“If that is so, then I’ve accomplished one of the things I wanted to do when I came to Sweetwater.”
Confusion created deep creases in her brow. “What do you mean?”
Lord, I need Your help. How do I tell Tanya without hurting her? But nothing came to Chance’s mind as he stared at the woman who had come to mean so much to him. He sucked in a deep, fortifying breath then released it slowly. “It wasn’t Samuel who brought me to Sweetwater. It was you.”
“Me? But you didn’t even know me.”
“Yes, I did. Tom often talked about you and Crystal. We had a lot of downtime while in prison and he would tell me different stories.”
“What did he say?” Curiosity replaced her puzzlement.
“I heard about your vacation to the Smoky Mountains. I heard about the baby squirrel Crystal found and raised until it was big enough to live on its own. Through all the stories I heard the love he had for you and Crystal. He told me right before he died that he regretted everything he had done to you two. He didn’t understand your manic depression, but he thought you were a loving, caring woman. He didn’t understand how God could have allowed something like Crystal’s paralysis to happen to her. Toward the end he was filled with hopelessness and bitterness, but he always loved you two.”
Tanya spun around and took two steps to the table to settle onto a chair. Her hand shook as she smoothed back her hair. “I still don’t understand why he thought he had to go it alone. He would have gotten out of prison, and we could have been a family again.”
“I think in his mind he thought his life was over.” The pounding in his chest echoed in his ears. If he didn’t say something now, he might never. “I’m the reason Tom was killed.”
Lifting her head, she looked at him. “You? I don’t understand.”
“A couple of inmates had me cornered and were intent on killing me. Tom stepped in and took the knife meant for me. I had had enough of being pushed around and had stood up to the wrong person. Tom was killed because of me.”
She blinked.
A long silence fell between them.
Finally she rose, slowly. “Why didn’t you tell me before?”
“I wanted to help you and Crystal, and I didn’t think you would let me if you knew.”
“So you kept it a secret!” Tears glinted in her eyes as she stepped toward him, her hands clenched at her sides.
“Yes.”
“Why say anything now?”
“I wasn’t gonna say anything to you, but you deserve to know everything.”
“So Crystal and I were a charity case for you, and now that you’ve done what you set out to do, you’re ready to leave.” Anger sliced through her words.
“Yes,” he said, even though she hadn’t asked a question. The thunderous beat of his heart continued to vibrate through his mind. “I have unfinished business in Louisville.”
“And afterward?” Steel strengthened her voice.
“I don’t know. I can’t think beyond the trial.”
Her usual expressive face evolved into a neutral facade. She walked to the back door and opened it. “Thanks for letting me know about how Tom really died.”
He strode toward her, wanting so badly to take her into his arms and hug her until her anger melted. When he came alongside her, her words stopped him.
“And you don’t need to worry about Crystal and me. We’re doing just fine, and don’t need any more of your help.”
“Tanya,” he started but couldn’t find the words to express his feelings. He still had to deal with his past and put to rest the guilt and anger that choked him when he thought about the murder of his family. He wouldn’t involve Tanya in that. She’d been through enough. “Happy New Year,” he murmured finally and left.
Outside on the deck he flinched at the sound of the door slamming behind him. Glancing around at the shadows of dusk creeping over the yard, he knew what he needed to do next. He couldn’t stay until the start of the trial. He needed to leave now. A clean break was best for Tanya, and he’d already hurt her enough today. He didn’t want to cause her any more pain by lingering a few extra days. He strode across the driveway to the stairs that led to his apartment.
* * *
Tanya watched Chance head for the apartment above the garage. Numbing shock gripped her in a tight vise. Tom died trying to break up a fight between Chance and two other inmates. Her emotions lay frozen within her. She didn’t know what to feel.
There had been no future for her and Tom for years. Ever since he had set fire to the first barn, their future had been sealed in her husband’s mind. But even before that, there had been a rift in their relationship partly due to the fact he hadn’t been understanding about her manic depression. She had struggled alone dealing with it, and it had taken a toll on her marriage that Crystal’s accident had completely torn apart.
Tanya turned away from the window and made her way toward her bedroom and lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling. Darkness slithered into the room, and she welcomed it as she willed her mind empty of any thoughts. But on the black screen of her mind all she could see was Chance, the pain in his eyes when he had looked at her the last time before leaving her house. She wasn’t even sure he was aware of his expression.
But she was sure of one thing: she had moved on in her life. She no longer felt guilty about Tom. And she was no longer angry at Tom for what he had done to their lives, to his life.
Finally she sat up and swung her legs over the edge of the bed. After switching on the lamp on her bedside table, she pulled her Bible onto her lap and opened it, searching for peace in its pages.
* * *
Dawn broke on the horizon. Tanya saw the streaks of red-orange entwined through the dark blue and wished she had some answers to the hundreds of questions that had plagued her through the night. The overriding one, what did she do now, still demanded an answer she didn’t have.
