by Mj Fields
My chest tightens. I feel like I could burst.
“When’s the last time you heard from him?”
“Four days ago, Lucas, and that’s just not okay.”
Unable to shut my mouth because I am worried about him, Luke, my...my son’s father, I spout out, “He was here.”
“What? Is that Ava?” Jade asks.
“He was here, and you didn’t tell me?” Dad asks, shocked.
“He was here, and I told him he had to leave before you got here. I just didn’t...I just—”
“Was he okay?” Jade asks.
“Yes, he was, but he didn’t say good-bye. I think he is pissed at me.”
Jade is quiet, Dad is anxious, and I am freaking out.
“Do you know anyone you can call?” Dad asks Jade.
“My son has been missing for three days; I’m going to call everyone I can. In the meantime, Ryan and I will be on our way.”
“He’s fine. I know he is,” I tell her.
She clears her throat. “Ava, I love you, you know this, but he better be fine, or I am going to turn that city upside down.”
“Easy, Jade,” Dad warns.
“Lucas, this is my son we’re talking about; don’t easy, Jade me.”
“Dad?” I say when he hangs up on Jade.
“You’ll be fine. He’ll be fine.”
I nod, and he hugs me.
Within five hours, Jade, Ryan, Tessa, Lauren, Jackson, and Riley are in my loft. The babies are sleeping, and I am sitting on the couch, pretending to be asleep because I don’t want to face them.
Ryan talks Jade out of calling the police until morning. Part of me agrees, and part of me doesn’t. Meanwhile, Dad, Logan, Jackson, and Ryan decide to take a drive, which is almost ridiculous since the city is huge; there is no way to just find someone out there.
Panic races through me. I wonder if he fell again, or if someone hit him.
I stand up, walk into the babies’ room, and shut the door behind me. I look at them sleeping, having no idea what to do to make sure that they don’t lose him, too. Then I look at the mural. I look at the cloud I imagine T is sitting on, and I let him see my worry. I let him see my worry and know that, if he loved me, and I know he did, he would be okay with it. What man wouldn’t want a man like Luke in his child’s life if he couldn’t be here?
I look above him and see the sun, and I realize that T...T died, and it was horrible and awful, but all of his dreams came true. His belly was full, he had love that would never end, and he had a family. He died, and he’s not coming back, but Luke, he lived through something he should not have.
I do the only thing I can think of that I can do right now. I lower myself to my knees and look above the cloud T sits on, above the sun that is all of his wishes and dreams that came true, and I close my eyes.
“Please, please, please, please, let him be okay. Please, God, they need him. I need him. Please don’t punish him for my anger, for my...hate. Please let him be okay.”
I stand up when the door opens and turn around.
Tessa and Jade are standing in the doorway, both with tears rolling down their cheeks. Jade holds her hand out to me and, shaking my head, I hold mine out to her. She swallows hard as she walks toward me.
Hand in hand, we stand between the cribs, her lower lip trembling. Then I nod once toward Chance, and she looks at him, stares at him. She releases my hand and covers her mouth, silently sobbing.
I hate myself for keeping him from them, but I know she understands, just like Dad did. They stepped away, for me.
Tessa stands behind Jade, holding her shoulders, and pulls her back to her. They hug as they both look at Chance Thomas.
I look over to find Hope is awake, staring toward the door. I reach in to pick her up when I hear a voice.
“Let me.”
I freeze and look up. “Where the hell have you been?”
Chapter Twenty-One
He won’t cheat again. — C. PA
Luke
“Shh...Jesus, Ava,” I scold, trying to quiet her.
“No, don’t you hush me,” she says a little softer, but not by much.
“Hey, Hope,” I say softly as I walk out of the nursery with her in my arms.
She smiles and the pacifier falls out of her mouth, which makes me laugh.
“Hey, what do you have there?” I ask, seeing a little white chicklet-looking thing sticking out of her gums. “Feels better now, huh?”
“Luke Lane, where...?” Ava stops when I sit down.
“Sit for a minute, blue eyes?” I pat the seat next to me, and her face turns bright red.
I don’t know if she’s stunned or in shock, but she sits, and she’s quiet, which is...nice.
Mom walks out of the room holding my son so tightly that I’m afraid she may crush him. And the waterworks that are coming out of his eyes...Well, I’m afraid they may drown him. I know I’m overreacting, and I know it won’t mean shit to her if I asked her to let him go. There is no chance of that happening.
“Mom, I see you’ve met your grandson.”
“I’m never letting him go,” Mom declares as she sits down on the couch, and I see Ava visibly stiffen.
I lean in toward Ava and whisper, “She’s not being literal.”
“God, I will not make you feel like I did, Ava,” Mom sobs. “I will never.” Mom is referring to the fact that my father’s parents put her through hell by trying to get custody of me after I was born. A fact I only recently learned.
Ryan sits beside her on the arm of the couch and kisses the top of her head, just staring at Chance.
“Dad,” I say, feeling a bit emotional. “Meet your grandson, Chance. Both of you, meet Hope. She’s pretty damn amazing.”
“And she’s his?” Lauren whispers.
