by Maddie Wade
“Let me tell you about Dean and me.”
Hunter had sat back in his chair, his arms folded over his broad muscular chest, his face blank of emotion. “I’m listening.”
Now I could see how he put the fear of God into his opposition during a business negotiation. “Well, Dean and I met in college, when he moved here with his family. He was my first real boyfriend. He was sweet, kind, and funny. We got engaged at our graduation party and married not long after. I was building the business and Dean was extremely supportive. About four years ago, he had a stroke. It was bad. He lost most of the use of his left side. He’s done amazingly well and is even walking without sticks now and his speech is incredible.”
I took a breath, it wasn’t easy to admit that my marriage hadn’t been strong enough to survive but for the first time I realized it wasn’t just my fault. “Unfortunately, I became his caregiver and for us, it killed our marriage. Dean is a good man. But he told me the night I met you that he didn’t want me sexually anymore, that I repulse him. He had been saying it for months, but let’s just say he made it so clear that I couldn’t hide from it anymore.” I was wringing my hands as I looked down at my lap, avoiding the censure in his eyes.
“I shouldn’t have done it, but the chemistry was so strong between us. I’m not sure I could have walked away and if I'm honest, I didn’t want to. You made me feel something I have never felt before and you may hate me for it, but I won’t ever regret it.”
I looked up braving a peek at his face and what I saw surprised me. The blankness had been replaced by something else, something I couldn’t read. “Do you hate me?”
“Lexi, I don’t know what I feel but it isn’t hate. Going through what you did with your ex-husband. I’m assuming he is going to become your ex?”
“Yes, I plan to tell him on Sunday. He’s still living in the house with me. He wanted us to have a marriage of convenience because he wanted my friendship. But that won’t work now. It isn’t what I want.”
“Fuck, no. It won’t work! I’m sorry, Lexi. I know we don’t know each other that well, but any man that tells you that you repulse him is no man at all. Your marriage breaking down is one thing, but to say that is deliberately hurtful. That is not a friend either, sounds to me like he wants to have his cake and eat it too.”
“Dean has had some anger issues since the stroke, but he’s a good man,” I state, but it’s half-hearted. I wondered, was he right? Was I delusional? Dean’s behavior had deteriorated lately if anything, he was becoming less the man I knew then he’d been just after the stroke. But he was still a good man and wouldn’t hurt me on purpose—would he?
“Well, I’m not going to get into that right now. Tell me more about the pregnancy. Are you well? Have you seen a doctor?”
“I had some horrible morning sickness, but that’s gone now. Yes, I have seen Dr. O’Connor over at The Fetal Care Center of Cincinnati. He says I’m in perfect health and is keeping a close eye on me.”
“That’s good, listen, Lex, sorry to cut this short but I need to make some business calls. Can I call you tomorrow?”
My heart plummets at his sudden announcement to cut our call short. “Yes of course. I’ll be around tomorrow night at the same time or you can email me.”
“That’s great, thank you. Talk soon.”
“Yeah, bye,”
The screen goes blank and I sit and stare at it for a few moments. His cutting that short was to be expected I guess. It must have been a huge shock to him. I lie back on my bed and stare at the ceiling. He had seemed so happy to talk until I dropped my bombshell. I’ve had a few months to get used to it though, I needed to give him the same.
It wasn’t until now that I realized how much I liked Hunter. He was funny, kind, and he made me feel special like I had a voice and my opinion really mattered to him. He liked my quirky hair, he laughed with me when I told him about my habit of wearing odd socks. He loved that I re-decorated all the time, always needing to change things up.
Dean had loved my quirks too; when we met. It was only as I looked back that I realized that all the things that made me—well—me, now got on his nerves. I had even stopped dying my hair, why had I done that?
I decided that as I wasn’t going to sleep for a while, I’d grab my sketchbook and work on a commission that had come in last week. It was for a ten-year-old girl’s room, and the brief said she wanted lots of ocean colors and loved dolphins. As I walked past the nursery I thought I heard a noise in there so went to check it out.
