by Annie Boone
Charity joined the throng of joyous hugging. She was just as excited as anyone that there was going to be a new baby in the family. Just as the announcement sunk in after the initial excitement for her sister, Charity pictured a similar announcement that may come from her and Eli one day.
However, as she thought this, she reminded herself once again that nothing was set in stone with them. They’d only had one dinner. Nothing more than that. There had to be a wedding for there to be babies. She was most definitely getting ahead of herself.
The more she thought about the happiness he brought her, it became more and more difficult to convince herself that they were still in the beginning stages. It felt to her like they were much farther along than they actually were. She admonished herself to be careful and not rush.
Things were going so well between Charity and Eli. She was happy and content. She saw him often and they spent time together doing fun things. They also worked in the church together. They visited the elderly and sick, caring for them lovingly.
They prayed together about all things that concerned them. Members of the church who needed prayer for various reasons and others that they met in their weekly work. They also prayed together about their relationship. Charity was surprised when Eli first prayed for them. It was a sweet prayer, full of hope, trust, and promise.
They often had picnics in the park together in the late afternoon. On this particular day, she noticed that Eli seemed particularly quiet. This was definitely not like him. He wasn’t usually as introspective as he was this afternoon.
Even though Charity knew what was probably wrong, for the first part of their date, not wanting to ruin the mood any further, she tried to ignore the fact that he was acting strange, however, by the end of their picnic, she no longer could.
Not knowing for sure and the details of exactly what was going on put Charity in a terrible state. After all, the two of them had grown very close. She knew him pretty well by now. She was falling in love with him at a rapid pace. Even though Eli tried to hide his worry, she knew that there was something seriously wrong.
“Is everything all right with you, Eli?”
Eli nodded before he replied, “Yes, everything is fine, why?”
“You’ve been quiet today. It’s not really like you,” she replied. “Are you sure there’s nothing you want to talk about?”
He shrugged at this and answered, “Not really. I’d rather not, but I suppose we should talk about it.”
At that, her heart dropped into her stomach. Before he could say anything else, she blurted out, “This is the end for us, right? You’re ready to move forward with your own church, aren’t you?”
“I got the letter yesterday afternoon. They’re asking me to be ready for the assignment in a month,” he replied, with his head down.
Charity couldn’t look at him. She knew it wasn’t the mature way to manage this news, but she couldn’t help it. She’d dreaded this day since before she and Eli became a couple. She was unspeakably sad. “I see,” was all she could think of to say.
After a moment, he picked his head back up. He reached out and took her chin in his hand and raised her face. He looked deeply in her eyes. “Charity, this isn’t the end for us. It doesn’t have to be over unless we allow it to be. That’s certainly not what I want.”
She nodded and wiped a tear away from her cheek. She hadn’t meant to cry. She didn’t want to make the situation harder for Eli.
“So at least when I go, we’ll write. And I will come back to visit as often as I can. One day, hopefully soon, I’ll be able to have a church here. Or at least close. We can make this work.”
Charity nodded, but didn’t respond right away. Instead, she gathered her strength and put her hand on his shoulder. “Eli, I want you to do whatever makes you happy. I really don’t want you to feel like I am trying to hold you back in any way, because I’m not. I knew this was going to happen eventually.” He looked up at her then and she gave him a caring smile, “No matter what happens, I will always be thankful for having this time with you.”
He nodded, “This has been the best time of my life.”
Charity was flattered, but tried not to feel it too much, knowing that if she did, she would easily be trapped in a whirlwind of emotion that wasn’t good for either of them. So, instead, she fought back her feelings and inquired, “When are you going to leave?”
“Probably at the end of the week,” he replied and then added, “I know that it’s really short notice, but this is just the way they do things.”
“I understand. But I wish you had more time,” Charity said. Her instinct was to run away and not see him again. It would be easier to bear the hurt when he did finally go.
She wanted to be honest with him, but she didn’t want him to feel as though she was trying to inhibit his passion. She truly did understand how important his calling to do the Lord’s work was. And she admired him for his selfless dedication to God and the church.
Even though she wasn’t able to follow the same path that Eli did, she felt the same call he did. She would never want anyone, her family or even Eli to try to stop her from doing the work she felt was so important. For that reason, she knew she couldn’t do anything that might even make him think she wanted to block his return to his calling.
Instead, she made herself be completely supportive. “Well, then I guess this is goodbye,” She said with a sad smile, “I suppose you have a lot to do in order to get ready to go. You certainly don’t need me getting in the way or taking valuable time. I’m sure you want to spend time with your family before you go, too. I’m thankful for the time we’ve had, but I fear that I have taken up far too much of it already.”
“No, never,” Eli said earnestly. “Don’t say that, Charity. I would rather spend my time with you than anyone else. I really like you, Charity. In fact, I’m falling in love with you. I hadn’t planned to say that but I think you need to know that. You are the most unique woman I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. I know this isn’t goodbye.”