I nod. “Well, I guess so, but I kind of see her as ours.”
Lauren comes over and sits on the other side of me. “May I?”
“Just...” Ava starts with a quiver in her voice. Then she shrugs. “They’ve been a little—”
“Clingy,” Lucas pipes in. “They love their mom. They’ll get used to the rest of us. Especially now that they’ll be home for Christmas.”
I look over at Ava, and she shrugs. “The Brooklyn snowmen suck.”
I have no idea what she’s talking about, but I nod. “Okay, then.”
The kids are tired, I’m exhausted, Ava is a ball of nerves and emotions, but not one damn person in this room is looking at her, judging her as harshly as she is judging herself. That’s what fucks people up the most—worrying about what others think about them. It wreaks havoc on them, and then trickles down to everyone around them.
After awhile, I put Hope back in her bed, Ava right beside me.
She kisses her head. “I love you, butterfly.”
“And you know how I feel.” I kiss her in the same spot Ava did.
Mom and Ryan walk in and put my boy down, smiling at me as they leave the room. Then I watch as Ava walks over and sits on the bed she sleeps in every night, except the two I got lucky enough to have her with me.
“What?” she whispers while I stare at her.
“Nothing. You need sleep.”
She looks down, eyes narrowing, playing with her hands.
“What’s on your mind?” I ask.
She shakes her head.
“Ava, what is it?”
“You didn’t answer your texts. You didn’t, and you were gone.”
“First of all, you told me to get lost. And second, I lost my phone.”
She rolls her eyes, and I can’t help smiling at her.
“Whatever. Goodnight, Luke. I’m glad you’re okay.”
It dawns on me that she was worried. For three days, she was worried. Same girl who made me park off the street because she was afraid I would get hit by a fucking car was worried, and that is my fault.
The tiniest part of me gets pleasure in that thought, while the rest of me feels like shit.
Wh
en Trigger and I found Samuel Leighton, he lied to us. He lied and told us that bitch Casey was a lying whore. It wasn’t until he was dangling over the Hudson with a gun to his head that he confessed.
I got it all on tape, on my phone. I showed him his confession as I held him upside down, and he swatted it out of my hand. That’s why I have no fucking phone. It’s probably at the bottom of the river right now.
I let Trigger hold his ass, and I was ready to blow his fucking brains out, when Trigger talked me down. I wasn’t happy about it, but I know Ava wouldn’t be all that pleased if I killed a man because of my love for her.
Luckily, Trigger has it on tape, too. He also has the name of Samuel’s five baby mommas and their seven children. As big a piece of shit as he is, he didn’t like them being threatened.
When we took him to the cop shop to confess, we waited for Casey to walk out before letting him out of the vehicle to go in. She made her statement first, gave him up, and got her hand slapped. Fucking bitch should have gotten more than he got. She knew while sucking off Ava’s kindness for too fucking long.
Never again.
As tired as I am, I can’t sleep, so I head to the kitchen and open the fridge, seeing someone bought beer.
“Thank fuck,” I say, grabbing one.
I walk out onto the balcony and see Dad and Lucas standing there. I don’t want to face Lucas alone, not yet. I immediately want to turn around and walk the fuck back inside, but I need to man up. This shit is going to happen sooner than later.
They both turn around and look at me, both have a beer in hand, and Dad smiles. Lucas...he nods.
Fuck.
“Lucas...” I start.
“Luke, let’s not do this tonight,” he says, sounding defeated.
“I think it’s important,” I tell him then take a drink.
“Luke—”
“This isn’t about me and your daughter, our past, or how Chance came about. This isn’t about what a dick I was to her, and how lucky I am that she is who she is or I may not have ever had the opportunity to meet Chance or Hope. This is about where I have been, what I have been doing, and how fucked up she’s going to be by that.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Lucas snaps. Fuck, he even shows teeth.
“The man who killed Thomas is behind bars,” I tell him.
“What?” he gasps.
I nod. “Don’t ask how. Just know that he is. Also know it’ll be on the news tomorrow. She’s gonna see it, or hear about it.”
“That’s good. She’ll be glad. Fuck, she’ll throw a party,” Lucas says, still in a disbelieving tone.
“Don’t want her to know, but Casey knew him. She saw the accident—hid it.” I pause and take a deep breath. “She was given a plea deal and probably won’t do jail time, but over my dead fucking body. If that happens, you two better make sure that bitch is never around my kids or Ava again.”
Dad and Lucas look at me oddly.
“What?”
“You said your kids, as in plural.” Dad chuckles, and I nod, letting him know it was no mistake. “That’s my boy.”
“I also said Thomas’s killer was caught, and Ava’s driver knew.”
“How the fuck did you manage that?” Lucas asks.
“Made a promise to a little girl.” I take another drink. This is one of those conversations I hate, the ones that might get too fucking deep.
“Hope?” Lucas asks.
I nod.
He nods back. “Thank you.”
“No thanks needed. Just want you to know Ava is gonna have a hard time with that.”
“It’ll hurt, but she’s stronger than you think,” Lucas says.
