by Alicia Rades
“Bro, you need to get out and live a little,” he insisted. “I want to see you smile for once.”
“I do smile,” I argued.
Grant looked at me sideways and spoke flatly. “Really?”
I suddenly realized how tense I was and that my arms were crossed. I dropped them to the armrests of my chair and sat up a little straighter. “Totally. See?”
I forced my lips into a smile, but it kind of ruined the mood. Forcing smiles was the worst. I’d been practicing it for almost a year now. You’d think I was a pro. But no. I hated it. But it kept people off my back.
“There you go.” Grant clapped me on the shoulder. “Even though I can tell it’s totally fake.”
I shrugged. “Yeah, well, I wasn’t trying very hard.”
Grant looked back to the girls. Mandy and Amy were grinding on each other, and Talia was shaking her butt in Nadine’s direction. Nadine threw her head back in laughter, then slapped Talia playfully on the ass.
“If you’re not going to get in there, I am,” Grant said eagerly. “See ya.”
He gave me a salute, then stood and rushed over to the girls. Talia lit up when she saw him, then reached out for his hand. He spun her around, then caught her as she stumbled.
Fuck. I wanted to spin Nadine around like that. But I was a really, really bad dancer. I’d probably drop her rather than catch her.
Nadine shot a glance my way. I almost thought she was going to ask me to come join them, but she didn’t. She smiled a little, then turned back to her friends. But that smile was enough. It warmed my heart in ways I didn't think possible.
I should just tell her I like her already.
The thought slipped into my mind before I could stop it.
No. I shot down the idea as soon as it came.
Friends was as far as we went. I shouldn’t even be enabling that, but I just couldn’t stay away from her.
I noticed Nadine’s dancing slowed as the minutes ticked by. Her eyes kept darting over in my direction. I hoped she wasn’t getting self-conscious because I was watching. Was I making it that obvious?
Eventually, she broke off from the group and came to sit beside me. She looked exhausted as she plopped down.
“Party pooper,” she teased.
“I’m not a party pooper,” I defended. “I just…”
She raised a curious eyebrow. “You’re just…?”
My shoulders fell. “Fine. I’m a party pooper.”
“I know,” she chuckled. “But there’s so much I don’t know about you, Lucas.”
“Like what?” I asked. “I’m an open book.”
Mostly.
“What’s your Cast?” she asked, like she was trying to figure me out.
It wasn’t a secret. Everyone else already knew. But I liked the way she looked at me, like she was hungry for answers. So I decided to play with her.
“Guess,” I said.
“Lucas!” She swatted my shoulder, but it was so light I barely felt it. “Unfair.”
I shrugged. “You asked.”
She eyed me up and down, like she was looking for my tattoo. Too bad she wasn’t going to find it unless she wanted to strip me down.
Now that was something I wouldn’t object to.
“Alchemist?” she asked slowly, like she was unsure of herself.
“No,” I replied.
She pressed her lips together. “Seer?”
“You only get one guess.”
“Hey! That wasn’t part of the deal.” She stuck her bottom lip out into a mock pout.
My gaze flickered down to her lips, and I started laughing. Damn, it felt so good to laugh. “You should’ve read the contract first.”
She narrowed her eyes playfully. “Is this a sell-my-soul-to-the-devil kind of contract?”
“Do I look like the devil to you?” I teased.
“I don’t know. You’re all… mysterious.”
I chuckled. “I’m not mysterious.”
“You are! I still don’t know your Cast.” She paused for a second. “Or is that rude to ask?”
I shook my head. “Not rude. I just like watching you squirm.”
Nadine squirmed in her seat for show, then said, “Seen enough?”
I smirked as my gaze flickered down to her cleavage. Damn it! I hadn’t meant to do that. Not that I didn’t want to, because Nadine was smoking hot. But I didn’t want to be that guy.
“Not yet,” I said.
Nadine went in to swat me again, but I grabbed her hand to stop her. Electricity sizzled between us when we touched. For a second, we both just sat there in silence, staring at each other. Her eyes were so soft, and she looked at me like she felt it, too. My stomach flipped in my abdomen.
Just friends, I reminded myself.
I dropped her hand before I let my feelings get away from me. Nadine cleared her throat and sat a little straighter in her seat. I noticed she was starting to look a little pale. She pressed her hand to the side of her face.
“Are you okay?” I asked, suddenly concerned.
“Yeah, it’s nothing,” she said softly. Her demeanor had quickly changed. “I’m just getting really tired.”
It sounded like an excuse, but I didn’t press her. “I guess it’s getting kinda late. Do you want me to take you home? Back to school, I mean.”
“What about Talia?” Nadine asked, glancing toward her.
“If she wants to stay, I’m sure Grant will get her home safely,” I said.
“Yeah, okay,” Nadine replied. “Let me go talk to her.”
Nadine stood, though it looked like her knees were shaking. I didn’t know why, since she hadn’t drank anything all night. She made her way over to Talia and said a few things I couldn’t hear, then returned.
“Grant’s going to take Talia home in his car. Do you mind driving mine?” she asked.
