by Tanya Allan
“For real; oh yes, it’s all fun and games in this house. I’m supposed to be studying for my GCSEs with all this shit. I called it in to your control room that he’d had several whiskies before setting off earlier. I was afraid he’d kill some innocent motorist.”
“How old are you?”
“Seventeen next birthday.”
“You’ve ten times his sense. It sounds like you’ll be well shot of them both.”
“Yeah, well, we never get a choice as to whom we are born, do we?”
“Ain’t that the truth? Are you okay?”
“I suppose so; if I can get my revision done in peace.”
“Okay, I’ll call this in, they might decide he’s a flight risk and keep him in overnight for court in the morning. He is up for assaulting the police officer as well.”
The officer left, leaving Kenneth slightly numb. He had imagined his Dad getting stopped and possibly being breath-tested. Still, the silly bugger had pranged his car and ended up in hospital; how stupid was that?
Should he feel guilty?
As he went upstairs, he tried to analyse his feelings towards his parents. He recalled times in the past when he had had fun times with them, but even the good times were marred by the fact that usually they took him to grandparents or other family members while they just had to do this or that, usually relating to one or other of their careers.
He felt an overwhelming sense of sadness, as he knew that so many of those he knew had families that actually did things together and, despite not being perfect, at least cared about each other. Kenneth felt as if his parents didn’t care at all about anything other than themselves. They didn’t even care much about each other in the better times, and definitely not now!
He looked at Basil, and patted his lap for the dog to jump up. He licked Kenneth’s face and wagged his tail.
“Time for Keira to take you for a walk, Baz!” he said, reaching for the torc.
Twelve
“Right, put your pens down, and stop writing!” said Mr Fuller, the invigilator. “Place all your papers into the envelope provided and sit and wait for it to be collected. All spare paper will be taken from you before you leave.”
Kenneth breathed a sigh of relief. Four weeks of solid exams were over.
He felt pretty optimistic, as all the papers had seemed far easier than the mocks they took some months ago now. Perhaps the torc had assisted him to remember stuff, or perhaps now his gender problem was about to be permanently sorted had allowed him the brain space to concentrate. Certainly, he no longer thought about it all day and every day. He smiled, for most of the time when not at school, he was Keira, so it was all academic anyway.
It had been a turbulent four weeks; not just because of the exams. He had managed one meeting with Anne, as he had to cope with a lot of distractions. One problem was the time spent fending of Child Services from the local council. His father had been to court, pleaded guilty and apologised to everyone for being an arse. He had come home, a contrite and very much more subdued man, particularly as he was disqualified from driving for a year and fined £800 for the drink-drive offence. For thumping the policeman he was given a conditional discharge, because he was in hospital and thought that his wife had sent the man to steal his wallet. The fact the court believed him to a degree said a lot about the Justices.
However, it came to light that a juvenile (Kenneth) had been left on his own for days, if not weeks at a time as the parents had been so involved in their respective careers. The first Graham knew of this was when the police had informed the court that Linda had not been at home for a week, and that Graham had been abroad for two. It was a real revelation and reality check for the man. To say he was shocked to the core would be quite accurate. He had been so focussed on his career and his life that he had forgotten that with marriage and children (even if just one child) came responsibilities. He was not truly aware how much Linda was equally distracted by her career, believing her to be a part-timer who was mainly a mother, instead of a very part-time mother and almost full-time career woman.
Oh yes, and his Mercedes was written off when he hit that tree.
After the court case, Graham and Kenneth had met with the Child Services. Graham admitted full responsibility and claimed blissful ignorance as to the true state of affairs. He told the woman that he was now going to have to work from home so as to be available for his son.
“It’s a bit late for that now, as he’s almost an adult!” she had said, looking at the sixteen year old.
However, she accepted his promise that if he needed to commute then he would get someone to drive him, and only go out when Kenneth was in school or otherwise safe. Kenneth guessed that the person most likely to do the driving was Stephanie, but did not say so.
In any case, they were mollified and decided that Kenneth was not in any immediate danger, so normal (?) life was resumed.
Kenneth thought that having his father around all the time was going to be a bit of a bummer, but hoped that his father might decide to spend a lot of that time with Stephanie.
Linda, on the other hand, had not reappeared; not when Kenneth was there, anyway.
After his fourth exam, he came home from school to find his father sitting in the sitting room looking as if he’d been crying.
“What’s up, Dad?”
It would be fair to say that communication between father and son had been minimal since the confrontation prior to his father having the crash. As the breath-test had been as a result of the crash, and not due to Kenneth’s information, Kenneth decided not to rub salt into the wound. However, Graham was still cautious in dealing with Kenneth, as the boy was far worldlier than he ever gave him credit for.
“You’re mother’s been with her lover and stripped the place,” Graham said.
Apparently, Linda had come round with Yvonne and removed all clothes and ‘her stuff’. The house did look a lot emptier, and most of it was the rather ornate and ‘arty’ stuff with which Linda had filled the house to impress business clients.
