by Ellie Aiden
I had spent the next hour pacing my room, going over the plan again and again. Each time I would end with a quick thought of Luke. Would I see him tonight? Probably not. But tomorrow?
When it was finally time for me to get dressed, my mother had brought me into her room, sitting me at her vanity, and brushing through my strawberry blonde locks, while father sat at the foot of their bed. He had a faraway look in his eyes, and I wondered if somehow he knew. Maybe not knew-knew, but knew something was about to happen. Something big.
Mother had slipped the clip in my hair, eyeing it for several minutes to make sure it was just right. And then, when there was nothing else to be done, she helped me into my dress. Standing in front of the mirror of the vanity I admired her work. She really had outdone herself with this dress. I would love to think someday I would marry, for love not requirement, and this would be the dress I wore.
When I turned around, Mother was openly crying, and even my father’s eyes appeared red rimmed. I rushed to my Mother first, hugging her as if it would be the last time, and knowing that it might very well be, and before I could let go, my father wrapped his arms around the both of us. It was the best hug I think I have ever had. And I have never needed one more than in this moment.
We only had about ten minutes before Mutter Vera would come to collect me, and there were so many things I wanted to say to them, but before I could utter a single word my mother spoke.
“Anna…” She paused to clear the tears from her face. “I need to show you something. If we have misread things, and you don’t need it, then so be it.”
My Father pats her on the shoulder, and takes over. “Don’t say anything. Don’t tell us what it is. But your Mother and I got you a gift.”
I can’t imagine what it could possibly be, especially based on what he just said. He also just made it very clear, they know a lot more than I thought.
My Mother moves close, picking up the lace and lining of my skirt, leaving me covered only by a thin slip. Flipping the material over in her hand she reveals a pocket. I knew the dress seemed too heavy. Mother opens the flap of the pocket only slightly, to reveal a small hunting knife. Wow. They really do know.
“Your Mother and I love you, very much. You know that, right?” Father’s eyes are filled with concern as he asks the question.
A sob bursts out of me uncontrolled, and I throw my arms around them both in what will most likely be our very last embrace.
When each of us realizes we have less than a minute before the Mutter will arrive, Mother and I exit into the living area to wait, and my father closes his bedroom door. This is my mother’s duty, to hand me over to the Mutter. My father isn’t even allowed to wait with me.
When the knock sounds at the door I gasp. The moment I have been dreading for years honestly, is finally here.
Mother leaves me standing near the couch, and goes to open the door. When Ash zips past her I let out an audible sigh.
“What are you doing here?” I ask.
She throws her arms around me, kissing me on the cheek before stepping back. “I just had to tell you I love you. Just in case.”
Before the last word leaves her mouth there’s a second knock at the door, and I know I won’t get another reprieve. Ash holds my hand giving it a tight squeeze, as the door opens revealing the Mutter.
“It’s time my child.”
And she ushers me away.
CHAPTER 20 — SHIT STORM
Walking down the main hall, the Mutter and I don’t speak a word as we make our way toward the Ceremony Hall. We pass Cody on the way exiting a community bathroom, and he gives me a reassuring nod. Cody and I haven’t always been close, but these last few weeks I’ve learned a few things. He is a good man, he loves Ash, and he would die to protect any one of us. It’s like he views himself as not just Ash’s older brother, but as mine and Chase’s too. Those three are definitely my chosen family. I’m certain I couldn’t live without any of them. I take comfort in knowing that if I don’t walk back out of this Ceremony, Cody will do what needs to be done. He will get Chase and Ash out. He’ll keep them alive.
We arrive at the double doors that open into the Ceremony Hall. The doors are closed now, and I take just a moment to breathe. I’m not sure why the Mutter allows it, but she does. Standing to my left, her hands clasped in front of her middle, she looks to me.
“Are you ready my child?”
Why does she care if I am or not? Everything I know about her, everything I know she has done and plans to do, she shouldn’t care if I’m ready. Maybe she only asks because she knows these are my final moments. Her last gift to me.