The scent of perking coffee drifted to her, and she walked to the pot to pour herself a huge mugful. The gritty feel in her eyes reminded her of the sleepless night that had passed. Some time in the middle of the night she had closed her Bible. Peace had eluded her, but the need to see Chance had grown as she had read the Word.
Sipping the brew, she stared out the window at the stairs to Chance’s apartment. She loved him and realized that hadn’t changed even with the new information she had learned the day before.
Was she going to allow Tom to continue to dictate how she lived her life? He had chosen his path, even when he had stepped in front of the knife meant for Chance. Tom’s death wasn’t Chance’s fault.
But Chance felt it was. Could she find a way to make him understand it wasn’t? Even if Chance didn’t love her, he deserved to forgive himself for what happened to Tom. That was the least she could give Chance. Peace of mind. Then maybe she would have her own peace.
Still dressed in her jeans and sweatshirt from the day before, she took one last swig of her coffee, placed it on the counter and strode to the back door. Outside the crisp winter air chilled her. She hurried toward the stairs that led to his place. She took them two at a time and started to knock when she noticed the door wasn’t totally shut.
He was gone! She knew it in her heart. Her hands quivered as she opened the door and entered the apartment. Scanning the large room through a sheen of tears she saw that every trace of Chance was wiped away. Her gaze rested on the kitchen table where a note propped next to a wad of money sat. Slowly she crossed to it and reached for the paper with her name on it.
Her hand clutched it as she read the short letter.
Tanya, the time spent with you and Crystal has been wonderful. I have left you this month’s rent as my notice. May you find a man who one day deserves your goodness. Love, Chance.
Love, Chance. Did that mean he loved her? Was that
just a casual closing to his note that really meant nothing? Frustration at no answers churned in her stomach.
She crumpled the letter into a ball and threw it across the room. Anger consumed her. How dare he leave without saying goodbye in person! How dare—Then she remembered the last time she had seen him, yesterday when confusion reigned in her. She couldn’t blame him. She had basically kicked him out of her house.
She collapsed onto a chair and buried her face in her palms. She’d made a mess of the situation. And now Chance was gone. She had no idea where he was, at least not until the trial started next week.
* * *
Chance stood at the window of his hotel room, glimpsing the Ohio River in the distance. The gray day reflected his mood. The first day of the trial had gone smoothly with the selection of the jurors in the morning and the opening remarks in the afternoon. He’d held up, even through the attorneys’ remarks to the jury, mostly by shutting down his emotions totally and staring a hole in the back of the chair in front of him. He’d barely gotten out of there before all his feelings had inundated him.
Gripping the window ledge, he leaned his forehead against the cold pane. Icy fingers spread through him, cooling the heat of his anger. The man who had destroyed his life had sat next to his lawyer, smug, unaffected by the trial.
Lord, I can’t do this!
Even though the trial wasn’t expected to last long, he didn’t know how he was going to make it through all the testimony day in and day out. Flashes of his past blinked in and out of his mind—finding his family murdered, being charged with those murders, the years spent in prison knowing he was innocent and the real killer was walking free, something he never thought he would do again.
God, help me! I have to do this much for Ruth and Haley, see this trial through to the end. I owe them that.
A knock sounded at the door. He spun around and stared at it as though he hadn’t really heard anything.
Another rap filled the silence.
As though his legs had a will of their own, they carried him across the room. He reached for the handle in slow motion and pulled the door open. When he saw Tanya before him, he nearly fell apart. Her inner beauty shone from her eyes, her smile of greeting melting the icy shroud that blanketed him.
Time faded away as he stared at her here in the hallway outside his hotel room, not in Sweetwater where she belonged.
Finally one of her delicate brows rose. “Can I come in?”
“How did you find me?”
“Nick helped me. He figured you would be staying near the courthouse. I wish I could have been here yesterday, but I had to work in order to get the rest of the week off.”
“The rest of the week?”
She peeked around him. “Let’s talk in your room.”
“Oh,” he said, realizing he still blocked the entrance. He stepped to the side to allow her inside.
“I’m here to support you through the trial.” Tanya turned in the middle of the room to face him.
“Why?”
“Because no one should have to go through what you’re going through alone. You need your…friends. Nick and the rest of them are coming tomorrow.”
“But…” He didn’t know what to say. “Everyone?”
“Yep.”
“Why would—”
Tanya covered the space between them in two quick strides. She placed her fingers against his mouth to still his words. “Whether you want to admit it or not, you have a lot of people in Sweetwater who care about you and don’t want you to go through the trial alone so there’s nothing you can do but put up with us.”
The feel of her fingers pressing into his lips, the look of love in her eyes, released the dam on his emotions. They flooded him, rendering him humble in the power of the Lord. Tanya was here because God had sent her. She had been there all along for him, but he hadn’t wanted to see it, had fought it all the way.
Chance gathered Tanya to him, burying his face in her hair, the apple-scented shampoo she used washing over him. Tears crowded his eyes. He squeezed them closed, holding them inside, but they clogged his throat, making any comments impossible.
