by Alicia Rades
Nadine went quiet for a long time. After a while, I noticed she was shivering.
“Are you cold?” I asked. I didn’t know how. I was radiating so much heat I was practically sweating. Being near her made me hot all over.
“No,” she said. “I just… want to ask you something. I don’t know how.”
“You can ask me anything,” I told her.
She shifted and rolled over to face me. She rested her face on her hand, and her hair spilled across the floor. We just lay there staring at each other. It was a beautiful moment I wished would never end.
“I’ve wanted to ask you for a while, but I know you don’t like to talk about your gift,” she said.
“Ask me anything,” I offered. I wasn’t so scared to share with her anymore.
She took a deep breath. “I know it’s a long shot, but… did you hear my parents when they died?”
My body tensed. This wasn’t the first time someone had asked what their loved ones’ last thoughts were. I didn’t like to answer, because it usually wasn’t what they wanted to hear. That, and last thoughts were Reaper’s Apprentice privileges only. It violated the integrity of the job if I went around telling everyone what I heard.
But this was Nadine. I didn’t want to lie to her.
I answered carefully. “Your father was never part of the coven, so I didn’t hear him.”
“And my mother?” she asked.
I nodded slowly. “I heard her.”
Her eyes filled with hope. “Can you tell me what she said?”
This was where things got hard. Her mom’s last thought was complicated—a mix of good and bad all wrapped into one.
The coven’s in danger. Stay safe, Nadine. I love you.
This thought had been weighing on me for months. I didn’t know what it meant. I couldn’t investigate, either, because I didn’t know where to start. For all I knew, her mom was as confused as Old Man Keller.
I couldn’t tell Nadine. I didn’t want her to know her mom died worrying about her. If I told her the truth, she’d want to fix whatever danger her mother spoke of. She’d get herself hurt looking for answers.
I wanted to tell her, but I couldn’t until I knew what it meant.
“She said she loved you,” I told her honestly. It was only half of it, but it was true nonetheless.
Nadine’s eyes glistened. “Is that true, or is that just what you tell everybody?”
“It is what I tell everybody,” I admitted. “But in this case, it’s true.”
She sniffled. “Thank you, Lucas. I love her, too.”
I couldn’t bear to see her upset. I leaned forward and kissed her again. She reached up and placed her hand on the side of my face, and that warmth ignited in my heart all over again.
The kiss didn’t last long, though. A few moments later, she drew away.
Her eyes searched mine. “Why are you kissing me, Lucas?”
I was struck by the question. “Don’t you want me to?”
“I do, but… you’re kind of sending me mixed signals,” she said. “Do you want this or not?”
I hesitated. Of course I did. I wanted every moment with Nadine and more. But I didn’t want her to get hurt.
“I do,” I told her honestly. “I wish there was a way we could be together, but…”
“But if we were, this is as far as we could go,” she finished for me. “We can’t have what every other couple has.”
Her voice was so sad, so melancholy. When we first met, I thought she was just chasing me for the thrill of it. I thought she’d get over me once I turned her down. But it wasn’t like that between us. Nadine and I were drawn like magnets. And now that we’d come together, nothing could come between us, not even this stupid curse.
“Are you okay with that?” I asked.
I held my breath, awaiting the answer. Part of me feared both options.
“I don’t know,” she finally said. “I think I need time to figure that out.”
“Then we won’t make any decisions right now,” I promised.
“Okay,” she agreed. “At least now we can be friends.”
I smiled—a real, genuine smile. I didn’t know how she did that to me. “Agreed. We’re done arguing. I’m done pushing you away.”
She closed her eyes and sighed blissfully. “That sounds good.”
I reached out and took Nadine’s hand. She lay there, looking perfectly content, while I ran my thumb across the back of her hand.
It was in that moment that I realized it didn’t matter which decision Nadine made. There would never be anyone else. Nadine would always be it for me.
I just hoped I could handle her decision.