I don’t have the strength to speak, fear coursing through my veins, so I only nod in her direction. Seeing my confirmation and seeming satisfied, she wraps on the door just once with the back of her hand.
The doors open from the inside, held by an Elder-wife on each side, both of whom bow as I enter. What am I, a queen now? No. This is all for show. Some sort of power trip, at least for some of them. I can’t let it get to me, and I take solace in the knowledge that if all goes according to Plan A, before morning I will be outside these walls.
I’m not surprised by the theatrics. Each elder stands, hands clasped behind their backs, forming a horseshoe shape. Their wives standing similarly two steps behind them, with the exception of the two who now close the door behind me. Elder-wife Jameson takes her place behind her husband, while Elder-wife Jacobs stands behind her husband’s empty spot, as I look to the center opening of their positions. A raised wooden platform lined in the center with a snow white carpet, sits in the middle. On it, Vater Henry kneels on a white satin pillow. The platform is elevated, possibly two feet above the main floor, and directly in front of Vater Henry surrounded by the Elders, waits a second pillow. For me, I assume. My place, beneath his. How fitting.
When the Vater with his kind smile speaks, his voice echoes against the walls surrounding us. “My Child. Take your place.”
I move forward, the half circle of Elders and their Wives parting slightly to allow me to pass and take my place, with the pillow barely touching my flats.
From my left a voice bellows, a voice that has taken up residence in my nightmares, “Kneel, Child of God!” If I never see Elder Thompson again, it will be too soon.
Hesitating only for a moment, I take my place after lifting the skirt of my dress, knees pressed firmly to the silky material covering. Eyes facing forward, connecting with Vater Henry, I wait. It takes everything in me not to blurt out everything I know, but I have to time this just right. Vater Henry will ask me to confess my sins, instead I’ll confess the sins of the Church.
“You are a gift from God my child, and all he asks in return is your undying love and devotion. Tonight, you will give that to him. You will pledge yourself to The Way. Pledge yourself to God.” The Vater pauses, scanning each face in the room, before settling back on me, and reaching to retrieve something to his left. Something I hadn’t seen before, a knife.
Holy crap on a cracker. No one said anything about knives. Were we totally wrong about this, about him? Maybe they decided I was too much trouble to sell, and convinced the Vater to kill me now.
He nods to my left, and from the corner of my eye I see Elder Thompson leave his position, approaching the corner of the platform grasping a silver bowl before facing me. He moves to cut off my view of Vater Henry, kneels before me and places the bowl between us. He goes for the knife next, accepting it from the Vater, and approaching me once more.
Holding the knife in one hand, and extending the other down, he speaks, “Your blood will mix with the blood of the Church. It must be spilled before you confess your sins.”
How much blood we talking about here? Like, a drop, or all of it? I can’t move, frozen in my spot, and it’s clear the Elder is growing impatient. I wasn’t warned about this, we were never told we would be cut as part of the Ceremony. This could be the moment our plan is officially shot to shit. What if the Elder ki
lls me, right here?
“You have nothing to fear my child, if you have faith.” Vater Henry speaks, startling me from my frantic thoughts.
I’m not sure I have a choice. I’m surrounded by twenty-six men and woman, not counting the Mutter who stands to her husband’s right, and the Vater kneeling before me. Steeling myself, I stretch out my hand and pray this doesn’t end badly.
The evil smirk that appears on Elder Thompsons face does not give me confidence, but wrapping his hand around mine, he makes the tiniest of pricks on my wrist. Blood immediately wells, sliding a trail across my skin, and dripping to the bowl below. He squeezes my hand twice to encourage more blood, and when a thin layer of blood covers the bottom of the bowl, his wife approaches. Wrapping my wrist in a soft white gauze she releases me to sit back.
The bowl is taken back to the platform, where a similar prick is made to the Vater, before his blood joins to mix with mine. This seems unsanitary, guys. Whatcha gonna do with that blood? I doubt we gave blood to only have it sit in a bowl all night.