Now desperately trying to hold back the tears that were stinging her eyes, Charity shook her head and replied, “I hope not too, because I’m not very good at goodbyes, which is also why I kind of want to get it over with.”
Eli then looked Charity up and down before understanding how serious she really was. When he came to this conclusion though, he told her, “All right. As much as I hate to say goodbye now, I understand.” He tried to smile, but it came out weak and she knew that he was hurting now just as much as she was.
Charity was hurting and she knew he could see it. He was hurting, too. She didn’t think he’d wanted to have things go this way, but she couldn’t help it. It was inevitable that this time would come and that it would hurt. Charity had just hoped they would have more time before he had to go.
So, with the intention to save each of them from any further heartbreak, Charity stood up and began to walk away from him, hiding the tears with the turn of her cheek. She didn’t mean to be so abrupt, but she couldn’t help it.
“Where are you going?” Eli asked.
“I think I should get home. It is getting late and I don’t want my mother to worry,” Charity answered quickly, just so that she could make her escape. She couldn’t bear to look at him any longer.
“Aren’t you going to stay for desert?” Eli asked desperately as Charity turned all the way around, but she could not bring herself to face him again.
So, she just stopped walking, shook her head and answered simply, “No, I don’t think so.” Then she started her journey home again. It was a long way to go. She’d have to see if she could hire a carriage in town. At least she was thinking clearly enough to plan to do that.
Eli came up beside her and took her arm. “Can I at least take you home?”
Wiping her eyes quickly, Charity thought about this before she turned and responded, “That would be nice. Thank you.”
The ride to her cottage in his carriage was very q
uiet. She simply didn’t know what to say. He’d said they would write and that he would visit. For some reason, she couldn’t get her heart set to accept this. Maybe she could handle it when she had time to calm down and think it through, but for now she felt lost. She only knew that she had to consider this goodbye. She couldn’t explain why.
They pulled up to the cottage and she got down from the carriage quickly. She turned to look at him and mustered her most dazzling smile. “I’m going to miss you, Eli. Safe travels to you.”
Before he could answer she went inside the house and closed the door. She heard the carriage pull away and she started to cry.
The only person she really wanted to talk to in that moment was her sister.
So, instead of going to her room and throwing herself on her bed to cry some more, she made a mad dash for the main house. She knocked on the door and hoped that Faith was home.
After a few moments, Faith came to the door. She smiled when she saw her sister and then her smile changed to a frown. “Charity, what’s wrong?”
Charity sighed, not sure how to answer that question, “There is no emergency, don’t worry that it’s Mama or anything. I would just really like to talk to you. But if you’re busy I can come back another time.”
“No, of course I have time! Always for you!” she answered.
Charity smiled weakly at her sister as the two of them moved over to the sitting room. Faith left for a moment to get them some tea. “So tell me what’s going on, Charity?”
The sisters settled in with their tea and Charity started to cry. She hadn’t even told Faith anything about her broken heart, but she couldn’t hold it in. Faith put her cup down and went to her baby sister and folded her in a warm embrace. Charity continued to cry until she had no more tears.
Faith pulled back from her sister and looked into her teary eyes. “So tell me what happened.”
“We were having a little picnic in the park. I could tell that he wasn’t right and that something was wrong. Then it just hit me. I knew what was bothering him. I knew he’d tell me when he was ready, but I couldn’t wait. So I asked if he was leaving. And he is. In less than a week.”
“Oh, my. That’s not much time. What did he say about you? Your relationship?”
“He said that we should spend as much time as possible together before he goes. He said we can write and he’ll visit as often as he can.”
“Well, it’s clear he has the intention to continue your courtship. That’s good, isn’t it?”
Charity’s eyes flew wide open. She looked over at Faith and her mouth dropped open. “I just remembered something else he said. I didn’t catch it at the time. I was so distraught. But he said he’s falling in love with me. He loves me, Faith!”
Faith smiled. “I’m surprised you missed that. I’m sure I’d have heard it.”
Then Charity’s frown returned. “If he loves me, then how is writing letters and visiting good enough for him?”
“Probably because he knows he has to do what God has called him to do. Surely you of all people understand that. He probably hasn’t had time to think through the possibilities. Give him time.”
“I knew it was silly to think that things would work out, but I thought that this was God’s plan for me.”
“It very well may be God’s plan for you. This is just the beginning, Charity. It’s all a journey. Be patient.”
“I tried to be strong and supportive, but in my heart, I just really want him to stay here. I don’t want to be apart from him,” Charity said, crying again. “I don’t think I can court him from a distance.”
“Well, you’re right, you can’t ask him to stay. You aren’t married, or betrothed,” Faith stated.
Charity nodded. “I know. It’s too early for any of that.” She laughed nervously.
“Then there is really nothing tying you to him. Once he leaves, or even now, you are both free to see other people,” She shrugged, “Like I said, he’s probably trying to think of the possibilities. I’m sure he’s overwhelmed with what’s on his plate right now. Adding you to the mix makes it more complicated. You should consider someone else to help you move forward. If it’s meant to be with Eli, then God will work it out.”