Chapter 18
Nadine
I needed Lucas in my life. It didn’t matter that we couldn’t be together in the way that I wanted. I needed him near me the way I needed the very air I breathed. Without him, I was caged. But when he was around, I was a free bird soaring the skies. I could almost believe the two of us were capable of anything together.
Something changed when Lucas brought me to that abandoned house. I didn’t know if it was a change in him, or me, or both of us. It was like we could finally breathe again.
The house was gorgeous, and there was a beautiful energy surrounding it that made it feel like home. It was crazy, considering the state of the place, but I just felt like I didn’t have to hide anything there.
I’d never felt so close to Lucas. When he stood next to me, I couldn’t help but shiver. When he kissed me, the world seemed to tilt on its axis. It was magic.
I walked through the school hallways the following week on this amazing, magical high. I felt energized, and my joints moved with ease. It was like Lucas’s touch had a way of healing me.
He was still waiting for an answer from me. Truth be told, I didn’t want to think about that right now. We could figure out where we wanted to go with this later. Right now, I just wanted his company.
Lucas met up with me in the hall after class on Wednesday. He carried my books, and I took his hand. It was instinctive now. It was like we couldn’t be together without attaching ourselves. It turned a few heads, but I didn’t care. Screw the haters.
Let it be known that Lucas Taylor and Nadine Evers were a thing.
A non-official thing, but a thing nonetheless.
“How was class?” Lucas asked.
I shrugged. “Chloe drew the Seven of Swords. I think that means she’s planning to act on her threat soon.”
Lucas’s face paled. “That’s not good.”
“It’s okay,” I said honestly. “Now I have some warning. I can’t say I’m surprised, though. I have a meeting with Verla today. I expect Chloe to do something.”
“Yeah, she’s kind of predictable,” Lucas said. “But I’m not going to let her hurt you.”
My heart fluttered. “Oh? How are you going to do that?”
He smiled. “By not letting you out of my sight.”
“I don’t think Verla’s going to let you in on my lesson,” I pointed out.
He shrugged. “Then I’ll stand outside the door.”
“For how long?” I asked, though I was really enjoying his offer.
He slowed his step and turned to me. He pushed a strand of hair behind my ear, which made butterflies dance in my stomach. “However long it takes. Consider me your personal guard for the day.”
My heart totally melted. “Thank you.”
“No need to thank me,” he replied gently.
Lucas and I returned to my room to put my books away. Talia, Amy, and Mandy were there. Amy and Mandy poked at their phones, while Talia flung around a string for Gus, Isa, and Stormy to chase.
“Hey,” I greeted as I entered the room. “What are you guys up to?”
Mandy looked up from where she lay on the couch. “Looking at dress ideas for the Midnight Formal. I’m thinking full-on gothic.”
“I was thinking of going with something white and sparkly,” Amy said.
>
Mandy’s eyes lit up. “Ooh, it could be a theme. You could be like, the good witch, and I’ll be the bad witch.”
Amy laughed. “I love it.”
“Consider me the Good Witch of the South,” Talia said. “I’ve got my pink dress picked out already. Do you have any ideas yet, Nadine?”
I shook my head. Lucas looked oddly uncomfortable with all the dress talk.
“I’ll figure something out,” I said. “In the meantime, I have a meeting with Verla today.”
Talia’s spine straightened. Isa grabbed ahold of the string with her paw and ripped it out of Talia’s hands. She barely noticed. “Uh oh. Does that mean another sabotage?”
I crossed my arms and smirked. “I was thinking so. Except this time, maybe we could be the ones doing the sabotage.”
Mandy beamed as she stood and gave me a salute. “We’re on it, girl.”
Talia and Amy jumped to their feet. “You don’t have to worry about Chloe,” Talia promised. “Go have fun at your lesson.”
“Wait,” I said. “You mean I don’t get to watch?”
Talia frowned. “That would beat the point of distracting her for your lesson.”
