I searched for an empty seat and found one near the stage. A table meant for four had only three people seated around it.
“Do you mind if I sit here?” I motioned to the empty chair.
“Not at all.” One of the gentlemen pulled the chair out for me. “Is that your boyfriend?”
“Yes,” I could hardly stand not watching Ryan. “I didn’t even know he could sing!”
“That’s Ryan Tilton, right?” he asked curiously.
I nodded.
The music began.
Ryan's long, sensual stride carried him across the floor to me.
Oh no, what is he doing?
He stood at my side.
Waited.
Eyes beckoned.
A smile crossed his face that was filled with the devil's intention.
His hand reached for mine.
I took it and let him lead me to the stage.
My eyes were wide open that night—in more ways than I knew. I held my breath and wasn't certain I took another until the next morning.
Ryan’s body seemed to get bigger. I was sure he took up the entire stage. When I heard that beautiful masculine voice begin to sing lyrics that were so slow and sensual, it was as if they dripped onto my body.
We started at one side of the stage.
With each word, he backed me up, one step at a time.
He sung about being born for each other, sick for each other when apart, the longing we had for each other, and how his world was right only when alone with me.
I thought I’d swoon but kept walking in reverse.
He never looked away from me; his gaze was steady and full of lust. After what seemed to be forever, my back hit a wall.
His body pressed against me and his voice went lower.
Leaning on his elbow, it rested beside my head.
The song slowed.
He was only inches from my lips.
Suddenly he dropped to his knees.
One arm wrapped around my waist.
He looked up at me.
Sung about the helplessness he felt when in my light and it was only in my love that he came to life. Deep into the chorus he suddenly he let go. While still on his knees, he backed up a few steps and pounded the floor with words that spoke of being desperate and bold in a life together.
The entire club was mesmerized. No longer did anyone have to shout to be heard.
The waitresses stopped serving customers. The bartender looked up. The hostess ignored people near her who were waiting to be seated. I saw people with their mouths open.
Ryan got up.
My eyes were level with his chest—the chest I knew would bring me to the floor one day soon. If I looked into his eyes I'd completely lose myself so I focused on his lips. They opened, moved, his tongue licked them, and words dipped on the invisible bars of melodic bliss as he described how tasty I looked and how hungry he was.
I finally had to close my eyes.
His sensual laugh made the desire writhe in my belly.
As he leaned on his forearm, it seemed his chest expanded, pushing into my body. I wondered if it could push all the way to my heart.
He got down on one knee and held my hand.
It was as if people were tuning in to him, believing the words from his mouth were meant for them.
The music rose again.
He got up, took a step, and pointed at me.
The intensity of his delivery, singing about lips kissing, delivering as only he could the lyrics of fingers caressing, bodies tangling and our souls melting together . . . they were perfect—he was perfect.
His eyes were closed, his face contorted.
It was obvious he had lost himself.
His passion came through as he brought the microphone to his lips and fell to the floor once more, repeating “amen” several times as if closing the song with his hallelujah.
When Ryan finished, he stood against me, breathing hard. He held me in one of his arms while I looked up at him.
Without words, he spoke to me.
The club went crazy with cheers as he brought me to his lips.
Everything fell away in those moments. It seemed as if he could see only me, even in public and among his peers.
My heart had wings.
“Okay,” I whispered weakly. “You’ve got me.”
“I know.” He slowly lifted off of me. "Forgive me for leaving you on your own tonight?"
"Yes."
Another kiss and he motioned to Kevin that we were leaving. Little did my boyfriend know from the moment we’d kissed outside of the movie theater I'd melted for him. My strength was gone hours ago.
Ryan didn’t linger to say goodbye to the rest of the table, nor did he seem to care.
“M . . . my . . . my sis.” I tried to pull myself together.
“Can you walk or do I need to carry you to the car, my baby?"
His fiery eyes seared my heart. He was temptation: a sensuous devil danced in his eyes, deliciously waving his tail back and forth, its wicked tip ready to sting.
“Yes.”
“What do you mean, yes?” His suggestive laugh rang out.
“No, I mean no. I can make it. But my Jenise,” I muttered. “I mean my Sean and sister.” Damn it. “Sean and my sister. They need help. Can you and Kevin get them?”
“You liked my song?” Ryan’s voice slithered all over me.
“Mm-hmm,” I purred. “It was willy,” I cleared my throat. “Really good.”
“Let’s go,” his spicy laugh taunted me. “Every part of me needs to be alone with you.”
Finally!
“Don’t you want to say goodbye to your friends?" I nodded toward the table.
“I already told Kevin we were leaving. He'll let them know.” He stared into my eyes.
“So . . . this is it?” I looked anywhere but at him.
“It’s enough of being here.” His hand lifted my chin. “Why aren’t you looking at me?”
“I’m looking at you.” I quickly glanced at him and then away.
I’m already weak and it won’t take much for my knees to give out; nothing like falling to the ground in front of everyone.
“Here’s the ticket for the valet,” Ryan extended his hand. “Kevin will help me with your sister and Sean. We'll meet you outside. Open the back passenger doors for us, okay?”
