“Well, everyone makes mistakes,” my Dad said with a comforting smile. “What matters is what we do about them. If we learn something good from them, then they can become important lessons.”
At those words, I turned to my Dad and smiled. It was just a weak smile but already, I knew I was feeling better. Perhaps my frustration had mostly been stemming from myself, from my inability to understand Joseph’s decision, and now that I did, thanks to my Dad, that frustration was slowly evaporating, and the fog that had been in my mind, keeping me from thinking rationally, was beginning to lift.
I knew now what I had to do.
The next day, I woke up early to make a drawing for Joseph, one of the most popular Marvel superheroes that I hoped he still liked, which would be one of the tokens of my apology. The others would be some brownie muffins which I would bake myself and some purple hyacinths, which I read were excellent apology flowers, provided I could get some, of course.
Bridget, who was at the flower shop since she had insisted on Joseph taking the day off and resting, was actually not too keen on seeing me after what had happened yesterday, and not too keen on me seeing Joseph either but after I explained to her that I intended to apologize and make up with him, she gave me a few stems of purple hyacinths at a discount, telling me that they were the perfect choice just as I had thought.
With all my three tokens of apology, I went to Joseph’s house. Like Bridget, he did not seem happy to see me and was about to go back into the house, in fact, when I grabbed his arm.
“I came to apologize,” I told him quickly before I could lose my chance. “I was selfish, trying to force what I believed was right on you and placing my feelings above your own, and I’m really sorry. I’m sorry, too, that I brought someone else into the picture. I promise that I will never bring up the subject again. In fact, I won’t ever talk about your condition again, unless you start, not to you or anyone else.”
He looked at me, as if silently debating whether or not to forgive me. Then, finally, after a few seconds, he smiled, flooding me with relief.
“I’m sorry, too,” he said. “I said some harsh words of my own.”
“It’s okay,” I told him. “I probably deserved to hear them.”
There was a moment of silence, though this was not as heavy as the first, probably just a result of the awkwardness we felt since it seemed as if we were seeing each other again for the first time.
“So am I forgiven?” I asked, choosing to break the silence.
“Hmm…” He scratched his chin. “I guess…”
“Wait, before you forgive me, here.” I handed him the flowers, muffins and the envelope that contained my drawing. “Purple hyacinths since I learned that they symbolize asking for one’s forgiveness, brownie muffins that I baked myself and a drawing that I made this morning. I’m not really used to drawing superheroes but I think it turned out quite nice anyway.”
He pulled the drawing out of the envelope and smiled.
“So am I forgiven?” I repeated my question.
He chuckled. “After receiving these tokens of apology, I think I have no choice but to forgive you.”
I smiled.
“Well, come in. Why don’t we eat these muffins together?”
“But I brought them for you,” I reasoned even as I followed him inside the house.
“So? When you bring a bottle of wine, there’s nothing wrong about drinking it together with the person you gave it to. Why should eating muffins be different?”
I shrugged. “Well, I guess you have a point.”
“Besides, I know you still have the sweet tooth.”
I chuckled.
He left me in the living room then came back with the muffins served on a large plate.
“So, how are you feeling today?” I asked as he sat beside me. “Wait, I’m allowed to ask that question, right?”
He grinned. “Sure. And yes, I feel fine today. I was actually telling Bridget I was going to the shop with her but she insisted I stay home, and you know Bridg, you can never win an argument against her.”
“I guess the two of you are alike in that manner,” I joked. “No offense meant.”
“None taken,” he said as he bit into a muffin. “This is seriously good.”
“I’m glad you like it,” I said.
He took another bite and I, too, took a muffin and started eating.
“Can I just ask you a question?” he asked.
“Sure.”
“Why were you so bothered about me not undergoing treatment?”
“I…I guess I just thought I wanted you to live. If there was a chance for my Mom to live, I knew I would have wanted her to take it, but of course, I realize now how selfish that way of thinking is.”
“Oh,” he said. “And here I thought you wanted me to live because you’d fallen in love with me already.”
I nudged him on the shoulder. “You are so full of yourself.”
He just laughed.
“Can I ask you a question, too?”
“Sure.”
“I mean, since you started talking about it. I’m just curious. How does it feel to know that your life is coming to an end? Where do you get the courage to face that?”
“Those are two questions,” he said, grinning. Then, his expression turned serious. “When I first heard the doctor tell me that I didn’t have long to live, I felt as if my world stopped. I was upset, of course, to say the least, but when I saw how much more upset my sister was and yet how hard she was trying not to show it, how hard she was trying to be brave, I told myself that I would be strong, too. If I had only a short time to live, then I don’t want to spend it being upset or being a burden to others. I want to spend it as peacefully and as happily as possible, and spend it making others happy instead of making them worry, to make the most of it while it lasts.”
I nodded.
“It’s funny, but I don’t think I’ve ever really started living until I learned I was dying.”
I placed my hand over his, squeezing it as I looked into his eyes, which were gleaming with strength and sadness at the same time. Then, I smiled at him.