“Not at all.” I got to my feet and took Nadine’s hand. My whole body lit up with nerves when I did. I didn’t even know where it came from. It just seemed natural.
I was about to pull away and apologize, but Nadine leaned into me, like she was okay with it.
“Walk with me,” she said.
I strolled alongside Nadine toward the parking lot. She pointed out which car was hers, then gave me the keys when I was in the driver’s seat.
“Are you sure you don’t mind leaving?” she asked. “I don’t want to ruin any of your fun.”
She had no idea I’d rather be right here in this car alone with her than anywhere else right now.
“You’re not ruining any of my fun,” I assured her as I shifted into drive. “I was ready to go anyway.”
Nadine leaned against the door and stared out the window. “That’s good to hear. You should wear your seatbelt, though.”
I glanced to her for a moment, before turning my eyes back on the road. “We’re just driving through town.”
Nadine rolled her eyes. “You still need your seatbelt. It’s like you have a death wish or something.”
My whole body froze, and my hands tightened on the steering wheel. “I don’t.”
I said it harsher than I intended. She must’ve noticed, because she didn’t say anything all the way back to the school.
“Lucas,” she finally said after I’d parked. “Will you walk me to my dorm?”
“Yeah, of course,” I answered before I could stop myself.
It was only when Nadine took my hand again that it struck me this might be some sort of invitation. How many times did I have to tell myself I couldn’t get involved with her before I stepped away?
Too many, apparently.
But when we got to her room, she opened the door without inviting me inside. I was half relieved, but the other half of me really wanted to see what would’ve happened.
Nadine stood in the open doorway with her hand on the frame. “Thanks for making sure I got back safe, Lucas.”
“Yeah, of course,” I said. “I had fun tonight.”
“Me too.
” She ducked her head and blushed a little. She paused for a few seconds, as if waiting for me to say something. Before I could come up with something clever, she said, “I’ll see you later.”
Disappointment washed over me. All I wanted was one more minute with her.
But instead, I said, “Bye, Nad.”
And just like that, the door shut behind her and she was gone. My shoulders fell. It was like I could still feel her presence there, and I didn’t want to let that feeling fade.
But eventually, I had to get back to my room. What would Grant and Talia think if I was still standing there pining after Nadine when they got back? Talia would tell Nadine for sure, and then she’d think I was a creep.
As I turned away from her door and headed down the hall, one thing became very clear. No matter how much I told myself I couldn’t be with Nadine, my heart still wanted her.
I wasn’t sure how long we had before I caved.
Chapter 8
Nadine
The party took a lot out of me. I loved to dance, and it was a lot of fun while it lasted, but I couldn’t keep up the bright appearance forever. Eventually, I had to cave to my body’s demands and admit it was time to call it a night. Lucas was like a blessing from Mother Miriam herself. He held my hand and supported me across the parking lot when I was getting too fatigued to walk on my own, and then he’d made sure I got home all right. I mean, he could’ve at least tried to kiss me at my door, but it was probably best he didn’t. I might’ve passed out right there in his arms.
I didn’t know why I didn’t tell Lucas about my lupus. I guess I didn’t want him to think less of me, like I was some burden who needed constant observation. Because I wasn’t. I could handle myself. It was just nice to have someone around at times. And I was glad it’d been Lucas.
All I wanted to do Saturday was sleep, since I was totally wiped. Social outings did that to me. They were draining beyond belief, and it usually took a couple of days to recover. I lay in bed that morning, eyeing my yoga mat that was wedged between my bed and the nightstand. I thought about using it, but I couldn’t find the energy. Gus was snuggled up next to me, and I didn’t even want to lift my hand to pet him.
Across the room, Talia was picking out her clothes for the day. She glanced toward me and noticed I was awake. Her brow furrowed as she eyed me. “You okay, Nadine?”
“Fine,” I lied. It was my go-to response, because it was easier than having people worry about me all the time. I still hadn’t told Talia about my lupus either—not because I was hiding it from her, but it’d just never come up.
“Are you sure?” she asked. “I drank more than you, and I feel fine.”
I took a deep breath. “It’s not that.”
Talia set her clothes aside and crossed the room to sit on the couch. She leaned over the armrest to look at me. “Did something happen last night? Between you and Lucas?”
“What?” I squeaked. “No. What about you and Grant?”
She shrugged. “Nothing happened, but I’m not so sure about Grant.”
“What do you mean?” I asked. “He’s nice.”
“I don’t know. He seems like he tries too hard. I don’t really feel like I know the authentic him yet.”
“I think that is the authentic Grant,” I teased.
“I guess we’ll see eventually,” she said, before changing the subject. “Do you want to get some coffee or something?”
“No. I’m fine.” I repeated my usual phrase without realizing it.
She narrowed her eyes at me. “You sure, Nadine? You seem tired all the time. Maybe you should see a doctor about it.”
The comment was like a slap to the face. I knew Talia meant well, but she had no idea what I’d been through with doctors these past few years. It was like she thought I wasn’t taking care of myself—and I was doing the best I could.
“I have,” I snapped. I didn’t mean to be so harsh. I quickly softened my tone. “I’m actually meeting my new primary care physician today.”
