by Lisa Heaton
He wasn’t sure what he had expected all this time. How could he believe that she would be able to continue with a secret relationship when it was wrong from the very beginning? All that they shared went against who she was. He once would have believed the same of himself.
They arrived and stopped and when she didn’t sit as she usually would have, Elias stood frozen, awaiting her words.
Isabel looked down at the ground. “I’m sorry.”
When she hesitated, struggling for the words to say, he took a step closer. “You don’t have to be.”
“You deserve better.”
“There is no such thing.”
She glanced up at him. “You need a wife who will give you what I never can, arms to hold you and a child of your own.”
“What we have is enough for me.”
When tears began tumbling down her cheeks, he couldn’t help but wipe them away. He cupped her face in his hands, the most intimate touch he had dared since the day after her wedding.
She removed his hands and shook her head. “I love you too much to allow this to be enough for you. I’m releasing you from your promise.”
He covered his face and lowered his head a moment, trying to keep from crying. His heart was twisting and tearing in agony. When he looked back at her, he could see her determination – she actually thought this was for his good. How could she ever think being apart from his very heartbeat could be best for him?
“You can’t simply release me from my promise. Love doesn’t work that way, Isabel.”
He wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in the soft curve of her neck. “Please don’t give up on me. I will love you better and find a way to give you more.”
She stood in his embrace crying. “This isn’t about me wanting more. I want more for you than I can ever give. I never meant to hurt you this way.”
Isabel pulled herself from his arms and backed away. I should have never allowed this. Your heartbreak is my fault. Forgive me, Elias.”
When she turned to leave, he drew her back to him, his grip so tight she couldn’t break free. For the longest time he held her while they both cried. Many times he began to speak, but the emotion of the moment was too much.
Finally, he whispered, “I beg you not to take this love from me. I will get down on my knees if it will sway you.” Tears were pouring down his cheeks.
“Nothing will sway me.” She began to squirm. “I say this for your good, Elias. Please let me go.”
He did and she straightened, smoothed her skirt, and tried to stand tall. With voice breaking, she said, “As your queen, I command you to abandon your promise.”
Without another word, she turned and walked away.
***
Since Colin hadn’t seen his wife in two days, he was understandably concerned and tiring of Fina’s excuses. Isabel hadn’t attended supper the past nights with Fina’s explanation that the queen was tired. He hardly believed that. Now, standing before Isabel’s door knocking, he was determined to get to the bottom of what was going on.
Fina cracked the door and slipped out to speak to the king. “The queen is still resting.”
The look on Fina’s face said otherwise. “I warn you to step aside and allow me to see my wife.”
Wide-eyed, Fina did as she was told. When she tried to follow him into Isabel’s bedroom, Colin held out his hand and then proceeded to close the door in her face.
He approached the bed without making a sound, just in case Isabel was indeed asleep. She was there, curled up in a tight little ball and weeping silently. He sat next to her and stroked her hair.
“Isabel.”
When she said nothing and refused to look at him, he asked, “Has he hurt you?” He could imagine nothing else that would cause this level of grief.
She turned to face him. “No, of course not. He would never hurt me.”
Colin sighed. Her eyes were swollen and red. It became clear. “You have hurt him?”
Her voice was barely a whisper. “I made him break his promise.”
“What promise?”
“To love me in your place.” She broke down again but continued on between racking sobs. “He put the pieces back together when you shattered me. Now, I have destroyed him. I can’t get the image out of my mind. He stood and wept in my arms. I did that to him! After the way he has loved me, how could I do that? I have crushed him.”
“I am so sorry your heart is broken.”
He leaned down and was about to hug her when she held her hands out to prevent it.
She sat up and glared at him. “I’m just as twisted as you and your wife. I’m no better and have drawn an innocent man into this.” She paused, her expression only growing angrier. “No! You drew him in. Why couldn’t you have been man enough to tell me our future yourself? You hadn’t the courage, and now he’s a broken man with a broken heart. Why did you include him in this dreadful marriage?” She began to weep again. “Why did I? Maybe I’m the despicable one.”
Colin was so stunned by her accusations that he couldn’t respond. What could he say? All that she said of him was true. She was not to blame for this; he was. Not only did he bring Elias into their personal affairs, he allowed their relationship to blossom, all to ease his own sense of guilt over his distance from her.
When she rolled over and turned the other way, Colin stood. “I’m sorry I’ve disturbed you. I’ll leave you to rest.”
After that day and over the next few weeks, Colin saw very little of his wife. Unless he accidentally ran into her in a corridor, they had no communication at all. She had begun taking supper in her room and never once made an appearance at a dance. Colin noted, neither did the commander.
Each night, Colin would talk with Fina and ask how the queen was doing. Her usual response was, “Mending.”
This complete separation from her was devastating. For as long as he could remember, he had never felt so helpless. Isabel was hurting and he had no way of helping her. Each and every day he wanted to reach out to her, to plead with her to talk to him, but he gave her space just as she requested through Fina.