Poking my head in a saw Dean with his back to me looking at the outline of the mural he had designed for the room. He had his hands in his pockets and was staring at it with his head tipped to the side, in what I recognized as his contemplation pose.
“Dean.”
He swung around a sad look on his face. “Hey, Lex.”
“Whatcha doing?” I move to stand beside him and he glances at me, his eyes falling on my bump.
“Just thinking.”
I didn’t know what to say, he was in one of his funny moods and I couldn’t read him. So, I just stood awkwardly in my baby’s nursery looking at the mural my soon to be ex-husband had designed.
“Well, I’ll leave you to it then,” I say and start to back out of the room. I’m about to go through the door when he calls my name.
“Lex?”
“Yes?”
“Goodnight don’t let the bed bugs bite.”
I smiled at his words he used to say them to me every night when we first got together. “Goodnight, Dean,” I close the door and walk to my room, my heart feels heavy tonight.
Feelings of melancholy hit me in the chest, making me gasp from it. It is only seeing Hunter again that make me realize that Dean and I are done and finished. I felt nothing when Dean looked at me, but when I saw Hunter on the screen, my heart had raced. I had missed that. I need to cut the ties, put up boundaries. Living in the same house was making things messy for both of us. Whatever future I wanted, whether that was with Hunter or not, I needed to make the hard decisions for both of us. Because somehow, I knew Dean wasn’t going to.
Hunter was right. Dean wanted it all and as much I cared about Dean, he couldn’t have it. He wanted friendship and that I could do. But not this. This living arrangement that blurred the lines, it was unhealthy. I couldn’t wait until Sunday, so I could get this done. It was time for a new beginning.
Chapter Twenty-One
Hunter
Going to the bar I pour two fingers of Whiskey into the crystal glass; my mind is reeling from the announcement Lexi just made. A baby, how can that be? My brain keeps searching for the answers, but I’m sure we used protection the night we were together. Even in our frenzied passion that night, I would never forget protection.
It was my number one rule, I never went un-gloved, ever. Throwing back the amber liquid I feel the burn as it hits my throat and eases down, spreading soothing warmth into my chest. I pour myself another. Taking the bottle with me I head to my bedroom. I sit down heavily on the end of the bed, glass in one hand, bottle in the other and stare at the wall.
A baby! Blue is having my baby. Now, some may think me a fool, but I have met enough gold diggers and liars to know one when I see them. Lexi is not lying. If anything, she seemed reluctant to tell me. I have looked at her website and the design shop she owns and runs with her friend is successful.
No. This was as much of a shock to her as it was to me. I wonder idly if I had not gone looking for her if I ever would have found out about my child. It is something that makes me frown, the thought of having a child out there that I didn’t know about is one of the reasons I never take the risk of it happening to me.
I’m not ready for a child. I’m too selfish. I work too many hours. Lexi and I hardly know each other. I lie to myself, because I know, deep down, I know everything I need to. She is the one. The person everyone talks about. The one that steals your heart and never gives it back. I have smiled more in the last few week
s than in my entire adult life.
I have always scoffed at people who say they have met their soulmates, but I knew the second I saw her in that bar. The way her hungry eyes had moved over me, taking me in and allowing me to do the same, had awakened something in me. She was a kindred spirit. I saw the other half of me, the half that I didn’t know was missing until I saw her and touched her until I claimed her.
I didn't know it then, but it was a claiming. The way she touched me, her hot mouth on me, it made my dick hard. Every dream I've had in the last few months had been about that night. Months of jacking off with her image in my head, days of wondering who was receiving that sensual smile or flirty look.
Now I knew it was her husband, the one that, for some unfathomable reason, was walking away from her. Well, thank God he had. I was not a man who believed in fate, but the chances of me being in that bar that night were slim. I had nearly driven home, if I had been able to cope with the sympathetic looks from my family, I might have.