“I think the place looks better without that crap,” Kenneth said, which drew a thin smile from his father.
“Yvonne has left her husband and it seems that they’re both suing for divorce. They said they are planning to set up home together in fashionable Fulham.”
“Good riddance; they deserve each other,” Kenneth said, and turned to go up to his room.
“Kenneth, wait, please.”
“Dad?”
“This is awkward, as, well, I have to admit to hardly have been a very good father, have I?”
“No, you haven’t, and Mum was pretty crap too.”
Graham smiled.
“You could be a little less certain.”
“It’s true, Dad, you’ve been a selfish sod who’s been so engrossed in yourself that you’ve hardly acknowledged my existence unless it’s to affirm that I do or become what you want. You’ve ridiculed me and my problems, so, yeah; you’re a crap Dad who basically showed me you don’t give a shit about me.”
Graham opened his mouth to argue, but closed it again.
“That’s not true; I actually care deeply about you. But when did I ridicule you?”
“When you told me that I couldn’t be transgendered.”
The man frowned.
“That was years ago,” he said.
“Oh, you remembered, I’m surprised.”
“You were just a child.”
“I’m still a child, legally. But I told you when I was five, when I was eight and when I was eleven. You pooh-poohed me then and so I’ve no reason to expect you not to pooh-pooh me now.”
Graham frowned some more.
“But, the girl; I saw her, and you, you and she, you..”
“Dad, that was me!”
“What?”
“That girl, Keira; that was me.”
Graham laughed then, a little and very nervous laugh.
“No, I know a girl when I see one, and that was no
t you. Besides, there is no way you could just appear like that, and disappear.”
“Doh, my bedroom window goes out onto the trellis for the wisteria, Dad. Look, I am a girl. I have to be a boy occasionally for school and shit, but I am a girl for the rest of the time.”
“No, that was a real girl.”
Graham looked sceptical, so Kenneth shook his head.
“We can argue this until we’re blue in the face. Stay there, I’ll prove it to you.”
Kenneth left his father staring after him. The boy knew that he had his father in a place that he could control. It was now or never. If he could convince his father, then he was half way there.
Twenty minutes later, Graham was still in the sitting room watching the news on the only TV that Linda hadn’t taken; mainly because it was too big, too heavy and wouldn’t fit in her car.
He looked up as the girl walked into the room.
Keira had taken the time to get her makeup right; wearing the pretty dress and high heel shoes. She still wore no jewellery as she didn’t actually have any; except the torc, that is.
“Good God!”
“No, sorry, I’m just Keira, your daughter.”
Graham stood up onto unsteady feet.
“But your voice, your body and, hell, even your face. You’re a girl!”
“Duh, what did I say, Dad?”
“No, I mean a real girl, with, those and, ....” Graham was staring at Keira’s ample bosom that was displaying a spectacular cleavage. His eyes moved south to a very smooth front at crotch level.
“Okay, so I have breasts and a vagina, that is what makes me a girl, Dad, or had you forgotten?”
“You can’t be Kenneth, he’s got a p.. a p..”
“A penis? Yes, I know Kenneth had a penis, but then I’m not Kenneth any more, am I?”
Graham sat down abruptly.
“How?”
“You don’t want to know, because you wouldn’t understand, so just accept it’s happened and you have a daughter now. Now, for awhile I’m going to have to switch back and forth, just until I’ve finished with school and get my friendly doctor to sign me off as a real girl.”
“I don’t understand,” Graham said.
“I told you that; don’t you listen to a word I say?”
“This can’t be happening.”
“Well, it is, and you’d better get used to it. Now, my doctor’s name is Anne Dobson and I need you to understand that I am serious about this. In a few weeks, Kenneth is going to be gone and I will be Keira all the time. So, task number one, I need you to find me a decent sixth form college that I can start in September as a girl.”
“But, you can’t...”
“Dad; focus and listen to me, and listen carefully. Kenneth is going away permanently very soon, have you got that?”
“But..”
“Dad, have you got that?”
“I think so. Why?”
“Because I’m Keira and I am what Kenneth should have been from birth; okay?”
Graham nodded because he felt if he tried speaking it would get even more complicated.
“Good; and when he goes away, I will be here all the time. The doctor will have to sign papers to say I must have been inter-sexed all along and someone made a boo-boo when I was born. I need you to confirm that to the doctor and to anyone else who asks, okay?”
He nodded again, as it seemed to work the last time.
“Good, then that’s settled. Oh, and it might be best to say nothing to Mum for a bit. She’s freaking out enough without all this.”
Graham was happy with the last as the less contact he had with his estranged wife, the better. By all accounts, Linda was trying to take him to the proverbial cleaners.
Graham stated that he would fight, claiming infidelity, while Linda claimed she sought comfort after Graham ‘abandoned’ her for his secretary.
Keira had to remain out of sight for a couple of weeks, while Kenneth coped with all the exams and hassle with his parents. She was limited to the privacy of her room, so was there all night. Kenneth had never slept so well until Keira came along.
