum was a student at Bridgewater State College and a seasonal employee wrapping Christmas presents at Empire Men’s Shop in Fall River, where I worked as a salesman in the off-season. I don’t know, we just hit it off. Phoebe actually knew my mother (and sister) because some of Phoebe’s friends and her niece, Heidi, took dance lessons at the studio where my mother worked. So, that was a connection. Phoebe said that when she first saw me, I reminded her of someone but that she couldn’t pinpoint who. I look like my mother; I guess that explains it.
We were married in October of 1974; that was the year that I played winter ball in Mexico. Let’s just say, we were not in a resort town. Phoebe was sick the entire time. It wasn’t a pleasant experience for either of us, but we got through it. We’ve endured so much together. A baseball wife’s life may look glamorous from afar but it’s really not. It’s kind of a lonely life and most of the responsibilities of the family are left to the wives.
Today, baseball is more family friendly than in the past. In my era, especially at the beginning of my career, it was rare that you were allowed to miss a game for the birth of your child. Fortunately, things have changed for the better and family life is now a priority.
Baseball life can be a challenge for many reasons. Phoebe never complained about it and she always supported me and my career. It was hard for her. She’d make plans for us to go out to dinner after a Sunday afternoon game at Fenway, but if I had a bad day I’d be in a miserable mood and want to cancel. I wasn’t a happy-go-lucky guy during the season. I just couldn’t leave the game at the ballpark. I’d see other players who were able to do that, and I used to be jealous of them. Fred Lynn was a great example; nothing seemed to bother him. Everything bothered me. All those years while I was playing, Phoebe tolerated a lot of crap from me. She deserves a gold star.
