by Isabelle Rae
Just as his lips were about to touch mine, the bedroom door opened again and Amy’s footsteps started coming in this direction. Will groaned as he pulled away from me. Disappointment washed over me. Damn it, Amy, go away! I looked at him pleadingly. He smiled sadly as he stepped back and let his arms drop from my waist. I felt my heart sink. He just kept doing that all the time, and it was killing me. One minute he’d look like he was going to kiss me and the next he was back to just being a teacher again. It was like he wanted to build my hopes up again, just so he could dash them for fun or something. I knew he wasn’t doing that though. He probably just couldn’t help himself, he was a player before we got together after all, so he was probably not used to being near a girl that wanted him and not doing anything about it. If he wanted a girl then he had her. I guess being near me was a little hard for him sometimes because of that. I just wished I was more than sex to him, that he wanted more than just my body, because he was hurting me so badly without even realising it.
I sighed and willed myself not to cry. “I’ll go brush my hair and stuff then I’ll be ready to leave,” I mumbled as Amy walked in the kitchen. She looked a little sheepish; as if she thought she was going to be interrupting something. I resisted the urge to glare at her for ruining my moment with Will for the second time in the same morning. First she ruined my hug, and now she’d ruined a potential kiss and hot make out session. I loved my best friend, but sometimes I really could throttle her.
“You have your overnight bag in there. I got it out of Sam’s car for you last night,” Will muttered, rubbing the back of his neck and looking anywhere but me.
“Thanks, I’ll just be a couple of minutes then.” I grabbed Amy’s hand and pulled her into the bedroom with me, not wanting to leave her on her own with Will. Things were awkward enough as it was without her adding any pressure or little comments about us being a ‘cute couple’ or anything.
She looked at me curiously as I grabbed my bag from by the door and stripped out of my party clothes that I’d slept in. “So are you going to tell me why you keep shooting me death glares?” she asked, laughing as she sat on the edge of the bed.
I sighed and closed my eyes. “Will was going to kiss me but you came out of the bedroom,” I admitted reluctantly. She squealed and practically bounced on the bed. I shushed her and winced, hoping that Will didn’t hear that and wonder what was going on.
“Sorry, oh God, I’m so sorry!” she whispered, giving me the puppy dog face.
I sighed and grabbed a pair of jeans, a tank top, and sweater from my bag, pulling them on. “Don’t worry about it. It would have been a mistake anyway and would have just gotten my hopes up. It’s best that you came out when you did because I can’t keep letting him sucker me in all the time.” I tried to make myself believe the words as I said them.
“Chloe, what are you going to do? You’re still totally crazy about him,” she said, looking at me sympathetically.
I shrugged. “There’s nothing I can do. He doesn’t want me so I’m letting it go and trying to move on, like you told me to.”
She rolled her eyes. “I told you to move on because I thought there was no chance of you two getting back together. Hell, you told me there was no chance, but believe me; that guy still wants you. There’s a chance there alright and I don’t think you should be giving up. He made you so happy when you two were together.”
I gasped in shock. She was the one that practically forced me to move on to someone else. She’d even made me go out on that date with Olly and give him a chance. Holy crap, Olly! I’d completely forgotten about him. I was so caught up in the moment with Will in the kitchen that I would have done anything with him, and Olly was only just now popping into my head. I was a terrible girlfriend.
“You’re the one that told me to give it up, Amy. Move on you said.” I threw my hands up in exasperation. “Besides, I don’t have a chance with him. He doesn’t like me like that anymore, I think he still wants my body, but he’s with Miss Teller now anyway. I don’t have a chance in hell competing against her, I mean, have you seen her? She’s perfect,” I whined, plopping down next to her on the bed trying not to pout like a three year old.