“Alright, that’s enough on this topic,” I said as I took another bite from my muffin. “You’re going to make me cry.”
He smiled.
“So are you going to the high school reunion?” I asked him, changing the topic.
“I was thinking it wouldn’t hurt to go,” he said. “I mean, I’m not really fond of social get-togethers and stuff like that but I think I’ll manage.”
I smiled at him. “That’s good. To tell you the truth, I’m a little nervous about going.”
“Why?”
“Because I was so popular before and I may not have met people’s expectations.”
“What are you talking about? You are a successful illustrator for children’s books. You might not be famous but you’re successful.”
I shrugged. “I think people expected me to become the president of the country or something like that.”
He chuckled. “Well, why don’t we go to the reunion together? That way, you won’t feel so nervous and I won’t feel so awkward.”
“Sure. Why not? Let’s go together, since we’re going out, after all.” I paused to look at him. “I mean, we still are going out, aren’t we?”
He only gave another chuckle. “So it’s a date, then?” he asked hopefully.
I gave him a nod and a smile. “It’s a date.”
Chapter Six
Two hours before the reunion, I realized that going on a date to a high school reunion was not such a good idea.
Already, I was getting nervous thinking about what other people were going to say about me. Would they say that I hadn’t changed much since high school? I still had the same long hair, after all, and still wore it the same way, I hadn’t gained much weight and except for a few lines under my eyes, I hadn’t really aged. If they said that I hadn’t changed, would it be a compliment or would it mean th
at I had been left behind?
Would they frown in disappointment when they learned about my job? Just as I had told Joseph, they expected more from me, probably expecting me to become some neurosurgeon or a journalist working for some international news agency covering various conflicts all over the world.
I could have very well been one of those, too, but I decided to become a freelance book illustrator because I wanted to do something I loved. Surely, that was not something to be ashamed of, but rather, something to be proud of.
I sighed, placing my mascara wand down. Clearly, I was thinking too much and I had to stop before I turned into a wreck.
Resuming the process of applying mascara, I forced myself to calm down, telling myself that at least, I wouldn’t have to worry about people frowning upon the fact that I was still single, thanks to Joseph.
Yes, at least, I would not be alone. Joseph would be right there with me.
That, however, was both a good thing and a bad thing. True, going to the reunion with Joseph meant that I would have a date but it also meant that Joseph and I would be seen together in public – a situation which I was still not used to. In fact, during our last date at the local diner, the stares I felt on my back felt so uncomfortable I hardly ate. To make things worse, this time, we would be seen by people we knew and who knew us well, making me feel as if it was an engagement party. For those who had not been in town and had not heard the rumor, this would be the first time they would learn about Joseph and me, while for those who had already heard it, this would likely be the first time they would see us together, and I had no doubt that all of them would have something to say, if not to my face then in hushed murmurs as soon as I turned my back, and I was a little worried about what that might be.
Oh stop being such a worrywart, I reprimanded myself. I shouldn’t care so much about what other people thought; I considered it somewhat of a curse that I did. Let them say what they wanted to say and think what they wanted to think, which they were free to do so, after all. I shouldn’t care. I wouldn’t. I was smart and strong and perfectly happy with my life that I didn’t need anybody else’s opinion about it.
I told myself those words over and over like a mantra as I finished applying the rest of my make-up, doing so slowly and carefully to make sure I had just enough on. Then, I slipped on my sleeveless purple dress, which I had already picked out the night before and examined my appearance several times in the mirror to make sure nothing was out of place before heading downstairs.
As I was putting on my shoes – a pair of white, beaded ankle-strap sandals – I heard the doorbell ring and my Dad went to open the door, letting Joseph in. They chatted for a moment, though I could not hear what about, and after managing to put on my sandals, I joined them with a smile.
“So how do I look?” I asked, giving a whirl just for the fun of it.
My Dad chuckled. “I remember how I used to be so nervous when your Mom would ask me that question.” He leaned over to Joseph and lowered his voice a notch. “You have to get the answer right the first time or they’ll never forgive you.”
“I won’t forgive you more if you lie,” I said, throwing Joseph an intimidating glance.
My Dad pretended to suppress a shiver.
“Well, I don’t have to lie,” Joseph said. “You look stunning.”
I turned to my Dad, wanting his opinion, as well.
“He’s right. You do look so beautiful you remind me of your mother.”
I smiled.
“Shall we go?” Joseph asked.
I gave my Dad a hug, trying not to rumple the front of my dress. I would have wanted to give him a kiss on the cheek, too, but I didn’t want to ruin my lipstick. “Bye, Dad.”
“Have fun,” my Dad said, grinning.
I nodded. Joseph and I went out the front door and as soon as I felt the evening breeze, I wrapped my shawl tighter around my shoulders.
“I almost feel like I’m going to the prom,” I said as we walked to Joseph’s car.
“Well, we are going to the high school auditorium and we are meeting our old friends from high school so I guess it would feel that way,” Joseph said. “I remember you were beautiful then, too, in your blue dress.”