“Excellent. After you give your sins to God, after each of the Elders have asked something of you, then, and only then will my blood mix with and bless yours, and then you will be anointed, my child. Now, confess!” The last part is said as a yell, shocking me out of my rambling thoughts.
“Vater Henry, Mutter, Elders, I do have things to confess.
Get ready, this is the moment we’ve all been waiting for.
***
I know I need to spit it out. I’ve practiced this speech a dozen times, but with so many sets of eyes boring down on me, I freeze. A thousand things could go wrong. We could have been wrong about Vater Henry, he could have been in on everything Elder Thompson is doing. Or perhaps he isn’t in on it, but knows, and chooses to turn a blind eye. With these thoughts, I look to him trying to read his expression, his thoughts. Staring back at me is only kindness, compassion. A wrinkled face, that despite everything he’s seen, still shows warmth. I have to trust that we have judged him accurately. I have to hope that my words will at least give him pause enough to question Elder Thompson, and I pray Elder Thompson will show his true colors. That he and those with him, will act out in their defense. That the Vater will have no choice but to pause my Placement, and in doing so I might have the chance to slip away. I’ve thought this through enough. I have faith.
My back straightens, shoulders squared, and I confess. “I must confess that I know things, have seen things. Things I have shared with God, but not with you.” I take a deep breath, begging God for strength, and he gives it, willingly. “I lied Vater Henry. I lied to you. Ash was not high; she spoke the truth. I was attacked, nearly raped when Jayson left us in a brothel at Elder Thompsons direction.” A rustling to my right, but Vater Henry raises his hand, halting who I assume is Elder Thompson. “I lied, but so did Elder Thompson. But that’s not all.”
Before I can get the words out, I’m rushed from the side, Elder Thompson striking me across the cheek. “This is heresy,” he screeches.
The Vater rises to his feet, reprimanding the Elder, “Elder, it is not your place to strike a child. Even if what you say is true. If her words are false, then they bear no harm to you. She is only proving she doesn’t have faith. Let her finish.” Looking to me once more, in a calm voice he says, “Go on.”
He believes what I’ve said to be lies, will he be so flippant about the next. “That’s…not all. Elder Thompson, Michelle Hoya, and several others are selling girls to Vater Roger of the California Compound.” Murmurs break out around me, but I go on. “After each Placement Ceremony, the girls who were deemed to not have faith in God, you cast them out, as a form of penance. Only… Only they don’t make it out of the gates, at least not alone. Elder Thompson takes them, meeting a representative of Vater Roger, and trades the girls for supplies.”
Shocked and concerned whispers echo behind me, questioning if what I say could possibly be true. “Child, how do you know this.”
I don’t recognize the voice, but I do respond, reaching into the bust of my dress, pulling out several documents. Some of which are on the Mutter her self’s letterhead. Thrusting them toward the Vater and nodding, “Look for yourself, these were retrieved from Michelle Hoya’s office. Your wife not only knows this is true, but she directed much of it. Go on, see for yourself.”
Several Elders try to step forward, but with a single look from Vater Henry, they all halt their approach. While he flips through each of nearly a dozen letters and documents, I can’t waste another minute. They need to know everything.
“You also need to know, some of those same people, have been authorizing theft of supplies from neighboring towns. They don’t purchase and trade with them, they steal them Vater Henry. Just recently, they attacked a supply run between Bonham and another small town. Men died, and all of the supplies were brought back here. Elder Thompson would tell you it’s the gangs attacking us, stealing from us, but that isn’t true, Vater. It isn’t true.”
Glancing up from the papers, his eyes search my face and then Elder Thompson’s, before glancing over his shoulder at his wife. Her eyes show only the tinniest shred of fear, but otherwise she seems unfazed.
“I know you didn’t tell everyone about Elder Jacobs. I know he didn’t die of natural causes.”
His wife pushes her way past several others and demands I explain. “What do you mean? Jim died of a heart attack, Anna.” There are hisses around us for her failure to refer to him even in death as Elder, but she doesn’t pay them any mind.