Oftentimes, Colin would watch from the terrace as his wife sat alone in the garden and stared out into space, her countenance fragile and dejected. Her love for Elias was so strong that just as she had said of him, she too was destroyed and crushed in his absence. The responsibility that Colin felt over the entire situation was weighing heavily upon him.
In all his life he had never witnessed an act of love so selfless. Because she wanted more for Elias than she might ever offer, she was willing to let him go so that he was free to love again. Colin admired her courage and willingness even in the face of great despair of her own. Never had he adored her more or longed to be able to love a woman so self-sacrificing.
This thought of her noble act stayed ever in the forefront of his mind as day after day passed with her dealing with her lost love in such a heartbreaking way. At times a thought would occur to him, one he would immediately dismiss. Each time it arose, he would shake his head and consider any other option.
Today, though, as he stood and watched her sitting on the small bench alone, he came to the conclusion that there was no other way but this to help. While he looked on, Fina arrived and sat for a moment. Soon enough, they hugged one another and Fina was off again. Arrangements were underway for her wedding, an event that would be in the great hall in just a matter of weeks. Even that, it seemed, couldn’t pull Isabel from her isolation. Isabel, as far as Colin was aware, had had no part in helping her friend plan the details, a fact that made Colin feel sorry for Fina. Her happiest day would be overshadowed by her best friend’s distress. From what Colin could see, Fina was a loyal and gentle friend to his wife, and he would always be in her debt.
Colin moved down the steps and to where Isabel sat bundled up, braving the winter afternoon. He sat without speaking at first and focused on the lake far off in the distance. After another moment of hesitation, he leaned up and res
ted his elbows on his knees, about to make an offer he would regret every second for the remainder of his days.
“If this is a boy, then you are free to leave. I won’t hold you to this marriage. I’ve learned from watching you, love gives freedom.”
Her eyes narrowed. “And leave my child?”
He turned to look at her. “No, of course not. Once we have a son, you may take him and move to the Deslan home. I will give you a certificate of divorce and take all responsibility for our split with the nobles and the court.” He looked away again. “After a reasonable amount of time, long enough not to raise suspicions, Elias can once again be a part of your life. Eventually you can marry without raising questions. When the boy is old enough, he will come back here to prepare to be king.”
Before she could say a word in response, he stood and walked away.
***
Isabel woke early the following morning and went to the chapel even before the staff was up and around. She sat there in the quiet room, still baffled by Colin’s offer. Not only was his greatest concern her happiness, but he was willing to shoulder the responsibility of a divorce. What he said, love gives freedom, was his way of demonstrating his love for her. In many months she had never doubted his love and affection for her. While it wasn’t the love that would usually be known in a marriage, it was love nonetheless. This single act proved as much and was something to build upon.
Over the past few weeks since breaking off her relationship with Elias, Isabel had rediscovered her nearness to God. That one single act of obedience was her first step back to Him. From the moment she sensed she had entered His presence again, she felt no condemnation. Instead, she found Him understanding and willing to help her to mend.
Contrary to what Colin believed, her heart wasn’t broken over losing Elias. It was broken over the way she had broken his. She was deeply convicted over allowing him into her life to begin with. Just as Fina had warned, disaster had awaited them from that very first moment of flirtation. Still, she charged ahead in her rebellion and selfishness.
There was one distinct moment during her time alone with God. Early on after her talk with Elias, she had heard a still small voice that assured her He would love her in Elias’s place. Those were the words that Fina had said, but she felt Jesus Himself confirm it. She was safe in letting go. All the time she had held onto Elias so that she would know love, she had forfeited the never-ending love that could have been hers. From the very beginning, even when she knew God was asking her to walk away from Elias, Isabel had clung to a man rather than a Savior. If only she had listened earlier, she would have spared Elias such pain.
When she considered her accusations against Colin, she knew them to be false. Her sinful behavior and selfish decisions were on her shoulders. Now, here he was offering her freedom to be with the man Colin believed her to love. She smiled at that, proud of him for his willingness to sacrifice for her.
When Isabel walked through the doorway of the court chamber, Colin jumped from his seat.
“Leave us,” he said with such authority that all scattered without delay.
Isabel approached her husband, noting the sorrowful expression on his face. Her heart went out to him as he was expecting her to take him up on his offer. She sat on the top step leading up to their two thrones and patted the space beside her.
“Sit with me.”
He did so without saying a word.
“I’ve considered your offer.” She paused. “Well, I haven’t considered it; I’ve considered that you made the offer in the first place.” She smiled up at him and reached for his hand. “How noble and selfless of you. I can hardly imagine how difficult that must have been.”
“What are you saying in response to it?”
“Do you remember the day in Deslan when I told you I would never leave and you said you would never allow it?”
He nodded, his eyes filled with hope.
“I meant what I said. I would never leave you. I wouldn’t do that to our child, to raise him away from you. Love doesn’t do that.”
He sighed in relief. “It wasn’t what I wanted, but I would do anything to ease your sorrow.”
“I know my future, Colin, and it’s right here with you.”