It had been the tenth anniversary of my oldest friend’s death and it was a wound that never healed, still cutting deep. I missed Brody every day, I just wanted to forget that night and there she had been, like an angel sent to soothe me. Now I will have a lifelong reminder of the best night of my life.
I rise quickly, leaving the glass and bottle on the bedside table and grab my laptop from the couch where I’d thrown it. I quickly call up my emails and open the picture she sent me. My breath catches as I see the grainy blip that is my child. A child I made with a woman who has gotten under my skin and is burying herself in my heart. I wasn’t lying to her when I said I couldn’t stop thinking of her. The only thing I thought about was her.
Her smile, her throaty laugh, the way she had stuck up for her friend in the club against that bigoted prick. She was so full of life. Everything I've learned over the last few weeks only made me want her more. Even the devastating story about her estranged husband.
My hands tighten on the laptop and I hear it crack as I think about him, a faceless man who is in my way. Maybe I should feel sorry for him? I can’t imagine going through that at such a young age and for that, I do feel compassion, but the way he’d treated Lexi was deplorable.
I’m no relationship expert, but how could he tell her to be with other men? Tell her she repulses him and then still want to stay married for convenience? The only fucker getting any convenience was him. She deserves better than that and so does my child. They deserve the best and that’s what I’m going to give them.
She may not know it yet, but she is mine and I take care of what is mine. Lexi is special. I knew it the night we met, and I know it now. With the shock wearing off a little, I look at the scan image and emotion fills me. This baby may not be planned, but it is wanted. It is time to step up and that’s what I’m going to do.
I look at the clock, it is the middle of the night in Cincinnati. The sun is rising here, I have a seven am meeting with the Lungo Board, we still have lots to iron out with this Chinese deal. I can’t decide if I should try and Skype Lexi or email an apology.
The way her face had fallen at my abrupt change wasn’t lost on me. She was probably stressing that I was going to leave her high and dry. That was something she would learn about the man I was, I didn’t walk away from my responsibilities.
I showered quickly, drying off and dressing in a pale blue shirt and navy suit. I send a short text to Jake to meet me in my room in five minutes. I needed this deal wrapped up sooner than the original timeline, the quicker I got back to the states, the quicker I could court Lexi.
A few minutes later, a knock on my door had me striding to it and swinging it open.
“Morning, Jake,” I say as I finish knotting my tie in the mirror.
“You look like shit.”
“That’s what I love about you, Jake. You always say the sweetest things.” I grin despite his words.
He looks at me with suspicion in his eyes.
“Why do you look so happy?” “I’m always happy bro. You know me, I’m all sunshine and flowers and shit.”
Jake makes himself comfortable in the chair as I pour us both a cup of coffee. He takes his and adds milk and sugar. He watches me, intently waiting me out. He has infinite amounts of patience, it’s one of the things that makes him an excellent Lawyer.
“Lexi is pregnant. It’s mine.”
“What the fuck, Mac?” He uses the name he has called me since we were in college. “You know better than that. Why the hell didn’t you use something?” He gets up and starts to pace, while I sit and watch him, sipping my black coffee.
“We did.”
He stops and glares at me, hands balled tight. “Thank fuck for that, so it isn’t yours. Good. Good. It’s not yours.”
“The baby is mine,” I declare calmly. I know he is only looking out for me, but I’m not liking how this conversation is going, even if it was expected.
“Are you fucking insane? Wake up, bro! She is trying to snag herself a meal ticket.”
I’m up and out of my chair before I can think about what I’m doing. Jake’s tie is in my hand as I slam him against the bar. “Watch your fucking mouth,” I snarl and watch the shocked expression on his face.
“Get the fuck off me, Hunter,” he growls as he shoves me away. “I’m just trying to watch your back, that’s what fucking friends do asshole.”