I say nothing, not a damn word. I don’t get how they could miss the boat with her. She’s not strong when it comes to herself. She’s going to be a mess, a fucking mess, and that’s going to be a bitch to deal with. She has now exposed herself in a way Ava Links doesn’t like to be exposed. She’s vulnerable, scared, and she has legitimate reasons to be.
I made a promise to a little girl. I promised to pick her every time. I fucked up once, and she will never forget that.
“I think we need to move the troops back upstate first thing in the morning. When the news hits, she’s not gonna want to leave her fortress.”
Everyone is up and out of the house by eight o’clock in the morning. I suspect both Mom and Tessa know about Samuel Leighton, the man who killed Thomas, but they aren’t saying shit.
Meanwhile, Ava is running on directives, not saying much, and doing what is expected of her. As glad as I am about that, I like to see her with some fight. I understand, though. She’s in her own head, trying to do what everyone wants her to do. She feels she has let them down, and in doing so, she let herself down. I hate that she is beating herself up, but the selfish prick in me knows it will get her home. Then, God willing, I will make it right.
I’m not really thrilled that Lucas insisted he drive with Ava and the kids. I’m even less thrilled when she nods in agreement. At least we are heading home.
My leg is swollen up pretty badly, so Jackson drives my truck. Riley rides shotgun while I stretch out in the backseat, trying to get some sleep.
“I can’t believe he can sleep like that,” Riley says with a laugh.
“I can’t believe he’s a dad,” Jackson counters with a grin in his voice.
“He probably can’t, either.” Riley chuckles.
“Well, I’m sure he had his suspicions. Bet that hurt like hell, too.”
I clear my throat, letting them know I am awake so they will shut the hell up.
“You wanna talk about it?” Riley asks, looking back.
“What is, is. Wouldn’t change it.”
“Okay, Luke.” She laughs. “Care to elaborate?”
“No.”
After that, I sleep the entire ride home, and when Jackson turns off my truck, I sit up to find we are in the driveway.
I immediately look over toward the Links’ house and see Ava getting out of her father’s vehicle. Her shoulders are slumped, and she looks spent. She doesn’t look over here. I wish she would so I could get a read on what she needs from me now.
When Lucas puts his arm around her and walks her into the house behind Logan and Tessa, who are carrying the car seats, I already feel a divide.
“Ready to go in?” Riley asks, looking over at the house, too.
I shake my head as we get out of the truck. “I need to go get a new phone.”
“Now?” Mom asks from behind me.
I nod. “Yeah. See you guys a little later.” I get in the driver’s seat and pull out.
Two seconds later, I pull in to her driveway, put the vehicle in park, and get out, walking urgently to their door.
When Lucas answers my knock, he tells me, “She saw it on her phone’s newsfeed.”
“She okay?”
He shakes his head. “She’s feeding the kids and putting them down for a nap. Didn’t want any help.”
“Where is she?”
“Luke, she wants to be alone.”
“With all due respect, she doesn’t get to be.”
“Luke—”
I ignore him, walking past him and making my way up the stairs. When I walk into her room, she isn’t there.
“You may think you know her,” Lucas begins, having followed me up, “but she’s my little girl, and she says what she needs. And if she says—”
“She doesn’t know what she needs, Lucas.”
“Now you listen to me—”
“Dad?” I hear Ava call him.
I walk toward her voice, down the hall to her parents’ old room, where she is standing in the doorway, holding Chance.
“You and I need to talk,” I tell her.
“Luke, not now, okay?” Her voice is strong, but her eyes all but plead with me to turn around and walk away.
I shake my head and try to come up with a reason to be here that’s not related to the issue at hand.
“He’s fed.”
“Then I’ll feed Hope.”
“She’s all set.”
“Then you...you need to eat.”
“Luke, please.”
I hold my hands out for Chance. “Let me rock him. You go eat.”
“Luke...” she sighs then looks at her father. “Dad, will you give us a few minutes, please?”
I don’t look at him. It’s not about him. It’s not about anything but Ava and her not fucking hiding anymore.
He walks down the stairs, and I walk around her and into the room.
There are two cribs, and one rocking chair.
One.
Immediately, I feel that bringing her home was a bad idea. She is strong—she is—but she won’t do this alone, and I won’t be pushed away by overbearing fathers and too many well-meaning people. Therefore, I say the only thing I can that will keep her fighting.
“Ava, you can’t keep me away from him.”
She stiffens and looks at me, anger replacing sadness in the blink of an eye.
Fuck.
Chapter Twenty-Two
I will never leave. — C. Quiroz
Ava
You can’t keep me away from him? What hidden meaning is behind those words? Did he push to get me here, and could all of those things he promised be lies? Will he try to take Chance from me now?
“Ava...” He holds his hands out for my son, and all I can think about is every other weekend, every other holiday, my children being torn apart, and my heart...my already fragile heart shatters once again.
“Get a lawyer,” I grit out.
“Excuse me?” he asks in apparent shock.
“Get a lawyer. Until then...”
“You need a fight, Ava?” he asks. “You need something to do so you don’t have to face what happened? I get that, but I am not your enemy. Jesus Christ, Ava, just let me hold him so you can—”
“Get a lawyer and leave.”