She shook her head. “You know what? I don’t think he’s dating her,” Amy said thoughtfully. I looked at her like she was crazy. Of course he’s dating her; it’s been all around the school for the last week. She frowned and shook her head again. “I’m thinking he’s not interested in her at all. No one has seen them kiss, or hug, or show any signs of being in a relationship. Everyone’s just assuming they’re together. Maybe it’s innocent, maybe they’re friends. He looks at you like he wants you, so why would he be with her if he wanted you?” she asked, biting her lip like she did when she was thinking really hard.
I sighed deeply. “Amy, he brings her to school every day and takes her home with him. It’s pretty obvious that they’re sleeping together. She’s beautiful, and nice, and smart, and old enough for him. They make the perfect couple,” I admitted grudgingly even though every word seemed to burn my throat on the way out.
She shook her head. “Maybe it’s something else. I just don’t quite buy it.”
I’d had enough of talking about this, I didn’t want to keep going over and over the same thing it was painful. I needed to get the heck out of Will’s apartment because the more time I spent here the more I missed the old times I spent here.
“Let’s just forget it,” I said firmly, letting her know that this was the end of the conversation. She seemed to get the hint as she pushed herself up from the bed and nodded sadly before heading into his bathroom.
I grabbed my bag searching through for a hairbrush, but I must have forgotten to pack it. I sighed and went over to Will’s chest of drawers where he kept a comb, so I could at least get the tangles from my bed hair. As I rummaged through the top drawer looking for the comb I noticed a picture frame on top of the drawers. It was right at the back, practically hidden by a pile of clothes. Curiosity got the better of me so I reached for it, wondering who it was of. I hadn’t seen any photos when I stayed here, so this was a new one.
I gripped the frame and my breath caught in my throat as I looked at the couple in the picture. It was me and Will at his sister’s wedding. Our first date. It was the professional photo that had been taken in the back of the church yard. We looked so cute all smiling at each other. I smiled at how tenderly he was looking at me in the picture.
Why on earth would he have bought this? Were we still together when he ordered it? But even if we were still together when he ordered it, we weren’t together now, so why would he have it in a frame on his drawers? Surely if he wanted to keep this then he would have hidden it in a drawer or something so no one would see it. What if Miss Teller saw this when she stayed over or something? She would obviously know it was me and would ask him about it. Had he told her about us? Was he that into her that he’d risked telling her about him sleeping with a minor? It must be even more serious than I thought if he trusted her with the secret of it.
I rubbed my thumb over the picture lightly, looking at him in his suit. In a way I’d forgotten about that day a little, photos always had a way of reminding you of things that your mind forgot. I would actually really love to have a copy of this photo, I didn’t have any photos of him at all, and I would just love to be able to stare at a picture of him before I went to sleep. Wow, Chloe, lucky no one can hear your thoughts because you are seriously sounding like a deranged stalker right about now!
Amy came out of the bathroom so I quickly put the picture back and searched the drawer again for the comb, dragging it through my hair, making myself look a little more presentable. I tried desperately to pretend that my heart wasn’t trying to break out of my chest. I smiled at her when I was done and pretended I hadn’t seen anything there, I didn’t want her reading things into it again, I just couldn’t cope with anymore today.
The ride home was uneventful; we were all sat in an uncomfortable silence
on the way to Amy’s. He stopped the car a couple of houses away from hers so that her parents didn’t see her arrive in a strange guy’s car when she was supposed to have been staying at mine.
I smiled at Amy as she grabbed her purse and opened her door. “Thanks for the ride, Mr Morris.” She smirked at him making him groan quietly.
“No worries, Miss Clarke. See you at school tomorrow.”
“I’ll pick you up in the morning, Chloe,” Amy told me as she climbed out of the car.
I nodded and smiled. “Yeah thanks, see you,” I called as she shut the door and walked off up the street towards her house.
Will pulled out again, heading towards my house. I glanced at him from the corner of my eye. I had no idea what to say to him, so I just said nothing. I would actually rather he had dropped me off first so that I wasn’t in the car with him on my own. That thing in the kitchen had made me feel a little awkward around him because I just couldn’t stop thinking about it. Then again, I didn’t really want Amy on her own with him either, just in case she said something to him about me and made everything worse.
