by C. M. Steele
I took out my trusty friend that I kept in the drawer for times when I was super sexually frustrated—which seemed to be daily since I met Nate. It was only a few moments before I was crying out Nate’s name as my body sang.
As if he knew what I was doing, my phone rang. I tried to calm my breath, but I couldn’t. “Hello,” I breathed.
“What’s the matter, babe?” he asked anxiously.
“Mr. Hendricks, I was working out.” Yes, it was a good lie.
“Well, I just called to remind you that I’ll be gone until Thursday night. Have dinner with me when I get back.”
I wanted to say yes, but I wasn’t going to make it easy for him. “Are you asking or telling me?” He was a little bossy for my liking, or so I wanted him to think.
“Which way will get you there?”
“You could ask,” I offered.
“Fine, Jess. Will you have dinner with me on Thursday?” he asked with a bit of an attitude.
“Um… no.”
“What? You said to ask,” he cried, his voice cracking. I tried not to laugh.
“You’re a smart man. I said you could ask. I never said I’d say yes,” I replied insolently.
“Smartass. Well now, I’m going to demand you go with me.”
My resolve was weakening. The man’s voice was like a direct hit to my lady bits. “Call me Wednesday, and I’ll see.”
“I suppose that’s going to have to do for now. Just so you know, I’m not giving up.”
I knew I wasn’t strong enough to keep resisting him, so I had to hang up. “Bye, Mr. Hendricks.”
“It’s Nate, babe.” The way he said it brought my arousal back to the surface.
To tease him, I whispered, “Bye-bye, Nate.”
Then I hung up and turned my little friend back on. The bath could wait. I still felt like getting dirty.
Chapter 7
The weekend flew by. He called me only once because of the time difference and because he was already working. I walked into the office on Monday and found a big surprise waiting for me. The smile on my face stretched from ear to ear. If anyone saw me, they would probably tease me about how happy I felt. On my desk was a huge bouquet of roses. I picked up the card, already knowing they were from him. No one else knew where I worked. I squealed then took the card from its tiny envelope.
Nate,
I wanted to thank you for Friday night and Saturday morning over the Thames,
-Love,
your dirty Lola
Crushed wasn’t the exact word for what I felt because part of me already knew that I was in over my head, but it still hurt. In a short week, I’d fallen for him. For the first time in my life, I had been willing to let someone in. To show the hidden side of my soul and my naked flesh. Damn him. Quitting sounded even better now. In fact, it was a must.
After tossing the roses and pretty vase in the trash, I started getting all of the emails answered. Thank heavens for caller ID, because I made it through the morning without answering his calls. He could tell I was there because of the emails I responded to, but I knew he wasn’t happy I wouldn’t talk to him. As it happened, neither was I.
I was about to respond to his angry emails and tell him to go fuck himself when the server crashed. I called IT to inform them of the crash, but they were already on it. “We know, Ms. McNeil. We hope this doesn’t inconvenience the boss. If you can send emails or texts through your phone, that’ll have to do for the next hour.”
“It’s nothing that can’t be handled after the system comes back.”
“Great. I hope he doesn’t need anything before it comes back. We don’t know why the air conditioning went out in the server room, but it happened. Many of the individual servers failed. We have backups of the data since five this morning. I can’t guarantee the programs you were last in managed to be saved.”
“It’s fine. I promise.” The elevator chimed, and one of the HR people walked out and into the office. “I’ve got to go, but thanks for letting me know about the situation.”
I hung up the phone and asked, “Can I help you, Hannah?”
“Yes, Erin wants to see you for a moment.”
“Absolutely, as a matter of fact, I was coming there to see her first.” I planned on quitting. I could manage ramen for another week.
I stepped into her small office, and she had an annoyed expression on her face.
“Jessica, it seems the boss is doing favors for his special assistants again. This check is for your first week.” She handed my one week check.
“Actually, I came down here to tell you that I was quitting. I’m not one of his ‘special’ assistants and I won’t be.”
“That’s a smart move.”
“Maybe have a man as an assistant next time. Is there anything I need to do?”
“No, you can gather your things and leave your work as is. He’ll manage when he gets back.” She gave me the creeps, so I nodded then dashed off as fast as I could to get my belongings. I left a note in Nate’s desk drawer. I was about to close it when I noticed a picture in it. I looked at it, like the nosy woman I was. The young woman in the photo was beautiful and the complete opposite of me. I turned it over, and there was the only answer I needed. To my dearest Nate, I’ll love you forever, Lola.
That was the last time I’d let a man make a fool of me. I walked back to the trash and took the card from the roses as a keepsake of my gullibility.
Chapter 8
All weekend I’d missed her. From the moment I walked out of my office and she was already gone for the day, I missed her. There wasn’t a moment when I wasn’t thinking about her. It was so shitty that I had to send her something to make sure she was remembering me. I was halfway across the world, making business deals with potential clients, and all I could think about was the fact that she wasn’t answering my calls.