“But what if I don’t want anyone else?” She asked.
Faith smiled sadly at her younger sister before she answered, “Sometimes, when the man can’t figure things out on his own, you need to do what you can to get over him and move on. Now, I’m not saying that you should look for a new man if you don’t want to, but I wouldn’t be closed to the idea.”
Charity thought about this, and sat there brooding for a few minutes. At this point, she believed that letting Eli go was what was best for all of them. Charity felt like her world was ending. She started to cry again.
The day that Eli left, Charity was truly devastated. She refused to see him off, even though there were multiple invitations from Eli. There were Smallwood family dinners and church get-togethers, but Charity declined all offers. He sent flowers again but they didn’t work this time. She pushed them away and pretended that they weren’t there.
She couldn’t bear to think about him so far away. Letters were a poor substitute for the real thing. She didn’t want to be so bitter, but to keep herself from becoming uncharacteristically angry, she felt it would be better to detach.
She didn’t want to have him traipsing through her head any longer. She wanted to stop dreaming about him. Their relationship and any hope of what might have been was no more. He was gone and that was the end of it. She had to see it that way.
Despite Charity’s best efforts to forget about Eli and the happiness she felt when she was with him, she couldn’t. That really wasn’t the end of it. For weeks, she continued to be sad and depressed.
Even though she went to work and carried on with her life, everyone knew that when Eli left he took a part of Charity’s heart with him. It was obvious she was having a very hard time finding normal again.
Charity had refused to acknowledge the flowers Eli sent when they arrived. But she also would not let anyone throw them out. She placed them in her room until they were yellow and brown. She cried every time she looked at them.
Eventually, her family knew that they had to do something. Clearly this wasn’t a healthy state for her to be in.
It was Hope’s turn to try to cheer her up. This was a big task, since most of the family had failed, at least on a long term basis. So one day, Hope came up to the cottage to see Charity. As usual, she was holed up in her room. She spent a great deal of time in her room these days and she sometimes was annoyed when she was interrupted. Tentatively, Hope knocked on the bedroom door.
“Come in,” Charity sighed and Hope burst through the door.
“Hello, Charity!” she exclaimed, trying to be positive.
“Hi Hope, how are you doing?” Charity answered, not picking up on her positivity at all.
“It’s a beautiful day out, isn’t it?” Hope answered, opening the curtains to let the sun shine through.
“Yes, I suppose it is. I hadn’t noticed, really.”
Hope was the one who sighed this time. Charity looked up from her book and raised her eyebrows. Hmm, she thought. It’s not like Hope to be so chipper. And the sigh. She’s tiring of trying to cheer me up. Oh, well. Then she looked back down at her book, pretending to read.
“Charity, seriously now. You need to figure out a way to get out of this mood that you have been in.” Then, before her sister could argue, she added, “I know that it’s hard and I understand that you’re hurt, but please, you need to listen to reason.”
Charity stared mutely at her sister, waiting on the next part of what Hope had to say.
So, she continued, “Well, Andrew and I were talking about your situation with Eli. We think it’s time you meet someone new. It doesn’t have to be the next love of your life, but someone new could be fun for you. Andrew has this business associate who is single and he would be a nice man for you
.”
“I don’t want another courtship,” Charity hissed. “I don’t understand how anyone thinks that moving on from Eli is going to be beneficial to me. I think it is just an opportunity to cause more hurt and destruction in my life. Have you forgotten that I’m terrible at courting?”
“I think it would take your mind off of Eli,” she narrowed her eyes slightly before she answered, “I’m not telling you that you have to marry the man, or even like him. I just think it would be good for you to go out and have some fun. He’s a nice guy. He’s interesting and funny. I think he would be a good match for you. At least for now.”
Charity thought about this. It was true that she wished she had something to do that would take her mind off of Eli, but she had given up trying to find that secret. She wasn’t sure what she wanted to do and that was aggravating to her. Still, she did see where Hope had a point. Maybe it was a good idea since they already had someone they wanted her to meet. Then, finally, Charity took a deep breath and answered, “Alright. I will meet him. Especially if it will get you off my back.”
Hope laughed. “Good. I’ll set it up.”
***
Three days after her talk with Hope, Charity found herself out to dinner with Dominic, Andrew’s friend through business. He was an intelligent business man who was very polite and kind. However, he didn’t seem to have a God-fearing bone in his body. This struck Charity as odd, since Andrew was devout in his faith. It wasn’t like him to mix with men who were so different than him.
She decided to get past that part. Possibly Andrew didn’t know this Dominic as well as she thought he did.
She figured she wasn’t promised a saint. Charity was promised a fun night out and that was definitely what she received with Dominic.
“How did you meet Andrew?” asked Charity.
“He buys products my company manufactures. Mainly notions for tailoring. Buttons, braids, and such,” he replied. “Boring items, I suppose, but necessary. We sell across America and into Europe, as well.”