He rubbed his hand over his chin, began to speak then paused. Finally, he said, “Your future is, indeed, here with me. I hope you have fully considered your answer, because I will never extend that offer again.”
“There’s no need.” She reached for his hand. “What I said that night, none of those things were true. This was never your fault. I was selfish and did this to Elias, not you.”
“I’m more to blame than you,” he said.
“We have learned a valuable lesson, I suppose.”
He sat for a moment wondering. “What does this mean for us?”
“I don’t know exactly. We raise our child. We reign together.” She shrugged. “We just get through this the best we can.”
Isabel was about to stand and leave when she thought of something. “Before I go I need to speak with you on another matter.”
“What is it?”
“I have yet to meet Eric and Sybil. Fina says they have been in Deslan for a few days now. I need to go there. Since you declared that only the commander could accompany me, another choice must now be made.”
“I will take you tomorrow,” Colin said
“I’m not asking for that.”
“And I’m not giving you any other choice. I will go and watch over you and our child.”
She nodded. “Let me know when you are ready to leave.”
“Meet me for breakfast.”
“I will see you then.”
***
Along the way, as they made the trip to Deslan, Colin sat and listened as Isabel talked nonstop. Every other minute she had a new question to consider. Where were they living? How was Eric adjusting to his new job working for the builder who was constructing the royal cottage? Was Sybil pleased with her new town?
On and on this went. Colin enjoyed her questions and thoughts and observations. He hadn’t seen Isabel in such high spirits in so long that he often found himself laughing at most anything she said, something that seemed to annoy her.
She swatted at him. “What are you laughing at now?”
“You. I’m just happy to see you this excited. You are acting like an expectant mother. Will it be a boy or girl? What color hair will he have?”
She laughed with him. “I am an expectant mother.”
“I’ve noticed that.”
In her seventh month now, and with her stomach seeming to grow larger by the moment, he found it difficult to keep himself from touching her. With all that had happened over the past weeks, he didn’t dare, though. Things between them seemed to be volatile still, so he wouldn’t do anything that might upset her. Because he knew her heart belonged to another, truthfully, he didn’t want to touch her. Every time he did, even in the smallest way, he wanted more. To touch her stomach would inevitably lead him to want to touch it bare, which would lead to kissing her, which would lead to more. The last thing she needed while her heart mended was to fend him off. He cared too much to put her in that position.
Their first stop was at the bakery. The moment Isabel walked through the door, Margaret rushed over to her.
“I’ve been so worried. When the commander came alone, he told me you were staying close to the palace these days. I feared you had taken ill.”
Isabel glanced at Colin. “No, I’m not ill. Since I am now so far along in my pregnancy, I think it best that I not travel so much.”
Colin spoke up. “I am asking her to travel less and only with me to watch over her.”
“I don’t blame you, Your Majesty, for watching over this precious woman.”
Isabel said, “Enough about me. Tell me of Eric and Sybil. Where are they?”
Margaret threw her hands in the air. “They are the dearest couple. Sybil works here for me a few days, and of course Eric i
s at your house. If I had to guess, since Sybil has the day off today, you will find her nearby where Eric is.
“You have wonderful friends, Queen Isabel. They are a fine pair.”
“I should go then and see them, but I’ll need my cake for the road.”
“My pleasure, ma’am. And I’ll begin on the king’s tarts the moment the door closes behind you.”
Colin grinned at Isabel, wondering if this moment took her back to better times as it did him.
Many men were working on the house as they toured it. When Colin asked where they might find Eric, a man pointed in the direction of a mountain of a young man. Isabel didn’t hesitate to approach him.
“Eric?”
When he turned and found he was in the presence of the royal couple, he was at a complete loss for words. All he could do was stammer.
“I’m Isabel and this is King Colin.”
He bowed at once. “I owe you my very life, Your Majesty. I owe you absolutely everything.”
“Stand, Eric,” she commanded him with a gentle voice. “You owe me nothing. I’m just glad you and your bride are doing well.”
“Well could hardly describe it, ma’am. We are gloriously happy here in Deslan. I’m grateful for the job and our home. The commander has seen to every last detail.”
Colin watched Isabel’s face at the mention of Elias. Just as when Margaret mentioned him, Isabel’s eyes clouded over as if she might cry.
He hoped to change the direction of the conversation, so Colin slapped Eric on the shoulder. “Show us what you are doing here.”
Eric took the pair to the upper level fireplace, the one in the royal chamber. “I am currently working on your mantle. I love detail work.”
“These engravings are a work of art, Eric,” Isabel said.
“My boss seems to be pleased with my work and has asked me to engrave all the woodwork for you.”
When Isabel excused herself to go and look for Sybil who was said to be nearby, Colin walked with her downstairs and to the porch. With her making her way toward the shore, he continued his conversation with Eric but kept an eye on Isabel as she made her way toward a woman sitting out near the water’s edge. His inclination was to go with her and hold to her while she walked through the sand, but he remained behind, sensing she wanted to talk to Sybil woman to woman.