Frustrated, I called my trip short. On no sleep, I showed up at the office two days early only to find out she’d quit. I didn’t know what had gone wrong, but I had to get some answers. Was it the flowers? After she developed an attitude on Monday, I’d called and the security desk said my flowers had arrived. But she obviously still doubted me. I should’ve squashed those rumors from the start and sued anyone who lied. I hadn’t realized the ramifications they could have in the long run. Dammit, without her, I was empty.
I opened my desk drawer to look at my piece of strength—my mother’s photo. It was the last one she’d taken before her untimely death. It had helped me through the rough years of raising my little sister with nothing to my name except an insurance policy that didn’t pay as much because of my father’s suicide.
Living without my mother was too much for him. He’d ended his life when she died, without any consideration of what it would do to us. His love for her was all-consuming. Her death destroyed him.
It was the reason I’d never dated. Well, that, and I had to raise a six-year-old when I was only eighteen. My life changed completely, and the middle-class life we’d lived disappeared under our feet. Becoming as successful as I could became my mantra. I wanted to never lose it all again—including my heart. But it seemed it was too late. Jessica had taken my heart when she left.
I went to put the picture back, and I saw a sheet of paper with my name written on it. Having seen her notes, I knew this was from Jessica.
Mr. Hendricks,
All the documents I completed are saved to the normal file folders on the drive.
Have a nice life,
Never yours,
Jessica McNeil
Immediately, I gripped my chest. I’d never felt pain this strong. It wasn’t a heart attack, but I felt as if my heart was breaking. I understood now what my dad felt when he lost my mother.
What the fuck had gone wrong? Over a weekend, I’d lost her. It wasn’t that I’d lost an assistant—I’d lost the love of my life. I’d thought we were on the same page. What could have made her run? I’d told Jessica that I wanted more than just to sleep wi
th her. By the time I left for my trip, I was looking at engagement rings online.
I didn’t understand why she’d quit. I hadn’t done anything to make her leave. Hell, I’d done everything I could to keep my feelings for her hidden. I’d treated her like a normal employee—well, I tried at least. Until that last day when I’d kissed her in the parking garage and office. Dammit, even on the only call we’d managed to have all weekend, she hadn’t sounded like she was going to run. So what happened?
Chapter 9
I packed up my belongings the moment my lawyer called to tell me my check had arrived at his office, then I picked up my money. I deposited the large sum into my account and used the check the HR department had handed me this morning to get out of town.
I had to make a call before I left. “Hi, Aunt Rita.”
“Hi, beautiful. How are you doing?”
“I’m okay. I was wondering if I could come for a visit?”
“You know you can. We miss you.”
“Great. I’m going to head out on the road tomorrow. I love you and can’t wait to see you all again.”
They’d come down for my mother’s funeral, but my aunt couldn’t stay long because the pain was too much. They had been close. I missed my family. Every time I talked to my aunt, she tried to convince me to move in with her, my uncle, and their two teens, but for some reason, I couldn’t leave Chicago.
Before hitting the road, I Google Mapped my trip. It was going to be a mini-vacation, and I’d stay until I could clear my head of Nate. Once I erased him from my thoughts, I could come back and clear out my apartment, then find a new place—a house in the suburbs maybe. That was my plan. Then again, the best-laid plans don’t always work.
~~~~
New York City was fun for a day or so, but nothing took Nate from my mind. It got so bad that any bald guy in a suit on television or the streets would make me think of him. Hell, I couldn’t even watch MMA. Tears came to my eyes when my cousins put it on. After two weeks, I couldn’t take anymore and came home.
The settlement check had cleared while I was out of state, so the first thing I did when I got home was purchase a new car. The lot was full of beautiful metal babies, but my eye caught on the sleek muscle of a dark grey Dodge Challenger. It had a shiny, smoky look. I wanted it, but the sales guy tried to talk me into getting the Durango because it was slower.
“Do you want the commission or not?” I finally asked. “I’m sure there’s a boatload of Dodge dealers around the city.”
“Sorry, miss. So are you looking for the V8 or the V6?”
“The V8. I want to open this bad boy up on the road.”
He took me for a test drive, and the Challenger was everything I wanted and more. My uncle Larry had the 2014 model that he kept locked in their upstate New York property. My aunt kept telling him to get rid of it since he didn’t use it unless they were at the house. There was no sense in owning a vehicle in New York City. When I visited their property, I’d driven it and got to speed up the backroads. I knew this was the one I wanted. I had no idea how sexy the latest model would be. I wasn’t a car girl by any means, but maybe this was my conversion.
“Well, this is definitely the car for you. Unless you’re interested in the Viper?” His eyes and smile looked greedy. Yeah, the commission on that bitch would be huge.
“No, I love the body and the headlights on this one.” I ran my hand along the warm hood of the dark beauty. My eyes met his, and he knew this was a done deal.
“Great. Let’s the paperwork done so we can hand you the keys.”
~~~~~
Five weeks had passed since I saw Nate’s handsome face. Bastard. Being away from him was killing me, but I needed to move on. He wasn’t the right man for me, and it was clear I was just a side chick to him. Lola had to know about the rumors. I wondered if she was one of those women who didn’t care or if she was just too gullible. I wouldn’t, couldn’t be either.