He pulled up a couple of houses away from my house and cut the engine, turning in his seat to look at me curiously. “Do you think Amy will say anything to anyone? Because if you do then I’d rather we just go and say something first, it’ll sound better coming from us, rather than me just being reported.”
I shook my head fiercely. “She won’t say anything, you don’t need to worry.”
He seemed to relax a little. “Okay, tell her thanks from me.”
I nodded, chewing on my lip nervously. “Thanks for the ride, and for last night.” I didn’t really know how to show him how grateful I was to him for saving me and then letting us stay at his place so we didn’t get into trouble for it.
“No worries, you don’t need to keep thanking me.”
“Would it be totally inappropriate if I hugged you again?” I asked, trying not to show him how much I needed it.
He smiled sadly and nodded. “Totally inappropriate,” he confirmed.
I sighed and gripped my hand on the door handle, resigning myself to the fact that it truly was over, that he was back to being my teacher as of now and nothing more.
“Chloe?” He laughed and leant forward in his seat, slipping one arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer to him. I smiled gratefully and hugged him back, clinging to him, breathing in his smell. I really didn’t want to get out of the car and back to normality. Being close to him, even for little things like this, just made my heart race. I would give anything for this to be normal, for this to be allowed and easy. But I guess not everything in life is easy because where would the fun be in that? I just couldn’t see the fun in this situation at the moment.
I pulled out of the hug as I felt my eyes starting to prickle with tears; I needed to leave before I cried all over him. “Thanks, and I guess I’ll see you at school tomorrow,” I mumbled, forcing a smile.
He nodded and frowned. I swallowed the lump in my throat; did he not want me to leave either? He didn’t say anything so I pushed the door open and walked off without looking back, fighting tears the whole way up the path.
The following morning Amy picked me up for school, quizzing me about Will the whole trip and what he’d said after she got out of the car. It seemed as though she wanted to know every single thing that had happened since we broke up. I’d refused to speak about it on the phone last night when she called; I just couldn’t force the words out while it was still raw. After a good night sleep I felt much better about it. Yes, we’d had a couple of moments that might have turned into something else had it not been for Amy’s interruption, but those moments were passed now so I just needed to get on with it.
When we pulled up at school I spotted Olly almost immediately, he was standing chatting to a group of his friends with a couple of girls standing there too obviously trying their luck with the swim team. I gulped and immediately felt awful. What was I supposed to say to him today? The last time I’d seen him we had a huge fight and he stormed off and left me to make my own way home from school.
I decided just to pretend like I didn’t see him and head to my locker with Amy. I definitely didn’t mind putting off a potential argument with him. I linked my arm through Amy’s and smiled a big fake smile, which of course she saw through immediately.
“Olly’s over there,” she whispered as we walked through the parking lot.
“Mmm hmm,” I mumbled, chewing on my lip, looking at the school, practically counting down the steps until we were safely inside so I could avoid a probable painful and embarrassing situation.
“Not gonna say hi? What are you going to do about him today?” she asked, guiding me around a group of girls who were squealing about the Justin Bieber concert they went to see this weekend.
I sighed and shook my head. “No idea. I’m still trying the whole moving on thing, but to be honest, he’s probably still pissed at me for going to the party, and I’m still pissed at him for telling me I couldn’t hang out with Sam. I’m not sure where we go from here,” I admitted with a shrug.
Just as we got to the safety of the front doors I heard him shout my name. I groaned and immediately wondered how wrong it would be just to carry on walking and fake temporary deafness. I could pull that off, couldn’t I? I could just spend the morning asking everyone; ‘I’m sorry, what?’ I flicked my eyes to Amy to see if she had the same idea as me, but she just looked at me sympathetically and I knew I couldn’t be mean. Mean wasn’t who I was, I was the person who did things for people all the time because I didn’t like to hurt their feelings or tell people no.