Talia’s eyes widened, and she sat straighter on the couch. “Nadine, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”
“It’s okay,” I quickly assured her. “You didn’t know.”
She relaxed. “So, um…”
“It’s called lupus,” I told her.
My gut sank at the word, like it was some sort of curse. I always hated telling people about it, because they all got the same look on their face. The corners of their lips fell into a frown, and their eyes glistened. It was like they were watching a puppy being tortured or something.
Talia was shooting me the same look just now. I could see the moment her entire impression of me shifted. One moment, I was just Nadine, a regular girl with a thing for long baths and Netflix marathons. The next, I was this completely different person, a fragile girl you had to tiptoe around because if you made the wrong move, she’d crumble into a million tiny pieces.
“It’s an autoimmune disease,” I explained. “My body attacks itself. It makes me really fatigued all the time.”
“I’m sorry,” she said softly, like it was somehow her fault. “I didn’t realize.”
“Well, I didn’t tell you,” I said simply.
“Is there anything I can do to help?” she asked.
“No,” I replied, before quickly adding, “I don’t want you to think any different of me because of it.”
Her shoulders fell. “Of course not, Nadine. What do you say I go down to the cafeteria and bring back some breakfast, then we watch a few episodes of that sexy vampire show you’ve been watching?”
A genuine smile crossed my face. “I’d love that, but there’s something else I’ve been meaning to ask you about.”
She tilted her head to the side. “What’s that?”
I fiddled with a loose thread on the corner of my blanket. “What do you know about séances?”
Talia shrugged. “I come from a family of Seers, so I’ve done a couple. They’re pretty easy.”
“So you can do it before you get your magic?” I asked.
“It’s like, the only thing we can do. Why do you—? Oh.” Talia’s face fell. She realized what I was asking before she finished the question.
“I just want to say goodbye to my parents,” I said.
Talia took a deep breath, like the suggestion weighed on her. “This is up to you, Nadine, but… are you sure? We’re always told not to contact loved ones unless it’s an emergency.”
I furrowed my brow. “Why not? If you have the power to do it, shouldn’t you take advantage of that?”
Talia dropped her gaze. “Yes and no. Contacting someone once is one thing, but contacting your loved ones can become… addictive. It’s not recommended as part of the healing process. It’s taxing on you and on the spirits.”
I couldn’t believe the coven had this sort of power and didn’t use it. “That’s the problem, Talia. I’m not healing. I just want to see them one more time.”
“It’s more than that,” she said. “Messages from the dead are ambiguous. You can’t just call up the dead and talk to them.”
“What do Seers do then?” I asked. “Don’t they see and talk to ghosts?”
“Yeah, but they can’t always choose who they see or who gives them visions,” Talia explained. “When you do a séance, you’re opening yourself to talk to anyone.”
“Is it a problem if someone else shows up?”
“It can be,” she said. “It’s hard for spirits to communicate through words. More often than not, it’s through signs and visions. Even Seers, who get messages more clearly, can’t always make sense of them. Séances can be fun, but they’re dangerous, too. It’s like calling someone up on a shared phoneline. Anyone can answer. They could pose as your loved ones and use your grief to manipulate you.”
My heart dropped. “I guess I see your point. But I still want to try.”
Talia frowned. She looked deeply contemplative, like she wanted to help me but wasn’t sure if she should.
> Finally, she let out a breath she’d been holding. “I’ll help you, but on one condition.”
“Anything,” I told her.
“We only do this once,” she stated. “This is going to be really emotional, and I won’t stand by and watch my friend hurt herself over and over. Do you understand?”
I nodded firmly. “I get it. Once and done. That’s all I ask.”
Talia’s shoulders relaxed. “Okay. When do you want to do this?”
“The sooner the better,” I told her.
She looked uncertain, but she walked over to the window and shut the curtains anyway, casting the room in darkness. “Let’s get started then.”
Talia had me gather my parents’ belongings. I pulled a box out from under my bed, where I’d kept the things I hadn’t been able to part with. I sat across from her on the floor and placed a photograph of my parents between us. For my mom, I chose her signature apron; for my dad, an old collector’s license plate that came off the last car he and my grandpa restored together.
Gus curled into Talia’s lap while she lit the candles. A chill traveled down my spine, and I swore I already felt an energy in the air that wasn’t there before.
“Take my hands,” Talia said softly. “Remind me of your parents’ names?”
“Faith and Nathan Evers,” I told her.
“You focus on them, while I call out their names,” she instructed. “Deal?”
I nodded.
“Faith? Nathan? Your daughter wants to speak to you,” Talia called out to the darkness.
I did my best to relax, but the more I thought about them, the heavier the weight in my gut became. I still couldn’t admit they were gone.
But they weren’t gone for good. At least, that’s what I kept telling myself. I was going to see them soon. This had to work.
Talia continued to call out their names. The temperature in the room dropped, but nothing else seemed to change. I glanced around hopefully, expecting a spirit to be lurking nearby, but I saw nothing.
“Are they here?” I asked Talia.
She kept her eyes closed but pressed her lips together. “It feels like… like their energy is blocked or something.”