I loved him. I knew that from the first night I broke down in tears after reading that card. It hadn’t gotten better since then. I felt torn apart from the inside out. Just thinking about him brought a range of emotions that shredded my pride and trust in men. Not that I really had much faith in them to begin with. Men had sucked since I was little. My dad ran out on my mom, then she couldn’t find a good guy worth shit. Growing up, boys professed their love because they wanted to get into my panties, but the moment I turned them down, they were on to the next chick willing to buy their bullshit. After Nate, I didn’t know if I could ever trust a man again. A life as a modern-day spinster was in my cards. But fuck it, at least I had a badass ride.
Chapter 10
I ran my hands through my hair, looking for answers that I couldn’t seem to get. Erin, my head of human resources, had been at an HR conference when I got into town, and she didn’t come back until Friday. The moment she got into the office, I called her up to my office.
When she came in, I wasn’t interested in civilities. “I need to get the paperwork for Jessica McNeil.”
“I’m sorry, sir, but she never dropped them off.” She looked scared, as though she thought I was going to rip her head off.
I felt like it, but I couldn’t. It was against the law. “Can you get the information from the temp agency?”
“Yes, sir. I’ll contact them shortly.”
“Thanks. Close the door on your way out.” My irritation was too intense to deal with Erin. She worked on my nerves all the time.
I pulled out Jessica’s letter again and read the twenty-five words until I watched a tear fall onto the paper. I couldn’t believe that I’d been brought to tears. It had been so long since I cried. The last time might have been eight years ago when I was at my breaking point, and my windfall came in. The arrival of my success was the last time I’d shed a tear; now I was crying because it didn’t matter. I’d lost the one person that could make me feel again.
~~~~~
“What’s up, Nate? You’re here again? You’ve been coming to the gym twice as much. Is business going downhill?” Adrian asked.
I’d wondered when he would ask. I’d been down in the dumps, trying to carry on, but the change in my attitude was noticeable. His wife probably put him up to asking me. She was a sweetheart to everyone but Adrian. Erica had him by the balls, and he loved that shit. Before Jessica, I’d thought he was a fool, but now I’d give anything to be that foolish.
“No, last week I actually had a boom in deals. Several companies looking for renovations,” I said, dropping weights onto the bar.
“Oh, so this has got to be about a woman. You’re slamming down those two-fifties like they weigh nothing. Who is she, man?”
I ran my hands along my head and the beard that was growing because I didn’t have a fuck to give. Admitting this was hard, but I needed to get it off my chest before it drove me insane. “She’s a gorgeous beauty who took my heart from the first day I met her.”
“But she left you, didn’t she?”
That was obvious or my ass wouldn’t be here. I’d be fucking in the bed, desk, sofa, hood of my car, anywhere I could make her cry out orgasms and get bred. That would be my objective once I found her ass. Carrying my kid and wearing my ring.
“It’s been two months and it feels like it’s been three years. I want her back, but I’ve got no way of finding her.” Everything that I’d done during the first week was a bust.
“Why don’t you hire someone to dig into her background? If you do that, maybe you could find someone who knows where she is. Family or friends or something.”
I didn’t want to feel like a stalker, but that was becoming my only damn option. “I think I should, but what if she doesn’t want me to find her? She ran for a reason.”
“Then you should get the fuck over her. Because right now, you sound like a little bitch. ‘What if she doesn’t want me? Wah, wah, wah.’” He rubbed his eyes like a crying baby. “Find her ass and make her yours.”
“Is that what you did
with Erica?” I challenged. He was a big pushover with her, so I couldn’t see him tossing her over his shoulder and demanding she be his.
“Hell yes, I did. Sometimes they’re afraid of getting hurt. Ask Erica now, and she’ll tell you she wishes she didn’t walk out of my life, and she’s thankful I dragged her ass back kicking and screaming.”
“One day you guys have got to tell me your story.”
“One day. When you bring your woman to have dinner with us.”
“Then I’ve got to find her.”
“We got to do what we can to tie these women to us, so get to work on it, jackass. There isn’t a lot of quality in some of these females. I have a ring, and I get hit on every damn day. What kind of woman does that shit?” He shook his head in frustration.
“Thanks, Adrian.” I bear-hugged him with my sweaty-ass chest.
He pushed me the fuck off him. “Thanks for being a prick, you sweaty motherfucker.”
I laughed before heading to the showers. He was right. I needed to stop wallowing in self-pity and find out why she’d left me and fix it. If she was scared, I’d do whatever it took to make her feel secure. If she wasn’t feeling me, I’d show her that I could be her everything. The chemistry between us was so damn volatile, it was explosive.
I left the gym with a renewed sense of hope. I took Adrian’s advice and went in search of a private investigator.
Chapter 11
Three months since my life had fallen apart…
I entered my office, pissed as fuck. Today hadn’t gone as planned and I wasn’t ready to go back to work, but some shit needed to be handled. I’d lost my clients in London and two in New York this week. I’d swear there was someone out for my blood. Truthfully, it didn’t matter. I had all the money I’d ever need, and I could support Layla. I worked to keep myself busy, to forget the pain of the past.