“Elder-wife, I’m sorry. I believe you are a good woman and I respect you, and your husband didn’t deserve you.” She seems to grow angry with my words, her face turning a horrible shade of red, but I must finish. “He was abusing the girls. For years maybe. He abused me and my best friend Ash.”
“Discipline is necessary; spare the rod, spoil the child. It will only serve to make you better.” She believes this, and honestly so do I. Just not the form of discipline the Enforcer was into.
“That may be true,” I give her. “But that’s not what this was. He molested us. Some more than others, but it happened to me just before his death. Vater Henry found out. Ask him Elder-wife. Ask him yourself.”
She looks to Vater Henry, her face still red, his a sickly shade of white. “Vater is this true?”
He only gives her a nod, and she collapses, two other wives rushing to console her. I feel for her, I do. I meant what I said, he didn’t deserve her, she is too good. But that doesn’t change what he did, or the fact it’s now evident Vater Henry didn’t share this with all the Elders. If he was truly good, he would have. He would have wanted them to know, make it clear this would not be tolerated or condoned in the Church. Instead, he swept it under the rug, believing it best no one else knew.
I stand from my place on the floor, there is no point keeping up pretenses. As far as I’m concerned, this Ceremony is over. Elder Thompson and Elder McGee are yelling their objections, the Mutter seems unconcerned with anything going on around her, and Elder Jacob’s wife is escorted to the side of the room and through the door.
There’s nothing else to say now, I’ve laid it all at their feet. Now, I can only wait and pray.
***
This certainly is the chaos I was hoping for, although I’m still surrounded with no easy way out. I’m sure Cody can hear all the shouts from his place in the hall. waiting for me to walk out. I’m surprised Vater Henry hasn’t spoken yet, you would think he would have come up with some way to address what I claim. But instead its Elder McGee who speaks next.
“Vater, these claims are preposterous. It seems to me; we are dealing with mental health issues that we aren’t equipped to deal with. My council to you is she must be cast out, so that she has the opportunity to repent. To look to God to heal her broken mind. I’m sure you can see what I say is true.”
Vater Henry doesn’t even hesitate. “I can.”
Repeat that. Are you kidding me? Mental Health Issues?
You’re holding the proof in your hands, at least about the girls. How can you agree with this man?
“It is clear to me as well; these document show nothing that suggest to me girls are being sold.” Vater Henry takes a moment to glance in his Wife’s direction. The smile she gives him in return is revolting, my stomach rolling, threatening to release its contents. “We cannot hate the child for what she has said, what she has done. She is a very sick young woman. She must be allowed to repent, and then we too shall forgive her, as God would want.”
Words of agreement and relief circle around the room.
“Praise God.”
“Yes, she must repent.”
“Thank God it isn’t true, thank God for the Vater.”
“Cast her out.”
The last coming from a sneering evil man to my right, Elder Thompson. I’m surprised he feels that way. He would lose this month’s sell. What supplies will he lose if he can no longer trade me to Vater Roger? Or does he plan to retrieve me after I’m sent out of the Compound.
How did this go so wrong? I admit, I was worried about how my words would affect everyone, but having the proof, I never imagined this. Vater Henry saw the proof and chose to ignore it, lying to everyone in the room. The Vater lied.
“Take her away Mutter. She will be cast out at sunrise.”
As the woman approaches, I panic and try to step away, but each of the Elders and their wives close in, shrinking the space I might have had to run. Her clammy hands, evidence she was nervous despite the façade she put on, grasp my forearm in a bruising grip. I try to resist, but the woman is stronger than she looks. She drags me toward the side exit, the same one three Elder-wives exited through just moments ago.
Given what I know about the layout of the Compound, this door leads to a back hallway. On it, will be private entrances to The Vater’s suite, and half of the Elders residences as well. Some choosing to reside elsewhere, closer to their respective departments. I’m certain there are other rooms on the hall that I’m not aware of, and that at its end there will be a door that opens into one of the main halls near a wing of family apartments. Just one hall over from my own. But will we exit out that door? Will I be housed somewhere else until morning? Or will I be locked in a hidden room in the Compounds interior, where Cody will have no chance of getting to me.