I went down the escalator and turned in the ticket for Ryan’s car. When the valet brought it curbside, I opened the doors as he'd asked and then waited for the boys of baseball to load and secure my sister and her boyfriend inside the car.
“Oh, my poor sissy.” I patted her knee after I fastened her seatbelt and then secured her in the back seat. She and Sean were like large sacks of jelly.
Ryan said goodnight to his friend and then walked around to the driver’s side. Kevin stood ready to close the door for me.
“Thanks for helping.” I gave him a hug. “You know, I confess I was disappointed at first when I found out we were sitting with all of you. Now I’m glad we did. It’s been nice to get to know you.”
“You, too, fellow talker.” He leaned close to my ear. “Please take good care of my friend.”
“I will.”
Oh, how cute—bro love.
I sat in the front seat, feeling ready to burst for a variety of reasons: the way Ryan took care of my sister, the new friend I'd made in Kevin, the songs we performed, and most of all, my boyfriend’s kiss and all-encompassing embrace.
Ryan turned on the same jazz station I'd set for him when we went to Sammy's in Half Moon Bay.
Other than that, we rode in silence until we arrived at my house.
I wondered if he was as nervous as I was.
Chapter 21
Family
“Well, Ryan, I guess this is goodnight.” I kissed him on the cheek and then got out of the car to help Jenise. “Are you going to take Sean home?”
“I’ll get your sister first. Can you open your front door for me?
” Ryan slipped his arms under her and I ran to open the door.
He’s carrying her all the way upstairs! Damn, he’s strong! Those biceps are bulging . . . oh, he’s yummy.
“Let me get Neesee tucked in," I joked, using Sean's nickname for my sister. "I’ll be down to say goodnight in a second. How will you get Sean home? Did you find out where he lives? I guess we can look in his wallet, right?”
“I’ll help him to the sofa. He can stay the night at your place,” Ryan's smooth voice didn't miss a beat.
“Okay, I’ll be down with some blankets after I take care of my sis. Do you want some water or coffee? Or . . . I know—hot chocolate! I can’t make it like you do, but good enough. Would you like some?”
Calm down, Nick.
“I’m good," he said, continuing to attend to Sean.
I rushed upstairs.
“Promise me you don't have an issue with alcohol.” I stroked Jenise's arm.
She let out a moan.
“Let me help you into your pajamas.” Although I spoke directly to her, I knew the words sloshed around inside her head and probably didn’t register. By her pale look, I worried that she might get sick. I was afraid to leave her. I’d heard of people who’d passed out from drinking and had choked on their own vomit.
My dad had almost been one of them.
After his incident, Mom purchased two baby monitors. She placed one in the bedroom and left the other downstairs. Even as she lay on the sofa reading her books she couldn't relax. There was no such thing as security nor was safety a given at our house.
I knew how to take care of someone who was drunk. I'd done it many times with my father. Now my sister had been added to my list.
I got her a towel, a glass of water, and some aspirin. I set them on her nightstand. After I undressed her, I pulled the covers up and kissed her goodnight.
“Sissy, yube got lubby with that boy. Yur lub, too,” she muttered. “Night-night.” She grabbed my hand and put it against her heart. Although she was drunk, I couldn’t help but smile at my beautiful sister. This seemed so different from all the times I had to take care of Dad.
When he was drunk, we all retreated.
Even the air in the house became charged with fear.
My mother withdrew, already exhausted from dealing with him during the day. Jenise couldn’t because of the way she and Dad clashed—their confrontations often ended in violence.
I’d take care of him when no one else would.
I knew how to be passive.
I became an expert at keeping the peace.
Tonight, I did this out of love.
Remembering how the stale alcohol in her body would saturate the air when she woke up, I opened her window before I closed her door.
Grabbing a pillow and blanket, I brought them downstairs. Ryan had taken off Sean’s jacket and shoes. I noticed he'd moved the coffee table further away from the sofa. He held Sean's head as I slid the pillow underneath him. Ryan tucked him in tightly so he wouldn’t turn over and fall.
God, he’s so soft and gentle with people.
I put my arm in his and we walked to the front door.
He turned to face me.
His hand cupped my cheek.
“Now that they’re settled," Ryan's eyes focused on mine. "Let’s go back to my apartment and continue our evening."
My whole body fell into waves of warm, liquid sensations. A sweeping desire made my heart beat in erratic rhythms.
This wasn’t what I meant by going slow. Guess after that sensual song and my obvious surrender that idea is over.
Suddenly, I was afraid to be alone in his apartment.
I wasn’t ready.
It had been such a good night, and all I could think of was our mistake in Yountville. Would everything come crashing down again?
“Ryan, it’s so late.”
“What’s happened between us over the past two days?" His thumb moved up and down on my cheek.
“What do you mean?” I wanted to close my eyes, but knew I had to keep them open.
This was our turning point.
“Explain what you think our talk meant at Java House yesterday.” His voice was steady.
“We had a long discussion about transitioning,” I told him.
“What else?” His eyes filled with softness. “What did you say to me when I dropped you home this morning?”