I made a face. “True. Any ideas?”
Amy stepped forward and patted me on the shoulder. “You let us take care of that.”
“You guys are the best.” I reached out to hug each of them in turn, then turned back to Lucas.
“Are you ready?” he asked.
I took a deep breath. “Yep. Let’s get this over with.”
Lucas took my hand and walked me to Headmistress Verla’s office. Isa followed at my feet. She seemed to sense my discomfort. The whole time, I kept watch for Chloe, but I didn’t see her anywhere. Maybe she’d finally given up.
I knocked on Verla’s office.
“Come in,” she called.
Lucas stood guard outside while I stepped inside.
Verla shot me a kind smile, but she wasn’t the only one there. Professor Daymond, the jerk who’d called me a half-blood, sat in one of the chairs next to her desk. He barely looked my way.
“I hope I’m not interrupting,” I said as Isa and I approached the desk. “I’m here for my lesson.”
Verla gestured to the chair next to Professor Daymond. “You’re not interrupting anything at all. In fact, we were waiting for you.”
I couldn’t keep the disgust from my voice. “What’s he doing here?”
“I’m here to help,” he replied in a less than friendly tone. Something told me he wasn’t very interested in helping me.
I sat but remained at the edge of my seat. “How?”
Isa looked to Odin, who was perched on a cat tower beside Verla’s desk. She gave a low growl, then jumped into my lap. I stroked her to calm her down, but she kept throwing glances at Odin.
“I’d like to start where we left off last time,” Verla said. “I’ve invited Professor Daymond here to help run us through some scenarios. Hopefully we won’t be interrupted.”
“I think we’ll be okay,” I told her. I trusted my friends to deal with Chloe.
Verla straightened in her chair. “Excellent. As you know, an Evoking Ceremony tests your emotional state. Everyone is tested differently, based on their strengths and weaknesses. I thought we could talk about that before we try out some scenarios.”
I looked to Professor Daymond, who held his nose high. I wasn’t really interested in talking about my strengths and weaknesses in front of him.
I scratched Isa behind the ears to keep my hands busy. “Isn’t that, um... kind of private?”
“Well, yes, but—” Verla started, but Professor Daymond spoke at the same time.
“You want to pass your Evoking Ceremony, don’t you?” he sneered.
What a prick.
“Yes,” I said.
“Then let’s get on with it,” Professor Daymond said.
Verla looked a little shocked by his tone, but she brushed it off. She picked up a tablet on her desk and began scrolling through it. “Nadine, I want you to rate the following statements from one to five, one being strongly disagree, and five being strongly agree.”
“Okay.” That didn’t seem too hard.
Verla cleared her throat and began reading off the list of questions. “When I see someone being bullied, I feel the need to step in.”
“Five,” I answered automatically.
Verla pressed her tablet, then moved on to the next question.
“I find it easy to forgive other people.”
I thought about that for a moment. “Um… four.”
“I often feel like other people don’t like me.”
“One,” I said. I was a joy to be around.
“I get envious of other people easily.”
I paused for a moment. Usually, I’d answer one to this question—strongly disagree. But I couldn’t help but recall how I felt when I saw Lena kissing Lucas.
“Three,” I decided on.
Verla went on like this for at least another fifteen minutes. Most of the questions I felt pretty comfortable with. Professor Daymond’s lips pressed into a thinner and thinner line as the minutes ticked by. It was almost like he was unhappy I wasn’t a total train wreck.
It wasn’t until Verla neared the end that I started to feel the questions weighing on me. “I find it easy to bounce back from hardship,” she said.
My stomach twisted into knots. I wanted it to be true, but I’d be lying if I said it was.
“Two,” I told her.
Professor Daymond seemed pleased by that, though I didn’t know why. Wasn’t he supposed to support his students?
“My moods are greatly affected by my situation,” Verla continued.
“Five,” I answered. I mean, who wasn’t affected by their situation?