Minutes later he finally pulled back, keeping his arms loosely about her. He swallowed several times before he was able to ask, “You took vacation days to be here?”
She nodded. Lifting her hand, she cupped his jaw. The sheen in her eyes indicated the depth of her feelings for him. They humbled him anew. How in the world did he deserve someone like Tanya?
The question put some emotional distance between him and Tanya. There was so much baggage that stood in the way of having any kind of future together.
Tanya must have sensed his thoughts because a cloud masked the joy in her gaze. “We have a lot to talk about, but first you need to get through the trial. The rest can come later.”
“I wish it were that easy.”
“It won’t be easy. I never said that. But you need to let me help you as you helped me. Lo—friendship is a two-way street.” Tanya slipped her fingers from his face. “What time do we need to be at the courthouse?”
“Nine.”
“Then we’d better get moving. But first let’s pray.” Tanya took both his hands and bowed her head. “Dear Heavenly Father, watch over Chance in his time of need. Help to ease his pain and pave the way for him to forgive the man who took his family. In Jesus Christ’s name, amen.”
Chance yanked his hands free. “Forgive! How can you expect me to forgive that man after all he did to me and my family?”
“Because until you do, you won’t be totally free to move on. He will pay for his crimes, but I don’t want to see you continue to pay because you can’t forgive him.”
He spun around. “I don’t think I can. We’d better get going. I don’t want to be late.”
* * *
Hopefully it will be over tomorrow, Chance thought by Thursday evening after spending the whole week in the courtroom. The jury was deliberating as he sat in his darkened hotel room. He didn’t think they would be out long because the evidence had been compelling. But then a jury had convicted him on circumstantial evidence that had thrown his already messed-up life into a tailspin so it was hard to tell what a jury would do.
Only in the past few days with first Tanya and later her circle of friends and their husbands sitting around him as support had he experienced again the peace he had felt that time in church with Tanya. He could still feel the comfort of her hand within his throughout the closing statements by each of the lawyers. Each look, touch had soothed his pain until now all he wanted to do was let go of this anger that had consumed him for years while he had sat in a cell—imprisoned physically, and as he knew now, mentally, too.
Lord, I don’t want to feel this way anymore. What do I do?
In the dark he caught sight of his Bible on the table in front of the window, a stream of light illuminating it. Every night before going to sleep he had read it until his eyes had drooped closed.
He flipped on the lamp beside him and reached for his Bible. Tanya had insisted he had to forgive his family’s killer in order to be totally at peace and able to move on. How do I do that, Father?
He turned to Luke and read the account of Christ’s ministry, his death. “Then said Jesus, ‘Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.’ And they parted his raiment, and cast lots.”
The words leaped off the page, striking Chance with their meaning. If Christ can forgive the people who tormented and killed him, then the least I can do is the same: forgive the man who murdered my wife and daughter.
After finishing Luke, Chance closed his Bible and fingered the gold letters of his name engraved in the black cover.
He imagined the killer in his mind. “I forgive you,” he whispered into the silence of the room. Then in a stronger voice he repe
ated, “I forgive you.”
With each word uttered, a part of his anger dissolved. Left in its wake was the peace he had craved.
* * *
Tightening her grasp on his hand, Tanya slid a glance toward Chance as the verdict was read. His somber expression evolved into relief as the word “guilty” was spoken in the quiet courtroom. The taut line of his shoulders sagged and he dropped his head, his eyes closing for a few seconds.
“It’s over,” he whispered to her, his voice raw.
Tanya released his hand and opened her arms to him. He went into her embrace. His shudder passed through his body and into hers.
“I’m finally free. Really free.”
Around them people stood, talked, moved about, but Tanya sat in the front row with Chance and held him for minutes. When he pulled back, she saw a new man in his eyes, a man who had closed the door on his past and faced his future with hope. Joy spread through her.
Her arms fell away. She smiled. “Justice was finally done today.”
“Yes, Gary Kingston has to face the consequences of what he did. I hope he finds some kind of peace over it.”
This was the first time Chance had said the man’s name out loud to her. He’d always used “murderer” or “killer” before this. “You do?”
He nodded. “I had to forgive him. I—”
Nick approached and sat in the vacant chair behind Chance. “We want to celebrate. Do you two feel up to dinner at the hotel before we all head back to Sweetwater?”
Tanya scanned her friends and their husbands waiting near the entrance into the now almost-empty courtroom. Even Darcy was here with her new baby to support Chance. Emotions crammed her throat at how lucky she was to have friends like Darcy, Jesse, Beth and Zoey.
“Sure. You all go ahead. I want to have a word with Tanya. We’ll be along in a few minutes.” Chance shook Nick’s hand. “Thanks for being here.”
“Anything for a friend. We’ll save you a seat.” Nick made his way toward his wife, slipping his arm around her shoulder as the group left.
Tidings of Joy Page 19