“I’ll meet you in class,” I said to Amy as she unlinked her arm through mine and nodded, heading towards our lockers where Nick was already waiting for us with a big smile on his face. I took a deep breath and willed myself to be strong. I wasn’t going to put up with Olly’s possessive nonsense, so if he didn’t apologise then that was it, I was breaking it off. Instantly I kind of wished he wouldn’t apologise, just so I could have an easy passage out of it.
As I turned back in his direction I pretended I didn’t realise he was there. He was walking quickly towards me looking a little sheepish but cute as usual. “Hey, I was waiting for you,” he said as he got up to me.
I shifted my bag on my shoulder uncomfortably. “Yeah? Sorry I didn’t see you.”
He nodded, his eyes searching my face for something. “How was the party Saturday night?” he asked. One eyebrow was raised questionably, but no other emotions were on his face.
Okay how do I answer that question, do I go with the truth? “Actually, I was drugged and almost raped, but my ex-boyfriend, who by the way, is our teacher, burst into the room and beat the guy to a pulp before carrying me through the house, taking me to his and letting me sleep in his bed. Oh yeah and he almost kissed me this morning.” Yeah I don’t think the truth would go down to well here! Okay so I go with a lie.
“It was good actually; I got pretty wasted and spent most of yesterday in bed,” I replied, trying not to give away any signs of lying to him. In fact it wasn’t a total lie, if you took out all of the bad things that happened, that was actually my Saturday night to a tee!
He frowned, but his expression quickly cleared. “That’s good. How was spending time with the ex’s brother?” he asked. His tone was a little too controlled. That wasn’t exactly what he was asking me, but I think it was his way of getting me to talk about Sam.
I shrugged. “Good, he’s a great guy.” I didn’t bother to elaborate; he still hadn’t apologised so I didn’t owe him anything.
“Right, great guy, awesome,” he muttered sarcastically under his breath.
“Well if there’s nothing else then I think we’re done talking. I need to speak to Amy before class starts…” I trailed off, gazing longingly up the hallway to where Amy and Nick were laughing together.
He didn’t say anything so I turned to walk away; before I got more than two steps though
he grabbed my hand making me stop. “Wait, we’re not done talking,” he insisted. I sighed and looked back at him, he looked uncomfortable and awkward, and I would imagine that I looked exactly the same. “Look, I’m sorry about telling you that you couldn’t go to the party. As soon as I got to the car I knew I shouldn’t have done it. I ran back to the school, but I couldn’t find you. I shouldn’t have tried to order you around like that, and I need to learn to trust you. It’s just hard for me, I-” He frowned, looking a little pained.
I felt my heart sink. Olly the nice guy was back and he’d apologised, which I wasn’t expecting, so did that mean that we could just start over? Could I start over with him after that almost kiss with Will? Did I need to admit that to him, or just forget it because technically nothing happened?
He smiled and looked at me sadly. “It’s hard for me to trust a girl after Christina. She basically ruined everything and made me into that possessive guy from Friday. I’m really sorry.” He squeezed my hand lightly as he looked into my eyes apologetically.
Christina? What did she do to make him like that? “Christina?” I asked a little confused. She was his last girlfriend that he’d broken up with about four or five months ago. She went to a different school, but apparently they were together for about a year.
He nodded and stepped closer to me. “She cheated on me,” he admitted. “And since then I just find it hard getting close to a girl because I keep thinking about them doing the same thing to me.” He was looking at me like I was the big bad wolf about to eat his grandma or something.
My stomach started to ache with guilt. Here he was, pouring his heart out about his ex and telling me why he had trust issues, and I’d had that little indiscretion with Will yesterday. I knew I definitely couldn’t tell Olly now, I’d probably confirm everything bad that he thought about women. He would probably never trust a girl again!