“I feel lonely when my loved ones aren’t around.”
My gut sank at the mention of loved ones. All I could think about was my parents, and Verla’s statement felt shockingly true in that moment. I sank deeper into my seat.
“Five,” I said in a small voice.
Verla eyed me, like she sensed my discomfort. “Just one more, Nadine. Memories of the people I’ve lost upset me.”
Okay, now it felt like she was doing it on purpose.
“Of course memories upset me,” I said, suddenly feeling very defensive. “I mean, who wouldn’t be upset by losing someone?”
Verla kept her eyes on the tablet. Her expression didn’t give anything away. “So, where would you rate that?”
I hesitated, though I knew the answer. Finally, I spoke so soft I wasn’t sure she heard me. “Five.”
Verla took a deep breath and set the tablet aside. “I think it’s clear what we need to work on.”
“What’s that?” I asked, a little scared to hear the answer.
Verla gave me a sympathetic look. “Your grief.”
My breath halted. I knew I had work to do, but the way she said it… it was like I shouldn’t be allowed to feel this way. But I should! I lost my parents, for Alora’s sake.
Unless… unless Mother Miriam didn’t want people like me in the coven.
“Am I not allowed to grieve?” I asked in a small voice.
“Of course you are,” Verla said kindly. “But you can’t shove it aside. You must work through it.”
I didn’t want to. I wasn’t ready.
“And I have to do that before my ceremony?” I asked.
Verla nodded. “Mother Miriam will test your weaknesses.”
My bottom lip quivered. It felt as if the air was being sucked from the room. “So, if I can’t get over it by then, that’s it? I’m banished?”
I couldn’t be! This was the only place where I had family and friends. I wasn’t leaving the coven.
“Relax, Nadine,” Verla said softly. “I’m not asking you to get over it. All I’m asking for is progress.”
“But I’m not ready.” My voice cracked.
Beside me, Professor Daymond smirked
, like he was getting great joy out of this. What the fuck was his problem?
“You must try,” Verla said. “You must trust that Mother Miriam has a plan. If you don’t show her that you’re willing to change, your magic won’t come.”
Headmistress Verla was really starting to scare me. How could I be asked to get over my parent’s death so quickly? Surely, Mother Miriam would understand.
Yet part of me feared she wouldn’t.
I swallowed. “I’ll do anything to pass my ceremony.”
“Then let’s try our first scenario.” Headmistress Verla gestured to Professor Daymond. “Professor Daymond is a unique type of Mentalist. He can imprint pictures into your mind. It’s a lot like the visions you’ll see during your Evoking Ceremony.”
I turned to him, clutching the armrests of the chair so hard my knuckles turned white. I had to believe he was here to help me, because there was no alternative. Either he helped me get past this block, or I failed Mother Miriam’s test.
That wasn’t an option. I’d do anything to stay here with Grammy, Lucas, Grant and Talia.
“Okay,” I said, my voice strong. “How does this work?”
Professor Daymond reached out a hand. “My powers work through touch.”
I hesitated. “Is it just visions, then? Or can you see other things in my mind?”
I wasn’t about to let this stranger poke around in my head.
“I can project visions using memories of your past,” Professor Daymond explained. “But I can’t see anything you don’t want me to see.”
“It’s perfectly safe, Nadine,” Headmistress Verla assured me.
I trusted her, and I really wanted to pass my ceremony, so I placed my hand in his.
Immediately, the room around me disappeared. Instead, I stood at the edge of the road. It was nighttime, with nothing but the moon and stars above to light the landscape. Forest surrounded me at several angles, save for a clearing that gave way to a cliff. Below that spanned a large lake. The road curved along the outer edge of the lake, and a guardrail bordered the edge of the cliff.
I glanced around. There was no motion, no sound.
“I don’t get it,” I called out to the darkness. I didn’t know if I said the words aloud, but I sensed that Professor Daymond could hear me.