Connie was conspicuous by her absence. In truth, she was more than a little scared of Keira, so used the revision excuse to stay away. She was friendly to Kenneth in school, and gradually was coming to terms with having a weird friend who was more than a little bit different to everyone else. Kenneth had such a cluttered life; he was actually grateful for the space that Connie gave him. He went out of his way to be nice to her in school, and the strategy seemed to be working as she was losing some of her fear, if not her weight.
“So, you’ve been having a busy time, then?” Anne said when Kenneth eventually came to see her. It had been over four weeks since the last meeting
“Yeah, well, what with exams and fighting parents, you could say that.”
“How are you?”
“Okay; a bit tired. But I’ve finished the exams now.”
“So, is that you finished with school for the summer?”
“Yes, I suppose it is. They let us and the A level students go at half term. The sixth formers come back for a last farewell, but we don’t have to.”
“Will you go back in September?”
“That depends on a couple of things.”
“Being?”
“One; whether my grades are good enough for sixth form; and two, whether I’m a girl by then.”
Anne laughed, as the boy was so certain. It was as if he had no doubt at all that he would change gender without any help at all.
“I suppose we ought to talk about hormones,” she said.
“I’ve been thinking about that. Can I leave that for a bit?”
She was surprised, as she had thought the boy would be eager to start down the road.
“Care to tell me why?”
“Okay, but bear with me, as you probably won’t agree. One, I’m not sure that taking stuff to change my boy body will help in the long run, as my girl body won’t need any hormones. Two, as I have to live at least part of the time as a boy, even if it is just going to be for a very short time, I don’t want to be like in the middle somewhere.”
“Are you having second thoughts?” she asked.
“About what?”
“Changing your birth gender. It’s not unusual, as many patients suffer from doubts at some point.”
“No, not at all; why should I?”
“Well, without hormones, you won’t gain the physical characteristics that will help you do so.”
“No, I’m not saying I don’t want female hormones; I just know that I’ll make my own. Once I make my own, I won’t need artificial ones.”
Anne smiled sadly.
“Kenneth, this is ludicrous; you can’t change, I keep telling you this.”
“I know you do, but I know I can. I want that box of chocolates.”
She laughed.
“You do seem happier in yourself; why is that?”
“There are a few reasons. Now my parents have had their fight and split up, things are more settled at home. For ages I knew things were dying, but they were both in denial and tried to maintain the image they wanted everyone to see. They fooled no one but themselves. Mum’s moved in with her girlfriend and Dad is living and working from home. That’s a bit of a pain as I liked the peace of being by myself, but at least we’re talking now. I don’t have the stress of exams, and I know that within a little while I’ll be a girl all the time. I’ve told my Dad and although he’s confused, he’s okay with it.”
“That’s excellent news. What’s he confused about?”
“I don’t think he can come to terms with me as a girl. You know, I was his only son and great things were planned. He doesn’t quite understand that it’s my life and I will live it my way.”
“You’re not a girl yet,” Anne pointed out.
“An academic point.”
“How did he react when you told him?”
“Denial, in that I couldn’t be, follow
ed by confusion.”
“Would you like me to talk to him?”
“Maybe after I’ve gone through the change.”
Anne was surprised again.
“It might be better that I talk to him before that, as the transition period might be as long as two years.”
“No, more like a couple of days. So, I think you’ll probably need to get your head round it first, before you try to sort him out.”
Anne shook her head and smiled.
“So, once you are a girl, what will you do with your life?” she asked, humouring him.
“That’s easy; I’ll be a super hero and uphold truth, justice and the British way,” he said with a smile.
“Oh yes, and what will your super-name be?” Anne asked, entering into the spirit of the game.
“Ah, good point, I haven’t actually thought of one yet.”
“Well, let me know. And what super-powers will you have?”
“Oh, just the usual: the ability to leap tall buildings with a single bound, impervious to bullets, to be able to fling bolts of kinetic energy with my mind, and to understand all languages instantly.”
“Not a lot then?” she asked, smiling.
“Nah, just same old, same old.”
“Seriously, Kenneth, have you given much thought to how you really want your life to unfold?”
“Seriously, no; I just want, no I just need to be a girl. Once that happens, I don’t actually care. I can look at things differently and go with the flow. I suppose it all comes down to how well I’ve done in my exams. If I get good grades in my GCSEs then I’ll look at sixth form. I’m not sure that staying on at my present school will be an option, as to transition there might be tougher on the school than on me.”
The answer surprised Anne.
“What do you mean by that?”
“Okay, for me, I’ll be a girl, so I’ll be fine. For the school, they have to manage the fact they will have a boy who is now a girl. They will have neurotic and bigoted parents who will want to create a stink; I’m not sure why, as I’m sure transitioning to being a girl doesn’t make me into a serial sex offender. Anyway, they’ll get their knickers in a twist and force me to use a neutral toilet, so as not to infect all the ‘normal’ kids, I suppose; and to forgo any sort of sporting activity in case their little precious has to touch me or see my partly naked body. So, it’s far more complex an issue for the school than for me.”