I smiled. “You still remember.”
He said nothing, only smiling. By now, though, I already knew that what Michelle told me was true – that he had liked me for a long time. I knew from all the little things he noticed about me that I didn’t notice at the time, or didn’t think anyone else did, as well as from all the things he remembered about me that I had forgotten myself.
As we entered the car, he presented me with a bouquet of white and red roses, though he didn’t explain what they stood for, simply saying that they were perfect for the occasion, to which I joked that he was running his sister’s shop bankrupt by constantly giving me flowers.
Afterwards, he presented me with a charm bracelet, telling me it was for good luck.
“Did you make this?” I asked as I held the bracelet up to the light.
He grinned. “Bridget taught me how.”
“Wow.” I examined the bracelet more closely. “You and your sister sure have a lot of talents.”
Indeed, Joseph seemed to be surprising me more and more each day, not just with the things he could do or the things he knew about me but all the little things I never knew about him, and the more I learned, the more I got to like him, though I was also starting to get the feeling that I had liked him all along.
“Why the sudden silence?” he asked as he started the car.
I shrugged. “Just nervous.”
He placed his hand over mine, gently squeezing it. “Don’t worry. I’m sure everything will be fine.”
Well, not everything turned out fine. I found out that the girl I hated back in high school ended up becoming an executive at an advertising company and had a gorgeous model for a husband to boot. My feet started to hurt after fifteen minutes, letting me know that I had picked the wrong shoes to wear. And the taste of the punch was not to my liking, at all.
Still, I was fine. I was able to remember who everyone was and so I didn’t have to put up any charade just to spare myself some embarrassment and I managed to keep a smile on as I greeted everyone in the auditorium, hugging some of them. I was able to answer their questions well, too and so far, I didn’t notice any blatant disapproval.
As for Joseph, he seemed to be enjoying himself, too. In fact, at one point, I saw that he was enjoying himself far too much as he talked to the girl he used to date in high school, Samantha, and I felt jealousy churning inside me. I did my best to suppress it, though, distracting myself by talking to my other former classmates and I would have been fine if Lois and Cindy had not joined in.
“So glad you could come.” Lois smiled at me. “Where’s Joseph?”
“He’s…somewhere in the room,” I answered, hoping that they would be satisfied by that answer and not start looking for him. I, however, had no such luck.
“There he is,” Cindy said. “It looks like he’s talking to Samantha. Wait, didn’t they date back in high school.”
“She looks absolutely stunning now, too,” Lois said. “Then again, she always was pretty.”
“That’s rare.” Cindy bumped Lois on the shoulder. “You rarely call someone else pretty aside from me.”
I cleared my throat, reminding them of my presence which they had seemed to have forgotten. “I…I’ll just go see if there’s anyone I haven’t greeted yet.”
“Sure,” Lois said.
Just before I left them, I heard Lois whisper, though it was not much of a whisper really, that Joseph and Samantha still looked good together but I tried not to mind it. I walked around the room, trying not to feel awkward from the fact that I was looking for someone to talk to, and eventually, I bumped into someone familiar. Very familiar.
“Vincent?” I looked up at the face of the guy I used to have a crush on and swallowed. If before, he had been cute, now, he was a
complete hunk, his blue eyes seemingly bluer than I remembered and his dimples even more prominent.
“Rebecca,” he said, smiling as he recognized me, which made me somewhat happy. “It’s nice to see you again.”
“You, too. Since when have you been back in Continental?”
“Just yesterday,” he answered. “I’ve decided to stay here for a while, help my brother out while he’s fixing up the house. He’s going to get married soon.”
“Really? That’s wonderful.”
“How about you? Are you married?”
I shook my head.
“Are you going out with someone?”
“I’m going out with Joseph right now,” I answered truthfully, though strangely, there was a part of me that had been reluctant to say it.
“You mean Joseph Martin?”
I nodded. “That same Joseph alright.”
“Wow,” he said. I could not help but think there was a flicker of disappointment on his face just before he said that, though. Then again, it could just be my imagination. Seeing him again brought back memories, after all, as well as certain emotions.
“How about you?” I asked, wanting to keep the conversation going so as to pretend awkward silence to fall between us.
“I’m single right now,” he said.
“Oh,” I said, hoping I did not sound thrilled.
“Well, it was nice to meet you again, Rebecca. You look amazing, you really do.”
“Oh, stop it,” I told him. Inside, though, I could feel my heart pounding just from his compliment and I only hoped I was not blushing.
“I think I see Jake somewhere over there,” he said. “Let me go say hi to him.”
“Sure,” I said, watching him go.
As soon as he had left, I took a deep breath, feeling as if I had been holding my breath the whole time I had been talking to Vincent. I didn’t know why but he always had that effect on me, making me feel so uneasy and foolish and happy at the same time, and it bothered me a little that even now, after so many years, he still had that effect on me.
A Love to Live For Page 5