I let go and my anger fades as quickly as it came. I know he is doing exactly what I would do in the same circumstances. But he doesn’t know her. If he did, he would know she isn’t that person. “She’s different.” I shake my head trying to figure out how to make him see. Going to the bar I pour us another coffee, as it’s way too early for more Whiskey. He accepts my peace offering with a glare and sits.
I proceed to take the time—time we don’t have might I add—to explain everything to my best friend. The night we met, how I found her, our emails, her circumstances. I tell him everything.
“So, you see I need to be there. For her, for our baby. I don’t expect you to understand, Jake, but please try. I’m going to need your help getting this deal done.”
“Listen, Mac. I can’t say that I’m one hundred percent happy with this or that I don’t have some serious reservations.” He takes a deep breath. “But for you, I will give her the benefit of the doubt. But I’m warning you, the first time I smell a rat I will bury her.”
I put my hand out and he pulls me to him for a shoulder bumping man hug. That’s the thing about Jake, he is furiously protective, but he is generally easy going and will give most people a chance.
“Deal. But seriously, she is the real deal, Jake. You’re gonna love her.”
He looks at me skeptically. “Um, we’ll see. Now let’s get this shit done and might I suggest a trip to the florist on the way.”
I clap Jake on the back as I grab my briefcase and follow him to the door. “Good plan.”
As we step out into the cold sunshine of a January day, I feel hope and excitement sweep through me.
I’m going to be a father.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Lexi
“No Fairy, I’m not. I told him, he cut me short and I haven’t heard from him since. He can go to hell. Maybe he and Dean can get a room together.” It has been three days since I’d told Hunter that he was going to be a father and a day since I had had the godawful conversation with Dean about moving out.
“Come on, Lex, it must have been a shock to him.”
I rounded on her from where I was polishing the display mirror to death and glared. “Don’t fucking defend him! It was a shock for me too and I didn’t have the luxury of crawling under a rock. He could have contacted me. He hasn’t, so fuck him and fuck Dean. I don’t need them. The only people I need are you, Darla, Frankie, and my parents. Everyone else can go swing.”
I turned back to the mirror, polishing like a demented woman. I was so angry, I could scream. The first day, I had given Hunter the benefit of the doubt, by the second,
I was more than a little irritated and then after my conversation with Dean yesterday, I was now furious.
Who the hell did the men in my life think they were to treat me this way? I was a good person, I worked hard, I paid my taxes, I was kind to small animals and yet I was treated like shit. Well not anymore! Nope, this chick was done with being walked over.
“I’m just saying maybe there is hope,”
“Harrumph,”
“What time is Dean leaving?”
“He said four.” That had been a disaster too. He’d had the audacity to blame me, saying I was being unfair, that I had closed him out, hadn’t given him a chance. Given him a fricking chance! He had more chances than a Hollywood star in a strip club. Then the crying and begging me for a second chance had begun. I had stayed strong, the very fact that I was so upset about not hearing from Hunter made me realize that I needed to end this charade with Dean. That’s what broke my heart, my life had become a charade.
The relief I felt had been amazing when in the end he had apologized and said he knew it was his own fault. Then that he hoped we could be friends one day. We had ended in an awkward hug and I had promised to keep him updated about the baby, although God knew why he would want to know.
I moved in with Cherry until he moved out, which he was doing today. He was going to stay with his old work colleague Tom and his wife until he found somewhere. I moved onto the wooden antique dresser Cherry and I had restored this summer and polished that until it gleamed.
I should be more pre-occupied with the end of my marriage I suppose. But all I can think about is Hunter. I missed our nightly emails, the chats we had. He had such a fun sense of humor and he made me smile. He was clever and intelligent and half of my fury was down to disappointment.
I realized that like an idiot I had been falling for him, for a man I barely knew. I was angry with myself as much as with him. More with me, he had never promised me anything and I honestly didn’t expect it, but I had wanted it.