“I invited you in. I know I did, Ryan. But then we agreed to take it slow. In fact, you insisted."
“Uh-huh. You just invited me in?”
“Well, yeah, more than that," I admitted. "If you want to talk, we can do it in the kitchen,” I tried to stall for time. “I’m always up for one of our epic conversations.”
“No, baby,” Ryan corrected. “You invited me up to your room this morning and I refused for good reasons. Come home with me tonight. I need to be alone with you.”
“What are you getting at?” You and your questions and comments . . . they’re exhausting.
“You know what I’m getting at.” He caressed my hair.
"I don't want to go to your apartment. Last time we were alone, things went to hell.”
“I won’t make that mistake again.” His hand lay on my shoulder. “That's why I got up from the table at The Waterfront. I am being careful. In Yountville, I misjudged your readiness for sex. I’m sorry I did that. Honey, I have no problem waiting for you to get comfortable. I respect your values and spiritual beliefs. What I need is for you to be honest with me. You've mentioned that you feel my life is too much. Then you reverse and tell me you don't want me to find the woman you insist is the right one for me. Please, Nicky. Be honest with me now.”
He took me in his arms.
“If you really mean it, if I’m really not the man you want, tell me. I'm getting confused with your messages. If it's only that you're afraid to take a risk with me, we can work it out; that's different. I'm asking you now to open your heart. Tell me how you feel. We're going to rise and fall for a while until we figure it out," he continued. "If you want to be with me, say it. If you don’t want me, I’ll respect your wishes and leave you alone.”
“No!" My voice rose dramatically. Panic spread through me. I embraced him. Squeezed him as hard as I could. “Please, I don’t want that.”
“I don’t either.” He brushed his lips across my forehead. “I want to go to the next level in our relationship. We won’t get there until we can be alone together. In Half Moon Bay when we got close . . . it was magical. I want that again . . . need it.”
“Every time I think about us that way I go to some place that's stars and golden light," I admitted. My eyes stung trying to hold back tears. My throat burned as it tightened. I found myself grasping his wrists, as if keeping him from leaving. “It’s just . . .”
“The night on your front porch, after you sang the anthem, I told you I could do things for your family. You found out they were true. You know I’ve begun helping your father.”
“Yes.”
“If I helped your dad and sister and then released you from your promise to give us a try, what would you do? You resisted me on your front porch the night of your party. You only agreed to go out with me because of what I could do. Now that you’ve gotten to know me, would our original arrangement be enough?”
“No.”
“If I said, I’m sorry, Nicky. You don't trust me. You won't say you love me and I can’t be with you any longer. And then I walked out the door, would you always wonder?”
“Yes,” I whispered. “I don’t want that. Please don’t walk out.” I buried my head into his chest.
“I won’t. I'm not saying that. I only need to make sure I'm not misreading you again.” His hand slid under my chin, lifting my gaze to meet his blue eyes. “I’m as sure about us as I’ve ever been about anything in my life.”
“What if our sex is bad?” I had to confess one of my deep fears. “You’ve got all this experience and you'll be able to compare everything we do with
women from your past. I know you have a fantasy of how it will be for us. The thing is," I paused. "If I’m a disappointment to you, I mean, what do I do when our time comes? You've got it all built up in your head—"
“We’ll show each other what we need.” His hands squeezed my waist. "I'm not waiting for it, I'm waiting for you."
“Okay. Agreed. I believe you, but just for tonight, what about Sean and Jenise? I don't think we should leave them, do you?”
“You think your sister is in danger?”
"I think someone should at least be here to check on them. My parents have no clue they’re home, and it’s a given my dad isn't . . . you know. Mom's had enough and . . . I'm sorry, but I think we should—"
“Okay,” he said with conviction. His hands fell by his side. A serious expression replaced the passionate one he’d been consumed with only moments ago.
“Okay?” I believed with all my heart he was a good man, but to put aside his obvious plan of seduction for me, well, my heart fluttered. Without hesitation, he put me first.
It was the night I fell deeply in love.
Chapter 22
Hall Monitors
“We should have pulled out the sofa so you’d have some room to rest.” I was secretly disappointed we wouldn't spend the night together, but also relieved. “Now you’ll be uncomfortable. Honestly, I wish you could sleep in my bed and not down here. You know, as company so we could talk.”
“Me, too. Only to talk," he grinned. "I’ll be okay in the chair. You can go check on your sister while I wait here. Come to think of it, I’ll take that cup of hot chocolate after all. Do you mind if I make it for us?”
“No, that would be great!” I started to go upstairs, but then ran back down and fell into Ryan’s arms.
I held on for dear life.
“Thank you. Thank you for giving up the evening you had planned for us. Fucking alcohol.” Woops! I didn’t mean to react out loud. “Oh, I’m . . . I’m sorry, but—it's ruined everything in my family.”
“If this is what you need, I’m here for you. Our flight doesn’t leave until Monday afternoon, tomorrow we can . . . would you come to the game tomorrow and we can do something afterward?”
Jagged Heart (Broken Bottles Series Book 3) Page 15
